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August
Adolescent Boys and Anger
Doing therapy with adolescents is difficult. This
is an understatement. With most boys, it's even
tougher. If they get poor role models, then it's
even more difficult. If, on the other hand, they
have fathers, uncles, grandfathers or other men in
the community--coaches, clergy, etc. that praise
them and give them blessings, we see boys that can
express anger appropriately and the concomitant
sadness or grief which usually underlies the anger.
William Pollack, Ph.D, who has worked with boys
and men at Harvard for over 25 years wrote a
wonderful book called The Boys Code and this spells
out all the dangers that families and societies
need to be aware of to help them. He talks about
the codes of: 1. big boys don't cry; 2. big boys
need to be weaned away from their mothers at tender
ages--5-6; 3. boys need to learn how to fight well
and early,etc. Of course, he is saying that society
needs to do the opposite in order for boys to
develop emotionally and psychologically in their
own ways. He feels that attachment to mother should
not be severed at an early age; that this leads to
fear of intimacy later in life. I highly recommend
reading this book if you are raising boys or have
adolescent boy relatives or work with boys.
More to my point about boys and anger now: if
boys are sad and stuff their feelings with no
skills on how to express their sadness and grief,
they will have temper tantrums or rage for no
apparent reason. Often they cannot express sadness
and grief and there are no real opportunities to
express these emotions publicly let alone
privately. Grown men and society ought to support
boys in expressing these deep emotions so that they
do not need to resort to violence as adults. There
ought to be classes in every school or house of
worship to encourage expression of grief along with
tears, etc. This can be done ritualistically, as it
is done in many other so called "third
world/developing nations and cultures". As
industrialized nations, we have much to learn from
other "primitive" cultures. In my judgment, they
are far ahead of us in many emotional arenas; we
can learn from them.
The good news is that more Psychologists and
learning experts are discovering ways that we can
improve our lives and that of our children;
thereby, improving all of humanity. Let's continue
to develop as a species and raise our
consciousness--the planet depends on it.
©2009, Michael
Shaffran
* * *
Mike
Shaffran is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and
Psychotherapist with over 30 years experience in
the mental health profession. He's worked most of
his time in outpatient Psychiatric clinics where he
has provided individual, couples/marital, family
and group therapy. He is trained in multiple
therapies, including: Psycho-dynamic,
Gestalt,Structural-Strategic Family, Solution
focused, Brief Therapy, and other methods. He is
trained in EMDR ( a type of therapy for PTSD),
hypnosis, meditation and guided imagery also. Mike
is committed to ongoing seminars, workshops and
trainings to keep current with the latest therapy
to provide the best services possible to his
clients. www.sanluisobispotherapy.com
or E-Mail
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