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December
Hugs
Men traditionally don't hug but since the 60's and
the advent of the Men's Movement, there has been a
change in men's behavior. They are more willing to
make contact with their children, relatives and
other men, in paticular. Hugging has become
mainstream and you can see President Obama and Vice
President Biden hugging on national television. The
stigma about hugging has essentially gone away.
This is a good thing. And yet, there is a shadow
that isn't talked about much on the other side of
hugs and hugging.
The shadow that I am referring to is violence in
the form of corporal punishment or sexual abuse.
These are ways of touching but they are harmful and
life altering ways of being touched. The research
that I am aware of suggests strongly that boys and
adlosecent males, in particular, who were never
held or hugged or soothed physically often become
violent physically and often abuse others sexually
when they grow up. As a therapist, I see clients
who have been sexually abused as children by
teenage biological or step-brothers; adult males as
well. All of this is true for girls and women but
this article focuses on male behavior.
My point is that unless we can continue to
create a society where all children are hugged and
touched appropriately while they are growing up--a
very human need that develops the psychological and
emotional well being of all humans--we will
continue to read stories about physical and sexual
violence by those poor souls who never were given
the appropriate physcial and emotional nurturance
that they needed and deserved. I hope we can evolve
to include more and more physical nurturance for
our children--hugs and hugging--so we can build a
healthier society and world!
©2010, Michael
Shaffran
* * *
Mike
Shaffran is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and
Psychotherapist with over 30 years experience in
the mental health profession. He's worked most of
his time in outpatient Psychiatric clinics where he
has provided individual, couples/marital, family
and group therapy. He is trained in multiple
therapies, including: Psycho-dynamic,
Gestalt,Structural-Strategic Family, Solution
focused, Brief Therapy, and other methods. He is
trained in EMDR ( a type of therapy for PTSD),
hypnosis, meditation and guided imagery also. Mike
is committed to ongoing seminars, workshops and
trainings to keep current with the latest therapy
to provide the best services possible to his
clients. www.sanluisobispotherapy.com
or E-Mail
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