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January
Male-Female Communication
We all know that men and women communicate
differently. There are many books like Men are from
Mars and Women are from Venus by John Gray. Getting
The Love You Want and Keeping The Love You Have by
Dr. Hendrix. The Seven Habits of Highly Successful
Marriage by Dr. Gottman is another excellent book.
There is even a series of CD's and books by David
Deida: The Way of the Superior Man and several
others that deal with male-female communication.
All are valid and worth reading.
While this deals with male-female communication,
it could also be applied to female-female and
male-male communication. Whether married or single,
most of these communication struggles affect all
types of relationships, gay or straight. The
commonality is the ability to communicate one's
needs effectively in a non-violent way and free of
irrational emotion or demands. I might mention
another expert on communication: Marshal Rosenberg,
Ph.D. who founded the Center for Non-Violent
Communication. Dr. Rosenberg helps couples,
institutions, war- torn countries, et al. to
examine their needs and identify them; he claims
that once one identifies their needs that he can
solve most conflicts within 20 minutes. This may
seem grandiose but I've listened to his CD's and
read some of his books and his methods seem very
logical and sound.
So, positive communication is a major key to
improving male-female interaction but sometimes,
it's not enough. This is why I do men's work and
support men's groups: church groups like Promise
Keepers, Unitarian Men's Fellowhip and the Mankind
Project, to name a few groups. There are many more.
I believe women need their groups: church related
or female drumming groups or support groups or
quilting groups, etc. There are some things that
are passed between a same gender group that can't
be transmitted by simply male-female couples
therapy. Having run men's groups for over 10 years,
I can tell you that something powerful happens
among men in their own healing group that can't be
supplied by the opposite sex and the same is true
for women. That is why I believe women have been
healthier than men for thousands of years in many
ways. They've always communicated in small and
large groups with mothers, sisters, friends, aunts,
grandmothers in ways that men have not. Men are
learning how to adapt female connectedness to their
groups and male friendships and I believe this has
helped add years to their lives.
©2010, Michael
Shaffran
* * *
Mike
Shaffran is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and
Psychotherapist with over 30 years experience in
the mental health profession. He's worked most of
his time in outpatient Psychiatric clinics where he
has provided individual, couples/marital, family
and group therapy. He is trained in multiple
therapies, including: Psycho-dynamic,
Gestalt,Structural-Strategic Family, Solution
focused, Brief Therapy, and other methods. He is
trained in EMDR ( a type of therapy for PTSD),
hypnosis, meditation and guided imagery also. Mike
is committed to ongoing seminars, workshops and
trainings to keep current with the latest therapy
to provide the best services possible to his
clients. www.sanluisobispotherapy.com
or E-Mail
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