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October
The trials and triumphs of a joyful black man in
America
“As a man amongst men, I create a world of
Love and understanding by loving myself and
understanding others." Michael “Powerful
Tiger” Taylor. Land of My Grandfathers, July
2002
Growing up as a young black male in the
inner-city projects of Corpus Christi Texas I was
acutely aware that being “black” somehow
made me different. As I watched television and
looked through magazines and books I realized that
the people I perceived to have all of the wealth
were white people. When I asked my mom the reason
for this her response was that there were lots of
blacks that were wealthy, but the white people did
not want to show that on television. When asked why
not, she responded by saying that this was the way
that white people could control the minds of black
people and keep them from attaining wealth. Even as
a child, there was something about that comment
that I did not agree with. I wanted to understand
how the mind worked and most of all I wanted to
understand how white people could control the minds
of black people?
As I progressed through elementary school I
remember the tension and fear I felt as I
interacted with white kids in my class. At the age
of nine I had my first experience of racism when a
white female classmate approached me after a
spelling test. In this class the person who scored
an A on a test would receive a gold star, which was
then placed on a poster board in plain view for all
the students to see. It just so happened that I had
the most gold stars of anyone in the class and the
teacher would always encourage me to do well and to
be comfortable being at the top of the class
intellectually and academically.
After this particular test the white female
classmate came up to me and said, “my mom says
that all niggers are dumb and stupid and even
though you may have more stars than I do I am still
smarter than you”. I stood there in shock and
disbelief and was unable to respond. Even though I
had the evidence to refute her comments, as a nine
year old the pain of her words cut me like a knife.
I felt angry yet ashamed because this was not the
first time I had heard those words. But this was
the first time that I had heard them targeted
directly at me by one of my peers.
My most painful experience of blatant racism
occurred when I was seventeen. I was in high school
and I met and fell in love with my high school
sweetheart. She was a wonderful supportive caring
person that incidentally happened to be white. When
we met, she was somewhat of a wild child. She came
from a pretty wealthy family yet hated her father
and was into drugs and rebellion. She was a C and D
student that liked to skip school and hang out at
the beach with her friends. After going out with
her for a while I convinced her to turn her life
around and give up the skipping school and abusing
drugs. She changed her attitude and became an A and
B student. We were extremely close and shared that
high school infatuated kind of love that feels so
deep that it stays with you for a lifetime. After
going out with her for over a year her father found
out that we were dating. One night I got a phone
call from him and it was obvious that he was not
happy. As he began speaking I knew that I needed to
keep my cool and not disrespect him. I listened to
his objections and gave him an opportunity to get
everything off of his chest. When he finished, I
made the mistake of telling him that he did not
have the right to decide whom his daughter should
date. I tried to convince him that I had been a
good influence on his daughter and that he should
be happy that she was doing so well. My hope was
that I could get him to understand that I was a
good guy that was actually good for his daughter.
Of course he could not hear a word I was saying. He
was adamant about the fact that he knew what was
best for his daughter and I was just some young
punk trying to take advantage of his little girl.
After screaming his disapproval of our relationship
for several minutes he then said something that
completely caught me off guard. Although I knew he
was angry I did not expect to hear these words,
“There is no way that I will allow my daughter
to date a nigger. I will kill you before I let that
happen”. Although the words were painful, it
was the venomous feeling of anger and hatred that
came through the phone that ripped out my heart.
Even today almost thirty years later I can still
feel the hatred in his words. His anger came from
deep within his soul and it was apparent that his
anger wasn’t just about me but about all black
people.
As I sat there in disbelief I immediately went
numb. A part of me wanted to defend myself and
curse at him and retaliate in some way. My initial
feeling was anger, which I quickly subdued to avoid
getting into a shouting match. Another part of me
was extremely afraid because I did not know whether
or not he would actually attempt to take my life.
But the feeling I remember most after his comment
was sadness. I remember a sinking feeling in my gut
that was the result of being invalidated as a human
being. I knew that he viewed me as less than a man
and in his mind I was not good enough for his
daughter simply because I was black. It was
dehumanizing and demoralizing.
How could this man hate me so much and not know
anything about me? How could he pass judgment on me
without ever seeing me or speaking to me? Why could
he not see the positive influence I had had on his
daughter? Why was I not allowed the opportunity to
meet with him and talk to him so that he could see
how much I really cared about his daughter and that
my intentions were to simply love and support her?
So many questions so few answers.
I share these three true personal stories
because as a black man I realize that my
experiences are really just a microcosm of the
challenges facing black men even today. I
personally believe that our media still does an
irresponsible job of portraying black people in
general. The media generated perception is that
being black is synonymous with being poor,
uneducated, unmotivated and somehow a burden on
society. Although I do not believe that the media
can control how black people think, I am aware of
the power that the media does have on a
person’s perception. Since a person’s
perception is their reality, the media definitely
has an influence on people’s minds.
It is my fervent belief that people in general
are not born racist. Hatred is not a part of a
person’s genetic make up. Racism is something
that is learned and people usually learn from the
environments in which they are raised.
Unfortunately there are still some parents that
teach their children that black people are inferior
as human beings and sadly enough some black people
have accepted this as true.
As a black man, I realize that people are going
to judge me and have preconceived ideas about who I
am. I understand that no matter what I do the
stereotypes of black men will precede me and
somehow I will have to prove myself over and over
again. I know that people will be afraid of me,
will think less of me and put the label of
“black” man on me no matter what I
do.
So as a black man what can I do? How do I deal
with the multiplicity of challenges that I face on
a daily basis? Do I throw my hands up in defeat and
give up? Do I accept the stereotypes and become
just another black male statistic thrown into the
ever-increasing prison population? Do I succumb to
the pressure and lose my identity and try to become
someone that I’m not?
In order for me to deal with the aforementioned
challenges, I choose to first and foremost see
myself as a man, not just a black man. If I see the
world only through the lens of a black man I limit
my perception of the world. When I let go of my
attachment to being black first, I open the door to
infinite possibilities for myself as a human being.
This is not a denial of my ethnicity it is simply
an affirmation of my true potential and my
humanity. This awareness gives me an entirely new
perspective on the world.
With this perspective I can honestly say that I
absolutely love being a black man. I have come to
this conclusion as a result of the past fifteen
years of doing my emotional work and removing my
shadows. I am now completely comfortable with who I
am as a human being and I recognize that I am a man
who happens to be black. I am proud of my racial
heritage but the true source of my power transcends
the color of my skin.
When I view the world from this perspective I
begin to recognize that although there is ignorance
and hatred in the world, racism in and of itself is
actually an over-used word in our society that
keeps us separate and in denial of our oneness.
This does not excuse injustice and oppression for
people of color it simply acknowledges that racism
is a dis-ease of the mind. In objective scientific
terms it isn’t real. It is a man made creation
that exists only in our minds.
As I reflect over my personal mission
statement:
“As a man amongst men, I create a world of
Love and understanding by loving myself and
understanding others."
I fully grasp the implications of what these
words mean to me. By loving myself and removing any
blocks to my awareness, I am able to understand
others without judgment. This allows me to
constantly be in the moment without being attached
to things that have happened to me in the past. By
healing my anger and forgiving those who have hurt
me I can be fully present to people in my life.
Therefore I do not think in over generalized
statements and use words and phrases like those
white people, or them and they. I live in the
moment and address each individual situation in the
moment. This is the beauty of healing your heart.
It frees you from your past and keeps you in the
present moment.
Life has taught me that you have two choices in
response to anything that happens to you. The first
is to become bitter or the second choice is to
become better. I have chosen the latter and it has
definitely made me a more joyful man. I live by the
adage that “if it does not kill you, it can
only make you stronger.” I am grateful for all
the challenges I have overcome because I can
clearly see how they made me a better man in the
process.
My intention is for you to have a new perception
about black men after you finish reading this
article. The truth is we are no different than any
other group of men. We are loving, caring,
compassionate, sensitive, intelligent, forgiving
and courageous. We love our country and our
families. We deal with all of the same emotions and
challenges as any one else. We do not all blame
society for our challenges and we are constantly
making positive contributions to America. We are
definitely an asset to this country not a
liability.
I am reminded of a lesson I learned from Wayne
Dyer in which he taught me that I should never
focus my attention on that which I am against.
Instead, I must focus my attention on that which I
am for and I will experience that as a result. So
instead of being against racism I am for unity.
Instead of taking a position against hatred I take
a stand for love.
As Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. said.
“We’re afraid of each other because we do
not know one another, we do not know one another
because most of us are separated from each
other.” My intention is to remove the
perceived separation and create oneness. This is
the driving force in my life. I want to be the
change I want to see in the world and I invite you
to join me in creating a world of love, peace and
unity.
In the immortal words of John Lennon, “You
may say that I’m a dreamer, but I’m not
the only one. I hope someday you’ll join us,
and the world will be as one.’
Won’t you join me?
©2010, Michael
Taylor
* * *
Michael
Taylor is a dreamer, revolutionary, an
entrepreneur, author (A New
Conversatoin with
Men), personal
development coach and motivational speaker who has
dedicated his life to empowering men (and women) to
reach their full potential. He does not consider
himself to be an expert or guru. He does consider
himself to be extremely knowledgeable in the field
of personal growth and development. The fact is, he
is an ordinary guy that made a commitment to live
an extraordinary life and he wants to challenge you
to do the same. E-Mail
or www.anewconversationwithmen.com
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