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Randy's Suicide
I received the following article in a very fine
Canadian Men's Journal titled, Everyman
which I subscribe to. Subscription information can
be found at the end of this letter and I recommend
it highly.
I cannot attest to the authenticity of this
letter as I was unable to contact the lawyer who
wrote it. I am unable to balance the story with
personal knowledge of what else might have happened
to effect the outcome or justify the actions taken
by the parties involved. However, given the number
of times I have listened to stories of other men
who have experienced similar treatment, I do not
doubt it's validity or its appropriateness. For the
truth is, as I have unfortunately seen too many
times, if it did not in fact happen to Randy, it
did happen to many other men whose story we have
not heard. This is a story that goes to many
different issues, each deserving of a few moments
of our time to reflect on. We need to reflect and
consider our part in changing the ways in which
men's lives are considered disposable by the laws,
the courts and in particular by the lawyers who
represent custody cases as though humans were not
involved. You may want to sit with this one a
while.
Randy s Suicide
"I was the second attorney for Randall Couch, a
Phoenix architectural consultant. In his long-ago
divorce, he had been poorly advised by his first
attorney to stipulate to sole custody to the wife,
and to a peculiar stepped-increase child support
arrangement. A few years later, his first lawyer
helped him work out an order in which he and his
wife agreed to stop the child support because of
the large percentage of time he had each week with
his son. Unbeknownst to Randy, that first lawyer
didn't file the agreement with the court.
Years later (last year), the ex-wife decided to
go after him by claiming that he owed huge child
support arrears ($28,000), and alleging that the
never-filed agreement was void. He hired me as his
second lawyer, and after a heavily contested trial,
a judge ruled against us and found that he owed the
$28,000, plus his wile s attorney fees. With the
$28,000 judgment in hand, the wife s lawyer seized
all of Randy s money from bank accounts, garnished
receivable's from his architectural clients, had
his car taken from him, and most recently, dragged
him into court for contempt proceedings. Randy was
ordered to pay $1,500 by noon today, or go to
jail.
Last night, Randy blew his brains out.
There's a little kid somewhere in Phoenix who
will never again spend the majority of the week
with his Dad. There is an ex-wife who is never
going to get the rest of her $28,000 pound of
flesh, There is a wife's attorney and a judge in
Phoenix who will have to live for the rest of their
lives with the weight of this tragedy on their
heads.
I was in a hearing this afternoon when I learned
of the suicide. I'm not ashamed to say I cried.
I've been through, and survived some pretty
gut-wrenching events in my life as a lawyer. But
nothing like this. A good man has been sacrificed
on the altar of the "deadbeat dad" mentality. A
little bit of all of us died with Randy."
You can subscribe to "Everyman
- A Men's Journal" by contacting David
Shackleton at publisher@everyman.org
or www.everyman.org
© 2008, Kenneth F.
Byers
Other Transition Issues,
Books
* * *
A permanent state of transition is man's most
noble condition. - Juan Ramon Jimenez
Ken Byers
holds a Ph.D. in psychology with an emphasis in
Men's Studies, one of the few ever awarded in the
U.S. Ken is a full time Certified Professional Life
Coach specializing in working with men in any form
of transition and an instructor of design at San
Francisco State University.
His books, "Man
In Transition" and
"Who
Was That Masked man
Anyway" are widely
acknowledged as primers for men seeking deeper
knowledge of creating awareness and understanding
of the masculine way. More information on Ken, his
work and/or subscription information to the weekly
"Spirit Coach" newsletter which deals with elements
of the human spirit in short commentary, check the
box at www.etropolis.com/coachken/
or www.etropolis.com/coachken/what.htm
or www.etropolis.com/coachken/speak.htm
or E-Mail
You are welcome to share any of Ken's columns with
anyone without fee from or to him but please credit
to the author. Ken can be reached at:
415.239.6929.
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