Wake Up or
Break Up

Do You Remember to Breathe in Bed?

It may sound strange to be asking if you are breathing during your passionate moments in lovemaking. Obviously, if you weren't breathing at all, you'd be dead.

But there's an important difference between breathing fully and breathing partially that can significantly affect your lovemaking. Here's what I mean:

  • If you or your partner tend to breathe in a shallow or restricted way during lovemaking (either because you're anxious, tired, trying too hard, or feeling distracted) the sensations are lessened and the orgasms are much less pleasurable.
  • Specifically, if a man learns how to breathe in and out deeply and fully during lovemaking, it will bring his excitement up from his genitals and let it spread throughout his entire body. It will also allow a much longer lovemaking session because the turn-on will be felt all the way from his feet to his fingers, to his chest and the top of his forehead. When he finally does have an orgasm, it will be experienced as a full-body orgasm rather than a limited release of genitals only.
  • If a woman learns how to breathe in and out deeply during lovemaking, it will send much-needed oxygen to her pelvic area and allow greater pulsations, contractions, and releases than if she barely breathes during lovemaking. She will also be experiencing a full-bodied connection to the lovemaking, rather than being stuck in her thoughts or her anxieties.
  • If a couple slows down their movements during their lovemaking every so often and just breathes together for a few minutes, it can be extremely intimate and passionate. As Faith Hill says in her hit song, "Just breathe!" 
  • If a man wants to become a better oral lover, he can do so by breathing in and out slowly and smoothly for as long as he goes down on his partner. Many men can do an extended in and out breathing (that doesn't go too fast or cause hyperventilation) that lasts for 20 or 40 or even 60 minutes while their partner is taken to oral heights of ecstasy.
  • If you want to become a better breather and a more expansive lover, practice right now by taking a deep connected inhale breath that rises from the bottom of your feet to the top of your head and then exhales back down again like a waterwheel which flows from the top of your head down to your feet and back up again in a circular motion.
  • If you do this too quickly or aggressively, you will begin to hyperventilate and feel dizzy, which can be dangerous. So just make the waterwheel a medium-sized flow of breath that rises from your feet to your head and back down again in a smooth and gentle motion. Be sure to keep the waterwheel flowing smoothly and evenly, because if your brain locks onto a thought and you forget to breathe you might experience some cramping or dizziness. If this happens, just relax and take in another smooth inhale and exhale until the waterwheel of breath is flowing again. The cramping and dizziness should disappear quickly if your breathing is smooth and gentle.
  • Some yoga and Tantric Sexuality teachers say to inhale through your nostrils and exhale through your mouth. But for many people it works just as well to inhale and exhale nose-nose or mouth-mouth in whatever combination makes you feel comfortable and pleasurable.
  • These breathing techniques have helped many of my counseling clients to become less focused on their brains and genitals during lovemaking, while being far more able to feel the pulsing enjoyment that is moving through your entire body, mind, and soul.
  • If possible, imagine during lovemaking that the waterwheel of inhales and exhales is connecting you and your partner. If you and your partner listen to your breathing and enjoy the flow of the waterwheel, you will experience the powerful sensation that you are more than two bodies in bed together. You are connected to the infinite pulsing of the universe, the winds and ocean waves as well as the pull of the moon and the warmth of the sun. To experience that strong a sensation with someone you care about deeply is one of the greatest highs in life.

©2010, Leonard Felder

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Leonard Felder is a licensed psychologist in private practice in West Los Angeles. As a popular lecturer and recognized expert on how to improve personal relationships, his books have sold more than 1 million copies. His latest book is Wake Up or Break Up: The 8 Crucial Steps to Strengthening Your Relationship He has appeared on more than 200 teleivsion and radio programs, including Oprah, The Today Show, The Early Show, CNN, AM Canada, NPR, and ABC Talkradio. He and his wife, Linda, have been together since 1980, and they hare the parents of a 12-year-old son, Steven. E-Mail or www.wakeuporbreakup.com

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