|
November
Intercourse Distress
This is a continuation of last month's column,
where a reader and his girlfriend were having
intercourse distress. For most of us, 'intercourse
distress' means not getting any, but for this
couple, the woman says that during penetration it
feels as though her skin is being stretched, "Like
the skin between two fingers if you try to spread
them too far." Oowie Ouch and then some! We were
able to determine that while her partner was
blessed with good girth, it's not the sort of penis
that the average woman is going to scream "Not on
your life" when his boxers hit the floor.
The reason I did a two-parter for this question
is because we needed to consider some of the
possible physical causes for her discomfort before
considering some of the mental or emotional causes.
Physical causes can range from adhesions under the
clitoral hood, yeast infections, or herpes sores to
chronic constipation, vestibulitis or even changes
associated with menopause.
Now, what in the blazes could make a woman
unconsciously tighten the ring of muscles around
her vagina so that intercourse is difficult if not
impossible? And could these muscles tighten to such
an extent that she can't even fit a tampon inside?
From the archives of my own private practice, I
recall one woman who would answer "The Catholic
Church" and "You Betcha!—I couldn't even get a
tampon in there." It was as if the pope had sent a
bishop to sit between her legs.
So we know one cause of vaginal gridlock during
intercourse can be from a harsh religious
upbringing. Another cause can be something as
seemingly simple as an intrusive exam or a vaginal
infection that once caused painful intercourse. The
reason I say simple is because you would think the
mind would be able to know "That was then and this
is now," but the mind/body interaction is seldom
that simple. The human mind has so much control
over the body that it can create hysterical
blindness or paralysis where the person actually
feels that he or she is blind or paralyzed. So
don't for a moment think that the mind isn't
creative and powerful enough to tighten up a couple
of muscles between your legs if it is trying to
protect you from pain—or from what it assumes
will cause pain.
Until recently, it was believed that some sort
of sexual abuse or serious trauma was necessary to
trigger such a response. And while this can
certainly be true for plenty of women who have the
problem, there are others who have never had any
kind of experience that would be considered
traumatic. In exploring your own past, you will
need to decide if the causes may have been major or
minor. If the causes were minor, it is possible to
relieve the symptoms by using a series of vaginal
dilators. With this process, you begin by inserting
whatever size dilator you can comfortably fit in
your vagina, and then slowly and gradually move up
in size over time.
The best resource I have found on using vaginal
dilators is Ellen, co-owner of A Woman's Touch. A
Woman's Touch is a very classy sexuality store that
is owned by a physician and a social worker. They
have designed their very own vaginal dilators and
Ellen is the most knowledgeable and easiest person
you will ever find to discuss this with. She can be
reached at 608.250.1928. The Web Site for A Woman's
Touch is www.touchofawoman.com
Two other resources on how to use sexual
dilators are:
1. From the Web Site of the Department of OBGYN
of the University of Michigan www.med.umich.edu/obgyn/vulva/s&p.htm.
The dilator part is at the end of this page, but I
found it helpful reading the entire page.
2. The Marriage Builders Web Site of a Dr.
Harley who seems to have written about six dozen
books. He talks about using fingers and candles
instead of buying dilators, which is helpful if you
don't have the money. I don't know enough about Dr.
Harley to say any more, other than the part he's
written about dilators seems competent www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5049a_qa.html
A couple of online support groups that you might
find helpful are: groups.yahoo.com/group/vaginismus
groups.yahoo.com/group/VulvarDisorders
The "frequently asked questions" page that's
listed on the first yahoo site is also very helpful
www.freetown.com/Uptown/WalshTarleton/1051/index.html.
As you can see, there are no easy answers, but
plenty of good resources. The two of you will need
to explore the possible cause or causes and go to
work on some solutions.
©2010 by Paul
Joannides
Related Issues: Talking
With Kids About Tough Issues, Relationship,
Sexuality
Books: Relationship,
Sexuality
* * *
In America, sex is an obsession, in other parts of
the world it is a fact. - Marlene Dietrich
Paul
Joannides is the author of the Guide
To Getting It On!--the Universe's Coolest and Most
Informative Book On Sex.
You can contact him at www.goofyfootpress.com
by clicking on the cover of the Guide that
appears on his web site. All columns are the
property of Paul Joannides and Goofy Foot
Press
Contact
Us |
Disclaimer
| Privacy
Statement
Menstuff®
Directory
Menstuff® is a registered trademark of Gordon
Clay
©1996-2023, Gordon Clay
|
