Menstuff® has compiled information, books and resources on the issue of relationships.
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The Differences Between Women
and Men
She Said, He Said
Chick Flicks and Guy
Movies
Stiff
Competition
Father's Day
Mother's Day 1870
Happy "Bad
Father's" Day says the Fox Television Channel
Digging for Gold
What AOL is Telling Women
Women
& Television
Building Trust?
Love
Articles
The Daily
Husband Blog
Snippets
Finally a fair way to
fight
Books: Communication,
Conflict
Resolution, Domestic
Violence, Marriage,
Relationship,
Sexism, Sex
Roles, Social
Theory, Men on
Women, and Women on
Men
Related Issues: Domestic
Violence, Marriage, Relationships,
Reproduction, and the issue of
Humor and books on Humor
which include some of the biggest ways the "war of the sexes" is
fueled. Please say "That isn't funny!" not only to rape jokes, but to
any joke that shames or demeans another person - especially to the
ones sent in group e-mails. Just click on the "Reply All" button and
let them all know where you stand.
Weekly Columns
Women Don't Lie -
Men Don't Listen - Doc Love is a West Coast talk show
host, entertainment speaker, and coaches men in his seminars. He
provides us with a weekly column on relationships. www.doclove.com
Tom Blake - Is
the author of Middle
Aged and Dating Again and Finding
Love After 50: How to begin, where to go, what to do. Visit
him at www.findingloveafter50.com
Nancy Fagan -
is the best-selling author of The Complete Idiot's Guide to
Romance and Desirable Men: How to Find Them. Visit
www.ExpertDatingAdvice.com
The New
Intimacy - Judith Sherven, Ph.D. and James Sniechowski,
Ph.D., a husband and wife psychology team from the East Coast discuss
weekly The
New Intimacy from their book by the same name. They can be
heard M-F 4-5 PM and Saturdays 9-Noon on www.wisdomradio.com
Being a Man:
Dr. Dennis W. Neder is the author of Being
a Man in a Woman's World.Got a love, relationship or man/woman
question? He'll answer all letters. Write dwneder@remingtonpublications.com
for answers or visit: www.remingtonpublications.com
Susie and Otto
Collins are spiritual and life partners from the Midwest who
are committed to helping others create outstanding relationships of
all kinds. Visit their web site at www.collinspartners.com
R. Don Steele
- is the author of How
to Date Young Women: For men over 35, How
to Date Young Women: For men over 35, Volume II,
and most recently, Body
Language Secrets and in lives
in Southern California. Check out steelballsAUDIO.COM
Orlando Sentinel. "In his study , Charles Waehler, author of the forthcoming book Bachelors: The Psychology of Never-Married Men found that the men share three "modes of defense" in relationships: avoidance, isolation and distortion. These single men seemed reluctant to get involved, make demands or reveal their needs in sexual relationships. Waehler found that the bachelors' defensiveness and isolation permitted interaction but bottled up emotions. They tended to be standoffish, indifferent and avoided situations where feelings could be hurt.
Note: Image behind the Lenny icon is from Ean Begg's
Myth
and Today's Consciousness. I always thought it was an
intriguing look at heterosexual women & men.
Dear Delilah (who is Deb Levine, their "relationships"? expert.)
I'm a 22-year-old Indian girl, and I've been waiting to marry a guy whom I've loved for four years now. He's not well-established or financially secure; and since I come from a well-to-do family, my parents are asking me to break up with him. I am getting marriage proposals from rich guys, and my parents want me to choose one soon.
What should I do? I have to get married fast. Should I break up with him? If so, what should I tell him so that he doesn't retaliate and ruin my marriage? Should I go ahead and get married without telling him?
Savitry
Dear Savitry,
It sounds like you've already made your decision to marry one of the wealthy men. That's a perfectly fine decision if you've spent four years with this one guy with no sign of marriage in the future.
However, you do have to show your boyfriend some respect by breaking up with him decently. Anyone would be angry to find out that his girlfriend of four years got married without telling him!
Sit down and start a conversation with him. Tell him about your family pressure to get married and your need to move on with your life. Go over the fun parts of your relationship, but then tell him that you don't see any longevity as a couple. Apologize, and call it a day. Sure he'll be hurt, but not as hurt as if you don't tell him at all.
-- June 7, 2000
Editor: Savitry will probably get what she deserves in a marriage.
Money and not lasting love. But, that's what Delilah is recommending
to women and that what she and many other women have chosen. It's too
bad that they don't remember that when the marriage goes sour. That's
how they chose to look at love.
10 dating statistics you ought to know
To me, this 63 percent figure was a revelation. I always knew dating was a numbers game, but I'd never thought to take that saying literally. But as I continued browsing through my guy's extensive, factoid-heavy book collection, I realized that there were statistics confirming just about every dating phenomenon I'd ever experienced. So why not let the statistics guide you in your search for a lasting love? With that in mind, I put together a list of 10 factoids every single person should know:
1. 44 percent of adult Americans are single, according to U.S. Census figures. This means there are over 100 million unattached folks out there. So, if you've ever worried, "There's nobody out there for me," know that there's hope!
2. Statistically, the find-someone odds favor guys: There are 86 unmarried men for every 100 unmarried women, although in some regions the gender ratio favors women, especially out West. Paradise, Nevada, a suburb 10 miles from Las Vegas, has 118 unmarried men for every 100 unmarried women. Other cities where gals got it good include Austin, Texas; Fort Lauderdale, Florida; Tempe, Arizona; and Sunnyvale and Santa Ana, California. A coincidental bonus for women thinking of relocating: All of these cities are sunny and warm.
3. The best place for single people on the prowl is New York, where 50 percent of state residents are unmarried, and Washington, D.C., where a whopping 70 percent of the population is single. The worst places are Idaho, where 60 percent of people are married; and Utah, where 59 percent of people are married.
4. Think you'll find love while perched on a barstool? Think again. Only 9 percent of women and 2 percent of men say they've found a relationship at a bar or club—blame it on the beer goggles. So if you're lonely and looking, you're better off hitting on cuties at Starbucks.
5. Got someone hot in your sights and want to reveal your interest? Fifty-one percent of people use flattery, according to the book Are You Normal About Sex, Love, and Relationships? Or, try touching them, a tactic used by 25 percent of single folk. Still another 23 percent utilize the schoolyard approach and send the word out through a friend.
6. If you're into online dating, you're hardly alone: 40 million Americans use online dating services; that's about 40 percent of our entire U.S. single-people pool. So if you haven't tried it yet, maybe it's time to dive in!
7. Profiles and photos go together great. Online, being bashful will get you nowhere. Women and men who post their photos receive more than twice as many emails as those without photos, according to a study published by economists at MIT and University of Chicago. And a Match.com survey revealed that profiles with photos had 15 times the response rate as those without. Some numbers!
8. On a date, first impressions do count: Men take only 15 minutes to decide if a woman is worth a second date. For women, the clock isn't ticking quite so fast—they ponder whether to get together again for an hour or so.
9. The number one problem for couples in America? Disagreements about money, according to a poll by the University of Denver. So, don't write off a date just because you two bickered over the dinner bill; everyone clashes over cash.
10. If you're feeling like your relationship is hitting the skids and want to bail, the painful face-to-face approach might not be necessary: An estimated 48 percent of online daters report that their breakups have happened over email. Call it rude or just plain convenient, but it happens a lot.
Meredith Broussard is the editor of an upcoming anthology, The
Encyclopedia of Exes: 26 Stories by Men of Love Gone Wrong. Her
website is www.failedrelationships.com.
Source: Meredith Broussard, msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=5288&TrackingID=516163&BannerID=558828&menuid=6
You can read about Nick's adventures at his
website, 30chickflicks.com
Some men have suggested that Nick's wife, Nicci, should agree to watch 30 action flicks in 30 days. But I don't think that most action movies per se give us more than a cartoonish idea of what men are like. Yes, some action movies may be revealing or instructive about what makes men tick, but the category is too narrow. I'd include buddy movies plus anything else that reveals men's psyches. And I wouldn't limit the field to films from 2007 to today. Why leave out the really good old films?
Here, for instance, are some films I recommended in this space back in 2002 in a list called "Mentoring at the Movies":
Some of them are action movies; some, like "Training Day," are quite violent. But they all involve men relating to each other or to women or to the rest of society in rich, sometimes unpredictable ways. Here are a few more recent films I've thought of:
Uh, I seem to be on a Tom Hanks jag.
Well, you get the idea. Many movies about men show us not only as heroes or superheroes but also struggling with and occasionally triumphing over doubt, fear, reversals, and feelings of inadequacy.
But I want your ideas. What movies would you sit Nicci down and make her watch for 30 days? Not to punish her for her stunt with Nick, but to explore what you want women, or society in general, to know about us by watching movies about men?
If I get enough responses, I'll post a list. Send your ideas to menletter@aol.com
Bonus question: Have you seen any of the
Chick Flicks listed above? What did you think? Try to be brief, or at
least pithy.
Source: menletter.org
Additions from Menstuff.org
You missed the majority of a category that has some really powerful women. I've always like strong women and here's my list of additions: mix of powerful chick flick and action guy flick.
Movies
Television
Do Fights Help a Relationship?
Can spats serve a purpose?
But like the corrections in the stock market, maybe it's healthy to experience periodic mini-meltdowns to forestall the major ones in a relationship. I started to wonder: Instead of trying so hard to be agreeable, should I have kept it more real? Should I have been less agreeable at the risk of creating some tension? I'd been dating someone for a month and all seemed to be going well, when it occurred to me that maybe I needed to provoke a fight. I'd always carefully avoided conflict in relationships, but suddenly I was excited about transforming into my own Don King.
In helping my present relationship go the distance, my challenge was trying to provoke a bout that didn't end with a breakup -- say, a one- or two-rounder. How could I "knock her down" gently enough, so that she could get back up and "knock me down" gently enough? Following this punch-counterpunch, I figured I would, in effect, just lie there, "throwing the fight." Then, like two sweaty pugilists at match's end, we'd hug and let bygones be bygones. She'd win, but we'd both really win, because I'd have helped diffuse tiny mutual hidden resentments before they'd mushroomed into deal breakers.
That, at least, was the theory.
How I started sparring
OK, I thought, so what was ever so slightly sticking in my craw? The cold truth? Nothing. Wait. The cold truth. I was onto something. Why does her opinion of the cold always have to be the truth? Whether it's my car or the apartment I've managed to live goose bump-free in all these years, according to her, "It's cold in here." But it's not where we are; it's her. She's cold!
This was good. I was getting miffed. Maybe my thermostat doesn't need adjusting. Maybe you need a little adjusting, Missy. Now I was getting too miffed. Deep breath. I was ready for her. To save our relationship, not to mention the white-out I'd need to dab over the name of another future ex on my auto-dialer, I was about to risk looking like a jerk. All towards the selfless goal of making my girlfriend slightly mad enough to secrete her relationship toxins.
I took her back to my place and waited for things to hit the fan -- my trusty accomplice literally and dutifully whirring in her direction.
"It's cold in here," she said the second she saw the fan. Ding! The round one bell went off in my head.
"Not necessarily," I countered. Nice jab. The crowd in my head was cheering.
"Why is the fan on?" she prodded.
I kept on my toes, and delivered a sudden "Why wouldn't it be?" Silence. Had I grazed her? Apparently not. She returned with a calm retort: "It's cold in here." I had to shake up this fight before the crowd in my head began heading for their cars. I sensed my opening. I tossed her a quick, "Maybe it's cold," pointed at her featherweight frame and laid my figurative glove on her with full force, "in there." That's it. Whatever she could muster in return, I was ready to take a dive and end this thing. And then... she shivered. And asked for a sweater. Below the belt! Where's a ref when you need one? The jacket I draped over her could have included an embroidered "Champ." Maybe I could train for a rematch.
She stages a comeback...
The rematch occurred the next day, after I picked up the phone in work mode, and she remarked, with a hint of disdain, "You sound busy." I was. At first, I reverted to my old ways -- I went overboard trying to sound un-busy enough to put her first. But our extended conversation was about to make me even busier in making up for lost time after I hung up. That's when I applied my hard-fought lesson about keeping it real and admitted, "Actually, I am kind of busy." Ding!
"Oh, why didn't you say so?" Nice return.
"I didn't know how to say it, without sounding rude." Decent block.
"Evidently," she noted, with a touch of sarcasm.
And then... she apologized for making a big deal out of nothing. In effect, she was throwing the "fight!" Embroidered jacket, your new champion awaits!
As for Mr. Whatever You Say, Dear, he's retired (if not undefeated). Now that my partner has had a few tangles with the new less-than-subservient me, maybe she won't be as surprised the next time he enters the ring. Call it the good fight that keeps things from getting really chilly.
Scoring the match
By our next date, the vibe between us actually felt warmer. When a bond becomes strong enough to withstand the expression of honest feelings, it can help make the fight to respect those feelings worth winning. That's one added punch that won't hurt any relationship.
Source: Andy Cowan is an L.A.-based writer,
producer and performer. His credits include Cheers, Seinfeld and 3rd
Rock From the Sun.
Surviving Your First Big Fight
"I tell couples that their first big fight is actually the real beginning of an intimate love affair," says Dan Neuharth, Ph.D., a licensed marriage and family therapist and author of Secrets You Keep From Yourself: How to Stop Sabotaging Your Happiness. "Until you face -- and resolve -- your first major feelings of disappointment, you have an untested relationship that hasn't yet had to develop real depth." In other words, a little disagreeing might actually bring you closer. But that's predicated on handling it like two mature adults.
"Given enough time, every partner will do things to disappoint or hurt you... none of us is perfect," says Dr. Neuharth. "What matters is not that fights happen... it's how you negotiate and repair them that's the secret to a long, healthy, passionate relationship."
With that in mind, check out these hints for surmounting your first squabble (so you can get to your first make-up session faster).
Don't name-call or finger-point
Think twice before blurting out "You're being a complete idiot" or "This is all your fault" the minute things get heated. Why? Because even if it's true, placing the blame squarely on your partner's shoulders won't resolve the fight. Instead, your sweetie's defenses will be triggered and communication will likely be cut off. "Nothing escalates a fight faster than responding at a purely emotional level. It leads to a test of wills and boils down to who's right, not what's really wrong," says Jennifer Komitee, 34, New York, NY.
And if this is how you two start your fighting dynamic, it doesn't bode well for arguments down the road. "The more your fight contains things like name-calling, getting personal and blaming -- instead of listening -- the more challenges you will have facing the inevitable disagreements that arise naturally when you're part of a couple," says Dr. Neuharth.
Keep absolutes out of the conversation
Words like "always" and "never" don't belong in a first fight, and the minute you introduce them into the conversation you risk polarizing yourselves. "You never listen to me" or "You always put me last" may be what you're thinking, but chances are, it's not "always" the case. In fact, there were likely more than a few times in those first glorious months when your honey was hanging on your every word and skipping important work or family events to be with you. So give the absolutes a rest. You haven't been together long enough to pass universal judgments.
Use "I" messages
"If you find yourself starting many of your sentences with 'you,' your partner will probably get defensive or attack back," says Dr. Neuharth. "Instead focus on your own feelings, needs and desires." Try saying, "It would really mean a lot to me if you got to know my friends," or "I feel hurt when you cancelled our plans at the last minute." This kind of phrasing is especially important in a first fight because you're still learning about each other and you need to let your partner know what you hope to get from the relationship.
Take a brief time-out
Sometimes the best thing you can do in a first fight is to take a moment (or longer) to cool off and collect your thoughts. "I know I have the tendency to get a little out of control when pushed too far, so in my first fight with my now-fiancé, I removed myself from the situation by taking a 45-minute shower," says Diane Cornell, 27, New York, NY. "I not only came out really clean, but also in a much better place to discuss the issue like a mature, aware woman rather than an emotionally reactive girl."
A good separation tactic, advises Dr. Neuharth, is to say, "I see we both feel strongly about this and I value your opinion, but I think I need a little break. How about we stop talking for 10 minutes (or 30 minutes, an hour) and then reconvene?" One caveat: If you agree to a fight hiatus, you must come back and talk about it again after the time-out is up! "Don't just sweep it under the rug," warns Dr. Neuharth or the issue will be 10 times worse when it resurfaces... and it will resurface.
Fight together, not against each other
Arguments are adversarial by nature, but the more you can work towards a solution together, the better the survival chances of your budding relationship. One helpful technique in a first fight can be to actually call out what's happening. "As soon as one of you realizes you're in a fight, say something like 'Hey, I think we're having our first fight,'" says Sam Hamburg, Ph.D., author of Will Our Love Last? "Then go somewhere, sit down across from one another and take turns talking... you can even time it so you alternate back and forth, each getting one uninterrupted minute at a time."
Dr. Neuharth also suggests offering comments like, "What are your thoughts about this problem?" or "How do you think we can work together to fix this?" Inviting discussion and joint problem-solving can help you stop fighting and start solving.
Focus specifically on the issue at hand
When you're first learning how to fight as a couple, it's important to try and resolve one issue at a time, not turn this single incident into a what's-wrong-with-our-relationship free-for-all. "Describe what your partner did as specifically as possible rather than painting it as a character issue," says Dr. Neuharth. In other words, "You took away the remote without asking me and changed the channel" is much different than "You are so self-centered and selfish." And don't drag in other grievances that have nothing to do with this fight (i.e., shifting from the remote control to how your honey is almost always a little late for dates). You don't want this one issue escalating into an all-out war.
Don't take this as a sign to end the relationship
You may suddenly find yourself thinking mid-fight, This isn't worth it... it's over, but making a decision about your budding relationship at this volatile moment is a bad idea. "When a couple has its first fight, partners may feel dismayed, shocked, betrayed, afraid, sad, angry -- or even that all bets are off in the relationship," says Dr. Neuharth. Why such a strong reaction? Because the fight has shattered the illusion of perfect harmony you had up until now. Rather than throw in the towel, recognize that this is a learning opportunity, not a matter of win-lose survival, says Dr. Neuharth. Chances are you'll get through this... and many more fights down the road.
So follow these tips, and move onto the making-up process.
Should You Stay? Good Question.
Similarly, knowing when to move on in a relationship is never an easy choice, especially when a couple seems to be putt-putting along to nowhere. But something is making you ask the question. And you know what? That's worth exploring.
In fact, Dr. Jeanette Witter, a clinical psychologist, suggests that to get to your answer, keep the questions coming. Ponder these:
You might be thinking, if all these questions are necessary, shouldn't I be packing my bags anyway? Our expert says it's OK to take stock of what you have.
"People aren't mind readers," Witter says. "Clarifying where you are is an important part of growing in a relationship."
But there's a caveat to asking all these questions, she says.
"You have to be able to face the answers, hear what the person says, and try not to be defensive about it. And be as honest as possible about what you express to the other person."
Source: Stacy Gilliam is an award-winning
freelance journalist living, working and loving in Washington, D.C.
personals.aol.com/articles/2008/12/22/do-fights-help-a-relationship/?icid=200100397x1215872363x1201073691
Relationships are good for your
health
Men and Women ... Both
From Mars?
Bristol, VA
Franklin, VA
Pulaski County, GA
Monroe County, WV
Randolph County, GA
If you're a single woman looking for a single man, Alaska is still a gold mine. However, our study only covreed counties in the continedntal United States.
Chattahoochee County, GA
Union County, FL
Jones County, TX
DeKalb County, MO
Crowley County, CO
Our rankings are based on the combined numbers of single, divorced
and widowed, compared to the numbers of single, divorced and widowed
women. The statistics are drawn from the 2000 Census.
Finding a Mate Who Looks Like You
Single? Where to Look for a
Mate
When Differences Make a
Difference
Is Your Relationship In Trouble?
Understanding Your Partner's
Feelings
Test Your Own Marriage
Satisfaction
Friendship: It's a Special
Relationship
Men - Study: Looks, Heart Tops For
Single Women
Why won't he stop and ask for directions?
You've all been there. "There" being nowhere near where you are supposed to be because the Magellan wannabe behind the steering wheel would rather drive around in circles, cursing at street signs for hours, than pull into a gas station and ask for help. But his resistance isn't merely macho - it comes from a primal, evolutionary place, explains Allan Pease, coauthor of Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps. "Men had to rely on spatial skills to survive - they needed to know where to throw the spear to hit the zebra running at high speeds. They also needed to remember how to get back home with the meat. So to have to stop and ask for directions is to admit you've failed at your number one evolutionary task!"
In other words, our big, fat egos are at stake -- even if the task at hand isn't exactly life-and-death. "If Columbus could find America, I feel like I should be able to find my niece's third-birthday party," says Rich, 35, a geologist from Miller Place, NY.
Why is he obsessed with the Discovery Channel?
Flip to the Discovery Channel at any given moment and you'll see people blowing things up, animals eating each other or men with ridiculous mustaches riding around on motorcycles. It's everything we wish we were doing instead of working from 9 to 5 every day (besides the getting-eaten-by-a-wild-jackal part).
Why does he love quickies so much?
It's simple mathematics. Dudes experience spontaneous sexual hunger about twice as often as women, according to a study conducted at Oxford University. Add to that the fact that 30 percent of men experience premature ejaculation at some point in our lives, and you've got an equation for a quickie. Nick, 31, an actor from Braintree, MA, has a somewhat less scientific explanation for the male proclivity for fast-and-furious love: "More pleasure, less effort," he says. "It's like my favorite beer - tastes great, less filling."
Why can't he be bothered to wrap a present?
So we think the store bag counts as wrapping paper. It's not because we're uncaring jackasses. As evidenced by many a single guy's apartment, where a $2,000 TV set can coexist happily with a coffee table fashioned from a cardboard box, attention to detail often eludes us. We see the big picture -- i.e., the gift -- but little finishing details like bows and ribbons seem superfluous and inconsequential.
And believe it or not, there is actually a lot of loving thought that goes into the lack of shiny paper and Scotch tape. "When I've bought my girlfriend something expensive from a fancy store, I want her to know that it's the real deal and not some knockoff I bought on the street," says Jimmy, 32, from Bowling Green, OH. "Giving it to her in the store bag proves it." And, really, isn't a pretty blue Tiffany shopping bag nicer to look at than something wrapped in three-year-old Christmas paper and duct tape?
Why can't he throw out those junky T-shirts from college?
No, we don't think armpit-stained Guns N' Roses concert tees are the must-have item this fall. Two impulses make us hold onto those old shirts until they fall off our bodies: One is -- yes -- sentimentality. "This is where men and women are alike," says Nick. "This is the X in our XY chromosomes. Whenever I put certain old shirts on, I can't help but remember a game of touch football or the first hike I went on with my fiance while I was wearing that shirt." The other reason we can't part with our tees is that guys are, well, kinda lazy. Throwing something out requires effort -- and replacing it requires one of the most dreaded activities in a man's life: going to the mall. If it's comfortable and covers our torso to a reasonable degree, both our hearts and our shopping phobia will have us holding onto it for dear life.
Why does he call his friends by rude nicknames?
Your husband is on the phone with one of his buddies and just referred to him by a funny but foul name. Are they in the middle of a fight? Just the opposite, says Austin, 31, from New Orleans: "Only someone who loved us would say something that harsh to our face." Allan Pease explains, "Giving friends nicknames shows an emotional connection, but the filthy humor prevents it from being too emotional, which makes men uncomfortable."
Why does he suck at chitchatting on the phone?
It's all about hormones, says relationship expert John Gray, Ph.D., author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. "Oxytocin, a hormone that reduces stress in women, is stimulated through communicating and collaborating. For men, testosterone reduces stress - and it's stimulated through solving problems and competition. Chitchatting is basically the opposite of accomplishing anything. It can actually lower a guy's testosterone levels, and he'll start feeling uncomfortable and bored."
Why must he repack the car when you fit everything in fine?
Whether you are loading Costco loot for the short ride home or shoving suitcases in the trunk for a cross-country trek, there is one thing you can be sure of: Whichever way you cram everything in will be "all wrong." Why do guys insist that they're expert packers? "Well, typically a man is better at packing the car," laughs Gray. (Yeah, we men stick together like that.) "Most research reveals that men have a much more developed sense of spatial perception, which is what makes a person good at arranging things." And don't be fooled by those moans and complaints he makes about having to redo your alleged packing disaster. "We love the challenge," admits Nels, 34, a writer from Savannah. "It's like a life-size game of Tetris."
Why does he always think it is 20 degrees hotter than it really is?
Some experts say men have a higher internal temperature. Others say that more body hair = warmer bodies. Whatever the reason, all guys agree: If you need to pile seven blankets on the bed every time the temperature dips below 68 degrees, keep them on your side of the bed!
Why does he have a garage filled with power tools he never uses?
Guys are born to love gizmos - literally. In a study of newborns who were given the choice of looking at a human face or a mobile, the majority of boy babies were more interested in looking at the whirling, twirling thingy than the adoring person making goo-goo faces. (Baby girls, conversely, preferred human interaction. Weirdos.) In addition to this apparently instinctive love of things that spin and buzz at the push of a button, many guys experience a kind of nostalgia when perusing the Black and Decker aisle at Sears. "It's often his attempt to live the fantasy of being the Man of the House," says Pat Love, Ed.D., author of The Truth About Love. We grew up seeing our dads and grandpas running around with hammers and monkey wrenches fixing (or making worse) whatever ailed the house. We want to be just like them, not some 21st-century wienie who's afraid to chip a nail. Having the tools on hand at least gives us the illusion of competence.
Why doesn't he want to talk about his day when he gets home?
"I just want to leave all the annoying crap of the day behind me and think about nothing for a while," says Jim, 31, a father of two from Beacon, NY. At the end of the day, men are tired of thinking, and, more important, we're tired of talking. "Studies show that women use 8,000 to 9,000 words a day. Men use 2,000 to 4,000 words a day on average," explains communication expert Allan Pease. "By the time they come home from work, they've used up their words. And women have 5,000 left to go."
Why can he remember the score of a baseball game played 10 years ago, but forgets his own mother's birthday?
Sixty percent of men forget birthdays and anniversaries, compared with only 16 percent of women, according to one British survey. Are all guys idiots? (Don't answer that!) "Birthdays and anniversaries are linked to emotional events, which brain-imaging studies show that the male mind doesn't respond to as much as the female mind does," says Pease. On the other hand, as we've already seen, testosterone is what really soothes the male soul, and watching or competing in sports is one of the primary things that gets it pumping. "You hold onto those scores and memories because they make you feel good," John Gray notes.
Why does he get jealous about a boyfriend from seventh grade?
Bringing up an old flame, no matter how innocently, is a sure way to ignite the fires of jealousy in your guy's heart. Men, you may have noticed, can be incredibly competitive, and as Pat Love notes, "Talking about an old boyfriend makes him feel powerless. He's thinking, 'How can I compete with a memory?'" He can attempt to outwit - or, in the worst-case scenario, punch out - some guy he thinks is flirting with you at a bar, but there is nothing he can do about little Johnny Smith, who held hands with you on that field trip to the natural history museum. Man, we hate that guy.
What's up with all the lesbian fantasies?
"Two words: No penises," says Jimmy. Truth is, in the pantheon of
ridiculous sex fantasies floating around the male mind, one scenario
reigns over all others: stumbling upon two women going at it hot and
heavy, and being asked to join in the fun. And watching two porn
actresses experience orgasm after orgasm with each other (they
wouldn't fake it, right?) is the closest 99.9 percent of men not
named Hugh Hefner or Dirk Diggler will ever get to living that
fantasy.
Source: By Dan Bova, lifestyle.msn.com/Relationships/Dating/Articleiv2.aspx?cp-documentid=299664
Instead of always harping on a man's faults, tell him of his virtures. Try to pull him out of his rut of bad habits. Hold up to him his better self, his real self that can dare and do and win out. - Eleanor H. Porter, 1868-1920
There is only one sex...A man and a woman are so entirely the same thing that one can scarely understand the subtle reasons for sex distinction with which our minds are filled. - George Sand
Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are... Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in my pillow, or stretch myself taught, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return. -- Mary Jean Iron
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