Reproduction
Menstuff® has compiled information and books on
reproduction, safer sex and contraception issues.
When are we going to wake up?
We've got the highest teen pregnancy rate
in the world.
Newsbytes -
What is reported by the press.
Reason
to Wear a Condom
Sneak
peak at the new video.
A Responsible
Conversation about Sexual
History
Men May Have
Biological Clocks, Too
Is your cell phone
causing your spirm count to
drop?
Reproductive Health Is A
Confusing Issue For Many
Women
Ideal
Success Rates of Various Forms of Birth
Control
Sex Education at
Home: A Guide for Parents
Birth Control
Permanent Birth
Control
Related Issues: Talking
With Kids About Tough Issues, Teen
Pregnancy, Reproductive
Health, Condoms,
STDs, Birth
Defects
Newsbytes
Resources,
Fatherhood
Aptitude Test
to check if you're ready to be a Dad.
Something to think about!
Source: Northern Sun Merchandising,
Minneapolis, MN 55406. See www.northernsun.com
or 800.258.8579. See 23
Reasons Not to Use Condoms
Sex
Education at Home: A Guide for Parents
Parenting
As parents we provide sex education for our children.
Each mother and father teaches his children about sex
through attitudes, behavior and verbal comments. Sex
education is a lifelong process. Children get their first
feelings about sex from their parents who are the most
important people in the child's life.
What are your feelings about sexuality? Is sex a
topic for scorn and dirty jokes? Is sex a topic to be
avoided altogether? Is sex so secret or private or
frightening that you can't talk about it? Some adults
feel this way. Then they convey to their children the
feeling that sex is bad and these children are unaware that
human sexuality is a normal part of human personality and
can provide some of life's most enriching experiences.
Powerful sexual feelings cannot be ignored. Even if parents
refuse to relate information about sex, children listen to
the stories of friends or read in wonder the comments about
movies or news items or covers of books and magazines.
Questions about sex are normal. The early questions are
raised by children as naturally as any other questions. A
new baby or the birth of pets can lead to healthy discussion
and understanding.
Being a good parent is a very difficult job. Most of us
learn how by watching our own parents, most of whom did not
talk with us about sex. Parents usually need to make an
effort to allow talk about sex to enter normally into
conversation.
One important job parents face is to help children have
good feelings about themselves and their bodies. A girl can
learn to accept and like the female body she received at
birth. Boys can learn to accept and like themselves as
males. Children can learn that they are worthwhile people.
One way we can help with this is through honest and
meaningful communication. This is as true of sex as of other
topics of interest to all children. We must answer questions
as directly as possible. We set an example we want our
children to follow. We repeat answers over and over again.
We learn to refer to parts of the body using standard words
- not nicknames or "private parts" for the genitals.
The goal of parents is to raise happy worthwhile human
beings. We want our children to like themselves and to be
able to establish worthwhile relationships. We want them to
accept themselves and to be able to establish worthwhile
relationships. We want them to accept themselves as males or
females. We want them to be able to love. We want them to
grow up to establish families in which they can function in
a variety of meaningful ways.
Sexuality
Sexuality is the important aspect of human personality
which enables each person to function as a male or female.
It includes far more than physical sex! Important
considerations about sexuality are psychological, social and
moral in addition to physical concerns.
Providing appropriate words and factual information is an
important beginning. Boys and girls want to know about their
bodies and about everything which touches their lives.
Everything interests them. Adequate information enables them
to expand their world appropriately as they grow and mature.
This is true of sexuality as with other areas of life.
Parents are the best teachers. Many books and materials give
basic facts about male and female anatomy and the physical
aspects of human reproduction.
Psychological aspects of human sexuality are extremely
important. How a person feels about himself usually
determines his behavior. Only after a person accepts his own
body and sexuality comfortably can he function as a wise
decision-maker. As we help our children build self-esteem we
are enabling them to function in healthy and mature
ways.
Society influences sexual behavior and presents children
with conflicting ideas. For example, some adults can't or
won't answer children's simple questions about sex, but
these same adults may laugh at dirty jokes. Some adults
enjoy films, magazines and books dealing with explicit
sexual experiences, but turn to therapists and counselors
for help with their personal lives. It is reported that more
than half of American marriages are sexually troubled.
Adults may behave in one way but expect from their children
quite different behavior. This is unrealistic. Parents who
want their children to live successfully with others work to
help children understand themselves and society's
contradictions. Our society has a soaring VD rate and a
rising birth rate among teens, and yet refuses to permit
meaningful sex education programs in most schools. Parents,
schools, and religious organizations will do well to work
together responsibly to help young people.
A major concern for most parents is moral conduct.
Morality refers to standards incorporated into a person's
own value system. Parents, religious groups, schools and
peers influence the values any individual chooses. Learning
to make responsible decisions and wise choices about sexual
behavior as well as all other behavior - depends on the
individual's own values. Parents have a major responsibility
to help their children understand why some behavior is
preferable to other behavior. Religious groups share the
responsibility for the youngsters who participate in their
activities. Schools - which have contact with virtually all
young people - help students learn how to choose among
alternatives in all areas of life. In a democratic society,
various views are presented and discussed. Personal values
can be strengthened or discarded when weighed against other
possibilities. Here the parent's role in helping the child
and young person build values is vital.
Infancy
Sex education begins at birth. Each new baby needs to be
wanted and loved and accepted as the person he is -
including the fact that the child is male or female. If
parents are unhappy or disappointed with the sex of the
child, he may sense this and soon feel worthless. Building
feelings of self-worth is an important part of sex
education. As each baby is loved and cuddled and talked to,
he begins to feel good about himself. These positive
feelings continue to grow as the developing infant is
encouraged to become the unique person he can be. As we help
our children develop into independent, mature people, we
build on these initial feelings.
Each person develops feelings about his body parts long
before verbal communication can take place. When the baby
feels his ear, Grandma cheers. He continues to explore his
body and discovers a toe. Terrific! Then he finds his penis.
Somebody may swat him, say "no, no" or distract him with a
rattle. From such beginnings come feelings that the genital
area is somehow bad, not to be touched, and is different
from the rest of the body. This is unfortunate since it's
important for the baby to learn to like all parts of his
body, including the sex organs. Since babies get comfort and
pleasure from fondling the genitals, he may develop confused
feelings about himself and the genital area. All babies
explore their sex organs and some babies like to fondle this
area frequently. Children turn to the variety of activities
available to them as they mature and can explore their
environment beyond the confines of the crib or playpen.
Therefore, the parent is responsible for providing
stimulating surroundings.
Bathing baby offers an opportunity for us to show that
all parts of the body are important and all need to be kept
clean. Pleasant feelings can be fostered during the fun of
the bath. The baby can even begin to learn to recognize the
names of the body parts - ear, toe, penis, labia. This is
also an opportunity for us to practice saying these standard
terms aloud. Following this practice, comfortable
conversation containing these words will be easier. In our
society, we don't usually talk about the penis or vagina. If
we are ever to get over the feeling that we can't talk about
sex or sex organs in a responsible way without
embarrassment, we must begin. Infant care offers an
excellent opportunity for such out-loud practice.
Preschool Years
As our children grow and develop, we teach them about all
aspects of life by our example and attitudes. This includes
sexuality. Much more is caught than taught. As children see
parents enjoy each other, they learn what love means and
they learn about the relationships that is possible between
a man and a woman. The roles of male and female are defined
for the young child by his observation of parents. Parents
who love each other openly and who share the burdens and
joys of homemaking and child rearing are teaching more about
sexuality than words could ever do. Of course, parents enjoy
ultimate lovemaking in private. Children are indeed
fortunate to have loving parents who care for them and each
other and can express their feelings comfortably.
Not all homes fit this pattern. Fortunately, all is not
lost when the home situation is to ideal. There are still
plenty of opportunities for healthy expression of emotion.
Children can learn to love and care about themselves and
others. One of the parents may have to make a special effort
when raising children in a home where little love is
shown.
When there is only one parent, he should try to give the
child an opportunity to know adults of the other sex. An
uncle, aunt, neighbor, or grandparent may be available.
Friends are often very understanding and willing to include
children in their family outings. May single parents are
successful in raising children who are emotionally healthy
and happy. Being both father and mother is certainly
difficult. Lacking the opportunity to discuss childbearing
practices with another concerned adult places the
responsibility for decision-making and example-setting on
the one person. The single parent must take care not to be
overwhelmed by this task. An effort should be made to have
fun and enjoy life both with and without the children. The
person who devotes all time and energy to child raising will
not continue to grow as a person. This pitfall should be
avoided. Many parents without partners find support by
joining such organizations as The One Parent Family.
Young children often like to fondle their genital area.
Parents sometime get upset by this if it seems to be a
habit. Nearly all children do this at some time and some
children do so frequently. It is perfectly normal and to be
expected. Parents who know that their children lead happy
active lives have nothing to worry about. Such genital
fondling is harmless. Of course, a parent should be sure
that this is not a sign of discomfort - that underwear fits
properly and that the genital
area is clean.
If a child feels generally unhappy and refuses to
participate in activities available to him, but mostly wants
to fondle himself, a problem may exist which requires the
help of a professionally trained counselor at a child
guidance clinic or other facility. The problem is not the
fondling of the sex organ, but rather is his total emotional
outlook.
Parents must learn to talk honestly with children at an
early age. Talking about everything includes answering
questions about sex. With young children, these questions
and answers will be short and simple. All children are
different. They develop individually and ask questions at
different ages. When a question is asked, it should be
answered simply. Parents who say, "Wait 'till you're older
and I'll tell you that," find that the time for answering
questions doesn't seem to come again. Other parents go into
involved explanations which the child neither wants nor
understands. Simple answers are sufficient.
Honesty is of utmost importance. Children soon learn
whether they can trust their parents' answers. If so, they
will continue to discuss questions and problems with them.
If not, they will stop asking questions. Instead, they will
ask their friends and get misinformation from hem and from
magazines, movies, etc. Children often have a way of asking
questions at a time which causes the parent embarrassment.
For example, "Why s the lady fat?" asked about a pregnant
woman in the grocery store which causes the parent to want
to say "Shh!" A simple explanation will satisfy the
child. Willingness to give young children direct honest
answers builds a foundation for good communication. Early
questions include wanting to know where babies come from,
how they get started, how they get out, and whether birth
hurts either baby or mother.
Early School Years
Young school age children are busy people with expanding
horizons. They are learning in the more structured situation
at school and are beginning to explore ideas. Their interest
in sexual questions continues to exist as does interest in
other things. Developing friendships and relationships with
teachers and others leads to more emphasis on the world away
from home. Yet home and parents are where the child returns
to share joys and troubles. An understanding listening
parent encourages the child to talk about this expanding
world. The child continues to grow and learn about himself
and life and to solve simple problems which he
confronts.
Children between five and eight usually develop a sense
of modesty and a desire for privacy which may be completely
different from their actions only a short time before. Most
children decide the bathroom door should be closed and
perhaps locked when they are inside. Nudity (which may have
been healthily present previously) now seems totally
inappropriate in the child's view of himself. Children
deserve the right to manage their feelings about their
bodies as they develop. If parents continue to be
comfortable at home, the child learns that he is still
accepted and loved whether in the tub with brother or
insisting on bathing alone. Of course, refusing to bathe at
all is a different problem for parents! Most children
continue to behave in modest ways - until later years when
they will perhaps be more accepting of nudity again. All of
this reflects the pressures of our society.
Children who have asked early questions about sex may be
satisfied and seem totally disinterested in sex. Others may
continue to ask questions and want slightly more complete
answers than they accepted earlier. The child who has not
asked where babies are made and how they get started may now
ask specific questions. The best guide for parents continues
to be to answer simply and honestly. The child will want
more information than at an earlier age, but is not able to
understand deep emotions like love in the adult sense.
Children between five and eight learn many new words.
Some of them are slang words which may be very upsetting to
parents. A word may be used matter-of-factly because it was
used by another child. Or it may be used as an
attention-getting device when the child realizes how much
attention it gets from parents! Some parents overreact to
the use of the word by the child. Often the parent views the
word in terms of vulgar sexual meaning while the child does
not realize that the word has any sex connotation at all. If
the parent can calmly discuss the meaning of the word and
explain that he doesn't use that cord in conversation and
doesn't want it used at home, the child will usually
understand. Some children will use such words occasionally
to impress friends or to emulate older children.
Playing doctor is fun for young children. Sometimes this
leads to exploring each other's bodies and satisfying
natural curiosity. Children are usually interested in the
genital make-up of both sexes and it's important that they
learn the differences between male and female. Parents often
overreact to this very natural situation and cause undue
upset and guilt in the children who may bet a feeling that
their bodies or genitals are bad. If parents remain calm and
remember the naturalness of the situation, the children's
curiosity is soon satisfied and other interests will assume
priority. Activities and games should be available.
Exploring each other's bodies because of boredom and lack of
alternatives would not lead to healthy development.
The child has now learned that some human activities take
place privately. He uses the bathroom for toilet functions.
Similarly, he can be expected to refrain from fondling the
genitals publicly. This can be urged calmly and without
upsetting the child. When the child occasionally forgets
this rule of our society, it is a breach of etiquette rather
than a moral misdeed. Parents do well to remember this and
refrain from causing guilt or distress.
At this age, the child is able to understand much more
about how life begins. Seeds, flowers, baby animals, human
babies - all these and many more fascinate him. The ideas
that a seed can grow into a specific plant or a fertilized
egg can grow into a special animal or person is marvelous.
The child now observes other families first hand and begins
to see how they differ. He begins to understand how
important a family is and appreciates his own role within
the family as he grows. Self-esteem and decision-making are
enhanced through the responsibilities the child has a home -
making his bed, setting the table, helping with the dishes,
taking our garbage, deeding and caring for pets, and being
given an opportunity to help with chores he likes. The child
is learning to direct his activities in constructive
ways.
Pre-Teen Years
From nine to twelve, the pattern of development changes.
Bodies take on new shapes. Rapid growth spurts are common.
Hands and feet may seem too big. Some children go through an
awkward, gawky stage. Some develop early; others late. Some
develop rapidly; others slowly. This can be distressing for
the young person who sees his best friend developing at a
completely different time or rate. Personal growth patterns
can cause anxiety. Parents need to be reassuring and help
children understand that the changes in their bodies are
perfectly normal - a sign that they are beginning the long
process of becoming an adult. Children will learn that it's
normal for each person to be different. It's OK to be
taller, shorter, faster or slower. During these years,
children can be helped to feel good about themselves by
knowing that by the late teens they'll each have a grown-up
body.
Girls begin this changing pattern of development about
two years earlier than boys. Thus, girls of twelve and
thirteen are often taller than boys the same age and may
seem more grown-up than these boys, but boys soon catch up.
Children may feel embarrassed about their developing bodies
during this period. Both girls and boys notice hair starting
to grow under the arms and in the pubic area. Girls see that
the nipples are budding and the breasts beginning to grow
bigger and rounder. Some boys have temporary enlargement of
the breasts which can frighten them; they need assurance
that this will pass. Often this is part of a generally fat
stage. A girl's hips get curvier and wider. If she
understands that her body is preparing itself for the future
time when she can choose to be a mother, she can accept
these changes.
First menstruation is an important event in the life of
every girl. It can begin as early as age eight or as late as
age sixteen. Most girls begin menstrual periods at about age
twelve. A girl needs to understand what is happening to her.
The girl who knows that menstruation will begin and why, who
has a sanitary belt and pad ready, and who has an
understanding family is very fortunate. Knowing that the
school nurse will be helpful when menstruation begins at
school is reassuring.
Major changes occur in boys. The voice becomes deeper and
he sometimes goes through an embarrassing stage when his
voice is hoarse or crackles. An erection may occur for no
reason that he can explain. This can be frightening and
embarrassing. If the boy understands that this is perfectly
normal and that he will gain much more control over his
penis when he's older, he can accept these occasional
erections. Between twelve and sixteen, boys have their first
wet dreams - most at about fourteen. Understanding that this
will happen can help to avoid fear and worry. When a boy
knows that wet dreams are normal - though messy - he can
realize that this is one way that his body is getting ready
for him to choose to be a father some day.
Private fondling of the genitals (masturbation) occurs in
both adults and children. Nearly all boys and many girls
discover the pleasure of masturbation before or during the
teen years. Masturbation causes neither physical or
psychological harm. It is a normal activity and a natural
release of sexual tension. Many parents remain totally
unaware that their pre-teens and teens masturbate. It is
wise for parents to mention the fact of masturbation but not
through direct questioning. This helps young people avoid
unnecessary guilt and anxiety.
Most nine to twelve year olds are very interested in
babies. Understanding how babies develop inside the mother
fascinates them. Questions about intercourse are sure to
arise. Honest, factual answers are best because children
hear many stories from friends. Adult emotions involved in
sexual intercourse are beyond the capacity of the pre-teen
to comprehend. They want to know why adults have
intercourse, when this is ok, and whether this will ever
appeal to them personally. Once curiosity and interest are
satisfied, attention should readily turn to daily
activities; school, sports, ballet, building models, music,
reading and climbing trees.
Young people today are aware of the constant appearance
of sexual themes on television and in magazines. Therefore,
it is especially important that parents reinforce positive
values about sexuality. Parents can show that the joy and
wonder of sexuality is a gift to be treasured. Children can
learn that the value of sexual activity depends on the
circumstances involved. The child learns attitudes which
will enable him to grow into a warm and loving person or
into one who misuses his sexuality. Parents are very
important in helping children establish values which will
lead to responsible choices of behavior that can mean
long-lasting happiness.
Adolescence
Families that have been able to talk about everything
together in the pre-teen years are fortunate. When questions
have been honestly answered and when no topic is taboo, a
foundation of understanding is laid. Young people need
guidance and understanding from parents if they are to
become mature independent adults themselves. Reaching
adulthood has always had its problems - and attaining
maturity today is in some ways more difficult than it was
for those who are now parents. Do you remember the questions
you had as a teen? The worries? The sexual
feelings? Our children have the same questions,
feelings and worries today! Learning to be comfortable
with the opposite sex; learning how to deal with the intense
sexual feelings which come about in adolescence; learning to
relate in healthy ways to other people' deciding on goals
for the future; coping with pressures of school, friends and
society; all this is involved in becoming an adult. Physical
maturity is more quickly and automatically reached than
emotional and psychological maturity. Only as teens work
through the kinds of situations where they must make
decisions about their own behavior, can they become the
mature independent adults their parents hope for.
Helping teens choose worthwhile values by which to guide
their behavior is a primary job of parents. It is useless
for parents to try to impose their values on teen-age
children. Some young people will rebel openly while others
will seem to conform to the parents' wishes but will not
really develop their internal value-system so that they can
direct their own lives as adults. The example set by parents
in the practice of love is a major aspect of value-building.
The parent who speaks of love but does not live lovingly
shows his children his real values.
Some topics which concern both teens and adults are
difficult for many families to discuss. Even if a family has
not talked openly about sex prior to the teen years, the
parents may find they are able to approach subjects they
consider vital to helping their teen. If subjects are kept
general and not personal, conversation is much easier.
Although sexuality is an important aspect of life, it is
only part of the total personality. Honesty in relationships
with others should include honesty in sexual relationships.
Exploitation exists in both sexual and non sexual aspects of
life. People who value themselves and others will be
concerned about both sexual and non sexual interaction with
others. Discussed below are some topics which you may want
to consider in preparation for discussion with your teens.
Only when you have thought through your own values and can
talk about them can you share them with your children.
Husbands and wives can benefit from discussing these topics
together and will then be better prepared to help their
teens. In some families, husbands feel these matters are the
responsibility of the wife. It would seem far better for
children to learn from both parents. It is sometimes wise
for parents to admit how difficult this kind of
communication is.
Masturbation
Nearly all males and most females masturbate (fondle the
genitals for pleasure) at some time during their lives. This
causes no physical or psychological problems although myths
still persist from the past. Masturbation is very common
during adolescence. Done privately, this should be of no
concern to parents. Parents have a responsibility to avoid
comments which will cause feelings of guilt about normal
activity. Release of sexual tension can be achieved by
masturbation. The parent who can maintain a relaxed view of
masturbation - that is, accept it as normal - helps both
himself and his child.
Petting
Making out has different definitions in different places
but usually refers to hugging and kissing only, similar to
the older term 'necking'. Before becoming upset about
comments made by teens, you do well to try to understand
what the young person really means. Since slang term change
rapidly, there's no reason for embarrassment when you don't
know the specific meaning of a term. Petting means the
couple explore each other's bodies. It usually includes deep
kissing (French or tongue kissing) and touching parts of the
body which would be covered by a bathing suit. Petting may
be very pleasurable for couples who care deeply for each
other when both partners agree that this is a good idea for
them. If one partner is forcing the other (physically or
verbally) the relationship and activity is damaging. The
dangers from petting are that it may be regretted later, or
it may lead to intercourse which the partners do not want to
have happen at that time. If you realize the strong sexual
feelings of your teens, you can be understanding of their
behavior. Teens who have opportunities for many activities
(school, music, sports, clubs, religious group interests,
etc.) and who understand the hazards of petting can be
trusted to handle the situations which arise. The lonely
teen who fears that he is not liked and has few ways in
which he feels successful, may turn to sexual activity in an
effort to receive attention and affection. If you show your
teens how much you care for them and trust them and you
encourage worthwhile activities which bring good feelings to
the teen and you make an effort to discuss questions which
arise, you have done much to guide your children toward
healthy sexual attitudes and development
Premarital Intercourse
Most people kiss, caress, and engage in petting before
marriage. Some have sexual intercourse. Most parents and
religious groups teach that intercourse is best saved until
marriage. Perhaps it is difficult for you to accept the fact
that your children may be sexually active. As with adults,
the range of reasons for sexual activity varies. Casual sex
with a variety of partners is a far cry from deep
commitments, including sexual communication, made within a
loving relationship. You may wish to caution your teens
about some of the pitfalls of premarital intercourse.
Intercourse is such an intense experience that if one
partner makes a deeper commitment than the other, depression
and emotional disturbance may follow the breakup. It is
extremely difficult for most teens to decide for themselves
whether they can cope with the depth of emotion that is
generated. In addition to the inability to realize the
strength of feeling, the dangers of unwanted pregnancy and
VD are real. Teens who decide to be sexually active need to
know how to protect themselves from both possibilities, just
as adults do. There is no proof or clear cut evidence that
premarital intercourse makes a person a better or worse
sexual partner in marriage or that the act itself affects
the marriage relationship either favorably or unfavorably.
All this depends on the maturity of the individuals involved
and their feelings about themselves and their sexual
experiences.
Contraception
& Family Planning
Most people want to finish school, get a job, and get
married before undertaking the responsibilities of caring
for a baby. Most parents want to wait for some time between
babies. Therefore, most married people use contraception. It
teens decide to have intercourse, hey too should protest
themselves against unwanted pregnancy. A girl can get
pregnant the first time she has intercourse.
Both partners should feel responsible for preventing an
unwanted pregnancy. You have a responsibility to be sure
that your children understand how pregnancy occurs and that
it can be prevented. This is not encouraging them to have
sexual intercourse. You must realize that your children
MAY choose to have sexual intercourse. The attitude
that says "if you play around you deserve to get pregnant
and suffer the consequences," helps no one. It is unfair to
the boy and girl to force them to take a responsibility for
which they are not ready and it is certainly not fair to the
unwanted baby.
Abstinence from sexual intercourse is the only absolutely
foolproof method of birth control. However, there are many
modern methods of family planning which offer excellent
protection when used properly. Teens who do not know there
are reliable methods available to them may resort to less
effective methods or trust in myths. Condoms and spermicidal
form may be purchased at the drug store and when used
together offer very good protection. They must be used each
time the couple has intercourse and the condom may not be
reused. The form must be used just before intercourse to be
effective. Either form or condoms used alone do not offer
adequate protection.
The diaphragm is a rubber cap which is inserted into the
vagina to cover the entrance to the uterus. Spermicidal
cream or jelly are used with the diaphragm. A girl must
be examined by a doctor to be fitted with the correct
diaphragm size. The girl then inserts the diaphragm into the
vagina each time before she has intercourse. This may be
done a couple of hours ahead of time. The cooperation of
both partners is helpful in being sure the diaphragm and
jelly are used every time intercourse occurs.
The birth control pill is the most popular contraceptive
method used in the US The pills are made of synthetic female
hormones and most pills prevent ovulation. The pills are
very effective and very safe when used under a doctor's
direction. Most - but not all - women can use the pills
without problems. Girls should have had menstrual periods
for at least one year before beginning to use the pill. If
protection is needed before that time, other methods are
recommended. The pill user must remember to take pills daily
as directed in order to get contraceptive protection. Using
another person's pills is not wise.
The IUD (intrauterine device) is a small plastic or
plastic and copper object which is inserted into the uterus
through the cervix by the doctor. It remains in the uterus
to prevent pregnancy. When the girl wants the
IUD removed, she returns to the doctor to have in taken
out. The IUD offers most users excellent birth control
protection.
Couples or girls wanting to learn more about
contraception or who wish to get a method of birth control
should visit a private doctor or a Planned Parenthood,
Family Planning, or Health Department clinic. Many clinics
now have special teen programs.
Young people who learn about birth control methods have
not been shown to be more sexually active than other young
people. Studies show that most sexually active youth do
NOT use contraception. They hope that pregnancy won't
occur - and are frequently disappointed. Hope is not a
method of birth control!
If you can discuss methods of birth control generally -
rather than suggesting that your teen ought to get a method
- you can help your child understand something which may be
vital in his future life. Your child may be able to help a
friend get protection and avoid the risk of unwanted
pregnancy.
Abortion
Abortion is the ending of a pregnancy after conception
has taken place but before the developing baby is able to
live outside the woman's body. It is not a method of birth
control. Abortion is now legal in all states. Illegal
abortion can be very dangerous, but legal abortions
performed by qualified doctors are safer than childbirth.
During the first three months of pregnancy (within 12
weeks), a simple safe procedure can be done without general
anesthesia. Later, abortion is more difficult, more
expensive, and there is greater risk. Anyone
considering abortion should first find out whether she is
pregnant. A simple urine test can determine this six weeks
after the first day of the last menstrual period.
When an unmarried teen is pregnant the situation can be
difficult for both the teens and the parents. The young
people involved are usually very frightened. They need all
the understanding love which parents can provide. Of course,
the parents are upset! Letting emotions of anger take
over and becoming punishing and demanding with the young
people solves no problems. Parents have the responsibility
to act in a mature fashion and work with the young people to
reach a solution which leads to mutual caring and learning.
Some families draw closer during times of trouble.
Communication may be reestablished and the young people
learn how much the parents really care about them.
There are agencies which can help the family reach
decisions about pregnancy and other family problems.
Physicians, clergy and Planned Parenthood Centers offer
sympathetic counseling. When the couple or the girl decide
to continue the pregnancy, agencies such as Birthright or
Support can give needed understanding. Parents should not
try to force a girl or couple to marry or to have an
abortion. Parents can help in the decision-making process,
but a forced abortion or a forced marriage can lead to later
unhappiness. Chck out small
and large pro-choice organizatoins you can vivist, join,
volunteer, financially support.
STDs
STDs (Sexually Transmitted Diseases or VD Venereal
Disease) refers to several specific contagious diseases
which are contracted through sex contact with an infected
person, male or female. VD is now epidemic among young
people between fifteen and twenty-four. They should know
that having sexual contact with several partners increases
the chance of getting VD. They should also know that VD
doesn't come from dirty toilet seats or towels. It only
comes by way of sexual contact with other people who have
VD. Unfortunately, most girls who have VD show no
symptoms even though the disease may be extensively damaging
to them.
The first symptom of syphilis is usually a painless sore
(called a chancre and pronounced "shanker") which appears on
the sex organs, moth or elsewhere. Chancres may disappear
even if untreated and may be followed by a rash which also
may go away. But the germs continue to spread inside the
infected person. If not treated, syphilis can eventually
cause insanity, serious heart disease, blindness, paralysis
and death.
Gonorrhea (often called 'clap') is an infection which
initially attacks the sex organs. In boys, the first symptom
is usually a burning sensation during urination. This is
felt soon after intercourse with an infected person (within
two weeks and often as soon as a few days). Pus with an
unpleasant odor drips from the penis. Girls may have a
discharge of pus from the vagina but often girls do not
notice any symptoms. Regular VD tests are advisable if
contact is with various partners. One major result of
untreated gonorrhea in both males and females is sterility
due to the formation of scar tissue which closes the
Fallopian Tubes in the female or the vas deferens in the
male.
It is very important for a person who may have VD to get
medical treatment quickly. Both syphilis and gonorrhea can
be cured by penicillin or other antibiotics. Use of condoms
will help to protect either partner from infection. Washing
the genital area with warm water and soap immediately after
intercourse may help. If the male urinates immediately, this
may wash the germs out of the penis. You should be sure your
teenage children know about VD both to help them make wise
choices about sexual activity and also to help them get
medical help if they are expose to VD.
Homosexuality
Homosexuality refers to the choice of sex partners of the
same sex rather than of the other sex. Some people choose to
have sexual relations with people of both sexes and they are
called bisexual. There is no one explanation as to why some
people choose homosexuality. Most theories contend that such
preferences are associated with emotional and personality
development. A homosexual cannot be recognized by his/her
appearance. The Gay Liberation Movement has urged
homosexuals to 'come out' and declare themselves openly a
homosexuals. Since our society makes life very difficult for
them, homosexuals do not usually publicize their private
lives. Female homosexuals are called Lesbians.
Many boys and girls have one or more same sex sexual
experience. This does not indicate that they will choose
same-sex partners as adults. Most teens who make an effort
to know and like members of the other sex find that they
prefer heterosexuality. Family service agencies and mental
health clinics offer help for persons confused about sexual
orientation.
Mixing Sex and Alcohol and Sex
and Drugs
Young people need to know that sex is not enhanced by
alcohol any more tan driving is improved by drinking. The
same is true for drugs. In small quantities, alcohol removes
inhibitions and people say or do things which would
otherwise make them feel foolish. Large quantities of
alcohol depress sexual appetite and make people unable to
function sexually.
More studies need to be done before we can reach specific
conclusions concerning drug use and sexual activity. As with
alcohol, being a little high may destroy inhibitions and
make sex talk or behavior seem to be more fun. Extensive
drug use will make an individual unable to take any interest
in sex. Use of some drugs apparently causes chromosome
damage which may lead to the birth of deformed babies.
Addicts have often had unhealthy babies, but one reason for
this is the lack of interest in nutrition and prenatal care
by the addict. People who use drugs or alcohol as a crutch
to heighten sexual pleasure and not allowing themselves the
freedom to enjoy the depths of emotion possible only in a
clearheaded condition. You know of many other reasons for
encouraging young people to live fully without being
hindered by alcohol or drug use. Again, lines of
communication between parents and teens can help increase
understanding and can encourage responsible behavior by the
young person.
Sex and Love
A mature person (of any age) is one who is able to
give and receive love. A loving person care for others.
There are many kinds of love which fit into a variety of
relationships with family and friends. Not all kinds of love
involve sexual feelings. In any loving relationship, there
is pleasure in giving to and caring for another or others.
Before anyone can do this, he must care about himself.
Placing a high value on not exploiting (using) another
person means loving. Two people who dislike each other may
feel sexually attracted., Or two people who are good friends
may =not feel sexually attracted. But, when a teenage boy
and girl establish a warm relationship, sexual feelings are
easily aroused. Young people must cope with their feelings
of loving and of sexual attraction. Being able to do this
and choosing appropriate behavior is a major component of
maturity. Casual sexual encounters are usually meaningless
and often harmful in terms of the feelings of guilt and
worthlessness which results.
Both boys and girls should know that a boy is usually
more more easily and quickly aroused sexually than a girl.
The boy's feelings are not necessarily related to love. If a
girl doesn't understand this, she may misinterpret sexual
advances for signs of love. Girls are sometimes unfairly
provocative to boys who are trying to handle their feelings
responsibly. Both boys and girls should know that they can
learn to manage their sexual feelings and must be encouraged
to do so.
Values
You have been teaching your children your values since
they were born. A lecture or threat in adolescence does not
teach values. Each person incorporates into himself ideas
from many sources. Within this framework, what is called a
'value system' develops. You help your children by seeing
that they have information on which to make their decisions
and choose their behavior. You help by your example. You
help by consideration for your child. You help by exploring
the future with your child: education, job opportunities,
hopes for a future family. Meaningful goals are important.
Knowing that you care about them can help. Your children
want to make wise choices. Trust becomes an important
ingredient in the parent-adolescent relationship. When you
have done your best, you must let go and encourage
independence. Trusted teens usually want to live up to your
standards. Your constant questioning (nagging) and
overreacting to any undesirable behavior will undermine the
mutual trust and respect which you and your children want.
Breaking away from family ties is difficult for the maturing
youngster - and not always easy for the parent, either. It
is best done gradually beginning in childhood and continuing
to increase throughout adolescence. The greatest gift you
can give your child is unconditional love and the
possibility to be himself.
Marriage vs. Living
Together
Marriage is the pledging of two people to form a
wonderful and meaningful partnership called a family. In a
good marriage, both partners give and receive love. Teens
who have grown up in such a warm environment are fortunate.
Teens who see their parents making marriage the best that it
can be, learn what marriage is. However, some older teens
and young people in their early twenties decide that they
are not ready for marriage but do have a meaningful
relationship with a boyfriend or girlfriend and so decide to
live together. Parents may be very upset by this. It may
contradict all that they have tried to teach their children.
Parents can voice their objection to the proposed situation
and refuse to give it their blessing. However, threats
usually do not work and rejecting the child at this time can
have unhappy consequences. Sometimes the parent must accept
the inevitable, giving assurance that the child id still
loved in spite of the chosen lifestyle. Frequently, such
relationships lead to marriage. When they do not, the
experience may have been ether an opportunity for growth or
may have been destructive. After such a relationship ends,
the parent is needed for love and support. Saying "I told
you so" doesn't help. The parent cannot lead the young
person's life for him. Parents and adult children who can be
friends and appreciate each other are fortunate.
Throughout the many years of parental responsibility, the
job is both difficult and rewarding. All parents make
some mistakes. If you have tried to understand and love each
child you have no cause to feel guilty. Children make
mistakes, too. You should not blame yourself for your
child's mistakes. Responsible parenting usually leads to
raising happy, worthwhile human beings. In this way we
prepare our children for adult life and to be contributing
members of the human family.
Reproductive Health Is A
Confusing Issue For Many Women
A new survey of women in the United States suggests there
are significant gaps in women's knowledge about their own
reproductive health, as well as widespread misunderstandings
about fertility and conception.
"It was surprising to me that between 40 and 60
percent of [respondents] had complete
misconceptions about basic concepts relating to their own
biology," study researcher Dr. Lubna Pal, an associate
professor of obstetrics, gynecology and reproductive
sciences at the Yale School of Medicine, told The
Huffington Post. "We're not talking about heavy science;
we're talking about basics."
The findings underscore a pressing need for better
education at all levels, Pal said.
The results of the survey -- which was conducted in
conjunction with First Response, a company that manufactures
home pregnancy and ovulation tests -- were published in the
journal Fertility and Sterility on Monday.
One major area of confusion was the ovulatory cycle.
Ninety-five percent of the women correctly said that
"ovulation" refers to the release of an egg from the ovary,
but 25 percent did not know that so-called "normal"
menstrual cycles can take between 25 and 35 days, and 40
percent were unable to identify when ovulation typically
occurs within that cycle.
The survey also revealed some blind spots about fertility
and best practices for conception. Many women in the survey
did not know, for example, that factors like obesity and
irregular menstrual cycles may have consequences for
fertility. Roughly half believed erroneously that having sex
more than once a day increases the chances of getting
pregnant.
About 40 percent of the respondents said they believed
that women's ovaries continue to produce new eggs during
their reproductive years, which is not true. Women are born
with all the eggs they will ever have, although preliminary
studies hint that women might, in fact, be capable of making
new ones.
In addition to incomplete understanding of reproductive
concepts, the survey also showed that many women who were
not actively attempting to get pregnant nevertheless had
concerns about their ability to do so down the road. Among
the women not currently trying to conceive, 40 percent said
they were worried about their ability to get pregnant once
they started trying, and 20 percent said they thought they
might need fertility treatment.
National estimates suggest, however, that only 10 percent
of women have difficulty getting or staying pregnant.
"If I'm aware of my age, and that I have no risk factors
... my worry about infertility should be no more than 10
percent," Pal told HuffPost. "But when I'm not even aware
what the risks are, and when I have heard most of my
information from women and blogs [about fertility
struggles], I'm going to buy into the negative side
without understanding the reality. And it's going to
generate unnecessary anxiety."
Though time and resources are limited, women's health
care providers must find ways to discuss basic concepts with
patients, she continued, and schools must also provide clear
information. According to the Guttmacher Institute, only 22
states and the District of Columbia currently mandate sex
education.
While many of the women in the survey said their health
care providers were their primary source of information
about their reproductive well-being, only 60 percent said
they went at least annually, while 10 percent said they had
never seen a women's health expert.
Pal told HuffPost that it is incumbent upon women to seek
trustworthy information, and to become experts on their own
bodies.
"We need to be forearmed with a sense of
awareness about our own biology," she said. "It needs to
happen."
The study included 1,000 women between the ages of 18 and
40. Roughly 80 percent of the respondents had at least some
college education, and 43 percent reported they had an
annual household income of over $50,000.
Source: www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/01/27/womens-health-facts_n_4670464.html?icid=maing-grid7%7Chtmlws-sb-bb%7Cdl29%7Csec3_lnk3%26pLid%3D436367
Questions Children Ask and
Answers
All children don't phrase their questions about sex in the
same way nor do they ask them at the same age. Some children
are satisfied with very simple answers. Others want more
information at an earlier age. Parents choose to answer
questions in ways that are most comfortable for them. Young
children usually respond well to the personal you-and-me
approach. Older children often prefer to discuss general
terms of other people. Some questions come up many times
during the developing years of childhood. Here are some
questions which are often asked and some suggested answers.
These questions are asked over a period of many years. Each
parent must choose the best way to answer his child's
question. It is hoped these suggestions will help you choose
your answers.
Where did I come from? You grew in a special place
inside Mommy. The place is sort of like a nest and is called
the uterus.
Where do babies come from? Babies grow in a
special place inside their Moms.
How did I get out of Mommy? You were born. That
means that you came out through a special opening between
Mommy's legs.
Did it hurt to get born? It didn't hurt
you at all. It hurt Mommy a little but she was so happy when
she saw you that she soon forgot all about the hurting
part.
How did I get inside Mommy? All babies need a
Mommy and a Daddy. When two grown-ups, a man and a woman,
love each other very much they put their bodies close
together. The man's penis goes inside the woman's vagina.
Then a seed from the man may meet an egg inside the woman.
It is a very tiny little dot of an egg, not big and hard
like a chicken egg. The seed and egg join inside the mother
and start a baby growing. (You may wish to add how happy you
were to know you were going to have a baby.)
How long does it take the baby to grow inside the
Mommy? About 9 months.
What are breasts for? A woman's breasts
give milk after a baby is born. The baby can suck the milk
from the breasts. If the woman wants to, she can give the
baby milk from a bottle instead of from her breasts. Either
way, the milk helps the baby grow.
Why do I have a belly button? Your belly
button, or navel, marks the spot where you were connected to
Mommy by a special cord while you grew inside her. After you
were born, you could breathe and eat so you didn't need the
cord any more. The doctor cut it. No, it didn't hurt when he
cut it. Just like having your hair cut doesn't hurt.
How big was I when I was born? You weighed 7
pounds (or 5 or 9). You were about this long and very
precious! You still are even though you're not a baby
any more.
Is there another way for a baby to be born besides
coming out of the special hole in Mommy? Yes;
sometimes the doctor has to do an operation called a
cesarean section. He then makes an opening in the Mother's
body and the doctor lifts the baby out. The doctor sews the
mother up again and she's fine afterwards.
Why are babies born in hospitals? The doctor and
nurses are helpful to the mother during the delivery, which
means the time when the baby is being born. Usually
everything goes fine. But sometime the mother needs special
help and then it's a good thing for her to be in the
hospital where the doctors and nurses can take care of her
and the baby right away. Having a baby doesn't mean being
sick, and the mother and baby come home in a few days.
What is menstruation? Menstruation is
the process by which a small amount of blood and other
unneeded material leaves a girl's or woman's body, about
once a month. The menstrual flow or period lasts a few days
each month. The woman uses a sanitary napkin or tampon (like
this) to prevent the flow from staining her clothes. A girl
usually has her first menstrual period when she's between 10
and 14. Some girls start a little earlier and some a little
later, both of which are normal. A girl can carry on all her
usual activities during the time she has her period. Yes,
she can swim and run and wash her hair! In fact, it's
important to keep clean - taking a bath or shower every day;
exercise is important, too. If a girl gets a period in
school, the nurse or teacher will help with providing a
sanitary napkin or tampon.
When a woman is pregnant (that means she's going to have
a baby) the menstrual flow stops for nine months. Except
during pregnancy, most women continue to have menstrual
periods until they're about 50. After that, they aren't able
to have babies any more.
Why do women menstruate? Every month a
tiny egg inside a woman matures - that means it is ready to
be fertilized by a sperm from a man and grow into a baby.
The inside of the uterus gets soft so that a baby could grow
there. When the egg isn't fertilized, the material inside
the uterus isn't needed. So it leaves the woman's body as
the menstrual flow.
What is ovulation? Ovulation is the process by
which an egg or ovum leaves the ovary (the place where it
develops into an egg in the first place). This happens about
once a month. There are two ovaries, one of each side of the
uterus.
What are wet dreams? Starting when a boy is
between 12 and 16, he occasionally has nocturnal emissions
or wet dreams. This is perfectly normal. Some semen is
released from the penis while the boy is asleep. Semen is a
special fluid that contains sperm. It is not urine.
Sometimes a dream about sex happens at the same time. This
is perfectly normal, too. Since a wet dream may be messy,
the boy may want to put on clean pajamas or change the sheet
and he should feel comfortable about this.
What is an erection? Sometimes a boy's penis gets
hard and stands out from his body instead of hanging down
loosely. He can't control this but the penis soon relaxes.
There is no reason to worry about such erections. As boys
grow older, they find they can control their erections. A
man needs to be able to have erections. Otherwise, he
wouldn't be able to have sexual intercourse. Only an erect
penis can fit into a woman's vagina.
What is sex? Most people use the word sex to
mean sexual intercourse between a man and a woman. This is
only one aspect of sex. It also means male and female - the
two sexes. Sexual intercourse takes place when the man and
woman want to have their bodies close together. The man's
penis goes inside the woman's vagina. When the man and woman
love each other, they enjoy sexual intercourse. Sperm from
the penis gets inside the woman's vagina during intercourse
so a baby may begin. However, grown-ups often want to have
intercourse when they don't want to make a baby. So
grown-ups often want to have intercourse when they don't
want to make a baby. So grown-ups can use special methods of
birth control to let them enjoy sexual intercourse without
making a baby when they aren't ready to care for one.
Who has sexual intercourse? Married
people have intercourse. Sometimes people who aren't married
have intercourse, too. Usually a couple want to be married
when they have a baby so that there will be both a father
and a mother to help care for and provide for the child for
many years.
Questions Parents Ask and
Answers
We've never talked about sex in our family. How can we
begin? It's never too late to open lines of
communication. It is easier when children are very young.
Little children like personal stories, e.g. "when you were
born, you were only this big." Teens can become interested
in conversations on sex if topics are general rather than
personal and you are willing to listen as well as give your
views. One very strong recommendation is that you make sure
to tell daughters about menstruation and sons about wet
dreams before these important events occur. If you have
difficulty talking about sex, it's perfectly OK to express
feelings of embarrassment and simply say you're doing your
best. Children can be sympathetic and understanding about
such feelings. You can even explain that you wish you had
talked about sexual things when the children were younger
but since you didn't , you're willing to do so now. Little
brothers and sisters often overhear conversations about
matters which interests them very little. They have an
amazing ability to absorb only information of interest or
importance to them and to overlook the parts of the
conversation which do not yet concern them. Therefore, it is
foolish to fear that younger children will become upset by
conversations between you and your older children.
Will telling children 'the facts of life' promote
sexual experimenting? There is no evidence to support
this view. As in all other areas of life, factual
information helps children and adults make wise decisions.
Without the facts, it's easy to make mistakes and get into
trouble. Attitudes about sexuality learned at home are
helpful when children and youth face decisions about their
own behavior. Curiosity can lead to sexual experimenting.
Teaching children facts and helping them to develop healthy
attitudes will not prevent all trouble. But it can help.
My husband thinks all this is my responsibility. How
can I persuade him to help me? Children learn
about males and females from you, their parents. They
observe your interaction and your display of affection. They
also observe the ways in which you answer their questions.
Because mothers have usually been with young children more
than fathers, it's natural for many children to ask mothers
about sex. When fathers are asked, they do well to answer as
honestly and simply as possible. One helpful hint for you as
parents is to discuss sexual questions between yourselves.
This can lead to comfort when answering children's questions
and to greater understanding of both sexes. Thinking through
your own feelings and beliefs is essential. Sharing the
contents of this booklet and discussing your own views with
each other may be helpful.
Do boys need to know about menstruation? Do girls
need to know about wet dreams? Boys live in a
world including mother, sisters, girlfriends, and eventually
possibly a wife and daughter. Girls live in a world
including father, brothers, boyfriends, and perhaps husband
and son. The earlier the members of both sexes come to
understand and accept themselves and each other, the more
sympathetic and caring they can be. Boys who think
menstruation is funny or nasty don't understand it. We need
to make more of an effort to help our children with their
understandings and appreciation of both sexes.
If you only have children of one sex, how can a parent
teach about the other sex? When children are young, a
variety of play activity allows them to see other children
and both sexes. Most nursery schools encourage children to
use the same toilet facilities which leads to a health
acceptance. Children can bathe or swim together and thus see
each other. Questions about body parts can be answered
simply and physical differences between boys and girls
accepted by the very young child. As children reach school
age, they usually become modest and no longer want to share
the tub with the other sex. You can accept and respect this
wish.
If I hear my child using 'dirty words' how can I stop
him? Most children will repeat words they
hear. Usually the child doesn't even know that the word may
have a sexual connotation. You can discuss the meaning of
the word with your child and explain that this s a negative
way to talk. You may use the word in the explanation so that
the child knows that you aren't unbearably shocked. You can
insist that the child not use the word at home. However, it
may be expected that most children will want to use such
words occasionally to impress their friends. Parents do well
to accept this and not become upset. Of course, if you
commonly use these words at home, you must expect your child
to follow your example.
If a child fondles his external organs, what should I
do? Girls don't do this, do they? All children are apt
to fondle their genitals, girls as well as boys. This is
normal and there is no reason for you to become upset. Some
children do this more than other children, just as some
children suck their thumbs more than others. By the time the
child is school age, he can be told if he wants to do this,
it should be done privately. By now he understands the
meaning of privacy in many areas of socialization.
If an adolescent masturbates, will it lead to trouble
for him? What should I do? Masturbation is normal
human activity. Most adolescent boys and many teen age girls
masturbate. There is no reason for you to be concerned about
this normal activity. Contrary to old myths, masturbation
does not cause pimples or other problems. You can simply
accept this personal private activity.
We hear so much about venereal disease now, because
they say it's epidemic. What can we do about
it? You can share information with your
children. Encourage school classes to give accurate
information bout VD, including the way it is contracted and
methods of prevention and cure. Education is one of our best
defenses against the present VD epidemic.
We don't feel comfortable or confident about the sex
education of our children. We often fear for our children.
How can we grow more confident about raising our
children? Since you are taking time to read
this web site, you obviously are making an effort to become
more comfortable in your role as sex educator. We all make
mistakes and so do our children. Have confidence in yourself
and recognize your own abilities. Have confidence in your
children because you are helping them mature. When problems
do arise, try not to overreact. Work with your child to find
solutions. Listen. Be honest in giving answers and opinions.
Trust your child - and trust yourself. No parent can do more
than make an effort to do a good job. Be comfortable with
that. As your child becomes mature and independent,
encourage him to make his own decisions and to share ideas
with you. Parenting is a tremendous job - the most difficult
one that many people ever undertake. Therefore, we must not
expect perfection. After we have tried to do the best we
can, we must remember that we are independent people, too -
not just parents. Try to appreciate your children as the
individuals they are.
In our family the father of the children is not
present. How can a mother alone guide her boys and girls
toward healthy attitudes? Raising a child alone is a
difficult job. When problems arise a single parent must
often make lonely decisions, but many have enjoyed raising
children and have don so very well. Be sure your children
have friends of both sexes and that there are adults of the
other sex from you for them to know and emulate.
Grandparents, aunts, uncles, and neighbors can be very
helpful.
I can answer my children's first and early questions
about sex, but I don't know how to tell them that the sperm
enters the egg to start a baby. Should I do
this? When? How? When the young child asks how
the baby started growing inside the mother, he only wants a
simple answer. One or two sentences will do. Simply explain
that a part from the father goes into the mother and the
baby starts to grow. Later you can expand the information to
fit his interest and understanding. Children are able to
accept the simple facts about conception and birth as easily
as they could accept a fantasy. Early answers build trust in
your as a source of helpful information which continues
through the years. This is the beginning of healthy
attitudes about sexuality.
My child has never asked questions about
sex? Should I bring up the subject? Some children
are more curious than others. Some ask any questions while
others observe and listen quietly. Some children have
learned early that they should not ask such questions. At
appropriate times, comment on the cat having kittens, the
new baby next door, your need to buy tampons or sanitary
napkins at the store, the venereal disease epidemic, etc.
Sex doesn't have to be talked about all the time.
Conversation at appropriate times will lead to learning in a
comfortable and casual way. When appropriate, admit to the
child that you wish you'd talked with him about this
earlier. Understanding and observation of behavior and
building of values take place daily.
How can I keep my boy from being a sissy or my girl
from being a tomboy? Encourage each child to develop
fully as an individual. Help him feel good about his
accomplishments. All children differ, including brothers and
sisters. Children should not be forced into a mold. They
should be helped to develop their own potential strengths.
All children should be helped toward maturity, independence,
and individuality. Not all boys want to participate in
sports. Not all girls want to sit quietly of cook or sew.
Both boys and girls can learn many skills and interests.
When they are happy with the skills they are developing and
they have confidence in their ability to succeed at their
endeavor, they will become mature people. A worthwhile goal
for parents is to encourage each child to develop his
potential.
How can we be sure our teenager doesn't have sexual
intercourse before marriage? You can't. There are
few things in life of which we can be absolutely sure. As
parents, all we can do is our best. After spending the years
during which the chid was growing up helping him develop
healthy attitudes and helping him build a value system which
for you may include confining sexual intercourse to
marriage, you trust your child and allow him to become an
individual with independent actions. Your continuing
interest in your child and ongoing love and caring will
reinforce the established relationship. Most teens make
great effort to live up to the trust and expectations of
parents. They want you to be proud of them! Pitfalls
for you to avoid are overreaction to any behavior which they
don't like, lectures about the dangers of sex, or
frightening the child into rebellion or unhealthy attitudes.
But every time a teen makes a mistake there is no reason to
blame yourself. All teens make some mistakes (just as all
adults do). Be accepting and encouraging and loving. That's
the best you can do. Undue worrying over whether a teen will
decide to have sexual intercourse is wasted energy. Some
teens will make this choice. You can try to understand the
thinking and behavior of your teens. By late adolescence,
it's best to encourage independence while continuing love
and friendship.
How do I know when to seek outside counseling help for
my child? Where can I get such
help? When you are very concerned about a
problem or behavior don't hesitate to seek help. Often the
help will be directed toward the parent or whole family
group rather than toward one child. When problems are solved
early, they are solved more easily. Child guidance clinics
and family service agencies offer help. So do private
psychologists and psychiatrists. Your doctor or clergyman
may be a source of help. Seeking help is not an admission of
failure or weakness. Rather, it is a mature reaction to a
very difficult situation. Outside help is often
invaluable.
Source: Planned
Parenthood
Birth Control
Choosing a contraceptive is an important decision. No single
method of birth control is best for everyone. Learn about
the birth control methods available to
including: implants (Norplant), contraceptive injection
(Depo-Provera), birth control pills, intrauterine devices
(IUDs) and barrier methods (spermicides, condom, cervical
cap and diaphragm). Side-effects, benefits and costs of each
method varies. Variety of options if you're not trying to
conceive:
For specifics, see Contraception
and/or Condoms.
Permanent Birth Control
It is a one-time operation which closes a pair of small
tubes, either in the man's body or in the woman's body, so
that the man's sperm and the woman's egg cannot meet and
result in pregnancy. It does not affect the reproductive
glands. Neither the ovaries in the female, nor the testes in
the male are removed. Permanent Birth Control is not
castration. No organs are removed. It is not hysterectomy.
It does not alter sexual function in any medical or hormonal
way.
Female
Sterilization
Surgical procedures available to women - closure of a
woman's tubes can be achieved by a variety of surgical
procedures and instruments:
- Laparotomy is the classic approach through a 5-inch
incision in the abdominal wall in order to cut and close
the fallopian tubes. This procedure may be done at the
time of other surgery, including cesarean section, making
a separate hospital stay unnecessary.
- Minilaparotomy is a technique that utilizes a
miniature incision less than 2 inches long in the lower
abdomen. Through it, the fallopian tubes are brought into
direct vision where they can be tied off or closed, with
bands or clips. This simplified procedure reduces
recovery time, making it possible to perform "mini-lap"
on an outpatient basis.
- Postpartum mini-laparotomy - When a sterilization is
performed shortly after childbirth, a mini-laparotomy
incision is made in the upper abdomen. It is necessary to
use the higher incision site because in the first days
after childbirth the fallopian tubes have not yet
returned to their normal location low in the pelvis.
- Laparoscopy is a technique which permits a trained
physician to view the abdominal cavity by means of a
laparoscope, a tube resembling a telescope with a light.
A harmless gas is used to distend the abdomen to prevent
internal injuries. Through one or two tiny incisions (the
first at the edge of the navel - the optional second one
lower) a physician inserts the laparoscope and an
instrument to seal off the fallopian tubes. After the
instruments are removed and the gas is released, the
incisions may be covered with a band-aid.
How much hospitalization is
required?
Laparotomy is considered major surgery under general
anesthesia and usually requires several days of
hospitalization. For the other techniques, local or general
anesthesia may be used and hospitalization ranging from a
few hours to several days may be required.
Are there possible side effects with these
procedures?
Minor side effects of surgery can be a sore throat or
nausea from the general anesthesia. Bleeding and/or
infection at the site of the incision can occur, but these
are not serious, and with treatment, disappear in a few
days.
Side effects of laparoscopic tubal sterilization might
include some discomfort and shoulder gain from the gas
introduced into the abdomen, bleeding from the incision or
in the abdomen near the tubes. A short, sharp pain can
sometimes be felt as the tubes are sealed.
Are all techniques suitable to all women?
No. Based upon the person's medical history, and physical
examination, the physician will determine which technique is
advisable in consultation with the patient.
If desired, can Permanent Birth Control be performed
in conjunction with abortion?
It can, making a separate hospitalization unnecessary. It
is best if permanent decisions about sterilization are made
at unstressful times, ideally weeks or months before the
procedure itself.
Are there physical changes in women after a Permanent
Birth Control procedure?
Other than the inability to reproduce, there are no known
physical changes. Since no gland or organ is removed,
hormones which regulate feminine characteristics and
performance are still produced. The age of menopause will be
unaffected, and there is no change of nature or resulting
weight gain.
Will there be changes in menstruation?
Some women have noticed menstrual changes after surgery
on the tubes. However, studies of menstrual patterns in
women have not proven a direct relationship. Use of
temporary contraceptive methods before having a permanent
birth control operation may contribute to these changes, as
may aging. For example, it is well known that oral
contraceptives can result in reduced menstrual flow.
Therefore, a return to a normal pattern can seem like an
increase in menstrual flow.
Ideal
Success Rates of Various Forms of Birth
Control
|
Ideal Success Rate
|
Failure Rate*
|
General Methods
|
|
|
Self-masturbation
|
100%
|
0%
|
Abstinence
|
100%
|
60-88%
|
No Protection
|
10-20
|
80-90
|
Withdrawal
|
70-80
|
20-30
|
Rhythm Method
|
90
|
15-25
|
Medical Methods
|
|
|
The Pill (female)
|
99.5
|
2
|
Emergency Contraception (female)
|
99
|
3-5
|
Gels and Foams
|
95
|
15
|
Genital Devices
|
|
|
Male Condom
|
98
|
10
|
Female Condom
|
97
|
10-15
|
Cervical Caps and Diaphragms (female)
|
98
|
10-15
|
IUD (Intrauterine Device) (female)
|
98-99
|
4
|
The Sponge (female)
|
95
|
15-20
|
Surgeries
|
|
|
Vasectomy (male)
|
99+
|
0.15
|
Tubal Litigation (female)
|
99+
|
0.04
|
* Recognizes that 100% proper
application and use is not always attained. In order to
achieve the Ideal Success Rate, the method must be used on
100% of all occasions. Self-masturbation is the only sure
method - you can't screw up.
* * *
"It would seem that something which means poverty,
disorder and violence every single day should be avoided
entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural
urge." - Phyllis Diller
* * *
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