Middle-Age
Relationships

John Gray was right


John Gray's Men Are From Mars, Women Are from Venus book was published in 1992. Today, three single women share stories illustrating that not much has changed in the 18 years since then.

Carol emailed, "A gentleman of 75 wanted to meet me, 'for companionship and activities,' he said. I took time off work, arranged to be at the restaurant on time, and waited for him. We were going Dutch, which was great for me.

"He arrived, ordered a drink, sat down, looked at me and said, 'I am looking for a woman to clean house, cook meals and take care of me. You don't look like you'll do that, nope.'

"He got up and walked out of the restaurant. I paid for his drink. What a guy!"

Rose said, "I belong to a singles group. The women in the group say they would like to be in a romantic relationship. At most of our events, they sit together in little groups but don't invite men to sit with them to join in the conversation. It reminds me of my high school dances.

"These women regularly say, 'I haven't had sex in XXX years." I don't understand this comment. If they want to get laid, they can go to any bar and pick up a guy and get laid. They say it in a tone that almost sounds like they're bragging.

"Wouldn't these words: 'It's been a while since my last romantic relationship,' be better to say?

"If women are not open to making men friends, how will they be open to making men lovers?"

Ann asked for my opinion on her story: "I came in contact with a man 74, (I'm 66) through www.plentyoffish.com. We emailed back and forth and made a date to meet for drinks. We had a glass of wine and talked for two hours, with no awkward moments or uncomfortable silences. He was a total gentleman.

"He said three times he was going to call me. The next morning I received this email from him:

"'I enjoyed our conversation; we covered a wide variety of subjects. In the interest of being honest, what I didn't sense for myself was a strong physical attraction, or, as some refer to it, chemistry. Perhaps it was the same for you.

'In the appearance, charm, and openness department, you outshine most of the women I've met. Like most men I've known, I've never had a platonic relationship. My loss I'm sure. I'll keep your card, you're a classy lady.'"

She wrote him back. Among other things, she said, "You feel what you feel; I appreciate your honesty. If you change your mind, I'd love to hear from you."

I asked Ann if during the course of their date, they had discussed a platonic relationship. She said no.

I told her that at least no more of her time was wasted. And I added, "Simply be proud of yourself and say 'next.'"

Eighteen years later, men are still from Mars and women still from Venus.

© 2010, Tom Blake

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Tom Blake is an expert on dating after 50. He has appeared twice on the "Today Show" and has written more than 500 columns on dating and relationships. His "Single Again" column appears in The Orange County Register in southern California, is read worldwide and is often featured on msn.com. He is a professional speaker. He spoke at the national AARP convention in San Diego in 2002, and in Chicago. His book, Middle Aged and Dating Again, is a humorous account of his first year of dating after his third divorce. His second book is Finding Love After 50: How to begin, where to go, what to do. His latest book is titled How 50 Couples Found Love after 50. To ask a question or receive Tom's free weekly column on middle-age dating and relationships by e-mail, click on www.findingloveafter50.com or E-Mail.



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