Women Don't Lie,
Men Don't Listen

How does Rachel McAdams' Sister Treat Her Boyfriend?

Hey Doc,

Jolene (not her real name) and I recently broke up after two years. On the surface, this might not seem like a very interesting subject, but I’m confused about what’s going on. In order to properly understand my situation, I need to tell you about the unusual factors involved in our relationship.

Jolene is the sister of a very well-known celebrity actress, one who is often mentioned in “Top Women” lists. She has a very controlling mother and a best friend who is also her sister-in-law. All three of them now live in Los Angeles, having moved there from a smaller town in central California.

My ex is very sweet, good-natured, non-confrontational, smart, and quite attractive. But she has always lived in her sister’s shadow. To add insult to injury, her mother does not like me one bit, and for what reason I don’t know. Frankly, her mother has not liked a single one of my ex’s boyfriends, and I find that to be an issue in itself.

Jolene and I spent almost all of our time together and we were quite happy. She even told me that she had been happy with me when she was breaking up with me. She cited the fact that we were not going to get married as the reason why she broke it off, but I think that it was the “support” group around her that led her to make this decision.

Doc, I don’t know what to make of all this. I know that I have to move on and cut off communication with Jolene, but we have had some sporadic contact since the breakup, though not for the past several days. I know that Jolene is running around town with her famous sister, mother and best friend and being followed by the paparazzi. I feel as though I got the short end of the stick here and think that she is being given advice by people who have not seen us together and who have their own selfish agendas in mind.

Do you think there’s any chance of getting Jolene back? Do you think being related to someone famous has twisted Jolene’s head? I’d appreciate your thoughts on these matters.

Ervin - who feels overwhelmed and outnumbered

Hi Ervin,

You and Jolene didn’t just “break up” after two years. What you really mean is, “She dumped me.” Why don’t you just man up and state the truth? I don’t want to be too harsh on you here (I know some of you guys think that I beat up on you in my columns), but when you make a big boo-boo, I can’t just tiptoe around it. You’re here for THE TRUTH, and that’s always what you’re going to get. Like my cousin Brother Love down in Watts says, “Dawg, the truth shall set you free!”

Dude, you have to get Jolene away from these blockers she’s with. Somehow you have to get her to move out. Because there’s no distance between Jolene and her mother and “best friend,” these people can bring down both her Interest Level and your Interest Level - indirectly. Like my cousin General Love says, “Soldier, this kind of attack will wear you down.”

I’m sure that Jolene has all the wonderful qualities you enumerate – when she’s with you. You can bet she’s not exhibiting the same qualities when she’s with the blockers. Pal, you have to move this girl exactly because she’s always lived in her sister’s shadow. What have I told you guys hundreds of times before? Change the environment. If you have to, move to Bakersfield.

You know why Jolene’s mother doesn’t like you? Like the great Doctor Freud once said, “That’s an easy one. Because she hates men.” To you Psych majors, you have to wonder about a woman who hates the guts of a guy her daughter likes, and who treats her like Cary Grant would -- classy. The fact that her mother hasn’t liked any of Jolene’s exes verifies what I’m saying. And remember, when a girl hates “The System,” she’s not a good girl for you.

Buddy, you two weren’t happy when Jolene was breaking up with you – she was the only one who was happy. This reminds me of the girl who once said to me, “I love you so much, I just can’t take all this happiness – I have to get rid of you!” So I told her, “Please hurry up and hate my guts so we can start kissing!”

The fact that you weren’t getting married wasn’t why you and Jolene went splitsville. Women break it off for one reason, and one reason only. The reason she gave you was the number two reason for getting rid of you. But the real reason is that you lowered her Interest Level due to your past deportment. Ervin, you owned this girl way back when. She used to idolize you once upon a time and now she wants to date other guys. She couldn’t wait to see you when you were first going out and now she can’t stand the sight of you. What happened, kiddo?

This so-called “support group” Jolene hangs with is really the third reason you broke up. Remember, only you can lower Jolene’s Interest Level.

I agree that Jolene’s two roommates hate your guts. And that’s a problem. So what can you do? You have to wait for Jolene to call you. If she calls you, invite her over to your house and cook dinner for her. But you’re not going to drive anywhere to meet her, and she has to come to your place. If she says no, keep the conversation limited to five minutes and hang up. You have to hope that her Interest Level is 51% to 55%, because then you might be able to pull this one out. But if it’s in the 40s or less, you’re history, my friend.

Do I think there’s a chance of getting Jolene back? Well, if I were a betting man, I wouldn’t take the action. Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says, “Las Vegas says it’s 10 to 1 that you don’t stand a chance.”

Fame might possibly have twisted Jolene’s head. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, “Let’s put it this way -- who remembers Ashlee Simpson’s ex-boyfriend?” But keep in mind that this girl never treated you badly, and when you were together you always had a good time. You only had problems when you got around those two serpents she lives with. What does that tell you?

Remember, guys: anytime you get mixed signals, disappear.

© 2010, DocLove Dot Com 

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Doc Love is a talk show host, entertainment speaker, and coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?" Archives for 2006, 2005, 2004, 2003, 2002, 2001, and 2000.

DocLove will answer all of your romantic love questions from a man’s perspective. So set your ego aside, learn to laugh at yourself, and visit www.doclove.com or E-Mail or call me at 800.404.2644 and I will give you a snappy answer to your silly love question – one loaded with truth. You do what I say, and Miss Right will rob banks for you. When I get done with you, you will need more security than Julio Iglesias. However, to protect the guilty, I promise to not use your real name, or give it out. All questions will be answered, but only the ones of general interest printed. Please be specific and don’t ramble.

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