Women Don't Lie,
Men Don't Listen

Does Julio Iglesias ever get Turned Down for Lunch?

Hey Doc,

In the first place let me commend you on the exceptional contribution you are making to men’s lives. Luckily I came into contact with your knowledge and wisdom six years ago, and I’ve watched myself evolve from the typical pathetic Wimpus Americanus to a man who is successful with women. Still, after almost seven years I know there is much more work ahead because your techniques require constant refinement to face the daily war we have to wage when it comes to women.

Currently I’m one semester away from completing my law degree, and I’m practicing at the legal aid clinic of my school. Almost all cases at the clinic must be worked on by the students. One of the students is Monique, who is extremely reserved, mysterious, and always by herself. She also happens to be the most beautiful girl in school. She has a long line of guys without backbones acting like pet monkeys trying to “score” with her, trying to get her attention, drooling over her, killing each other for her, etc. Count me out of that pack. For several months I have limited myself to being well-mannered and respectful to her, but nothing more. I haven’t made the slightest effort to get her attention.

Lately Monique has been sending me very subtle signals of interest. All of a sudden she’s calling me to discuss strategies for cases or asking me to walk her somewhere. Above all, her body language is very positive. Occasionally she touches my arm and calls me at home to talk about school.

Since she was sending these subtle signs I decided to ask her out for lunch. She declined the invitation because she said she was too busy with school, but we could go after the semester ends. Of course that was woman-speak for a big NO. Ten minutes later, as we were about to hang up, she said, “Don’t forget.” Meaning don’t forget about my invitation for lunch.

My first thought was that I was being played for a fool. What do you think, Doc? Should I play along with Monique, or should I flush her number?

Lester - who’s completely clueless on this one

Hi Lester,

In that one powerful phrase -- “the daily war we have to wage with women” – you’ve said it all right there, my friend. Because until the woman decides that you’re the greatest thing since hamburger, you’re going to be running the gauntlet against a tribe of angry Mohawks. And remember what my cousin General Love always says: “Soldier, don’t ever forget that dating is a battlefield where the bloody carcasses of many good men have been left for dead.”

It’s nothing short of admirable that you didn’t join the pack of monkeys losing their marbles over this dead ringer for Brooke Burke. By not lifting a finger to get Monique’s attention, you did everything right – so far. But like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says, “Hey, this a Beautiful Woman -- it’s just a matter of time before you get yourself into hot water.”

Because you’re really no match for this creature, buddy, you have to be on top of your game at all times. I hope you memorized my book like you’re supposed to. Otherwise you may as well forget about it and stay with your law books.

And it was wonderful that Monique asked you to be her bodyguard around the school corridors. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, “At least she doesn’t have you doing her homework for her.” If she didn’t want you to walk with her, then she’d be just using you as a tutor. But so far it looks good.

It’s fabulous that Monique called to talk to you about school. This is exactly the way you want to keep it, too. To you Psych majors, you want her coming on to you at all times. Don’t ask her out -- just keep her coming at you and coming at you and coming at you. You have all the time in the world, Lester. You’re not in any hurry. You’re not like all those other chimpanzees who can’t control themselves and throw themselves at Monique. In fact, the reason she gravitated toward you in the first place is because you were the only law student who showed a scintilla of Self-Control in her presence. I hope you realize that, Lester. And I hope you don’t forget it.

So everything was perfect up to a certain point. But then you unraveled. You lost it. Instead of waiting Monique out like a real Challenge, you went and asked her out to lunch. Mistake. MASSIVE MISTAKE. She should have asked you out to lunch. Like my cousin Doctor Freud once said, “When you’re dealing with a ‘10,’ you have be as crafty as she is gorgeous.”

Well, dude, she turned you down. And you know what that means.

If there’s a good part here, it’s that Monique asked you two times to call her back. Ideally, a date should have been set right on the spot. If Monique said “Let’s make it Wednesday at seven,” that would have been the best thing. But essentially she told you to back off. Since she told you twice to call her back, though, she gets credit for a counter-offer.

And here’s something else, Les. You’re going to be hustling other phone numbers from all kinds of other women. You’re not going to wait for this one girl to fall in love with you. If somebody else grabs you first, Monique is out.

Are you being played for a fool? It’s possible. Like my cousin Brother Love down in Watts says, “When you’re foolin’ with a Beautiful Woman, you don’t know where the punch is comin’ from.”

But on the other hand, what’s the risk here? You’ll make a one-minute phone call when the semester ends and find out whether the girl is sincere or she’s toying with you like she toyed with all the others. But at least you got further along with Monique than those apes did.

You should play along with this girl because hopefully she’s playing along with you. And if she’s playing straight with you, then you’ll move forward together.

Remember, guys: it’s always better when she chases you.

© 2008, DocLove Dot Com 

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I present myself to you in a form suitable to the relationship I wish to achieve with you. - Luigi Pirandello

Doc Love is a talk show host, entertainment speaker, and coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?" He is the author of the Master Series, available at www.doclove.com Archives for 2007, 2006, 2005, 2004, 2003, 2002, 2001, and 2000.

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