Women Don't Lie,
Men Don't Listen

How does Prince React when She tells Him about Her Ex?

Hey Doc,

I’ve had your book for a few years now, but didn’t follow it enough three years ago when I met my fiancée, Nicole. She was only 19 at the time (she’s 22 now and I’m 26 by the way). She’s going to school in a city that’s pretty far away, and I just graduated from school in another city, so I’m looking for a job where she is now, since she still has two years left before she graduates.

About six months ago, Nicole told me that we should take some time off because she didn’t know what she wanted and felt that something was missing in our relationship. The very next day she changed her mind and I told her that if it ever happens again I wouldn’t talk to her anymore. Things have been great ever since, but yesterday she said she had to tell me something about that day. She admitted that she felt bad and had wanted to tell me this secret all along, but that she never got up the courage. She said that every time I called her “baby” it made her feel horrible about what she did.

Here’s what happened. Just before she needed “time,” Nicole met her ex-boyfriend (her first love) at the park a couple of times and they kissed, but nothing more (I want to believe her, but I’m taking it with a grain of salt). She said that she is extremely sorry about what happened and that she felt like she was going crazy, and that it made her realize how much she wanted me and not him. She also said she regrets what happened big time and wants to marry me more than ever, and that it even helped her to realize that her ex is not for her but that I am. She swears she hasn’t talked to him since.

As she was telling me all this, I pulled out “The System” and read the section on “Betrayal.” I didn’t blow up, but told Nicole that I was very angry. I also told her that if she ever does anything like that again, there would be no more me and her.

Nicole begged me to forgive her, but I told her that I was too angry to think straight, and that I needed to go and sleep on it, and that I’d call her when I woke up. I will try to give her another chance, but I’m wondering how I should go about it. I’m thinking of telling her something like “If you’re absolutely positive that you still want to be with me and marry me, and that you will not ever think about doing something like this again, then I forgive you and we can move on.”

What do you think, Doc?

Primo - who hopes to get back in control

Hi Primo,

Why in the world didn’t you follow what’s in my book when you needed it? You invested in the Dating Dictionary, didn’t you? Some of you guys out there feel that just by having my books in your house, somehow the words will magically fly through the air and nestle between your ears. My friend, learning how to deal with women is a rough, tough practice that takes lots of discipline. So to invest in my book – THE GREATEST TOOL YOU CAN EVER OWN WHEN IT COMES TO DATING AND WOMEN -- and not use it is simply unbelievable.

Now let’s look at what’s going on with Nicole. You’ve got two problems here right off the bat. First of all, she’s just a little girl and a ding-dong to boot, and number two, she’s living out of town. So like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says, “Oh, yeah, you’re off to a great start!” Those conditions would be okay if Nicole was deeply in love with you, but like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “You can’t trust 22-year-olds, boy!”

Dude, when you hear the words “time off,” you’re done, done, done. DONE. As in FOREVER. And what bothers me most was that you had my book. If you didn’t have the book, I wouldn’t be browbeating you, Primo. But it was sitting on your night stand, and look at what you’ve done here. You had a shot at a hottie and what did you do? You didn’t do what it says to do in my book and now she’s going to walk. It’s over.

This girl might not know what she wants, but she sure as heck knows what she doesn’t want. Of course something was missing in your relationship – her high Interest Level! But the next day she changed her mind. So she’s going to practice the yo-yo now, huh? Like my cousin Brother Love down in Watts says, “Yo, dawg, why are you even talking to this girl?” Primo, you should do two things right now. One, tell Nicole to forget your name. Two, tell her to forget your phone number.

Things haven’t been great between you and her, man. A girl says she wants time off and according to you, things are great? This girl’s treating you like a human boomerang. How could you possibly like being treated that way? So things aren’t so great. It’s not just an oxymoron -- it’s stupid.

Of course Nicole met up with her ex-boyfriend. When a girl is bored, she starts giving out her home phone number to guys, but if there’s no one around she goes back to her first love. They all do it. And of course they kissed – at two in the morning in the back seat of his car! And you’re taking all of this with a grain of salt? You’re giving her a hundred times too much credit, Primo!

You know why Nicole felt like she was going crazy? Because she was with two guys she doesn’t love! But she claims that kissing her ex convinced her that she wanted you and not him. Well, that makes sense -- go and make out with some other guy and then you’ll know whom your true love is! Like the great Doctor Freud once said, “That’s perfectly rational.” But like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “Once a cheater, always a cheater.” Next! Maybe Nicole should go kiss the soccer team and see if any of those guys are for her.

Are you sure you read the section on “Betrayal” in my book? It says don’t ever show the girl that you’re angry. And it also says don’t ever have a heavy, serious conversation with her. So you’d better re-read “Betrayal.” It sounds like you missed a few things.

When you told Nicole there wasn’t going to be any more you and her, was that the third or fourth ultimatum? Don’t you know when you’re out, Primo? Or like my cousin General Love says, “What does this girl have to do, burn down your house?”

How can you ever trust this girl? To you Psych majors, YOU CAN’T.

Remember, guys: once they stray, it’s adios, baby.

© 2007, DocLove Dot Com 

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Doc Love is a talk show host, entertainment speaker, and coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?" Archives for 2006, 2005, 2004, 2003, 2002, 2001, and 2000.

DocLove will answer all of your romantic love questions from a man’s perspective. So set your ego aside, learn to laugh at yourself, and visit www.doclove.com or E-Mail or call me at 800.404.2644 and I will give you a snappy answer to your silly love question – one loaded with truth. You do what I say, and Miss Right will rob banks for you. When I get done with you, you will need more security than Julio Iglesias. However, to protect the guilty, I promise to not use your real name, or give it out. All questions will be answered, but only the ones of general interest printed. Please be specific and don’t ramble.

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