Does Jack Nicholson ever Dump One Babe for
First off, let me say that The System is brilliant, but I hope you can help me fix my problem so I dont have to use it.
Ive known Tori over a year, since she started working as a server at the restaurant where Im a bartender. Right off we had a great friendship. We hung out all the time and had fun being together. A couple months later she told me she had feelings for me and wanted to know if Id be interested in dating her. At the time I was in a long-distance relationship with Laurel, so I told her I couldnt. Tori said it was cool, but she kept pursuing me anyway. I have to say it was a nice ego boost to have her pretty much throwing herself at me. Before I go any further, you should know that the whole time I had feelings for Tori as well, but I dont cheat. One night when Tori and I were at a party she pulled me aside and told me she loved me. I told her that I had feelings for her too, but that I was still with Laurel.
Finally I broke off with Laurel so I could be with Tori. I realized that I was in love with her and had been for some time. I went over to Toris house to tell her how I felt, only to find out she was seeing a guy named Dustin! Their relationship didnt last long, but I questioned what I was doing. Anyway, shortly afterwards Tori and I started holding hands and acting the way couples do.
Then I had to travel out of the country. Tori was upset about it and I didnt know how to make her feel better. I got into an accident overseas and ended up spending two weeks in the hospital. I called Tori as often as I could. When I got home I poured my heart out to her, telling her I loved her and that I would give her the world.
Well, Doc, she told me she didnt feel the same about me anymore! I was crushed and still am. She still likes to cuddle with me and she calls me sometimes, but she runs hot and cold. I am in love with her but Im not sure what to do with this back and forth stuff. I know she has a lot of stress in her life, and I want to help her with it. Please Doc, tell me whats going on in her mind. Is there any way to fix this relationship? Im even thinking I made a mistake in dumping Laurel.
Donovan - who lost everything
All I had to do was read the first sentence of your letter to know exactly where you are: you know absolutely nothing about women.
When Tori asked if you were interested in dating her, you should have said Can you give me a little while to think about it, and then smiled at her. Because you were rebuffing her, even though her interest was incoming. This is what most male egos cant grasp. But it takes patience to deal with incoming interest properly, because you have to withdraw rather than push the girl away.
Dude, Tori kept pursuing you because you were a CHALLENGE. This is great! This is exactly what you want to happen. This IS The System at work. So it turns out that you are using the book at least so far.
So its no surprise that this girl was throwing herself at you. To you Psych majors, when their Interest Level is in the 90s, theyre little girls. And good for you that you dont cheat.
When Tori told you she loved you, you should have said For how long? or Is that the best you can do? Thats not much, honey!
But you ended up talking about Laurel and the fact that you loved Tori. So you made two enormous blunders: you got all serious and talked about other women and your feelings. Instead of that, you should have impersonated Jim Carrey and had fun with Tori.
Then you went even further. You deep-sixed Laurel only to make the discovery that Tori was seeing Dustin. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, And that was the good part. The bad part is thats hes the only one you know about!
Oh, by the way. Was Dustins relationship with Tori as brief as yours? Because youre out with her, in case you dont know it.
Laurel isnt acting like part of a couple, pal. She uses you in case of emergency, or loneliness, or when theres nothing on TV that night or if theres no food in the fridge. And youre Mister Happy To Be There.
You mean to tell me that this girl -- who just got rid of Dustin was upset that you were out of the country? I bet she was doing back flips! Or she was thinking, Gee, I hope hes in Mongolia!
Did it ever occur to you when you were in the hospital to monitor how often Tori called you? Was it every day? Every other day? Never? No, you didnt. You called her 10 times a day. Heres where youre not using The System, buddy. This is the antithesis of Challenge. Lying there in the hospital you had nothing better to do than pressure this girl.
You didnt really tell Tori you were going to give her the world, did you? Yech. Ill bet that if she were on a plane, she would have had to grab the barf bag.
Thats when you found out that she didnt feel the same about you. Im stunned! Like my cousin General Love says, Maybe you and Dustin ought to get together and swap war stories.
The back and forth stuff means you have huge, huge problems. What you have to do and I know this is going to be tough for you is disappear and hope that Toris Interest Level is still in the low 50s.
You want to help Tori with her stress? Why? Like the great Doctor Freud once said, Youre not here to be her therapist or her pastor. Youre here to raise Interest Level. Your job when a date is over is to leave a girl with the same and hopefully, higher Interest Level. And THATS ALL.
Ill tell you what Toris thinking: doesnt this guy get the hint?
This relationship cant be fixed. Like my cousin Sal The Fish Love says, The best you can hope for now is to leave Sin City with as much money as you came with.
You did make a mistake dumping Laurel. She was a good girl and she liked you. And what did you do? You snuck around with another girl. You knew you had feelings for Tori and you should never have tempted yourself. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, You say you dont cheat, but youre not really loyal, my son.
In the future be honest with yourself and keep your mouth shut. Because the first time you say, I love you it usually means youre history down the road.
Remember, guys: try to allow them to chase you.
© 2009, DocLove Dot Com
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Doc Love is a talk show host, entertainment speaker, and coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?" He is the author of the Master Series, available at www.doclove.com Archives for 2007, 2006, 2005, 2004, 2003, 2002, 2001, and 2000.
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