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Hey Doc,

I’ve been seeing Jeanna for several months now. I believe that she has high Interest Level in me (she cooks for me and always tells me how much she misses me). She also calls me at work everyday. Pretty good, right?

Well, here are my problems. Jeanna’s boyfriends before me – we’re in our mid-twenties – were all significantly older, some as old as 50. She thinks I dress “too young” (jeans and tee shirts) and buys me clothes to make me look “older.” (Translation - “I want him to resemble my much older boyfriends!”)

Recently we had a major confrontation at her birthday party, which was held at a bar. Jeanna got really drunk and started complaining that I was always uptight. Later on in the evening she broke down in tears and started talking about her ex-boyfriend of four years (they broke up a year before she met me), and how heartbroken over the old guy she still is. It was embarrassing for me because everyone heard her.

Well, I decided that I would end it in two weeks, which gave me time to collect my things from Jeanna’s house. But the day after the incident, I confronted her about what happened at the bar. She said she was too drunk to remember what she said and that she never meant a word of it.

She then said she loved me and begged me to forgive her. I agreed, on the condition that she will change a few things about herself – basically to stop thinking and talking about these stupid ex-boyfriends. And for some reason her fixation on guys old enough to be her father really bothers me.

Doc, am I making a big mistake by taking her back? Your advice is greatly appreciated.

Jo-Jo - who suddenly doesn’t know what to do

Hi Jo-Jo,

This sounds great! Dude, you got it made! You have yourself a girl with high Interest Level who cooks for you and who can’t stop telling you how much she misses you. Can you imagine how many guys DON’T have what you have now?

But you’ve got problems. Well, I’m SHOCKED! You mean this isn’t a clean deal? I thought you said this girl was perfect. What the heck happened in the space of a couple sentences? Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “My son, this is what happens when you haven’t known her long enough.”

With her clothes fetish maybe Jeanna really wants you to resemble her exes, but there’s another possibility. Maybe she just doesn’t want you to look like a bum anymore. This situation exists with lots of couples. You’ll see the guy slouching around in flip-flops, tee-shirts and torn jeans and looking like he never saw a shaver razor or the inside of a barber shop, and his girl is decked out in a nice dress with boots and jewelry and looks like a clotheshorse that stepped out of a shopping catalogue. Women always try and overdress men. So if Jeanna’s doing this not to make you look older but to prevent you from getting arrested for vagrancy, I would take it as a positive and use it for the purpose of self-improvement. On the other hand, as my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, “You gotta remember that this girl does like old bananas.”

Let’s look at what happened at the infamous birthday party. Is this the first time in a few months Jeanna’s gotten inebriated? How many drinks per date does she usually down? How come you’re not telling me that, pal?

After she called the bartender over for the fifth time, that’s when she told you you’re way too uptight for her. Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says, “Is that because she gets real loose when she has a few pops?” Or is she saying that just because she doesn’t want you picking out your own clothes?

Once Jeanna started bawling at the bar, you should have changed the environment fast. You couldn’t tell all the guests to leave, but you could have left. And, guy, you should have gotten right out of there the minute the waterworks started. Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “What’s wrong with you, boy? You sat there while she talked about an old flame and there were 150 people in the room giggling.”

But in reality you’ve got a worse problem. When you confronted Jeanna about this embarrassing incident afterward, you were talking to a girl whose Interest Level was below 50%. And the Reality Factor says that this means she could care less. So you weren’t really confronting anything. If this girl’s Interest Level was up at 85% or 95%, then you’d be truly doing something. But as it stands now, her interest is well below the Mason-Dixon Line. You just think it’s on the north side.

Now let me ask you this: if this girl said she was too drunk to remember what she said at the party, how does she know she didn’t mean it? Like I’ve told you guys again and again, when you interrogate girls you have to be like love detectives on Love And Order and pick up on the discrepancies in their stories. You let her off the hook on that one, man.

What’s interesting though, is the topic she did just happen to pick to blab about when she was bombed. She could have talked about how much she loved her parents, or even better, how much she loved you. But what does she do? She goes back four years to some guy who’s living in a convalescent home. And she can’t stop going on about him.

Even though I’m not a shrink, if she’s that into grandfathers, it’s my guess that she didn’t have a solid father figure in her house. If she wants to daydream about guys who are about ready to go up to Boot Hill, that’s her prerogative. But she’s with you. Why? You must be strong in other areas because you’re not an old geezer. So she overlooked that in you, probably because you’re funny and confident and good-looking. But now that you’re falling apart, it’s not working anymore. And all she can think about is how lousy you look in your grungy clothes.

Remember, guys: how old you are is part of the physical attraction test.

© 2008, DocLove Dot Com 

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I present myself to you in a form suitable to the relationship I wish to achieve with you. - Luigi Pirandello

Doc Love is a talk show host, entertainment speaker, and coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?" He is the author of the Master Series, available at www.doclove.com Archives for 2007, 2006, 2005, 2004, 2003, 2002, 2001, and 2000.

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