Did Brad ever tell Angelina He Wasn't Interested?
Ive read your articles and learned a lot from what you have to say. I was married for 10 years and my first wife divorced me a little over a year ago, so as you might have guessed Im really unsure of myself when it comes to women.
However, theres a beautiful woman at work Im really attracted to. Im so nervous around Krista that I can barely manage to say hello. It turns out that she apparently feels -- or should I say felt -- the same way about me, because I heard through the grapevine that she thought I was hot. I was skeptical at first, but then she started looking at me and complimenting me. All the signs of interest were there, which was great.
But one day she caught me off guard. She came into my office and tried to flirt a little and I just froze. I guess she wanted to know where she stood with me, and so she came out and asked. I told her, quite bluntly, I wasnt interested. She just said Okay, and walked away.
I felt like I had been kicked in the gut, because I knew I had made a huge mistake. Of course, the end result is that now when I see Krista shes as cold as ice. For about a month afterwards, she wouldnt even smile when she passed me in the hall. All I got was either a hurt and angry stare, or she acted like she didnt care at all. This practically killed me inside.
Doc, this isnt what I wanted! I know I was stupid, I know I wasnt thinking, but I only wanted Krista to back off a little -- I didnt want her to turn into the queen of ice! I know I hurt her feelings, but I know she still feels some kind of attraction to me because Ive caught her looking at me from a distance.
We do say good morning to each other now, and sometimes shell smile. Id like to say more, but I have no idea what to say. Every time I work up the nerve to even stand in the same room with her, theres just this awkward, uncomfortable tension. I dont want to look like an idiot by acting interested when I said I wasnt. I mean, wouldnt that make me look weak? On the other hand, dont I have the right to change my mind? How would a guy using The System turn this guarded lady back into the friendly admirer she once was? Can it be done?
Deron - whos afraid he blew it for good
If your wife divorced you over a year ago, and youre familiar with my articles, why havent you memorized the Dating Dictionary? Why the time lag? I got it -- you must be looking to get dumped again before you finally wise up.
So, you heard about Kristas interest in you through the grapevine. How do you know that the people in the grapevine dont hate your guts? Like my cousin Sal The Fish Love says These people in the grapevine are all sweet and nice and everything, but dont forget that one of them wants to knife you!
You should never go through third parties. Youre supposed to be like James Bond. Shut your mouth. And like Sean Connery says, Keep em at arms length! Nobody in the office should know a thing about your personal life.
But lets move on to your bigger problem. When all the signs of interest were there from Krista, why didnt you just say to her, BY THE WAY, WHATS YOUR HOME PHONE NUMBER?
This girl didnt catch you off guard, Deron. Youre ALWAYS off guard. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, When this babes within 10 feet of you, youre mush!
Dude, when this girl comes into your office trying to find out when youre going to invite her to Starbucks for coffee, ask for the home phone number BEFORE you freeze up. To you Psych majors, striking first always gives you the power in the situation.
I know The System is incredibly complex and its hard to remember to ask for the home phone number, but thats what you have to do. Dont tell her youre not interested, man. Do you realize that when she said, Okay and walked away that you just rejected a B Plus? And you said you learned a lot from reading my articles? You just told a hottie to take a hike! Are you sure you read the right articles? You think you made a huge mistake? Youre being polite! And like my cousin Rabbi Love says, What you should have also realized since youre working with this girl is that youre going to have to see her every day when it goes bad.
You didnt really want Krista to back off a little. Dude, she was talking to you. She was complimenting you. She was doing everything right but you couldnt mumble the words Whats your home phone number? Because thats too complicated, much too hard to do. But you could find the right words to tell her to get lost, right? You could come up with negatives and put-downs, couldnt you? And you hurt her feelings when you could have just said Whats your home phone number?
You might not have wanted to turn Krista into an ice queen, but what did you expect? She was giving you all kinds of Interest Level, but what you did in response wasnt a Challenge it was stupidity. You told her to get lost. Now youre calling her a guarded lady. What you mean is REJECTED LADY.
If youre really, really lucky, and this girl somehow misinterpreted your slap in the face as Challenge, then you still have to walk up to her and say Listen, whats your home phone number? We know you dont know what to say, Deron. So heres a line you can try: Whats your home phone number?
There should be awkward tension between the two of you now because you dont know where you stand. Krista liked you once upon a time, but now you dont know if theres any hope left or youre just making yourself look more stupid. Forget about appearing weak, Deron. What you have to worry about is whether this girl still has at least 51% Interest Level and whether you can bring it back up. Guy, it never makes you look weak to ask for the home number. But youre concerned about changing your mind. Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, What are you, fickle?
I dont know if you can get this one back, Deron, especially the way youre operating. Vegas would say the odds are 20 to 1. Good luck.
Remember, guys: when your mind goes blank and your hands sweat, just force out those five magic words: Whats your home phone number?
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Doc Love is a talk show host, entertainment speaker, and coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?" Archives for 2006, 2005, 2004, 2003, 2002, 2001, and 2000.
DocLove will answer all of your romantic love questions from a mans perspective. So set your ego aside, learn to laugh at yourself, and visit www.doclove.com or E-Mail or call me at 800.404.2644 and I will give you a snappy answer to your silly love question one loaded with truth. You do what I say, and Miss Right will rob banks for you. When I get done with you, you will need more security than Julio Iglesias. However, to protect the guilty, I promise to not use your real name, or give it out. All questions will be answered, but only the ones of general interest printed. Please be specific and dont ramble.
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