Women Don't Lie,
Men Don't Listen

How Does Nicholas Cage get ride of Her Kid?

Hey Doc,

I’ve been seeing Taylor for three months now. She is a very attractive, educated 38-year-old woman with a six-year-old son. She gives me some good buying signals, and really seems to enjoy being around me. She’s always asking me personal questions and laughs at my dumb jokes.

I call Taylor at four- to six-day intervals (max five minutes of talking) to schedule dates and we go out once or twice a week, usually Tuesdays and/or Sundays. She has never turned down a date recommendation from me. She is always available and ready to go out whenever I want to. She has offered to pay for meals and other things several times, so I don’t think she’s a Professional Dater. I get along fine with her son, and she has even discussed going on vacation with me somewhere. When she does, I remain noncommittal and immediately change the subject to something more humorous and light.

Here are my problems with Taylor. 1. We never go anywhere without her son because she says she can’t get a decent babysitter. 2. She sits in the back seat with her son whenever we drive anywhere. 3. She has failed the kiss test twice in the time we have been going out. 4. I’ve invited Taylor over to my house three times for lunch or coffee and cake, but have not once been invited to her place.

I am getting ready to ditch this girl even though I really like her and admire her intellect. I’ve read your book three times from front to back, and I think a lot of it is starting to click, but this girl is sending some very mixed signals.

Should I ditch Taylor and concentrate on my other regular dates? Or am I missing something? I don’t mind a platonic relationship with Taylor, but if I really wanted that I would be hanging out with my buddies -- not some gorgeous, educated woman.

Louie - who needs some coaching from the master

Hi Louie,

All of this sounds fine, but you didn’t mention anything in your letter about Taylor complimenting you or touching you. Is that because you don’t have my book memorized yet?

Don’t be so quick to classify Taylor as someone who’s not a Professional Dater. What you don’t realize is that there is a type of Professional Dater who offers to pay. Why? Because you relieve her boredom, or she thinks you’re a nice guy, or she’s just a drifter. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, “Don’t get all excited, pal. She’s just passing through.”

It’s nice that Taylor wants to travel to Hawaii with you, but are you going with her alone or will her kid be on the surfboard too? Did you happen to ask Taylor about that? It’s great, though, that in general you stay off the heavy subjects. You’re not doing everything wrong.

But you do have problems with Taylor, which shows that she’s got a bad side. Darn. Up until now she sounded perfect.

Let’s examine your problems one by one.

1. She can’t find a babysitter. Let me ask you a question. If I gave Taylor a million bucks to find a decent babysitter, do you think she could do it? Of course she could! It’s not like you’re asking her to fly through the air with a basketball like Michael Jordan, which is never going to happen. But let’s face it, man -- she could find a babysitter if she really wanted to. And it would mean she has high Interest Level in you. What her actions say is that her interest in you is not in the 90s.

2. She sits with her son in the back seat. This is okay, since you’re babysitting. That’s the real deal here. Taylor’s getting you used to her little kid in the event you want to marry her. Because he’s going to be with you all the time, probably even when you’re sleeping after you and Taylor get hitched. Here’s another way to look at it. If this girl really digs you (though we don’t know for sure yet) and she’s thinking long-term, she’s telling you up front that this is going to be a package deal -- her AND her son. So in that sense, what she’s doing is good. What I don’t dig is introducing the kid to all these different guys. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “How many uncles can one child have?” I don’t think it’s good for the boy.

3. She failed the kiss test. Are you telling me you’ve been out with this girl 90 days and she does everything right except that she’s failed the kiss test twice? I hope you understand what “failed” really means. You’re in trouble here, dude.

4. She doesn’t invite you to her house. This is an easy one. The Reality Factor says that the reason Taylor doesn’t want you in her house is because she doesn’t want you in her house. Duh.

Hey, I like Taylor’s intellect too. Like the great Doctor Freud once said, “I mean, you have to love the fact that she’s playing all these games with you and you don’t have a clue.”

You may have read my book three times, Louie, but only a very small percentage of it is clicking. Like my cousin General Love says, “You’ve got three down and only 126 to go.”

Taylor’s not sending you mixed signals. She’s just working you like a master by offering to pay. But remember that you have her to your house but she doesn’t have you to hers. Why? Like my cousin Brother Love down in Watts says, “Yo, dog -- maybe she’s got another boyfriend or two stashed there.” And keep this in mind: if this girl really dug you, wouldn’t she want to kiss you after three whole months?

I love your use of the word “ditch.” It’s like trying to get rid of someone who’s not there. You’re making it sound like Taylor’s Interest Level is in the stratosphere and you’re going to break her heart if you don’t call her again. The truth is that her Interest Level is only somewhere between 40% to 49%. What you’ve got here is a Professional Dater who offers to pay.

You’re not missing anything, dude. You just have to study harder, that’s all.

Remember, guys: if she’s inconsistent, she can’t have high Interest Level.

© 2008, DocLove Dot Com 

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Doc Love is a talk show host, entertainment speaker, and coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?" He is the author of the Master Series, available at www.doclove.com Archives for 2007, 2006, 2005, 2004, 2003, 2002, 2001, and 2000.

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