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Menstuff® has compiled information and books
on the issue of Relationships. This section is R.
Don Steele's weekly column featured daily on our
homepage. Don has worked for more than 20
aerospace, defense and engineering companies as
well as many political campaigns both in LA and in
Hawaii. He became a Marriage, Family and Child
Counselor in 1976. Beyond writing, other passions
include a deep, abiding hatred for hypocrites,
bureaucrats, poverty pimps and nearly all
politicians; a lifelong devotion to anthropology,
philosophy; astronomy and cosmology plus a
long-term love affair with Hawaii, consummated in
1996. He and Joanna Bardot Lopez live in Whittier
CA, with their number one dog Wolfie, number two
dog, Tootsie, Peaches The Rabbit, Puppy Cat,
Princess Cat, Snookums Cat and Bebe Cat. Don is the
author of Date
Young Women: For men over 35 -
Revised, How
to Date Young Women: For men over 35,
Volume II, and most recently, Body
Language Secrets.
Check
out steelballsAUDIO.COM
and steelballsRadio.com
or write don@steelballs.com
Chatty Cathy Has Radar And
Intuition
Dressing for Sexual
Success
Getting Back in
Shape
Getting Back in Shape - Diet and
Exercise Question - Part II
Hair Every Other Place
Her Phone Number? Do NOT
ask!
Hey 19! Hot the
Song!
Hey 19! Hot the Song
- Continued
Know Lack of
Interest
A Man, Not Just Another Boy,
Has Biz Cards
Nice-Guyitus Causes Deadly
LJBF!
Online
Romance
Overweight
Women
The Right Attitude
with a 10!
Nobody wants to play
second fiddle
She Does Not Call
Back
She's Looking at My
Crotch!
She's Making Eyes at
Me!
A String of Pearls Makes
You Patient
Suited for Success with
Women
Talking About Her
Boyfriend
There are few, if any,
accidents. Freud
There are no
Accidents!
Use birth control
pills or nosex?
Where are all the young
women?
Who Are You?
Women See your Hair
First
Young Men and How to
Date
Other Relationship Issues,
Books
A String of Pearls Makes
You Patient
Right near the top of Steel Balls Principles is:
Three pearls are mandatory at all times, even after
you have a girlfriend!
Pearl Defined: a woman one is not yet dating.
You are courting her. Showing her all the facets of
your diamond while increasing your desirability
using the many proven methods of the Steel Balls
Principles. She is just another pearl on your
string, so to speak. If you believe women do not do
this, you are sadly mistaken. Ask your sister!
Here is the information directly from How to
Date Young Women:
A String of Pearls Makes You Patient. Always
have a string to work on at least three young
pearls long. With only two, when you "fold 'em"
with the first, you'll only have one, that's the
same as having none.
The more of them you're working on at once, the
less likely you are to come on too strong. Your
attitude will radiate, "If it doesn't happen here I
can move on." You will be perceived as confident,
relaxed, not desperate for a date with her.
When focusing on only one, for you, the stakes
are high. She feels the pressure and would rather
fold than stick around to see your hand.
Young women come and go out of your life
instantly. She is unstable, impulsive and
irresponsible. She is quick to get married, engaged
or hook a boyfriend. New boyfriends don't get
cheated on for a year. She's interested in
immediate change when something is wrong. She quits
her job after two frustrating days. She changes
apartments, roommates and phone numbers faster than
you change your socks.
Just after you managed to talk with her three
days in a row down by the pool and then had her
over for a drink last night, she decides, "Debbie
and I are moving to Oregon. We want to get out of
the smog, live a natural life." Puke!
When you have a string of pearls, Katy at the
coffee shop, Denice at the print shop and Laurie at
the office, the opportunity for it to "just happen"
is tripled.
Keep the hopper full. Have at least three, more
if you can handle it gracefully. I can't. As one
disappears, get another going. Keeping your options
open is good business, no matter what business
you're in.
All of this is based on my years of find, meet,
talk, date experience in the real world. And is
explained by the biological nature of females
creating a different sexual agenda than males.
Women See your Hair
First
The number one Steel Balls Principle is: First you
have to look like someone she wants totalk
with.
Women look out at the world and see it far
differently than we men do. They can assess your
desirability at 50 feet in less than 2 seconds.
This is from the Appendix of Body Language
Secrets.
Women’s renown intuition arises from the
way biology and evolution “wired” female
brains. The connection between the left half and
the right half of the female brain is much larger
in women than it is in men.
Evolution wired female brains differently. That
causes them to have a different world-view as well
as different perceptions of everyday reality,
courtship and romantic relationships.
Okay! Now, the first detail they notice after
getting an overall instant impression of you is
your HAIR. This is directly from How to Date Young
Women:
Don’t comb your hair in an elaborate way to
“disguise” your bald spot or receding
hair line. That has the same impact on her as
wearing white patent leather shoes, lime green
leisure suit, open shirt, five gold chains, a gold
nugget watch and a diamond pinky ring Instant
Revulsion.
If you want her to have the same physiological
response, wear a toupee.
Hair transplants, hair weaving and other
“new” methods to make your hair thicker
only make your wallet thinner. Forget it. You need
your money for much more important matters, like
taking her to Palm Springs.
Any young woman you talk with does not expect
you to have a full head of hair. She wants you to
be real, to be a man. Boys have hair, men do
sometimes. She wants a man, not a boy. Hair, or the
lack of it, does not make the man, his clothes
do.
For those of us getting thin on top, short hair
is mandatory. It gives the appearance of more.
Short means, short all over. Not short with forty
long hairs combed back in the middle or other
futile attempt to pretend your hair is not down the
shower drain.
For those with plenty of hair, shorter hair is
still the best. It makes you look younger. The
length depends on the shape of your face and
neck.
Colored hair on you, contrary to the ads, looks
as phony to her as bleached or blue hair does to
you. The slightest bit of artificiality prevents
verbal intercourse leading to the other kind. She
thinks, “If he dyes his hair, he probably
needs a penile implant.”
Joanna takes all the guys in the workshop to her
personal salon where she and Mike, the owner,
develop the most MANLY hair style/cut for each
individual. This happens on Saturday morning during
her three-day workshop.
If you doubt any of this information, ask any
woman you are good friends with.
Dressing for Sexual
Success
Continued from last week. The number one Steel
Balls Principle is: First you have to look like
someone she wants to talk with.
You must look good and dress well all the time
if you’re serious. That doesn’t mean
jacket and tie. It means wearing tasteful,
fashionable clothing, appropriate to the
situation.
I suggest you dress as sharply as possible based
on what the situation permits. In some settings
T-shirts are fine but a henley shirt would not be
over dressed but sharper, especially the color you
look best in. I get the most compliments in dark
green and black. You know what yours are. It gives
you an edge. W. C. Fields and I only want “a
fair advantage.”
Never, never leave the house without being well
dressed even if you are only going to the
supermarket. The one time you don’t take those
ten extra minutes to look good will be the day
Laurie Longleggs is working as cashier, alone,
bored and only you to talk with.
Clothes will not make you look younger. She
views a man of 40 dressed like a 22 year old the
same way you look at a fiftyish woman in a
mini-skirt. Besides turning her off, it will cause
you to be secretly ridiculed everywhere, including
your company.
ABSOLUTE NO NO’S. Brown shoes are worn only
with beige or brown attire. Got it? Brown belts,
brown socks, brown jackets, brown any-damn-thing,
only goes with brown. There are a few exceptions
after you have mastered all the fundamentals.
Here are my biggest
“don’t’s.”
To avoid looking like a pathetic Sugar Daddy or
just a putz, never wear bright colors or anything
blatantly polyester. Avoid the rest of these the
same way you avoid women who are fat, angry ball
busters:
Two-tone shoes including golf shoes, aloha
shirts, any hat, ball caps, boxer underwear, white
jockey underwear, any undershirt, Bermuda shorts,
Speedo brief trunks, patent leather shoes, elevator
shoes, high heels, plaid or patterned pants or
shirts, loud ties, light colored suits, cowboy
boots, muscle shirts, bedroom slippers, sandals,
Beatle boots, Wallabys, Top Siders, Hush Puppies,
sans-belt slacks, pajamas, jump suits, suspenders,
pants pocket handkerchiefs, shawl sweaters, button
front sleeveless sweaters, matching warmup suits
and any retro attire such as bell bottoms or
tie-dyed T-shirts.
Mandatory do-without’s:
Gold chains, pinky rings, gaudy, gold
ostentatious watches and rings, gold bracelets.
Time out!
If you’re wearing more than $200 worth of
jewelry and accessories, including the wrist watch,
you’re trying to impress her with your money.
You want her to want you, not what you can buy her.
Let the fools driving Mercedes 500 SEC’s
behave like that. They’re the ones who must
buy her.
Time in!
Any necklace, glasses on a string around your
neck, lapel buttons, large belt buckles, half-lens
glasses, cell phone, paging beepers, sweat bands or
head bands, clip on tie, any tie clasp or tack,
calculator watches, shirt pocket-protecting pen
holders and any 60’s or 70’s
ornamentation like turquoise, silver or beads.
If you doubt any of this information, ask any
woman you are good friends with. Don’t argue,
just listen and learn from the mouths of babes!
Hair Every Other Place
Continued from last week. A few men actually look
better with a beard. For example, those with
receding chins or deeply pock-marked complexions.
Often a beard is an attempt to make the world
believe he’s an intelligent authority
figure.
This info is directly from How to Date Young
Women
HAIR ON YOUR FACE. Facial hair makes you look
older. It also makes you look like a leftover
hippy. Shaggy sideburns are useless, except in
Tulsa or Appalachia.
Trying to compensate for a bald head with a
beard only looks like you’re trying to
compensate for a bald head with a beard. If your
features require facial hair it must be neat, short
and well trimmed at all times. Don’t sit at
the table wondering why she’s smirking.
There’s a piece of fettucini hung up in your
stash. Constant monitoring is required when eating
or drinking. The rest of the time, combing and
constant grooming is a must.
Blade shaving seems to take off a couple of
years. I do it in the morning or before she comes
over in the evening. The rest of the time I use the
Norelco.
HAIR ON THE REST OF YOUR HEAD. The hormonal
changes you begin around 35 and continue through 55
make you want to behave like an 18 year old.
That’s good. The same changes cause hair in
your ears and nose to grow like Topsy. That’s
bad.
Don’t let her find a bush in your ear when
she slips her tongue in there. Hairs sticking out
of your nose are as attractive as a booger. Trim
all these hairs every damned week. Develop a
routine. Don’t you dare forget.
“Yucky” is her descriptive word for these
hairs. Bushy eyebrows must be trimmed. No
discussion.
BODY HAIR. Thick back hair or chest hair
protruding from your shirt makes you look like a
gorilla. Keep it trimmed.
If you doubt any of this information, ask any
woman you are good friends with. Don’t argue,
just listen and learn from the mouths of babes!
Who Are You?
Question: Given your lengthy association
with Nathaniel Branden, are you an Objectivist in
the Ayn Rand sense?
Answer: I am a neo-objectivist. Notice
the lower case “o.” Most of us who use
that label on ourselves are giving this shorthand
answer: Objectivist Ethics and Economics are
inarguable. However we strongly differ with Rand
about the value, even honor, of not expressing and
not owning one’s emotions.
Embracing Randian views of emotions was the
reason I was unable to be a joyful happy hu-Man
being. Branden’s therapy is NOTHING like
Rand’s philosophy! He is a HUMANIST who
understands the fundamental relationship of
integrating all aspects of our NATURE, emotional
and intellectual. I was living in my head! Love and
life take place OUTSIDE of one’s head! Branden
taught me how to integrate my emotional self with
my intellectual self. He saved my life! I am
eternally grateful.
In my workshops, teach and preach that
relationships with women are not INTELLECTUAL
UNDERTAKINGS! Love is physical and emotional. Men
of Steel Balls understand that the goal is a
caring, sharing, romantic relationship, “To a
Grand time, as long as it shall last!” One
cannot think his way thru love!
To expand a bit. Rand was totally, completely
and absolutely wrong about human nature. We are not
a logical, thinking machine on two legs. We are
animals, who at the very last moment of evolution
developed a neocortex. The extreme majority of our
being is that of an emotional, feeling creature who
just happens to be able to think in the
abstract.
When the house is on fire, that is the time for
suppressing one’s emotions. The rest of the
time, we are best as emotional creatures.
Fritz Perls advised, “Lose your mind and
come to your senses.” Love relationships are
about emotions and senses. Jobs, careers, designs
and finance are about rational thought. The essence
of being happy is to be a feeling creature when
that is appropriate and to be a thinking creature
when that is appropriate. As Aristotle advocated,
“Everything in moderation, except
moderation.”
Joanna urges men to get a facial and a full body
massage before going on any date that is of major
importance, such as your first romantic dinner date
with the woman of your dreams. Why? So you lose all
that tension in your neck and face and that allows
HER to see the love in your heart on your formerly
hard face. Women can see everything! So one must
remove the mask of tension and let one’s LIFE
show, one’s aliveness show, one’s love to
come shining through. In other words get real. That
is what women LOVE.
Where are all the young
women?
Question: There is a high ratio of men to
women in the Silicon Valley (CA). Do you know of
any good places where I can move and find a lot of
young women. I’ve been considering San Diego
or Santa Cruz, or maybe Portland. Any suggestions
would be greatly appreciated.
Answer: LA is the center of the universe.
The best looking women in the universe live at the
center of the universe and in Orange County and in
The Valley. This is my personal view. Many readers
will disagree, but remember, I was there from
1963-1996, so I know how it works and what it
takes. Guys not used to LA, find the women too full
of themselves. The trick is to NOT look for young
women any place near Hollyweird. Over there, they
are all wannabe showbiz bunnies. Useless.
If you want to have the odds in your favor, the
ratio of women to men is highest in Washington DC.
1.25:1. However, you should have a snub-nosed .357
and a Kevlar vest to live there, or be buddies with
Crack Head Mayor Marion.
As to leaving the Silicon Valley, since you have
invested so much time and money there, first be
slim and trim as well as dressed right, then change
companies. Go on interviews and note the male to
female ratio. Insurance and publishing are 80-90
percent female! Remember, as I emphasized in How To
Date Young Women, first you get into shape and
looking good, then you change everything because
women who knew you when you were overweight and
dressed like a dork will always see you that way!
With your job skills and education you are highly
desirable any damn place.
Another possibility is an isolated city with a
major university as its main industry. State
College, PA, home of Penn State is 100 miles from
everything. The university has 35,000 students! The
town is full of co-eds all the time, in every
store, in every bar, in every restaurant and club!
Plus, they’re tired of boys! Do some research.
Perhaps Chico State in Northern CA?
A reader sent this tip on where “they”
are: “Down-town San Francisco, where I live,
has a great ratio of women to men. (plus the large
gay population makes it seem even better for us
straights). Insurance and publishing, especially
Web publishing, are very big here.” (Sounds
good to me!) Austin, Texas has also received
several recommendations. Big university, state
capitol (office workers) beautiful area. One guy
said as a note of warning that “It’s an
oasis in a sea of rednecks.”
If you push me for an answer as to which city,
I’ll have to say Southern California:
Torrance, Downey, Orange or Irvine. From reading
How To Date Young Women you know to immediately
enroll in the RIGHT classes in the three closest
Junior Colleges?
Joanna and I encourage the guys to make the trip
to Southern California a MINI-VACATION for
yourself. Sunshine and the most beautiful women on
the planet, guaranteed! Arrive on Wednesday and fly
home the next Tuesday. Venice Beach, Hollyweird,
Disneyland, Huntington Beach Babes, Frisco’s
50’s Diner, Hustler Store on Sunset, Walk of
Fame, Knott’s Berry Farm. Sunshine and the
most beautiful women on the planet, guaranteed!
Online Romance
Question: I’ve tried to start several
and gotten nowhere. I’ve exchanged several
messages with women in their 30’s. Any
guidelines for this? Is it worth pursuing?
Answer:: I describe email as EUNUCH MALE.
That is a concise phrase that describes all the
“dating experts” hustling “seduce
women on the internet” nonsense. The media is
full of DRIVEL about how busy women are so they
turn to the internet. I want to make my views on
this crystal clear. The only women on the internet
are women who CANNOT GET A DATE. When you get on
the internet you have filtered out all of the
“normal” women and are left with a bunch
of losers. I hope that is clear.
With that said, I now add, the internet is
populated by geeks, nerds, fatsos and losers of all
stripes. About two percent of the Web people are
normal, that is, they have a life. Finding them is
difficult. Emotion is what man-woman is all about.
The CRT interface is not conducive to emotion. Thus
even if you did find a woman in the two percent
range, romancing her via keyboard is
impossible.
Don’t waste your keystrokes and your life!
People online do not have a life because they
don’t have what it takes to have a life.
And with that said, I have a book coming out in
about six months. The working title is Coffee Date
Handbook. This book is a compilation of all the
methods, techniques, messages, wording and internet
ads that work developed by approximately 300 men of
steel balls over the past five years. I teach men
how to get back into the dating scene by going on
Coffee Dates with women the meet on the internet.
The caveat is, You are never going to go out with
her for real, so relax and learn how to shake
hands, converse, compliment, end the date, exchange
phone numbers, say goodbye and how to stay in touch
with those very few who MIGHT ring your chimes. The
reality is out of about 1000 internet dates, Gary
of Philly and Tony of Charleston found semi-normal
women and dated them for months. The endings were
unpleasant and both guys learned how to find, meet,
talk, date, relate.
We have a file of internet ads that WORK and
examples of photos that WORK in the files at Steel
Balls Discussion Group. The first effective ads
were written by Vince, George and Strato. And there
is a lengthy file on how to spot Whacky WWW women
immediately using their email responses and their
phone techniques! Well worth joining the SBDG.
Simply click on DISCUSSION GROUP at steelballs.com
Joanna and I are going to Strato’s WEDDING
this August. He first attended our workshop in
January of 2000. He was 29 and had never had a
girlfriend! This stuff works!
Use birth control
pills or nosex?
Question: I get many first dates with young
women but never get a second date. Why?
Answer: Never, ever go to the movies.
First dates are for talking with one another. It
gives you the chance to demonstrate that you are a
Man, what she has been dying to meet. Women all
must convince themselves you are worthy of them,
before they can proceed. You will be tested and
resisted and she will be reluctant. You have to
deal with all of that on the first date, and even
more so on the second date.
Given this is a continuing problem, I believe
you did not maintain The Right Attitude during the
date. And, or, or both, you did not follow my
primary mandate to NOT suggest a second date while
on the first date. Instead, plant the ideas and fan
the possibilities for interesting, fun second dates
while on the first date.
A third possibility is that you went on too long
of a first date, or too romantic of a first date. A
fourth possibility is that you went on Friday or
Saturday night and what that tells the woman is,
you do not have a LIFE! Another common FATAL
mistake is looking at other women. Another, being
negative or cynical, or serious. Or trying for a
kiss at the END of the date. We have a file for
MOSBs. The ways to screw up are endless.
The all time DATE DESTROYER is being a NICE GUY.
You must be a Man of Steel Balls. You have to have
a life, and ideally, you are dating and having sex.
That alone gives you a major dose of The Right
Attitude.
Excerpts - First Dates:
Lunch at the park, like adults do it impresses
her and she feels like a woman, not a girl. There,
you're both equally distant from home base. No one
is too defensive. But it's more of a commitment
unless you add, "I've got to be back by 2." You
only need an hour, the first time.
Sunday brunch at an expensive hotel is great, if
during the suggestion it's clear you have to be
somewhere at 3 PM. This puts on the time limit,
making it easier to accept.
A dinner date is even a bit much for a woman to
bite off. It implies dinner and. Save it for third
or forth dates. Your place is verboten. She has to
be on guard. Suggesting her place makes her think
you're married. She's not so dumb, she reads
Cosmopolitan.
Don't plan and scheme. Let things happen
naturally. Just enjoy her company. The more relaxed
you are, the more she'll relax. Don't try to
impress her. Be yourself. Expect nothing.
Starving students can get a bookstore return
copy of How
To Date Young Women
by clicking below the new version and you'll see a
marketplace version! This book is without doubt for
men of all ages no matter how young or old the
woman is
There are few, if any,
accidents. Freud
Question: A woman bumps into me
“accidentally” in the bookstore or the
grocery store. I know that means she’s
interested because of Body Language Secrets!
Help!
Answer: What do you say, right? What to
do, right? When she has indicated interest by
touching, wait a few moments then make certain your
body language is open and relaxed. Make certain
there is at least four feet between the two of you
so that she does not feel threatened.
Smile, nod and say, “Finding anything
interesting?”
She will reply to your question with
“No!” (Screw off) or “Nah,” or
“Not yet.” (Maybe) or she’ll say,
“Yes,” (yes). From there it is up to you
to have something to talk about.
In a bookstore, something about the books you
like that you think women may like. A good self
revealing statement followed by a question is best.
“I came in here to look for a book on John
Wayne and I ended up reading this geeky stuff?
I’m a programmer, can’t help it. What
were you looking for?” As explained in all my
books, reveal yourself first, and then ask a
question.
It is important to have some safe, general self
revealing lines and general questions for her
memorized. That way, the next time she
“accidentally” bumps you, you’re
ready.
As all readers of How to Date Young Women know,
Vince Lombardi and I do not believe in
“luck.”
Everyone please send your “self-revealing
lines” [don@steelballs.com]
and I’ll share them in a future
newsletter.
I guarantee you that unless you’re as suave
as Cary Grant, as handsome as Tom Selleck, or as
manly as Paul Newman, don’t attempt humor or a
flirty remark.
STEEL BALLS PRINCIPLE: Start out easy, you can
always come on hard. is.
Nobody wants to play
second fiddle
Question: What did you mean by this?
“Come on to one and you ruin it with all the
others.”
Answer: At any gathering, including
work, once you hit on one woman, all other females
know about it within hours, if not minutes. If you
are shot down by the first one, no others will have
anything to do with you because they do not want to
be your second choice.
NOTE: This principle is included in the free
video THE X SHOW at http://steelballs.com briefly
mentioned when the host says, “the long walk
back.”
That’s why it is crucial to take your time.
You are polite and friendly with one and all but
you do not flirt with any of them, no matter how
blatant they come on to you. The ones who come on
quick are game players and Rapo experts.
At any social gathering look the place over.
Follow the instructions regarding getting noticed
as explained in HOW TO DATE YOUNG WOMEN with
the
Do You Know Him Gambit. Use that routine on no
more than two candidates.
Women who show signs of interest are the only
ones to focus on. Narrow it down to two, talk with
each one in a friendly, not flirty manner for about
five minutes. As you talk, be aware of signs of
interest as shown in the free video TRA EXCERPTS at
http://steelballs.com. Then walk away for a while,
demonstrating that you have The Right Attitude.
Circulate as you study body language of the
INTERESTED women from afar. Notice the emphasis on
only interested women? The biggest mistake men make
other than not being dressed for success and not
having a haircut/style that makes them masculine
and manly is APPROACHING THE WRONG WOMAN. Who is
the wrong woman? The one with the large breasts,
blonde hair and red dress WHO IS NOT INTERESTED IN
YOU! Why is she wrong? Because you have ruined it
with all other women! FOREVER!
Know Lack of
Interest
Question: I’m from New York. I’ve
been in Minnesota awhile. The women here don’t
seem to make much eye contact and they appear
closed. Any comments on Midwestern young ladies?
Ever been here?
Answer: I get this a lot from all areas of the
country, North Carolina, Iowa, Florida,
whatever.
Women are the same everywhere, period. You
don’t say where you are when this lack of eye
contact and closed body language happens, so I
can’t really tell you what’s what.
If they make only brief or no eye contact at a
party or social gathering, they are NOT interested
in you.
NOTE: Watch the large breasted blonde
demonstrate this simple negative body language on
THE X SHOW video at http://steelballs.com
Since you’re “a fish outta water”
(not in NY) you’re probably radiating a lack
of confidence. When you’re new to an area, you
must increase your circle of friends as explained
in HTDYW. Next, you have to put yourself in
settings where SHE is not trying to meet men, again
as explained in HTDYW.
That part of the country is unknown to me. I
know Chicago, which is the same as LA only
friendlier.
If you’re in a club or bar, re-read How to
Date Young Women and get the hell out bars and stay
out!
Young Men and How to
Date
Question: You really understand young women.
Will what you teach work for me? I’m 22 in
college.” Or “I’m 27, just out of
the Air Force.”
Answer: I get this minimum of 200 times a year!
After a young guy reads the free excerpts of HOW TO
DATE YOUNG WOMEN at http://steelballs.com, he
realizes that UNDERSTAND HER [chapter 2] is
‘golden.’
Here’s my answer to the 22 year olds. Hell
yes it works. You just don’t have to go so
slow. With my book, at your age, you’re gonna
get more women than Frank Sinatra and Elvis
combined.
Here’s my answer to the 27 year old: Yes!
Everything works. At 27 you’re a bit too old
for 18 and 19 so you have to go slow and let it
happen. With the rest, everything’s the same
except you can go much faster than a 45 year old.
However, you lose nothing by going slow, in fact it
arouses them even more. My motto always has been,
start out easy, you can always come on strong.
REFLECTION. I have been told by at least 1000
guys AND 100 women that HOW TO DATE YOUNG WOMEN FOR
MEN OVER 35 is the wrong title! I agree
wholeheartedly. When I wrote it, in beginning in
1983, I “thought” I was writing what it
took for a 40ish guy to date a 20ish woman. About
1992 I began to realize that what actually happened
is that I was married for 20 years, so even at 42,
I actually only knew as much about dating as I did
when I was 22! And that was way back in the dark
ages of 1962! So what I ended up learning was how
to find, meet, talk, date and relate with women. I
just happened to like young women because older
women were on a feminist TERROR in 1982-1992 and
young women did not buy into that insanity. So, the
principles work no matter how young you are or how
old she is! 100% guaranteed money back no questions
asked. 2 returns out of 150,000 in the last 17
years!
Overweight Women
Question: How can I make my girlfriend lose
weight, about 10-12 pounds. She is very beautiful
but these extra pounds make her look really
bad.
Answer: Getting her to lose weight is a
damned near impossible task! Lead by example and
hope for the best.
The only thing that worked during 14 years in
private practice as a psychotherapist and doing
marriage counseling that worked was for the man to
become intensely interested in losing weight and
building his body.
Before, after and while he does this he never
mentions her weight or build. He just focuses on
getting in shape. The subtle, subconscious message
is “I’m going to be more attractive to
women when this is completed. Women will be coming
after me.”
The woman sometimes loses weight just to keep
his attention. “Sometimes” is the
operative word.
WARNING: The Gate of Change is latched from the
inside and can only be opened by the person on the
inside! Nagging and threatening are harmful at a
minimum.
The Right Attitude
with a 10!
Question: Is it a good tactic to ignore a 9
or a 10 completely or should I scan for if there
signs of interest per Body Language Secrets. That
is, if I think she’s going to ignore me, I
ignore her so she does not think I am validating
her beauty by looking at her. It feels empowering
to ignore them. In other words, does ignoring her
if she’s unresponsive portray The Right
Attitude or is it better to look at her even if she
totally blows me off.
Answer:
Step 1. To date young women you must have The
Right Attitude. To date young BEAUTIFUL women you
must have The Right Attitude from the time you park
the car until you leave. The Right Attitude gets
the attention of all DESIRABLE women and forces
them to fish or cut bait.
Step 2. What did I preach about beauties in How
to Date Young Women? Concentrate on 6.5’s to
8.5’s, beyond that, the competition is too
stiff, pardon the pun. Less attractive women hate
9.0’s as well as hate the boys, young men, men
and older men who even look at them! If the
6.5’s to 8.5’s see you even looking at a
9.0 you are dismissed as just another dick! THE
END.
Step 3. If you want to bet everything on a 9.5,
make eye contact, smile, talk, have all the Signals
Of Interest from Body Language Secrets down pat,
plus maintain The Right Attitude the entire time
and for the next four months. Beauties are no
different during courtship except there is a long
line of males of all ages trying to cut in.
WARNING! Some young, attractive women interested
in older men insist on being pursued at extreme
length, wooed forever and finally won just like in
their trashy novels.
Step 4. Even if you do get a date with a 9.5,
most beautiful women are plastic and shallow. They
have no self concept other than they are what they
look like. They are no fun as human beings because
they are empty shells who have no interests other
than being as beautiful as possible. B o r i n g.
When in doubt, re-read HTDYW and order Best of
Steele the instant download that covers 90% of the
most common problems that have arisen over the past
17 years! At the bottom of the page
http://steelballs.com DATING SECRETS free download.
Searchable for
"When to call her", "First kiss", etc. This is a
free demo of Best of Steele below. Click here to
download the free demo (2 Min at dial up).
Getting Back in Shape
Question: Consider the problem of a middle
aged guy trying to get back into shape. It takes
more than a little running and diet to give you
that body you had when you were in basic. Workout
plans plus a serious diet (not dieting)
recommendations would be valuable.
Answer: Warning, nobody likes this
answer. Nobody. Since I have been on the www, about
5% of men follow this prescription. 100% of them
are successful with women! It is a choice. It
works. I am living proof!
This is a TWO PART ANSWER, part 2 is next
week’s newsletter.
STEEL BALLS REQUIRED. Jog or brisk walk for 30
minutes with your heart beat over 120, under 130,
seven days a week with no excuse of any kind
accepted for three months. When I say no excuse
accepted, that means exactly that. Death in the
family, double over-time at work, rain, sleet,
snow, ice, heat, race riots in the city. NO EXCUSE
IS LEGITIMATE.
You must do this every damn day for 90 days. (I
ran every day for 456 days when I began, because I
know myself and if I took one day off, that would
have been the end of it.)
Sweat, grunt, swear but do 30 minutes.
That’s mandatory. Do not go for 35 minutes! Do
not go fast. Just do what it takes to get your
pulse over 120.
After 90 days, you can have one day a week off.
Stay at six days a week for three more months.
Again, no excuse is acceptable. Do not be tempted
to go for longer or try to go faster until the
second 90 days is over.
At the end of six months, you can reduce your
exercise to 4 or 5 days a week. But you must
continue to exercise forever! Not until you’re
50, forever. Why? Being is shape is what enables
you to have sex like an 18 year old when Debbie
Opportunity presents herself. As I wrote, you must
be able to keep up with her, otherwise you’re
discarded rapidly.
Later on, if you get fascinated with, and
addicted to, the endorphin high as I did, you can
become a runner, as I did. Becoming a disciplined
runner is an easy, painless way to heal your soul
and heart from all of the pain and sorrow that has
piled up during the first 40 years of life as a
man. Discipline yourself physically and you will
discipline your mind accidentally at the same time.
Running is perfect for building a relaxed,
accepting attitude about life and love. I am living
proof that it can be done. At age 34 I could not
run around the block. At age 44 I could run rings
around 35 year olds.
The Greeks said a healthy body and a healthy
mind. I say, rat on, bro. Get out there and put
those miles on. It will pay immense dividends in
only six months.
Diet and Exercise Question
- Part II
Question: Consider the problem of a middle
aged guy trying to get back into shape. It takes
more than a little running and diet to give you
that body you had when you were in basic. Workout
plans plus a serious diet (not dieting)
recommendations would be valuable.
Answer: Warning, nobody likes this
answer. Nobody. Since I have been on the www, about
5% of men follow this prescription. 100% of them
are successful with women! It is a choice. It
works. I am living proof!
This is a PART 2
DIET: Less fat, more carbos. Nuke McDonalds and
clones. I eat a modified Pritikin diet. Modified to
include Miller Lite Beer, Andre Champagne sporadic
orders of french fries and as much salt as I want.
I got anemic from this diet in 1993 after staying
on it since 1980. So iron pills and red meat are on
my must eat list. I do so once a week even if I
don’t wanna. Chicken and fish and spaghetti,
well you get the idea.
Gut it out for six months and you’ll never,
ever go back to junk. You’ll feel smarter,
younger and more like a MAN. The added benefit is
that young women think you’re cool if
you’re health conscious because many of them
are.
The most common problem with exercise is that
you do not make it part of your life, forever. This
is not to lose weight, but to live, to be alive!.
Eventually you will enjoy being an alive, virile,
manly ANIMAL once again.
So, you must set your alarm for 5:30 am. Get up,
shower, shave shit and shampoo, then get out there
and get your pulse up over 120 for 30 minutes every
day. There can be no excuse, no rationalizations,
no skip-ping “just one day.”
This is a matter of will power for the first 90
days. After that it becomes easier and easier to
get out there and put on the miles.
Go on a Pritikin diet to lose weight. Go the
used bookstore and get Pritikin’s Diet book.
Do what he says. In 180 days you’ll feel
better, walk better, think better and LOOK BETTER!
The short version? The only way to become someone
she’d like on top of her is to eat less and
exercise more.
Your diet and weight loss goals must be ones
that can be realistically accomplished. They also
must be measurable.
Not absurdly impossible goals like 60 pounds in
two months, but as explained in How to Date Young
Women, you WILL lose a certain percent in two
months. That is measurable. Pick a percentage that
can be attained realistically, such as five
percent.
A measurable and realistic goal is, “I will
jog or exercise for 30 minutes each day, seven days
a week, rain, or shine. That’s as opposed to
“I will get back into shape if I have to kill
myself.”
Hey 19! Hot the Song!
Question: This is my version of what he is
asking. I am attracted to a 19 year old, what do I
do?
Answer: Short version: Same thing you do
with any woman who is interested in you. Long
version below his long explanation.
This is another Two Part Column. Next week it
continues.
Here is what he sent me: I’m presently
taking ballroom dance, and I’ve been flirting
with a 19 year old. I think everything, including
her body language is positive except she is
attractive to most of the men there, and is being
hit on constantly by just about everyone else. I
have been friendly but distant as you’ve
discussed in your books.
I have to admit to being a bit chicken to ask
her for coffee or anything else. She lives at home
with her parents while going to college and I think
she would find it difficult being seen with me by
others in the dance studio who are older
(especially the women).
I’m also a bit intimidated that if the
other women in the dance studio see me show
interest in her it would probably mark me as a
playboy.
Also I haven’t dated anyone living with
their parents since I was 19. Her terror of being
overpowered by me has to rank up there with my
embarrassment with being seen with her. Any
specific advice?
Long Answer: Since the youngest you’ve
dated is 34, you’re not ready. The leap from
34 to 19 is quantum. Do NOT attempt it. Move down
the age ladder gradually. This may ruin you forever
should you screw it up.
The difference between what she considers
harmless flirting and giving you positive signals
is what you have to be able to deter-mine. If you
are in the dance class to meet women over 33, you
are in the wrong place! Get your ass into yoga!
The woman to man ration is often 20:1 never
lower than 4:1.
Hey 19! Hot the
Song - Continued
Question: This is my version of what he is
asking. I am attracted to a 19 year old, what do I
do?
Answer: Short version: Same thing you do
with any woman who is interested in you. Long
version below his long explanation.
This is PART 2
I get so many questions about dance classes it
is unreal! The women in dance classes are all there
to meet men they can use and control, which is what
women want to do no matter where they meet men.
Well it’s not really what they want, they want
a Man, a strong, dominant Man and if they
can’t have that, they want someone they can
control so they don’t get hurt, again.
If you want to date a woman from dance class you
must pick one and live with your choice because
once you show interest in one, all others will have
nothing to do with you because as I explained in
Body Language Secrets, nobody wants to be second
fiddle.
Since the 19 year old is attractive to all the
other men, you must be different and not be
attracted to her! To quote my favorite author,
“Different works.”
If you want to take a chance with the 19 year
old, here’s the plan of attack. You ignore her
except for polite acknowledgment of her existence.
You watch and you wait. Now and then when you make
eye contact, show intense lust, burning lust, in
your eyes. When you are standing around waiting,
face her with the front of your body but don’t
look at her. Wait for her to make a move. When she
does, you must be strong, firm and manly. You must
not be swept off YOUR feet. You MUST treat her like
she’s just another woman in your life.
FINAL ADVICE. Do what I said above about
ignoring her and waiting until she makes a move.
That lesson will serve you well in the coming
decades!
You can’t mess that up, and you can learn
something extremely useful while doing it.
CAUTION! Some Rapo players are as young as 14.
There are 19 year old Rapo players, too. How do I
know? I’ve been had by them! If it’s too
good to be true, it ain’t.
Aloha, RDS Thanks for the opportunity to be
read!
Suited for Success with
Women
Q: I would be interested to know why you advise
dress for success all the time specifically for
younger women. Just curiosity. This is from a woman
who critiqued my newsletter.
A: Men who buy Body Language Secrets and How To
Date Young Women have read the endless drivel that
passes for 'EXPERT DATING ADVICE' on the www. They
immediately realize that I know something that is
TRUE as well as realistic.
Many of them have no experience. Or they are out
of a long term relationship. They were "not on the
market" while in the relationship thus lost the
ability and the desire to take care of their
appearance.
Guys who never had a girlfriend know nothing! To
be blunt, most guys dress like slobs, or geeks.
VERY FEW MEN realize that ALL FEMALES instantly
JUDGE men by how they are dressed!
In HTDYW, they are told to get a woman to go
clothes shopping with them. The man is to buy
everything she suggests. He is then commanded to
dress to the maximum that the social setting
permits without over dressing.
That mandate is "all the time," from work, to
shopping, to class, to club meetings. He is to
always look his best! Why? because Ms. Right Now or
even Miss Right might be working as the new teller
at the bank or as the new cashier at the
supermarket.
The requirement to ALWAYS dress for success gets
him back in the mode of caring about himself and
taking pride in his appearance. That is universally
attractive to women of all ages, but young women in
particular.
Why? Young women eat, sleep, and dream about
clothes. They are clothes crazy and clothes
conscious thus they are impressed by a man who
knows how to dress. A well-dressed man always
catches her eye!
When she says to herself, "He's well dressed,"
the next thought, "He's successful!" Ta Dah!
It's far easier for a successful man to talk
with a woman of any age! Nerds never get a
chance!
As Michelangelo said, "God dwells in the
details," and so does a well-dressed man. It is
difficult for most men to grasp this crucial part
of style and taste about "the little things." So,
Joanna and I have Date Clothes Saturdays and Suit
Buying Sundays once a month in Los Angeles for
members of my on-line discussion group.
A woman's sense of what looks good on him is
what Joanna brings. I bring everything my Dad
taught me from the age of 6! He was a child of the
depression who drove a cab to put himself thru
college. He asked every BANKER who got into his
cab, "Why do you wear that? Why is that important?"
He taught me everything BANKERS taught him!
Successful men have been dressing the same for the
last 150 years. Dark suit, white tie, Windsor knot,
and so on. Thanks for asking.
STEEL BALLS PRINCIPLE: First you must look like
someone she wants to talk with.
There are no
Accidents!
Q: A woman bumps into me accidentally in the
bookstore or the grocery store. I know that means
she's interested because of Body Language Secrets!
Help!
A: What do you say, right? What to do, right?
When she has indicated interest by "accidental"
touching, wait a few moments then smile, nod and
say, "Finding anything interesting?" Wait.
Make certain your body language is open and
relaxed. Make certain there is at least four feet
between the two of you so that she does not feel
threatened.
She will reply to your question with "No!" (beat
it) or "Nah," or "Not yet." (maybe) or she'll say,
"Yes," (yes). From there it is up to you to have
something to talk about.
In a bookstore, something about the books you
like that you think women may like. For example,
body language intrigues most people. Celebrity bios
are popular with women.
A good self revealing statement followed by a
question is best. "I came in here to look for a
book on John Wayne and I ended up reading this
geeky stuff? I'm a programmer, can't help it. What
were you looking for?"
As explained in Body Language Secrets, reveal
yourself first, then ask a question. It is
important to have some safe, general self revealing
lines and general questions for her memorized. That
way, the next time she "accidentally" bumps you,
you're ready.
As all readers of How To Date Young Women know,
Vince Lombardi and I do not believe in "luck." We
also believe that if you start out easy you have
some place to go from there. Further, I can
guarantee you that unless you're as suave as Cary
Grant, as handsome as Tom Selleck, or as manly as
Paul Newman, don't attempt humor or a flirty
remark.
All readers of this column are invited to send
me some GENERAL, SELF-REVEALING statements and
associated NON-PRYING questions that could
naturally follow. If I use them in this column, you
get any book at my website for FREE!
STEEL BALLS PRINCIPLE: Reveal yourself with a
statement and then ask a non-prying question.
Talking About Her
Boyfriend
Q: What do you do when she talks about her
boyfriend? It pisses me off.
A: Let's start with a refresher from How
To Date Young Women and the chapter Boyfriends.
When she mentions him early on it means: (1)
She's not interested. (2) She's interested, wants
you to know the score. (3) She wants to flirt with
you and feel serenely indignant when she wins the
Rapo game. (Rapo, as in Rape-o is described fully
in Court Her.)
If she doesn't say anything about him right away
but does later it means: (1) She was kinda
interested and didn't want you to fade away. After
getting to know you she wants to have an affair if
she can keep her boyfriend. (2) She was interested
but after getting to know you this is how she says
no. (3) She was playing Rapo with you all along,
you've made your move, this is how she says, "What
kind of girl do you think I am?" (4) She likes you,
doesn't want to date you but didn't feel any of her
personal life was appropriate until now. It's
usually (1) (2) or (3). The first two account for
sixty percent.
With that said, use anything she reveals as
information to make yourself more appealing. Listen
as if she is your friend, because she is. She might
be complaining, bragging, or just passing time. It
makes no difference. Listen to the words but really
hear what she's saying without words. Focus on her
arms and hands.
Notice where they are and what she's doing with
them. Pay attention to the emotions you're feeling
when just watching what she's saying without
words.
Remember, courtship is conducted mostly on a
nonverbal level. If you do not yet have Body
Language Secrets: A Guide During Courtship and
Dating get it today!
If she's complaining, use what you're learning
to show her how much better off she'd be by having
a torrid affair with you in addition to keeping
Jimmy. You must be diplomatic and tactful as
explained in Planting Seeds.
If she's bragging, be appropriately impressed.
You are a gentleman. If she's just passing the
time, listen just like she was complaining and use
what you learn to make yourself more
attractive.
If you're pissed off there are two
possibilities. First, she's trying to piss you off.
Second, you're jealous and want her to be your
girlfriend, not Jimmy's.
Let's say she's trying to piss you off. That
means she's strongly interested in you OR IT MEANS
she wants you to get away from her. Her body
language tells the truth.
If you're jealous and want her to be your
girlfriend, there's nothing I can tell you other
than to ask you to realize, and then accept, the
impossibilities of such a thing UNLESS you are way
better than her boyfriend and it is obvious to her
across time.
That is why the you must understand a
fundamental of mammalian courtship: Beauty chooses!
Translation: The more desirable the female, the
more Alpha Male you must be.
When you are not what she wants THE END. See How
to Date Young Women Volume 2 for an explanation of
this FUNDAMENTAL principle of courtship as
practiced by mammals. It is also carefully laid out
in Body Language Secrets.
Evolution insists that the male be the best from
among all the males courting her. Why? It
works!
Women do the choosing! This is concept is
impossible for "dating experts" on the www to grasp
because they cannot get a date! Systems,
dictionaries, hypnotism, phone counseling, language
patterns, clever opening lines are IMPOTENT. That
is not what women want! They want a confident,
relaxed Man with The Right Attitude. When he is
dressed for success - he is in the potential MR.
RIGHT category.
STEEL BALLS PRINCIPLE: To win the heart of Miss
Right, first you must be Mr. Right.
She's Making Eyes at
Me!
Q: She's making eyes at me! I've heard it described
as a repeated rapid dilation of the eyes. That's an
old saying that I don't know what it means?
A: Dilation is a strong sign of attraction!
However, it is difficult for men to consciously
notice, except for expert poker players. As I
remember the expression it means, "He's flirting
with his eyes." He's giving strong direct, friendly
eye contact. His pupils may be dilated, but that's
not the main thrust. It was epitomized by Clark
Gable's intense, manly glance and slight smile plus
slightly raising his eyebrows in acknowledgment of
the woman's beauty and presence. This is easiest to
see in an early scene in GWTW. Scarlett is going up
the stairs and Rhett is eying her. GWTW is
mandatory viewing for all members of my Coaching
Program, by the way.
Remark: It also seems to be a learned and
controlled function.
Reply: Dilation is involuntary, impossible to
control.
Remark: I simply remember it as the warm and
tingly feeling I used to get when looking deeply
into a woman's eyes.
Reply: That reaction is from becoming vulnerable
to her. Wonderful, but nothing to do with dilation.
Being seen and seeing is what romantic mental
health is all about. Knowing what you know and
seeing what you see is what self confidence is all
about.
Self confidence, genuine self confidence is what
makes you attractive, sensual and sexual to women
of all ages. That's genuine self-confidence not the
put on kind, not an act, not phony. The real thing.
You get it from being successful and relaxed. Women
spot it at 100 yards, just by the way you walk and
carry yourself.
Remark: I only notice that kind of eye contact
in sincere lovers, but that can be really
brief.
Reply: Brief because it is so intense and most
of us cannot stand too much intensity. I, myself,
prefer intensity! It makes living in the Now much
easier as well as making each day memorable, as
opposed to the way the days were all alike before I
got divorced! To enjoy intensity one must
experience it over and over.
Slowly, one realizes that intense pain and
intense joy is what makes life worth living! By the
way, you can't have one without the other! It's all
or nothing.
Remark: I confess to using it to try to warm up
some interesting women.
Reply: Not a good idea! Trying to see into her
soul is an invasion and she'll react to it like
that. But when you relax and let down your walls,
most women react strongly and reciprocate almost
immediately. In other words you have to go first
and make yourself open. First with your body
language, second with your tone of voice, third by
your attitude of being relaxed AND confident. It
takes courage and practice to become vulnerable,
but that's where it's at, my friend.
STEEL BALLS PRINCIPLE: You must make yourself
vulnerable FIRST.
Chatty Cathy Has Radar And
Intuition
Q: Why should the man never call just to
chat? The way I see it, when you chat, you get to
know her better then you feel more comfortable.
A: My dictate is only for the courtship
and the first few weeks after the sexual
relationship has begun. After you have spent the
weekend together at Lake Tahoe and things are
proceeding smoothly, you can call her now and then
just to talk.
In general, my phone technique for every male on
the planet: Get on, conduct business and get off
before she finds out everything about you! A man is
a mystery. A man is busy. A man has a life. A man
does not chat on the phone.
WARNING! When man is courting a women, he must
remain in charge, aloof and slightly indifferent.
If he “just chats,” he’s no
different than all other Nice Guys. Further, and
this is the most important reason for keeping phone
conversations short and to the point, women
automatically manipulate and test and resist via
phone. It’s known as being cute, coy and
flirty. She gets a thrill out of it.
FINAL WARNING: Women’s brains are
physically different and they are wired differently
than male brains. This enables women’s renown
and amazing intuition. That means you are in deep
kim chee when you are on the phone with her! It
gives her a 10 to 1 advantage over you with your
linear, logical, rational wired brain. You hear the
words she says. She hears how you say the words,
how long you pause, how fast or slow you talk, how
quickly/slowly you answer her probing question,
“So what did you do last night?" In other
words she has all the POWER on the phone.
But the strongest reason not to chat with her is
to prevent her from saying to herself,
“I’ve got him. He WANTS me! I’m a
real Cosmo Girl. I can attract a Man.” Then
she no longer has to risk going out with a
POWERFUL, dangerous, mysterious Man. (Yes, I
believe that repetition is the key to
learning!)
If possible, do NOT call her. If you must, keep
it all business, short and to the point. For
example, changing the time for the lunch date or
making final arrangements as to where you will meet
her. Be pleasant, civil, ADULT, manly.
A Man, Not Just Another Boy,
Has Biz Cards
Q: What is on the business card you always
talk about?
A: I get tons of mail on this subject.
Every type of guy wants me to design his
interesting, conversation-starting business card
[ICSBC]. See below for who the best
designer is.
First of all it must LOOK, FEEL, READ like a
real business card. Second of all you must have two
different business cards. One for young women and
another for the business world.
Get out the yellow pages and find a female. Give
her the specifications right from How
To Date Young Women Volume 2. Do not show her
the book! Female? Yes. She has the eye for what
females see in you and knows how to make you
interesting to females using symbols.
Talk about yourself and what ideas you have for
the card. Hand her an engraving of Ben Franklin or
two or even three! Then a few days later, look at
what she created. If you like it pay her and take
what she develops to a printer and you’re in
business. Pun accidental.
MANDATORY! In addition to your business phone
and address, put your home phone and home address
on the card. Do not use a voice mail or post office
box! Because that says to her: I’m married,
looking for some fun. Do NOT put your cell phone
number on for that reason and others, to be
explained in a future column.
Your home address invites the woman to drive by
and check out where you live, thus your income
level, plus she’ll be hoping to
“accidentally " bump into you! Definitely
include your office phone but make certain it is so
designated. If you have e-mail, put it on there. It
has to be real email fredsmith@businessman.com not
fred_smith99@hotmail.com because that says, "My
wife checks my email at home."
What works is an ICSBC that says who you are.
The graphics female is to design a classy,
tasteful, interesting business card. Once again, it
must look, feel, and read like a business card.
The most common objection is, and rightfully so,
I am a programmer, what should be on the card? My
response. Be a consultant, such as Smith Consulting
Services, Fred Smith, Owner. Symbols and graphics
then enable you to have anything about yourself
that can help her have something to talk about.
Gary sells insurance. His card is a photo.
Printed in white is Gary Smith Insurance, yada yada
Residence: 555-1212 Office 555-3322 yada yada
Residence: 1234 Anystreet Office 4567 Anystreet
yada.
The conversation she starts is always about the
beautiful photo/scene not insurance. He reveals, my
hobby is photography. I took that picture out at
the Yada Bridge at sunset. I love watching the
ducks fly south. Have you ever been out to the Yada
Bridge? And from there . . .
WARNING: A very common mistake is the guy
designs his own card. The kindest thing I can say
is that his card looks it! The fatal mistake--he
copies using his new, expensive 7-color printer!
That “card” says to the woman, “I am
an amateur dweeb!”
Express yourself thru the female graphic
designer. First impressions are lasting
impressions! Your ICSBC is a gift to her, your
first. It separates you from the boys and makes her
feel important. Make it something to talk about.
Colorful, graphic, different, unusual.
She Does Not Call
Back
Q: What about women who do not return phone
calls? Is it best to play just as hard to get?
A: It depends on how old she is, how much
has transpired before you got her number and why
you called her. Let’s take one “depends
on” at a time.
Depends on Her Age
The non-caller is 28+, okay? One call is all she
gets. Strike one and you’re out! She’s an
adult. If she wants to play hard to get, let her
jerk off somebody else.
The non-caller is under 25. As stated in this
newsletter and in How To Date Young Women, giving
you her number is not necessarily a good thing. If
you were persistent in trying to get it, she gives
it just to get rid of you. Thus, when she does not
return your call, that’s means she was not
interested, or by persisting you ignored my primary
mandate and showed too much interest, way too soon,
which she translated as follows: “He wants me.
I’ve got him. I don’t have to take a
chance and go out with an older (very powerful)
guy. My ego is stroked. I’m happy and safe.
PLUS I have proof that I’m attractive to older
guys. I’m a real WOMAN.”
Depends on What has Transpired - Part
I
The way you want her to give you her number is
after, only after, enough has transpired for the
two of you to have semi-set up a pseudo date or a
lightweight date. You just need her number to make
the final communications and connections.
Depends on What has Transpired - Part
II
However, way before that, you are supposed to
have given her your interesting,
conversation-starting business card [ICSBC]
that has your home phone, business phone, and home
address on it. That makes you vulnerable. It gives
her time to drive by your place to check out your
neighborhood and possibly “accidentally bump
into you.” Doing this also means to her that
you have nothing to hide. You are being open and
honest. You are not married or living with someone
and trying to use her as she’s read about in
Cosmopolitan.
Depends on Why You Called Her
The call must be all business. As, in setting up
the time and place or changing the schedule. Any
other call scares her to the point of ending it
all. NEVER, EVER call just to chat! When in doubt,
re-read.
Her Phone Number? Do
NOT ask!
Q: What is your advice about getting her
phone number?
A: SAME AGE WOMEN: When you are only
slightly older than the woman, you can exchange
phone numbers in a straightforward manner.
“Sonya, I enjoy talking with you. Let’s
get together for lunch sometime. Here’s my
number. [Hand her your Interesting,
Conversation-Starting Biz Card ICSBC] Let me
have yours. We’ll talk and set it
up.”
As you hand her your card, take out your pen and
a piece of paper (not an address book!) [Ideal
is the blank back of another ICSBC] and get
ready to write her number down. Getting your pen
out encourages her to give you her number because
you have gone to the trouble of getting ready to
write.
Notice that you do not ask. You suggest command.
By going first and giving her your number you have
make yourself vulnerable, thus she feels safe
enough to reciprocate.
A: YOUNG WOMEN: Easy Big Guy! Young women
don’t know how this game is played and
don’t understand the significance of phone
numbers. She’s used to Randy Redporsche who
gets her number then maybe calls and maybe not. She
does not realize that you see getting her number as
the first step in a long courtship process. To her,
phone conversations are for chatting and being
cute, coy and manipulative with a boy. In short,
never ASK a young woman for her number.
STEEL BALLS PRINCIPLE: do not ask, suggest or
command. When you ask she has all the power!
If the encounter is warm, lightly seductive and
friendly, go first by handing her your ICSBC. That
card must have your home phone and your home
address as well as all other numbers and email.
Say, “I enjoy talking with you,
Debbie,” as you hand her your card. While
she’s looking at it, point to your address and
say, “That’s where I live . . .but
I’m easiest to catch at the office. Let’s
have lunch sometime. Give me a ring.” Then
resume the conversation.
By revealing your home address and home phone,
you show her that you aren’t afraid of letting
her know where you live or how to call you. Young
women suspect that all older guys are married or
living with someone.
The whole enterprise puts the ball in her court.
However, by making yourself open and vulnerable,
you invite her to do the same.
WARNING: Don’t ask or suggest or even hint
that you want her number.
Half of young women stumble when you hand them
your card, but the other half smile like the cat
who now has the keys to the canary’s cage as
they carefully put your card away. A few, very few,
of them give you their number. DON’T ask!
Wait. She must proceed at her own speed.
You’re old enough to be her father!
WARNING: Many young women who give you their
number with or without you asking, suggesting or
commanding, are telephone Rapo players and cock
teasers. They want you to call so they can lead you
on. Then they can say to themselves and their
girlfriends, “He wants me. I could have
him,” as they add another notch to their Rapo
belt.
On rare occasions, the tone of the interaction
is sexually charged, but time and location prevent
consummation of a physical relationship. In that
situation, and in that situation only, hand her
your ICSBC then take out a pen and card/paper and
say, “Let’s get together! Give me your
number. What day and time should I call?”
Notice the careful phrasing of everything.
Let’s get together! That’s a strong,
sexual suggestion. Give me your number, is a
command that she’ll follow in this situation.
What day and time should I call? Shows her that you
are a discreet man who will not cause her any
problems and does not mind if she has a boyfriend
or other encumbrance.
FORCEFULLY GETTING HER NUMBER: If you’re
pushy to get her number, when you call, she
won’t be glad to talk with you. If you leave a
message, she won’t call back. Do NOT insist.
Do NOT manipulate. Like love, a phone number must
be freely given to be worthwhile and valuable.
Nice-Guyitus Causes
Deadly LJBF!
Q: How do you deal with women who say
“Let’s just be friends?”
A: Say in a non-angry, yet firm
statement-of-fact voice, “I have plenty of
friends.” Follow that with deadly silence and
strong, sensual, direct eye contact.
Steel Balls Principle? Silence is a powerful
tool during any negotiation, romantic or
business.
Poker face. Just sit there. Do not get angry or
gruff because she translates anger to, “I win!
He wants me.”
What does she win?
Safety:. Because now she doesn’t have to
take a chance and go out with an powerful,
mysterious, sensual MAN, not a boy.
Ego Boost. She wants the gratification of
knowing that you are dying to go out with her, that
you find her sexy and desirable. Why? Because MOST
of them DO NOT know that about themselves! They
think you are the catch until you screw it up!
In short, she’s testing you to see how
you’ll react. Read “Reluctance,
Resistance And Tests” in Body Language Secrets
for the grisly details about this delicate part of
the courtship ritual.
If she’s not testing you, she’s a game
player who has been leading you on. MOST LIKELY.
Your disease, NICE-GUYITUS caused you to blow it
quite sometime ago. Gifts, fawning, too many
compliments, been accommodating and other such
puke-producing stuff. NICE-GUYITUS shows her you
are not different, just another boy, not a Man,
which is what she really wants. It’s what they
all want!
The other possibility is that she has decided
for whatever reason that you’re not all that
attractive, and “Let’s just be
friends” is her way of saying, “I
don’t find you sexually attractive. Beat
it!”
But, since females don’t want to hurt
anyone’s feelings, she says LJBF.
In my personal world, a fourth of the women who
tried, “LJBF” yielded to the strong,
silent treatment and ended up being my lover. The
rest were either afraid or not interested.
Important! You can’t talk her into anything
once this stage is reached. Just say your piece and
shut up.
If you’re not all that experienced, when it
gets to this stage you have probably demonstrated
that you’re just another boy or you showed her
that you’re strongly attracted to her. You
must read, then re-read, then practice everything
from How
To Date Young Women in the chapter The Right
Attitude. She must see you as strong, manly,
powerful, slightly dangerous, somewhat mysterious,
possibly attainable if SHE plays her cards
right.
She's Looking at My
Crotch!
Q: Actually a comment. Another good thing
your books are doing is increasing my awareness of
stuff I never noticed before. I was in the local
video store last Monday night and for the first
time I realized the clerk, a woman of about 30,
glancing at my crouch. She did it twice
quickly.
This is from a 50 year old who is just getting
his find-meet-talk-date-mate legs under him. It's
all new, exciting and a bit disorienting because as
he has told me many times, "I've been doing
everything all wrong for years and years!"
A: My comment and suggestion on how to
capitalize on CROTCH GAZING. Go back to the store
and have something to talk about such as, "Quentin
Tarantino the director of Pulp Fiction, used to
work in a place like this. How do you like working
here?"
Talk about the videos you like. NOT SEX! Bid her
a fond farewell and as you're parting, say, "See
you Thursday. She'll smile and say "Okay," or
she'll say, "I don't work Thursday." You say, "So
when do you work? She'll tell you. Nod, smile and
leave. DO NOT say that you'll see her on that day.
Just leave. Then, show up and rent another movie.
She'll tell you something about herself if you go
FIRST and tell her something about yourself as
explained in How To Date Young Women and Body
Language Secrets.
Re-read the chapters Meet Her, Talk With Her,
Court Her. At the appropriate moment, introduce
yourself and shake hands with her as described in
Body Language Secrets. When she asks, "So, what do
you do?" Say, "I am a consultant, help small
businesses get computers hooked up." At the same
time hand her your ICSBC from your SHIRT POCKET. Do
not fumble around with your wallet!
Don't talk to her for more than a few minutes.
You're a busy, important man with places to go and
people to see. Compliment her ONCE during the
conversation about her accessories, jewelry or
attire. Pay attention and be aggressive with your
eyes to find something you genuinely like, "That's
a very attractive ring! An heirloom?" The
compliment must be genuine. If you can't find
anything to be genuine about, don't say
anything.
Say good bye using her name, "Nice meeting you,
Debbie. See ya."
ESSENCE OF INITIAL CONVERSATIONS. A young woman
cannot find you attractive until she realizes you
are first of all safe. After realizing that you are
safe, she doesn't want to talk further if you are
not interesting. She cannot realize that you are
attractive until you have talked with her about
interesting subjects (she finds them interesting)
for a few minutes.
STEEL BALLS PRINCIPLE: The woman must find that
you are: safe, interesting, attractive, in that
order.
©2005 R. Don Steele
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