How to Succeed
with Women

Falling in Love "Too Fast"

Q. I think I have a fear of success with women; in some ways, getting the women I want seems more scary than just dating women I'm not really turned on by. I've had my heart broken by women I was really into, and now I think I'm too scared to pursue women I really like. Can you help me?

Thanks, Abe

A. Dear Abe,

We know what you mean. We had one student who was dating a women he felt was "the one." He was having tremendous success with her, as he measured it--she liked him, it was very exciting and delightful to be with her, and they were having amazing sex together. He jumped in deep, really opening his heart to her in a matter of days, telling his friends he thought she was "the one," and so on. What could possible go wrong?

After a couple of weeks, she "disappeared." She rarely returned his calls, and started blowing off their dates. Finally she told him, "I like you, but with my life the way it is, it's just too much of a hassle to have a relationship right now. Besides, I'm sort of seeing this other guy..." He was devastated, heartbroken, and even more afraid of "success."

When you meet a hot woman with whom you have great chemistry, Abe, you probably jump in as deeply as you can as quickly as you can. And, like many of us, you have experienced with what can happen when you do that: You have short, passionate affairs which end with you being heartbroken and alone.

These painful affairs also leave you "afraid of success." You know how much "success" can hurt, so you only date women you aren't really attracted to.

But here's the good news: All this happens for a reason. You jump in too deep too fast because you mistake chemistry for trustworthiness. Just because you have chemistry with a woman doesn't mean she won't flake out on you. It doesn't mean she won't have emotional problems that will cause her to leave. It doesn't mean you can count on her. And when you have great chemistry with a woman, you think it does.

In short-term sexual relationships, it doesn't matter how trustworthy she is. You aren't putting your heart in her hands. But when you have chemistry, it's extremely important to be able to trust her. You have to build trust over time, before you open up to her fully.

The solution here is to go slowly and building trust with the woman before you give her your heart fully. If you are going to really fall in love with a woman you are really attracted to, you need to go slowly and take the time to find out if you can trust her. You need to know if she's a psycho who's going to go nuts and take off on you, breaking your heart. You can only find this out over time.

So how is this done?

Mostly this is handled by awareness. When you meet a woman you have great chemistry with, you need to keep reminding yourself that having chemistry with a woman isn't the same as knowing that you can trust her. Trust is earned, and before you give your heart over to her fully, you should take the time to see how she behaves over time.

You should definitely spend time with her. Have fun with her. Feel good feelings with her. Be sexual with her. But listen to your fear, too, and let it pace how fast you open up emotionally. Don't jump in too deep until you have a sense that she's willing to stick with you for a while. You get that sense from watching her behavior, rather than your feelings. Does she show up for dates? Does she return calls? Does she keep her commitments in her life? To find this out, you have to slow things down.

On the upside, most women are incredibly attracted to a man who can say, "I really like you, and I want to take the time to really learn we can trust each other, so we can really open up and be intimate. So I want to take things slowly and build a connection we can trust." Saying this sort of thing tends to make a woman feel really safe with you, and to desire you all the more. After all, you aren't just trying to get as much sex out of her as you can, like all those other guys. She likes this. A man slowing things down can be an incredible aphrodisiac to a woman.

Slowing down a romantic relationship with a woman you are attracted to might suck, but it doesn't suck as much as 1) having a short affair that ends in heartbreak or 2) being so afraid of that heartbreak that you develop a massive fear of success.

© 2007, Mastery Technologies, Inc.

Other Relationship Issues, Books

*     *     *

We must try to trust one another. Stay and cooperate. - Jomo Kenyatta

Ron Louis and David Copeland are the authors of How to Succeed with Women, The Sex Lover's Book of Lists, and The Mastery Program audio course. Send them those seduction questions: You're question may be used in the next newsletter! Subscribe to their Free newsletter for tons of Free seduction information. Type in your email address, and click on "subscribe," then click on submit! See a sample from The Rules For Getting Laid and a review on or the tape series. Also, check out their web site and see a review of their book.

Contact Us | Disclaimer | Privacy Statement
Menstuff® Directory
Menstuff® is a registered trademark of Gordon Clay
©1996-2019, Gordon Clay