Susie & Otto


Are assets and wealth important?

A man I've known for a few years said he is dating a woman who has assets far greater than his assets. "Should the disparity matter?" he asked.

"Not to you," I said, "unless dating her is forcing you to live beyond your means or beyond the point of feeling comfortable with what you're spending."

"My spending on her is nibbling away at my nest egg," he said.

"Then the lifestyle you're currently living is not sustainable for the long haul. Have you discussed this with her?"

He said he was afraid to because it might chase her away and he was also embarrassed that she is wealthier. It made him feel inferior.

I asked our women members for their opinions on this man's dilemma.

Sue said, "In my last relationship, I was wealthier than the man. He is from the old school and insisted on paying for everything and was insulted when I offered.

"I would have preferred to go to more upscale restaurants, but he could not afford them. Several times, I asked if I could treat, and he refused, only allowing it once when he had chosen the restaurant. Men of our generation have issues about who is in charge and who pays."

Joan shared: "Relationships need to be partnerships where we each bring added value and enhancement to each other. Without a mutual understanding, they won't work."

Elaine wrote, "I was dating a wonderful man who was not nearly as financially stable as me. I had to evaluate whether I could handle the financial stability issue if it became long term. I have a decent retirement nest egg and have earned a steady, modest salary with benefits for many years. I've been careful with my spending and investments.

"If the relationship is good in every other way, a woman may have to make the decision to take on the responsibility of providing for a man. I did not want that with him; the relationship ended."

Liz said, "I will not respond to or email any man who does not at least earn as much as me.

Comment from Tom: I'm not sure how Liz finds out upfront how much a man earns. Questioning about that will chase him off whether he earns more or less.

Alexis, 66, said, "I'm uncomfortable if I do not share expenses 50-50 with my gentlemen friends. I still work and command a rather good salary while my dates are usually retired. I'm startled when I learn how little these guys are living on."

Back to the man who asked me the question. If each person shares in a relationship, no matter what each makes or has, it gives each a feeling of freedom and neither feels taken advantage of. Both sides win.

The man needs to forget his pride, and discuss finances with her. Perhaps she would suggest or recommend an equitable splitting of expenses, as Alexis said. The longer he waits; the longer he won't know if his relationship can endure.

©2010, Susie & Otto Collins

Other Relationship Issues, Books


Susie and Otto Collins are spiritual and life partners who are committed to helping others create outstanding relationships of all kinds. They regularly write, speak and conduct workshops and seminars on love, relationships and personal and spiritual growth to audiences all across the USA. They are the creators of the "Relationship Toolkit" which has helped people in over a dozen countries improve their relationships. It includes a video called Spiritual Partnerships plus two booklets Love and Relationship Success Secrets and 101 Relationship Quotes Worth a Million Dollars! You can also read more articles like these and subscribe to their weekly newsletter on love and relationships by visiting their web site at Their new E-book Should You Stay or Should You Go? has just been released and is now available See Archives 2009, 2008, 2007, 2006, 2005, 2004, 2003, 2002 and 2001. Other Relationship Issues, Books

Contact Us | Disclaimer | Privacy Statement
Menstuff® Directory
Menstuff® is a registered trademark of Gordon Clay
©1996-2019, Gordon Clay