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Flirting with Humor
Remember this: you want to make women laugh. If you
can make a woman laugh (so long as she isn't
laughing at your expense) then you are delighting
her, and she'll want to see you again. However, as
most men know, women often find different things
funny than men do. It's easy to misuse humor with
women, and to frighten and offend them instead.
With that in mind, here's a list of do's and
don¹ts for flirting with humor.
Don¹ts
1. Don't joke with a woman as roughly as you
would with a guy, and don't make jokes about her
appearance. This is very important. When a guy
drops something, for instance, it's a funny,
bonding joke to say "way to drop that, ass-wipe!"
Among men this is great humor, occasions for
"high-fives" all around. Such jokes are how we men
play together. When a woman drops something, you
must be much gentler on her. It's best to not make
fun of her mistakes at all, or she will be
offended.
It's also better to not make jokes about her
appearance, unless you are sure that the joke can
be taken only in a positive way. Women are taught
to be paranoid about their looks; if a woman can
misinterpret a remark about their appearance, she
will. When Robert told Greta "Wow, you've got such
a nice, big butt. I like big women," he really
sincerely meant it. Greta took offense, and so will
every other woman in western civilization.
2. Don't joke about violence unless you are
absolutely sure she'll like it. And she probably
won't. Once again, play among men and play among
women is different. Among men, jokes about violence
are funny: You might ask a man for some information
only to have him reply, "I'd tell you, but then I'd
have to kill you." To guys, this is funny. To
women, it's scary. There's a big difference. Kenny
met Rachel at a day-long personal growth seminar.
Afterwards they took his car to a nearby bar. Along
the way, Kenny made his error. Thinking he was
joking, he said "Oh, what the heck. I think I'll
just take you out to the woods and kill ya." Rachel
became upset, and only the fact that they were just
then pulling into the bar kept her from freaking
out entirely. "The thing is," he told us later, "I
had used that line on a girl I met at a punk-rock
concert a few weeks before, and she thought it was
hilarious!" Most of the time, women hear jokes
about violence as threats of violence. They aren't
flirty, and you shouldn't make them.
3. Don't use physical humor with women. Guys
play with each other using physical humor. They
play-punch each other, give each other noogies, and
generally get rowdy together. They make physical
jokes about pissing, farting, and feces. Men find
these joke to be great fun, but they don't work on
women. Keep away from physical humor and body
elimination humor. Just don't do it. These jokes
will offend her. You have to decide which is more
important: to make that fart joke, or to get
laid.
4. Don't make yourself the butt on any jokes.
This is very important. Remember what we've said;
when a woman is first meeting you, she's deciding
what position you will have in her life. Will you
be a lover? A friend? Someone she avoids? She's
trying to figure out what level of respect to give
you, and one way she figures that out is by
watching how you treat yourself. If you make jokes
at your own expense, she knows that you aren't
worth wasting time on. Some men are so used to
making fun of themselves to entertain women that
it's hard for them to stop. Jerry was always the
class clown, was a little overweight, and was used
to making fun of his heaviness as a way of
entertaining women. "I learned that if I made fun
of myself, they'd laugh," he said. "But I noticed I
never got any sex. It was hard to give up being the
butt of my jokes, but I did it, and now I've got a
girlfriend."
Do's
1. Do make "creative misinterpretations." When
you approach a woman, you've got to be alert and
have your eyes open. Look for the details in her
appearance or in what she is doing that you can
safely make jokes about. You do this by putting a
new spin on something normal. When Bruce asks the
bank teller "Do you get to keep a percentage of all
the money you take in each day?" he's creatively
misinterpreting something in her environment and
using it to flirt. When he asks if she gets to keep
a percentage, he's being silly in a way she can
relate to. It gives them a joke to talk about that
and creates a little separate little world for them
together. Similarly, when Frank jokes to the girl
at the heath-food store about being a major in the
army, he's taking something at hand and creatively
misinterpreting it, recasting it as something they
can joke and flirt about. Every time he sees her
they return to this joke, and she feels more
comfortable with him each time. You should try to
make your misinterpretations complementary to her.
For example, misinterpreting the woman collecting
the money as you leave a parking garage as "the
parking goddess" would be more effective than
misinterpreting her as, say, a trash collector who
got lucky and got her current job. The first is a
joke; the second is an insult. Keep track of the
difference.
2. Do smile and say "hi." Your expression is an
important part of your behavior. When you approach
a woman to flirt, it's best to be relaxed and to
smile, make eye contact, and say hi. Too many men
approach flirting in a non-playful manner. They are
resentful about having to do it, or are indulging a
bad mood. They don't look relaxed and they don't
sound relaxed. As we said in chapter three, you
must overcome adolescent posture. It may be
necessary for you to get some bodywork or to take
some yoga classes if you habitually radiate tension
. When you are relaxed and approach a woman, she
sees it on her face and in your eyes.
3. Do ask them about things they know. Work
related questions are good, as are questions about
personal appearance. As well discuss later, one
good line is "What's the story behind that...?" If,
for instance, she is wearing an unusual necklace,
you might say "what a beautiful necklace you are
wearing. What's the story behind it?"
4. Do ask questions. Along the same lines, it's
a good idea to ask them questions. After all, you
want to find out about her, and asking the right
questions can give you important information. It's
not an interrogation, so don't badger her with
questions, but do make inquiries about what she
cares about. For example if she's holding a flower,
ask her about it: "That rose you are holding is
beautiful. Why did you pick roses? How do roses
make you feel? Or you could ask "Why do you think
women love flowers?" Either way, you are engaging
her, through your questions, in a conversation that
is about her likes, her dislikes, and her feelings.
That's the kind of conversation that could become
more romantic later on.
5. Do describe feelings for her. Your goal in
flirting is to get her to think romantic thoughts
about you, and to want to act on those thoughts. To
do this, you must describe romantic feelings. Have
you ever been with someone who was describing
something disgusting? Perhaps a friend had been
sick, and later described to you, in intimate,
loving detail, every step and every nuance of how
it felt to be about to throw up. Can you remember
how you felt as he described his sickness? Did you
start to get sick, too? Or have you ever wished
someone would stop describing some horrible event
or accident, because you are starting to feel how
it must have felt? You probably have. These people
have used a simple principle on you, that to
describe a feeling to someone makes them experience
that feeling. That's why you feel sick when your
friend describes getting ill, or you feel queasy
when someone talks about a disgusting accident. To
flirt successfully, you absolutely must take
advantage of this principle, only in reverse. You
must describe the feelings you want her to
have--romance, attraction, arousal--in lush and
lavish detail. As you describe these feelings,
she'll start to have them. The principle is simple:
when someone describes something to you, you must
imagine it to be able to understand what they are
talking about. If I'm describing my new car to you,
and tell you that it's a mini-van, and it's blue,
you can't help but imagine it. Even if I tell you
not to imagine something, you have to imagine it to
know what not to think about. If I tell you not to
imagine a mini-van, you must think of one, so you
know what thought to avoid. The same thing happens
when you describe a feeling to a woman. Whether she
wants to feel the feeling you are describing or
not, she must feel it to even know what you are
talking about. The extent to which she feels it is
dependent on how well you describe the feeling. For
instance, Sven is talking to the attractive young
woman behind the pastry counter. "I can imagine you
must feel so great and special behind the counter,
goddess of the whole store, and people come to
worship you," he says to her. "Those great feelings
of people coming to see you must really make you
feel wonderful." He's playfully described feelings
of specialness to her, and, if she is to evaluate
what he's talking about at all, she must go inside
and feel those feelings. As she feels those
feelings while looking at Sven, she starts to
connect his visits to her store with feeling those
special feelings. In time, this will lead her to
"naturally" feel attracted to him. Poets are the
get-laid kings of all time. Poetry is a wonderful
tool in teaching you how to make beautiful, and
detailed, descriptions on romantic things. After
all, 99% of poetry is about love. If you look at
most any romantic poetry you'll find it's made up
of descriptions of romantic, loving feelings.
Romance novels are much the same way. They are
unending streams of descriptions of romantic
feelings. Learn to speak romantically by describing
romantic feelings, and you will be much more
successful with women.
6. Do be confident that your joking is okay. One
of the top flirting mistakes men make is that they
wait for the woman to be comfortable with the
flirting before they become comfortable with it. We
can't emphasize this enough: when a woman first
meets you, she is trying to decide if you are
dangerous or not. If you are uncertain and
hesitant, you come across as though you, too, are
afraid that you are dangerous. You act as though
you are scared of yourself, and she will become
scared, too. You must decide to have certainty that
you are not hurting her, are not a threat to her,
and that your flirting is fun and relaxed for you
both. If you feel scared, uncertain and worried
about your flirting until she seems relaxed, she'll
never relax. If you are hesitant about your joking
until she laughs, she'll never laugh. She'll be too
scared by how worried you are. Pete has this
problem. He tries to flirt, but to him it is such a
big deal and he's so afraid that he's going to
scare his prospect away, that he's a big ball of
tension. When he talked to Natalie, the
receptionist at his dentist's when he goes to get
his teeth cleaned; he was as frightened as a
cornered mouse. He had to work himself up to
talking to her, and his heart was pounding. He kept
asking himself "What if she doesn't like me?" and
worrying about potential rejection. "So, I guess a
lot of people get hurt here," he "jokes" with her,
his jaw muscles throbbing with tension. She just
stares at him, wondering what kind of a psycho he
is. He notices her fear, and becomes more upset
himself. "Uh, I mean, that's a joke," he says
weakly. "Oh, heck. When's my appointment?" His
fear, and his need for her to not be afraid of him,
makes him fail with the receptionist, as he does
with all women. Now let's look at how Bruce handles
the same situation. When he sees Natalie, he knows
he desires her, and knows that she may or may not
be induced to desire him. He knows that she may not
respond to him, and doesn't care. Bruce has decided
that his joking is fine, and is certain that he is
charming, even if she doesn't think so. When he
walks up to talk to her, he is smiling and relaxed,
radiating confidence rather than tension. "So, you
are the guardian of this ba-a-ad, evil place, eh?"
he says to her in a laughing way. She looks at him
to decide if he's a threat, but he's so relaxed and
seems so certain that everything is fine that she
decides to laugh in response. "Oh yes, I'm the
guardian, all right," she says. He continues in his
confident, joking manner, "How could I persuade you
to put a spell on me to keep me from harm here? In
fact, I think I can feel you putting a spell on me
already. You are bewitching me, Natalie," he says,
reading her name off her nametag. She laughs at his
joking. "Now I feel like I can go in there,
protected by the spell you have me under. I'll just
say to the dentist, 'the beautiful and charming
Natalie put me under a protective spell.' How do
you think that will work?" "You can try it," she
responds, laughing. "But I'd still take the
novocaine." "Oh, I don't need painkiller after
seeing you," he comes back. "Have you ever had the
feeling of meeting someone, and it's like you heart
can only feel good feelings, can feel no pain?
After meeting you, I'm sure I won't need anything
else." She blushes, "Well, thank you!" Bruce made
this interaction work because he was certain that
it would work. If he approached uncertain, like
Pete did, and waited for Natalie to give him
approval before he allowed himself to relax, he'd
have the same failure Pete has. Because he's not
waiting for her to feel good for him to feel good,
he's able to create the good feelings for them
both. 8. Do be romantic with your humor. Just being
a clown for her isn't enough. You must also make it
clear that you find her attractive. In the above
example, Bruce doesn't only make Natalie laugh; he
also uses their flirting to let her know that he
finds her beautiful and charming. He does this by
slipping in the occasional compliment, sideways.
When he says, "I'll just say to the dentist, 'the
beautiful and charming Natalie put me under a
protective spell,'" he's telling her that she is
beautiful and charming, and that he's thinking of
her as more than just a friend. By doing this, he
makes her chose what category to put him in; friend
or potential lover. If she keeps flirting with him
after he says these romantic things about her, then
she's accepting the fact that he's a potential
lover. Only if she rejects his compliments will she
be able to think of him as just another lowly male
friend. But, because she's having so much fun
flirting with him, she's unlikely to reject his
compliments. By being romantic with his humor, he
puts himself on the inside track for being her
lover. When you look at how Bruce flirts with
Natalie, you can see how she would have a hard time
thinking of him as "just a friend," because of the
romantic quality of his flirting. You, too, can do
this, if you show your romantic interest as you
flirt.
© 2009, Mastery
Technologies, Inc.
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Program audio course. Send them those seduction
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