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March Nearly everyone does battle with that pesky voice of self-judgment and sabotaging put-downs that chatters away in our heads. And, in response to a recent teleseminar we gave titled “The Fear of Being Fabulous” we received a request from a participant who said: “I would love to hear how you remove the head talk that keeps you from being fabulous. I can get so far and then I'm stopped by my head talk.” Here’s our answer . . . First, you’ll know it’s Head-Talk by the repetitive, nagging attack on who you are. Your self-respect and self-esteem can end up in the toilet. And you can end up on the edge of . . . well, for us it’s sometimes been the pothole from hell. On the other hand, if you only hear a single reminder or even a reprimand, that’s usually your wisdom giving you a heads-up to watch out or correct for behavior that’s not in your best interest. But Negative Head-Talk is relentless once it gets going. Its job is to successfully bring you down and remind you of your “proper” place. What’s “proper” about being put down? Well, you weren’t born turning yourself into a brick of Swiss cheese, with more holes than substance. Right? Somewhere along your life, probably earlier than later, you were told negative stuff about who you are and what you could accomplish and what you could have and who you could be . . . Even if you cannot now remember what it was or who said it. Because if that hadn’t happened, there wouldn’t be any Negative Scripts in your noggin’ that involuntarily blast away at you as Negative Self-Talk. So, what to do when that destructive force turns on you and fills your head with lies . . . 1) Know they are lies. 2) Remember We’re On Your Side and we told you they’re lies. 3) Take yourself back to where they came from originally, and see if you can remember who told you those lies, when, and what for . . . 4) Then notice how, when that Negative Head-Talk takes over, you are still in allegiance to that person and that part of your history. 5) Know that even after you’ve got hold of its source, when the Negative Self-Talk yammers at you you’ll be tempted to side with IT instead of with YOU. 6) So that’s when you must practice taking your own side, something you couldn’t do when you were younger. But you must practice doing it now. 7) Make the commitment to break your allegiance. This won’t happen without fear, pain, and sorrow. And there will be a sense of loss. That’s expected and normal. 8) Know that this need to detach from the past is urgent. Because that’s the key to your well-being and a fabulous future. 9) Stay away from blame. That just keeps you stuck to the past. And that’s just another, less obvious form of your allegiance. 10) Make the commitment to side with your desire. It’s your desire that will carve out and light the path to the Positive Head-Talk that you need as your powerful guide and ally. Now, every time your Negative Head-Talk threatens, you have your own internal arsenal to combat and overcome its power to trash your well-being. With practice you’ll see that that voice becomes weaker and less active. And you will enjoy the freedom to be fabulously alive and loving on your own terms. © 2010, Judith & Jim I have always made a distinction between my friends and my confidants. I enjoy the conversation of the former; from the latter I hide nothing. - Edith Piaf Judith Sherven and
Jim Sniechowski are husband and wife and the best-selling
authors of four books: "The
New Intimacy",
"Opening
to Love 365 Days a Year" and
Be
Loved for Who You Really Are: How the differences
between men and women can be turned into the source of the
very best romance you'll ever
know. Their fourth is
The
Smart Couple's Guide to the Wedding of Your
Dreams, an important book for
anyone who cares that weddings support the couple and the
marriage they are creating. And their latest book,
The
Heart of Marketing: Love your customers and they will
love you back. Claim your free
relationship tips at www.makingtheordinaryextraordinary.com
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