Nearly everyone does battle with that pesky voice of self-judgment and sabotaging put-downs that chatters away in our heads.
And, in response to a recent teleseminar we gave titled The Fear of Being Fabulous we received a request from a participant who said:
I would love to hear how you remove the head talk that keeps you from being fabulous. I can get so far and then I'm stopped by my head talk.
Heres our answer . . .
First, youll know its Head-Talk by the repetitive, nagging attack on who you are. Your self-respect and self-esteem can end up in the toilet. And you can end up on the edge of . . . well, for us its sometimes been the pothole from hell.
On the other hand, if you only hear a single reminder or even a reprimand, thats usually your wisdom giving you a heads-up to watch out or correct for behavior thats not in your best interest.
But Negative Head-Talk is relentless once it gets going. Its job is to successfully bring you down and remind you of your proper place.
Whats proper about being put down?
Well, you werent born turning yourself into a brick of Swiss cheese, with more holes than substance. Right?
Somewhere along your life, probably earlier than later, you were told negative stuff about who you are and what you could accomplish and what you could have and who you could be . . .
Even if you cannot now remember what it was or who said it.
Because if that hadnt happened, there wouldnt be any Negative Scripts in your noggin that involuntarily blast away at you as Negative Self-Talk.
So, what to do when that destructive force turns on you and fills your head with lies . . .
1) Know they are lies.
2) Remember Were On Your Side and we told you theyre lies.
3) Take yourself back to where they came from originally, and see if you can remember who told you those lies, when, and what for . . .
4) Then notice how, when that Negative Head-Talk takes over, you are still in allegiance to that person and that part of your history.
5) Know that even after youve got hold of its source, when the Negative Self-Talk yammers at you youll be tempted to side with IT instead of with YOU.
6) So thats when you must practice taking your own side, something you couldnt do when you were younger. But you must practice doing it now.
7) Make the commitment to break your allegiance. This wont happen without fear, pain, and sorrow. And there will be a sense of loss. Thats expected and normal.
8) Know that this need to detach from the past is urgent. Because thats the key to your well-being and a fabulous future.
9) Stay away from blame. That just keeps you stuck to the past. And thats just another, less obvious form of your allegiance.
10) Make the commitment to side with your desire. Its your desire that will carve out and light the path to the Positive Head-Talk that you need as your powerful guide and ally.
Now, every time your Negative Head-Talk threatens, you have your own internal arsenal to combat and overcome its power to trash your well-being. With practice youll see that that voice becomes weaker and less active.
And you will enjoy the freedom to be fabulously alive and loving on your own terms.
© 2010, Judith & Jim
I have always made a distinction between my friends and my confidants. I enjoy the conversation of the former; from the latter I hide nothing. - Edith Piaf
Judith Sherven and
Jim Sniechowski are husband and wife and the best-selling
authors of four books: "The
to Love 365 Days a Year" and
Loved for Who You Really Are: How the differences
between men and women can be turned into the source of the
very best romance you'll ever
know. Their fourth is
Smart Couple's Guide to the Wedding of Your
Dreams, an important book for
anyone who cares that weddings support the couple and the
marriage they are creating. And their latest book,
Heart of Marketing: Love your customers and they will
love you back. Claim your free
relationship tips at www.makingtheordinaryextraordinary.com
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