& Jim


The Gift of Receiving

You're busy checking off the items on your to-do list. Most of the gifts have been wrapped. And the holiday cards made it to the post office this morning. Oh, but you forgot about your daughter's teacher! And what to take to the Smith's annual Christmas Eve get together? And then the cookies for the school carnival and you used the last of the sugar in yesterday's brownies for the church fund raiser.

Then just at the same time that you are trying to figure out what to wear to the office party, what should occur? Your two tiny elves run into your bedroom loaded down with treasures they made at school, all meant just for you!

But you haven't got the time to stop and pay attention. The party's in just an hour. "Put them under the tree," you command, turning back to your closet, missing the dejection flattening those eager faces that want nothing more than to please you.

You and your spouse make it to the party on time, but when several people there tell you how attractive you look, you don't care because you're bothered by your kids sulkiness as the two of you left the house. You wonder what was troubling them.

Two days later your darling sweetheart arrives home from work with a bonus check, setting up a surprise by placing it on your pillow with a note that says, "To thank you for who you are, this will take us to Paris in the springtime! MUCH LOVE from Your Biggest Fan!" That night you stay up late to get those dozens and dozens of cookies baked, so you can drop them off when you take the kids to school the next day. When you crawl into bed at 1 AM your honey is fast asleep so you can't turn the light on. You assume thatthe crinkling paper you lay your head on is some of your darling partner's last minute office work and throw it on the floor. The next day you have to be told about the surprise and the disappointment caused because you missed it.

Gifts galore!!! And no one to receive them.

The old adage admonishes "'Tis better to give than to receive." But when the giving lands on unreceptive hearts, what good is it? In fact, as our all too familiar tale above makes clear, the excited, observant, appreciative givers find that their gifts are ignored and their feelings are hurt.

The gift of receiving is largely overlooked and overshadowed by the need to give. While gifts require money and time to purchase, or money, time, and labor to make, the gift of receiving is free and priceless.

You can't put a price tag on your children's glee seeing your face light up with pleasure when their candle-made-in-a-milk-carton turns into the finest glow the season can shine in your direction. There's no material value that equates with friends and acquaintances complimenting your looks, your talent, your friendship. And your spouse's romantic appreciation for who you really are, well, it's all you really wished for, isn't it? And yet . . .

And yet it's not too late to make a resolution that this year you will give the gift of receiving, the precious gift of paying attention to every person who wants to please you. You needn't gush or say you like something you don't. But you do have to notice any feelings that arise telling you that you don't deserve all this generosity. You do have to stay on guard against the distractions of your grocery list or that phone call you forgot to make that want to steal you away precisely at the time that someone is filling your plate with emotionally delicious goodies!


Because the gift of receiving, the heartfelt "Thank you" is often difficult to give. We've all been taught not to be self-centered, to focus on the other person while remaining modest and humble. However, most of us obey those instructions to the point of self-denial.

But then, ZAP! in one split second you are center stage. And that early teaching rings loud and clear: "Get rid of it! Pass it off! Don't get caught being admired, appreciated, or even loved! Who do you think you are?"

Take the gift of receiving seriously. When you embrace the beauty and generosity of what others give you, you will be changed. And you will be changed into a more self-respectful and self-loving person.

What better gift could you give yourself, and everyone else, than that?

And to help you expand your ability to receive, please accept our audio gift "The Power of Receiving" at www.judithandjim.com/receiving

© 2008, Judith & Jim

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I have always made a distinction between my friends and my confidants. I enjoy the conversation of the former; from the latter I hide nothing. - Edith Piaf


Judith Sherven and Jim Sniechowski are husband and wife and the best-selling authors of four books: "The New Intimacy", "Opening to Love 365 Days a Year" and Be Loved for Who You Really Are: How the differences between men and women can be turned into the source of the very best romance you'll ever know. Their fourth is The Smart Couple's Guide to the Wedding of Your Dreams, an important book for anyone who cares that weddings support the couple and the marriage they are creating. Claim your free relationship tips at www.makingtheordinaryextraordinary.com or www.fearofbeingfabulous.com

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