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Guise and Dolls
Over the years I have treated hundreds of men--gay,
bisexual and straight--who tell me that they enjoy
various sexual fantasies and sexual acts but would
never tell their wives. They want to tell and
include her in their sexual world but worry about
her judgment about something they already feel
ashamed about.
Some actually do tell and receive responses such
as this:
"You want me to do that? I am not that kind of
woman!"
"Why would you want anal sex? Are you gay?"
"I am not going to do that and you better not
get that anywhere else!"
"You cheated on me because you don't love
me."
The fact is that most of these men want to
engage in sexual behaviors, sexual fantasies,
sexual talk, and perhaps pornography--either with
their female partners included or at the very least
with her knowledge.
Women often judge that if their male partners do
not tell her about their sexual interests that it
is because they don't love her. The fact is they
don't tell because they love her do not want to
lose her.
To read more and to watch a video clip of my
working with a couple like this go to Straightguise.com:
Guise and Dolls
©2009 by Joe Kort
Related: Issues,
Books
Psychotherapist
Joe Kort, MA, MSW, has been in practice since 1985.
He specializes in Gay Affirmative Psychotherapy as
well as IMAGO Relationship Therapy, which is a
specific program involving communication exercises
designed for couples to enhance their relationship
and for singles to learn relationship skills. He
also specializes in sexual addiction, childhood
sexual, physical and emotional abuse, depression
and anxiety. He offers workshops for couples and
singles. He runs a gay men's group therapy and a
men's sexuality group therapy for straight, bi and
gay men who are struggling with specific sexual
issues. His therapy services are for gays and
lesbians as well as heterosexuals. His articles and
columns have appeared in The Detroit Free
Press, Between the Lines Newspaper for
Gays and Lesbians, The Detroit News, The
Oakland Press, The Royal Oak Mirror, and
other publications. Besides providing therapy for
individuals and couples, he conducts a number of
groups and workshops for gay men. Now an adjunct
professor teaching Gay and Lesbian Studies at Wayne
State University's School of Social Work, he is
doing more writing and workshops on a national
level. He is the author of 10
Smart Things Gay Men can do to Improve Their
Lives and
10
Smart Things Gay Men Can Do to Find Real
Love.
www.joekort.com
or E-Mail
*
Gaydar
(gay'.dahr, n.): (1) The
ability that lets gays and lesbians identify one
other. (2) This column--where non-gay readers can
improve their gaydar, learning more about gay men's
psychology and social lives. Also, (3) a regular
feature where gay readers can discover the many
questions and hassles their straight
counterparts--and themselves--must face!
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