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Don't make sweeping judgments based on
ignorance
Heterosexual privilege. It is a true privilege to
be heterosexual. As I read about the arguments
against gay marriage I am reminded of the
privileges I have lost as a Gay man. Heterosexuals
do not have to worry about opening their papers to
read about how they do not deserve rights for their
"sexual behavior". Before I came out I was not
reduced to simply what I did in the bedroom the
night before. It is a heterosexual privilege to be
able to get legally married. I lost that choice by
claiming and speaking my true identity.
Heterosexuals do not have to worry about getting
fired or evicted simply for being Heterosexual. The
only agenda people accused me of having before I
came out was of being a hard working good person,
getting an education and treating people right. Now
I am told I have an agenda; that I want "special
rights" for wanting equal protection from the law
as everyone else enjoys. I am not entitled to
equality any longer. That is a privilege only
heterosexuals may enjoy. I am told I am risking an
increase in taxpayer's money and that I threaten
the sanctity of marriage. This all happened to me
overnight.
It makes sense that if people think the only
factor contributing to being Gay is sexual
behavior, then wanting a right for that alone is
controversial. We are much more than our sexual
behavior as are our Heterosexual counterparts. If I
never engaged in sexuality again for the rest of my
life I would still be Gay. I am spiritually,
romantically, psychologically, and emotionally
attached and attracted to other men. For me, there
is one man in particular. Does this mean I am not
entitled to equal rights?
The agenda to me seems backward. There is an
agenda to keep me from being my authentic self. If
I dare speak the truth that I am Gay then my rights
and privileges will be removed immediately. How can
rational fair-minded people think this is fair? I
believe it is due to ignorance from most
heterosexuals who are not exposed or educated to
our lives as Gays and Lesbians.
I invite non-Gay people to spend some time with
Gays and Lesbians. Become acquainted with who we
are and how we really live. Read the literature,
which reflects the inner workings of our
communities and our relationships. Learn the facts.
Stop validating sound bites from the media and
those individuals who are in judgment of us
regarding their opinions and feelings. The way in
which people treat us as Gays and Lesbians is most
often based on feelings, opinions and judgment.
Let's stick with the facts. The truth will set us
all free.
©2007 by Joe Kort
Related: Issues,
Books
Psychotherapist
Joe Kort, MA, MSW, has been in practice since 1985.
He specializes in Gay Affirmative Psychotherapy as
well as IMAGO Relationship Therapy, which is a
specific program involving communication exercises
designed for couples to enhance their relationship
and for singles to learn relationship skills. He
also specializes in sexual addiction, childhood
sexual, physical and emotional abuse, depression
and anxiety. He offers workshops for couples and
singles. He runs a gay men's group therapy and a
men's sexuality group therapy for straight, bi and
gay men who are struggling with specific sexual
issues. His therapy services are for gays and
lesbians as well as heterosexuals. His articles and
columns have appeared in The Detroit Free
Press, Between the Lines Newspaper for
Gays and Lesbians, The Detroit News, The
Oakland Press, The Royal Oak Mirror, and
other publications. Besides providing therapy for
individuals and couples, he conducts a number of
groups and workshops for gay men. Now an adjunct
professor teaching Gay and Lesbian Studies at Wayne
State University's School of Social Work, he is
doing more writing and workshops on a national
level. He is the author of 10
Smart Things Gay Men can do to Improve Their
Lives.
www.joekort.com
or joekort@joekort.com
*
Gaydar
(gay'.dahr, n.): (1) The
ability that lets gays and lesbians identify one
other. (2) This column--where non-gay readers can
improve their gaydar, learning more about gay men's
psychology and social lives. Also, (3) a regular
feature where gay readers can discover the many
questions and hassles their straight
counterparts--and themselves--must face!
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