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Unhung Heroes: Gay Men with Small Penises
The current March, 2005 issue of OUT
magazine includes Erik Piepenburg’s article
titled Is Small Beautiful? His article focuses on
gay men with small penises. The journalist
interviewed Robert Woodworth, a 59-year-old gay man
and Director of Institutional Services at New
York’s Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender
Community Center. Woodworth began an ongoing series
of discussions about gay men and their penises,
which led to a four-week support group for gay men
who feel theirs are small.
Bravo to these men! They are truly unhung
heroes, willing to disclose their genital size and
come out of their fly, as well as the closet. What
pressure they must feel as men—particularly in
the gay community—where penis size is talked
about so relentlessly and so judgmentally, as if it
were a measure of the whole man.
I’m sure there must be many, many jokes
about it. When I was researching this article, one
colleague asked me, “Is it a small support
group?” “How long will your article
be?” another colleague inquired. Snicker all
you want, but the real joke is on all of us
men—gay and straight alike—since such
remarks make many of us feel self-conscious about
our size. When I hear any gay man make a small
penis comment—particularly in front of others
in my gay men’s groups or workshops—I
cringe to think of those insecure men who might
feel badly or those who just worry about their size
in general.
Guys Turned to the Wall
Guys Gone Wild, a companion DVD to the original
Girls Gone Wild that’s been available for a
while, displays men’s buttocks more than their
frontal nudity. I know this from having watched
Guys very carefully, and more than once (strictly
for research purposes, of course). Why--you might
ask--do we view so many butts more than penises?
The reason, I suggest, is that men in general worry
about their penis size. It seems safer to moon the
camera or flash your behind— the worst
criticism you might receive is that it’s too
hairy, too flabby, or sports too many pimples. But
one of the most hurtful insults you can say is that
a man’s penis is too small.
What is Too Small—Really?
The standard for penis size was set by the
Kinsey Institute in the 1960's. Alfred Kinsey and
his merry men studied American college-age men and
found that 80 percent of fully erect penises
measured between 5 and 7 inches (long), with most
falling in the 6- to 6 1/2-inch range. But size
queens beware! Despite what you might surmise from
gay personal ads, less than 1 percent of those
erections Kinsey witnessed in the flesh exceeded 8
inches. The odds against finding a true 9-incher
are a thousand to one, but still considerably
better than winning at Lotto. The difference
between AOL inches and real-life inches is in the
eye of the owner, not the beholder.
But does the rarity of those knitting needles in
the haystack make any one of us men feel any
better? Nope. Men are hung in different sizes,
widths, directions, shapes and each of us is
different, whether hard or soft. Some men are
show-ers and some men are growers. Still, going to
at a nude beach or locker room, men with bigger and
longer flaccid endowment are more fortunate. They
have less to worry about in terms of being judged
and found wanting, or hearing snide remarks made
about them. Even if their four-inch softie
doesn’t grow when erect, straight guys in a
locker room, bathhouse or nude beach won’t
know that. The guy who might boast only 1 to 2
inches soft and grow to 8 inches hard, still feels
self-conscious, thinking that when at ease,
everyone sees him as too small, even though at
attention, he knows he’s not!
Measures for Manhood and Masculinity
What we’re really talking about here is how
much of a man someone is. And we tend to measure
masculinity by various standards—by how tall
or short he is, how successful or wealthy or
athletic or stoic . . . the list goes on. All these
measurements are on outward qualities, and how sad
this all is. We need to look more at the inside,
evaluating a man by his integrity, responsibility,
talents, eloquence, and accountability. Why not
measure a man by the size of his heart? That way,
you’ll wind up with more satisfactions than
you’ve ever dreamed of!
©2009 by Joe Kort
Related: Issues,
Books
Psychotherapist
Joe Kort, MA, MSW, has been in practice since 1985.
He specializes in Gay Affirmative Psychotherapy as
well as IMAGO Relationship Therapy, which is a
specific program involving communication exercises
designed for couples to enhance their relationship
and for singles to learn relationship skills. He
also specializes in sexual addiction, childhood
sexual, physical and emotional abuse, depression
and anxiety. He offers workshops for couples and
singles. He runs a gay men's group therapy and a
men's sexuality group therapy for straight, bi and
gay men who are struggling with specific sexual
issues. His therapy services are for gays and
lesbians as well as heterosexuals. His articles and
columns have appeared in The Detroit Free
Press, Between the Lines Newspaper for
Gays and Lesbians, The Detroit News, The
Oakland Press, The Royal Oak Mirror, and
other publications. Besides providing therapy for
individuals and couples, he conducts a number of
groups and workshops for gay men. Now an adjunct
professor teaching Gay and Lesbian Studies at Wayne
State University's School of Social Work, he is
doing more writing and workshops on a national
level. He is the author of 10
Smart Things Gay Men can do to Improve Their
Lives and
10
Smart Things Gay Men Can Do to Find Real
Love.
www.joekort.com
or E-Mail
*
Gaydar
(gay'.dahr, n.): (1) The
ability that lets gays and lesbians identify one
other. (2) This column--where non-gay readers can
improve their gaydar, learning more about gay men's
psychology and social lives. Also, (3) a regular
feature where gay readers can discover the many
questions and hassles their straight
counterparts--and themselves--must face!
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