|
Homo for the Holidays!
We gays and lesbians are still recovering from the
trauma of the recent political elections; the
passing of the bans against marriage for gays and
lesbians. With the holidays approaching, my clients
talk about how they dread the further trauma of
going home to their families and not being able
to—or feeling able to—be out and open
with them about being gay. They call it depression,
but I say trauma because it better expresses
something emotionally charged and distressing that
happens, leaving you nowhere to release and express
the emotions.
Over the past weeks, I’ve listened to
clients shout and weep, expressing their hurt, pain
and fear at knowing they live in a state that
passed a law against them. Among those they pass on
the street, they wonder who might have voted to ban
marriage for gays. They wonder—as I
do—who betrayed us?
They really want to express their dismay at
work, in their families, to their neighbors, but
many don’t dare out of fear of rejection,
alienation and abandonment. They do not want to
experience the betrayal all over again.
Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (or PTSD), first
identified in soldiers returning home from wars, is
a psychological disorder that follows having
endured life-threatening events. Later,
psychologists noted that those who experienced
other traumas such as natural disasters, terrorist
incidents, serious accidents, rape and childhood
sexual and physical abuse also displayed PTSD.
Symptoms include difficulty sleeping and
concentrating,, becoming easily startled and
agitated, irritability, outbursts of anger,
depression, intense anxiety, substance abuse,
nightmares and flashbacks, and feelings of
helplessness. We lesbians and gays are vulnerable
to PTSD, because we often lack social and family
support, get blamed for others’ homophobic and
heterosexist remarks, and must live with the
threats and dangers, perceived and real, of being
discriminated against. And I would say the recent
election was a natural disaster, in my humble
opinion!
In my office, I see more lesbian and gay couples
and individuals struggling on a daily basis with
the media’s political views about us. Even if
they aren’t planning to marry or currently in
a relationship, this issue feels personal—as
well it should!
For me, the days following the election results
felt similar to how I felt after 9/11. and the
passing of my mother-in-law, with whom I was very
close]. Events seemed to be happening in slow
motion. There was a silence all around me, and I
felt numb. For years I have spoken about the covert
trauma we feel each time some anti-gay rant appears
in print or on the airwaves. The recent election
made that trauma go overt.
It’s high time to start identifying the
posttraumatic stress and depression we experience
from having basic rights and privileges wrested
away from us. It is time to claim back our rights,
regardless of the passage of ignorant laws or what
others do (and don’t) want for us. No longer
should we wait for others to give us permission to
heal ourselves.
This holiday, download your emotions. Don’t
remain silent about being and living gay and
lesbian. Even doing one thing differently with one
institution, one group, one person can relieve your
depressive PTSD symptoms and help you feel more
empowered. Taking action is our one antidote to
keep us from internalizing the hate and oppression
coming our way, and treating ourselves and others
badly as a result.
Avoidance, as in hiding, avoiding, fleeing,
freezing, submitting—or conversely, fighting,
shouting or being irrational—will only keep
you traumatized. Herewith, some tips to keep
yourself from being depressed during the holiday
season, when many feel guilty for not feeling
joyous.
How to be Homo For the Holidays
1. If you are not completely out, tell at least
one family member, colleague, or friend that you
are gay.
2. Take your partner home with you for the
holidays, don’t go separately to your own
families.
3. Refuse to keep silent about how you feel
about this past election. Talk about GLBT issues
with one group of people, be they friends, family,
colleagues, or fellow students. You don’t have
to get personal in terms of telling them
you’re gay yourself; you can just express your
feelings on the issue. Whether or not you’ve
come out, that’s a step in the right
direction.
4. If your religious institution supported the
ban, write or talk to someone in that organization
about how that impacted you.
5. Volunteer for a GLBT organization or donate
to help them fight for our political and social
rights.
6. Seek professional mental health help from a
GLBT-affirmative therapist.
7. Write an editorial to your local
newspaper.
8. Locate—and work for—GLBT friendly
candidates
9. Write to the American Family Association,
Women For America or another anti-gay organization
and tell them you will not be oppressed by their
hateful views.
10. Buy books on marriage and other rights for
GLBT’s and be informed!
©2007 by Joe Kort
Related: Issues,
Books
Psychotherapist
Joe Kort, MA, MSW, has been in practice since 1985.
He specializes in Gay Affirmative Psychotherapy as
well as IMAGO Relationship Therapy, which is a
specific program involving communication exercises
designed for couples to enhance their relationship
and for singles to learn relationship skills. He
also specializes in sexual addiction, childhood
sexual, physical and emotional abuse, depression
and anxiety. He offers workshops for couples and
singles. He runs a gay men's group therapy and a
men's sexuality group therapy for straight, bi and
gay men who are struggling with specific sexual
issues. His therapy services are for gays and
lesbians as well as heterosexuals. His articles and
columns have appeared in The Detroit Free
Press, Between the Lines Newspaper for
Gays and Lesbians, The Detroit News, The
Oakland Press, The Royal Oak Mirror, and
other publications. Besides providing therapy for
individuals and couples, he conducts a number of
groups and workshops for gay men. Now an adjunct
professor teaching Gay and Lesbian Studies at Wayne
State University's School of Social Work, he is
doing more writing and workshops on a national
level. He is the author of 10
Smart Things Gay Men can do to Improve Their
Lives.
www.joekort.com
or joekort@joekort.com
*
Gaydar
(gay'.dahr, n.): (1) The
ability that lets gays and lesbians identify one
other. (2) This column--where non-gay readers can
improve their gaydar, learning more about gay men's
psychology and social lives. Also, (3) a regular
feature where gay readers can discover the many
questions and hassles their straight
counterparts--and themselves--must face!
Contact
Us |
Disclaimer
| Privacy
Statement
Menstuff®
Directory
Menstuff® is a registered trademark of Gordon
Clay
©1996-2007, Gordon Clay
|
