|
The Truth about People Who Bully Gays and
Lesbians
1. They are suppressing their own homosexual
identity. It is true that those in the early
stages of coming out are usually the most
homophobic. Usually they will talk about who else
they know or suspect to be gay, talk about their
negative feelings about those "obvious fags or
dykes" and be most critical of the "homosexual
lifestyle". Over time they continue on with their
coming out process and feel must regret for how
they were in their early suppressed stages of being
closeted.
2. They are suppressing homosexual impulses
and desires. This is a popular belief that if,
"one protests too much" that he himself must have
the same issue or concern. In other words, when
someone bullies or talks a great deal negatively
about lesbians and gays the instant reaction is
that they must be gay themselves. A study done on
this very topic in 1996 actually proved this to be
true. Henry E. Adams, Lester W. Wright, Jr., and
Bethany A. Lohr published their research in the
Journal of Abnormal Psychology entitled, "Is
Homophobia Associated With Homosexual Arousal?" The
study was done only on males and found that men who
were most homophobic and held negative views on
homosexuality were those who were aroused by gay
male erotic stimuli. To read about the actual study
go to Wikipedia.org
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Latent_homosexuality.
3. They are hiding their own sexual issues of
which they are ashamed and disgusted. Many
people equate the word gay with the word sex. They
don't even hear the word gay they hear, "I want to
have sex with you." So those with sexual secrets
which they are hiding and feeling shame and
confusion for will often target others sexuality to
throw off their own sexual issues. For example, Dr.
Laura Schlesinger, a popular talk radio show host,
declared homosexuality a "biological error" and "a
sadness." She used the airwaves to spew her hatred
and disdain for homosexuality. She often calls men
"animals" sexually and tells women to wait to have
sex until they are married. During the time of her
anti-gay rhetoric, pornographic pictures surfaced
all over the internet of her taken during a sexual
relationship she had with a man while unmarried.
These pictures were eventually published in Hustler
magazine. Playboy magazine pictures are tame
compared to the type Dr. Laura took which was a
perfect match for Hustler magazine. If you don't
know the different between the two magazines, ask
any non-gay man.
4. They were sexually abused by a male
perpetrator. I had a client once tell me that
he was "queered" by his brother. When I asked what
he meant he told me that his brother sexually
abused him. Many men who were sexually abused
confuse that with homosexuality. They refer to
their perpetrators as gays and believe the act was
of a homosexual nature. The truth is that sexual
abuse is never about sex and always about power and
control. Like rape, the intent is to use and
humiliate the victim using the vehicle of sex.
Sadly these male victims are never taught the
difference nor understand what happened to them was
separate from homosexuality and they take it out on
gay men who they project are all predators and
perpetrators of sexual abuse.
5. They were put down for their gender
expression. Many men who are insulted and
humiliated for not expressing their masculinity in
traditional ways often target others who seem
effeminate and gay or lesbian. Because they were
the recipients of gender bashing they engage in
their own gender bashing themselves of others.
6. They were bullied themselves. This may
not have anything to do with homosexuality and
everything to do with victim becoming victor. Many
people who are bullied as children in the home
and/or in school find empowerment in bullying
others to shake their feelings of inadequacy. This
is a natural outgrowth of being put down and
targeted oneself for something about them that is
seen as stigmatized. Consequently, picking on
another minority who is stigmatized gives a bully
feelings of power and removes the spotlight off
from them onto someone else.
7. They are deeply religious. Whether
people want to admit it or not, children learn that
homosexuality is wrong right in their churches and
synagogues. Walk into most Christian churches and
you will hear the ministers as well as the teachers
and parents talking about homosexuality being a
sin. Lesbians and gays or demoralized and talked
about as if they are not even human beings. Given
this is there any wonder that people view them as
easy and acceptable targets to hate and abuse?
Studies show the more religious someone is the more
negative views they hold about the GLBT
population.
8. Their family and culture were against
homosexuality and were very verbal about it. I
treat many gays and lesbians from Arab, Hispanic,
and Eastern Indian descent all of whom were taught
as children that homosexuality was wrong and heard
their parents and other adults say, "no child of
theirs will be accepted if that is what they are."
I am not at all suggesting that these kids grow up
to automatically bully. However the GLBT kids
coming from these families and cultures all
experience the same post traumatic stress disorders
that those who are bullied exhibit. Growing up with
such negative and strong hateful messages is a form
of bullying.
9. People who make money and claim to be
Reparative Therapists turn people gay to
straight. Reparative Therapy, (RT), is the most
polite form of bullying which exists. RT is the
false belief that someone can change their sexual
orientation from gay to straight. Study after study
shows this not to be true however RT continues to
hold out hope to suffering gays and lesbians who
are in the early stages of coming out and don't
want to be gay. The reason I add this to this list
of bullies is that if you read RT literature you
will find that very early into their writings and
teachings they say, "There is nothing gay about
being homosexual." They believe that homosexuality
is always wrong and a result of faulty development.
They make large amounts of money off of scared,
lonely and bullied people and end up being the
bullies themselves.
10. People who simply hate. I don't think
I need to say much here that most of us don't know.
We often hate what is different and what we don't
understand. I know that that the more lesbians and
gays come out and expose others to who we are, the
less likely will we be hated.
©2010 by Joe Kort
Related: Issues,
Books
Psychotherapist
Joe Kort, MA, MSW, has been in practice since 1985.
He specializes in Gay Affirmative Psychotherapy as
well as IMAGO Relationship Therapy, which is a
specific program involving communication exercises
designed for couples to enhance their relationship
and for singles to learn relationship skills. He
also specializes in sexual addiction, childhood
sexual, physical and emotional abuse, depression
and anxiety. He offers workshops for couples and
singles. He runs a gay men's group therapy and a
men's sexuality group therapy for straight, bi and
gay men who are struggling with specific sexual
issues. His therapy services are for gays and
lesbians as well as heterosexuals. His articles and
columns have appeared in The Detroit Free
Press, Between the Lines Newspaper for
Gays and Lesbians, The Detroit News, The
Oakland Press, The Royal Oak Mirror, and
other publications. Besides providing therapy for
individuals and couples, he conducts a number of
groups and workshops for gay men. Now an adjunct
professor teaching Gay and Lesbian Studies at Wayne
State University's School of Social Work, he is
doing more writing and workshops on a national
level. He is the author of 10
Smart Things Gay Men can do to Improve Their
Lives.
www.joekort.com
or joekort@joekort.com
*
Gaydar
(gay'.dahr, n.): (1) The
ability that lets gays and lesbians identify one
other. (2) This column--where non-gay readers can
improve their gaydar, learning more about gay men's
psychology and social lives. Also, (3) a regular
feature where gay readers can discover the many
questions and hassles their straight
counterparts--and themselves--must face!
Contact
Us |
Disclaimer
| Privacy
Statement
Menstuff®
Directory
Menstuff® is a registered trademark of Gordon
Clay
©1996-2023, Gordon Clay
|
