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Menstuff® has compiled information and books
on the issue of Relationships. This section is an
archive Susie and Otto Collins's weekly column
featured daily on our homepage. They are spiritual
and life partners who are committed to helping
others create outstanding relationships of all
kinds. They regularly write, speak and conduct
workshops and seminars on love, relationships and
personal and spiritual growth to audiences all
across the USA.
They are the creators of the "Relationship
Toolkit" which has helped people in over a dozen
countries improve their relationships. It includes
a video called Spiritual
Partnerships plus two booklets Love
and Relationship Success Secrets and 101
Relationship Quotes Worth a Million Dollars!
You can also read more articles like these and
subscribe to their weekly newsletter on love and
relationships by visiting their web site at
www.collinspartners.com
Archive 2001 Updated
9/30/01.
October 1-7
Blame: Letting Go of the need to be "Right"
Have you ever blamed anyone for anything for any
reason? Of course! All of us have at one time or
another.
Here's the problem with blaming anyone else for
anything in your life--When you blame another, you
sever the connection of the heart and soul between
the two of you.
There are a lot of reasons why blame can happen
but it always comes back to one person's need to be
right. Yes, there are times when one person is
"right" but we've found that if these grudges are
carried for any length of time, they can destroy
the relationship and can even destroy the person
who's "right."
For several years after Otto's divorce from his
ex-wife, Otto hung on to the need to be "right."
Even though he was the one who left her, in his
mind, it was important to him that she take half
the responsibility for the marriage not working
out. After the divorce, he was outraged because she
blamed him totally for the broken relationship. He
blamed her for her not taking her share of the
responsibility for the relationship not working
out. Because both people had such an entrenched
attachment to "being right", this presented major
communication problems in issues that had to be
addressed concerning their son after the
divorce.
It wasn't until Otto gave up his attachment to
"being right" that communication began to improve.
Otto was able to let go of a lot of anger when he
let go of the blame. Communication still isn't
perfect but they are now able to work through
issues without finger-pointing and
name-calling.
In our view, when you blame, you have two
choices--one is to continue to act out of fear and
entrench yourself as the victim, telling all of
your friends (over and over) how you were hurt and
how angry you are; Or you can begin the healing
process by giving up the attachment to the need to
be "right" and then spend your time and energy on
whatever is necessary to heal the relationship. In
some cases, it may not be possible to "heal" the
relationship but you will heal yourself when you
let go of blame and grudges.
We know this is difficult, especially if there
are emotionally charged issues involved. But here's
our suggestion--If you find that you've been
blaming another or even yourself for a problem in a
relationship, stop the negativity. If you want to
heal the relationship, spend your time focusing on
the solution and how you would like the
relationship to be and how you can heal it instead
of the problem and how you have been wronged.
Relationship Quote of the
Week
"Every time you are tempted to react in the same
old way, ask if you want to be a prisoner of the
past of a pioneer of the future." Deepak Chopra
©2001 by Susie & Otto Collins
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