Women Don't Lie,
Men Don't Listen

Does Mick Jagger ever have Trouble Finding Women?

Hey Doc,

I am a regular reader of your columns, which I like very much.

To cut to the chase, here’s my problem. Unlike most of the men who write you for advice, I’m not young. No one out there offers advice for guys 60 years of age and over, including you.

Before you tell me that I’m probably a walking disaster and that’s why I can’t find women, let me tell you that I’m very successful, youthful and still like to rock. I have a young person’s mentality and am full of life for my age.

But let me be honest about what us older guys face out here. There are no women unless we go chasing younger babes around, and that can get dangerous. Most single women who are 45 and older look like hell. (There’s no more gentle way to put it.) They’ve let themselves go for so many years that they flat-out look terrible. I’m not saying that all of them look bad, but I don’t have any idea where to find the ones who look good.

Doc, I’d like to date women closer to my own age, frankly, because we’d have more in common than I would with a 20-year-old, but most of these women are very fat. I’m slim and handsome. I don’t want a pudgy, out-of-shape woman hanging on my arm.

So how about some advice for guys over 60? Where do we go to find attractive women? What should we say and do? Are we dead because we’re members of AARP or collecting pensions and/or Social Security? Should we just stay at home and watch TV instead of going out there and living to the full?

There are more of us out here looking for dates than you might think. So any helpful hints would be appreciated.

Luca - who doesn’t think he’s over the hill

Hi Luca,

You got one thing right, pal – you’re not young anymore. But that has nothing to do with anything. Because if you’re 60 and you meet a beautiful, svelte 54-year-old nurse, you still have to say “Caprice, what’s your home phone number?” The same as if you’re 19 and you’re drinking beer with a sorority girl -- you still have to say “Caprice, what’s your home phone number?” To you Psych majors, THE PRINCIPLES ARE ALWAYS THE SAME NO MATTER WHAT AGE YOU ARE.

Luca, I DO offer advice for guys over 60. Are you sure you read my book? As I said up above, it’s all the same thing. Why do you insist that it’s not?

What should you do and say to a woman? The same thing you should always do and say. You’re going to keep the conversation light and funny. You’re going to smile. Here’s what you’re not going to do. You’re not going to stare at her chest. And you’re not going to tell her how much you hate your ex-girlfriends and ex-wives.

Dude, you don’t have to convince me that you’re youthful for your age. What you have to do is find your counterpart in a female. It’s going to be a little tougher, though, because of your age. But if you’re patient you’ll get there.

Look at the statistics, my friend. America is 52% women to 48% men. Women outlive men by seven years. So they’re out there, all right. But you say that lots of women look like hell. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “My son, you’re not practicing the falsehood of unconditional love!” And yes, it’s true that lots of them also look terrible. Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “Boy, you ain’t never gonna be no guest on Oprah’s show!”

But there happens to be a large percentage of women who do take care of themselves, and that’s what you need. I’m going to show you where to find the ones who look good. But first, Luca, you have to open your mind and not be so judgmental.

Of course you’re going to have more in common with a woman your own age than you would with Lindsay Lohan or Paris Hilton. Not to mention that the Reality Factor says that they’ll take one look at you and say “Hi, Grandpop!” So you can’t be too upset when the young babes look at you like you’re a telephone pole. Or like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, “You know you’re in trouble when they start calling you ‘Sir.’”

So where do you find attractive women? You go to the same places that the 22-year-old guy goes to. Or the 32-year-old or the 42-year-old. You want to think that the rules are different for us guys over 60. But they’re not. You came charging in with your agenda, but you don’t know what you’re talking about, buddy. Like I said before, open your mind up.

Since you want a gal who’s in great shape, you have to do something PHYSICAL. Join a few outdoor clubs. You have to hang around the ladies who like to go hiking, or get yourself into some dance events or classes. Try the Sierra Club or join a tennis league if you play tennis. Then take a look at the women who are involved in those activities. They’re all skinny! Like my cousin Brother Love down in Watts says, “Maybe Oprah should dance!” Eventually you’ll see a 54-year-old who looks like Christie Brinkley and you’re on your way.

What you do then is ask for the home phone number. Then you meet her at Starbucks. Then you’re going to take her on your first big date, just like the 20-year-olds. In other words, it’s all the same whether you’re wet behind the ears or a geriatric case. And don’t forget that you’re going to make her laugh, and you’re going to show her manners and class.

Luca, you’re not dead because you’re just a few years away from assisted living. The odds are just going to be a little rougher when she sees your false teeth or your walker. But even some of those really old guys do all right. You’ll get over it with my coaching.

And don’t forget, you only need to find one good one. You have to make sure, though, that you’re prepared and that you have all the important information memorized when you do find her, otherwise you’re going to get some great opportunities, and then make all the same boo-boos. Then you’ll be lonely again and blame it on the fact that you’re over the hill, when in fact you just turn the girls off in spite of your great looks and success.

Remember, guys: when you meet her, you’d better be prepared to keep her.

© 2008, DocLove Dot Com 

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I present myself to you in a form suitable to the relationship I wish to achieve with you. - Luigi Pirandello

Doc Love is a talk show host, entertainment speaker, and coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?" He is the author of the Master Series, available at www.doclove.com Archives for 2007, 2006, 2005, 2004, 2003, 2002, 2001, and 2000.

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