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Does Dennis Rodman ever get Hung Up on His Exes? Hey Doc, First let me say that your website and radio show are addictive. I’d call you for help, but I’m nervous about being on the air. So I’ll give you a brief summary of my situation. Two years ago I met Taylor online. We instantly clicked. Seven months later we decided to move in together. I was considering marrying her too. Well, a few months ago things changed. Taylor broke up with me. I wrote her a letter explaining how I felt that she had not given our relationship a fair chance. She called me and said, “You’re right. I think we need to spend more time together and see where things go.” Well, I kept asking her to see me, and every time she made excuses why she couldn’t. I sent her an e-mail and told her I was sick of it. She apologized and promised she would make things better. In the meantime, I met Dana, an absolutely wonderful woman. She called me all the time, said she wanted to see me, and came right out and said she liked me. One day she asked “So when are you going to ask me to be your girl?” Anyway, Dana has been hanging in there ever since. She’s a Giver, very sweet, and she makes me feel special. But my heart is still with Taylor. Why can’t I get over Taylor when I have Dana, who is practically falling all over me? I e-mailed Taylor recently and told her that all I ever wanted was for someone to treat me right and be there for me, and I added, “Obviously you can’t provide that, so it’s time I meet someone who will.” She then asked me to dinner to “talk.” We went out, and she told me “I was never in love with you. I think you are a great guy and I want you as my friend. Maybe sometime down the line we can get back together.” I knew what that meant. It translates into “Howie, I want to string you along because I’ve found someone else and I need you as a backup in case it doesn’t work out.” No way, I told her. This date was a chance for her to throw one last punch at me, and I fell for it. In the meantime, Dana has been waiting patiently. She called and said, “I miss you. I want to see you.” What I can’t understand is why I’m hung up on a woman who won’t give me the time of day, and pass on one who is good-looking, sweet and giving. Doc, I realize I’ve made some mistakes. Will you help me? I’ve had such bad luck with women. Can you make sense out of any of this? Howie - who can’t take getting beat up anymore Hi Howie, Your first mistake was moving in with Taylor too soon – way, way, WAY too soon. What have I told you guys again and again? You have to go in SLOW. You can never go in too slow. Apparently you didn’t follow my advice. It doesn’t matter that you wanted to marry Taylor, pal. The only thing that counts is whether she ever considered marrying YOU. Remember, the most important tenet of “The System” is that it’s her Interest Level that matters – not yours. You think Taylor didn’t give your relationship a fair chance? Hey – she gave you seven months! What more do you want? But you still want to see where things go. Dude, on her side they can only go from 40% to 49%. But don’t hold your breath – Taylor’s Interest Level is never going to see 51%. You already blew your chance. Isn’t it funny how women always have excuses not to see you when their Interest Level is lower than 50%? I can’t imagine why! And you didn’t really get all kinds of tough with Taylor and tell her off, Howie. You begged. What you did by listing all the stuff she never did for you is called begging. Like my cousin Brother Love down in Watts says, “Here you’re finally standing up for your rights, and she’s in the arms of another man!” Sadly for you, pal; you’re already in the past. You’re so far in the past it’s not even funny. But Taylor promised to make things better. She should have said she was going to up her Interest Level, but we know that’s impossible. Know why Dana can’t get enough of you? Because of your love for the other girl, Taylor, you were a Challenge to her. That’s why Dana fell for you. And that’s what all the other love doctors would miss in this situation – the importance of CHALLENGE. There’s no mystery at all about why you can’t get over Taylor: REJECTION DOUBLES INTEREST LEVEL. And so you went and e-mailed her again despite the shellacking you took. In other words, you’re still begging, right? Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “How many letters are you going to send this woman who can’t even remember what you look like?” And don’t delude yourself about Taylor’s abilities with men. She can certainly be there and provide good treatment for a guy – another guy. You just happen to be the wrong guy. But I do feel for you, buddy. When Taylor told you she was never in love with you over dinner, did you upchuck your filet mignon? You don’t really believe that she’s going to get together with you somewhere down the line, do you? She just told you she was never in love with you to start with! Which means her Interest Level was below 50% from the beginning. The Reality Factor says that this is man’s biggest problem in his relationships with the opposite sex. And it also means that a girl will move in with you when her Interest Level is below 50%. Like I always tell you guys, 40%-49% can look like high Interest Level, but it really isn’t. To you Psych majors, the only Interest Level that’s high is yours. Yours is in the 90s. It’s out of control. Hers should be in the 90s before you get involved with her. That’s the whole point of my techniques. But Howie, don’t feel bad for being KO’d by Taylor’s left hook. Ninety percent of all guys are cut down by women’s punches -- even big, huge football players. You actually have great luck with women, my friend. You have one who moved in with you, and you’ve got another one waiting in the wings. You’re fantastic at getting women. You just don’t know how to hold onto them, that’s all. Your Interest Level in Taylor is way too high, man. Taylor’s is 40%, and yours is 100%. And that’s what rejection does -- it will distort reality and drive you completely nuts. But take comfort. Like an old sage once said, “Time is mankind’s greatest healer.” And you have the advantage that you can get into your other girl. You’re lucky that you have a backup! Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says, “Do you know how many guys go it alone after they get dumped?” You already have a babe in the bullpen, so you’re doing all right. But you have to learn to appreciate Dana before she decides to walk out on you, too. Remember, guys: never try to keep someone who doesn’t want to keep you. © 2007, DocLove Dot Com Other Relationship Issues, Books I present myself to you in a form suitable to the relationship I wish to achieve with you. - Luigi Pirandello
Doc Love is a talk show host, entertainment speaker, and coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?" Archives for 2006, 2005, 2004, 2003, 2002, 2001, and 2000. DocLove will answer all of your romantic
love questions from a man’s perspective. So set your
ego aside, learn to laugh at yourself, and visit
www.doclove.com
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