|
Romance and Pitter Patter: A Successful
Mix
No two people showed their love more than Jim and
Della in the story of The Gift of the Magi by O.
Henry. If you don’t remember the story, it was
about a poor couple at Christmas. The only two
possessions of value in their home were
Della’s long, beautiful hair and Jim’s
watch that had once been his grandfather’s. As
the story goes, Della sells her hair to buy Jim a
chain for his watch, and Jim sells his watch to buy
Della combs for her hair. This story is about
giving for the sake of love, even if you have to
sacrifice the one thing you treasure the most.
The Gift of the Magi illustrates what this
article is about: romantic gestures. A romantic
gesture is a physical way to show your partner you
care. The important aspect of the gesture
isn’t its grandness or cost. The intent behind
the gesture is the true present. Romance boils down
to making the extra effort, even when you think you
don’t have the time or the energy to show your
love. This is especially true when children are
added to your love life.
To make it a successful transition, all you need
to do is learn a few final points about how to keep
your romance alive by paying attention to the
little things. Everyday gestures of love show your
partner how much you appreciate him or her—as
a partner, in addition to being a parent—and
demonstrate that the relationship is a top
priority. When you learn how to protect your
investment in your relationship, you and your
partner will bask in the rewards of a romantic life
together.
Make Your Partner a Part of Your Life
One day over lunch, Bridget told her friend that
she felt as though she and her husband of 12 years
were just strangers living together under the same
roof. They got along like two roommates, or
co-parents, without any problems, but something was
missing. Bridget reminisced about how close she and
her husband had once been and had no idea when
things changed. She missed the closeness and had no
idea how to get it back. Her friend sympathized
with her because she felt the same way about her
husband, too.
These two women share a very common problem in
long-term relationships. Fortunately, this problem
is easily fixed: Just remember to make your partner
a part of your life.
When a relationship passes the honeymoon stage
and into the comfortable stage, people often stop
sharing things with their partners. This tendency
is a normal process of growing closer. People just
get busy in their normal routine and don’t
take the time to share like they did early in their
relationship. The remedy is to devote a certain
time every day to share the highs, lows, passions,
frustrations, memories, hopes, and everything else
you go through every day. Keeping the lines of
communication open will keep the romance burning
bright in your relationship, and that’s the
key to feeling close to your partner.
Talk Time
Knowing someone takes a lifetime, so you need to
keep the lines of intimate conversation going.
These important conversations will prevent the two
of you from ever feeling like strangers living
together.
Encourage these conversations by reserving
nightly time together before you fall asleep to
have talk time. You don’t have to verbally
arrange a time to talk—it’s better to
keep it casual by creating a habit of talking each
night. Talk time isn’t a time for serious
discussions or conversation about the children;
it’s more a time for relaxed, fun conversation
to get to know each other better. The following are
some good questions for you to ask your partner at
talk time:
- Tell me about your favorite pet when you
were a child.
- Who has been your best friend the
longest?
- What’s a holiday tradition that you
like/dislike?
- When you are old, what will be the highlight
of your life?
- If you could be the creator of any invention
throughout time, what would it be?
- Tell me about your first day in high
school.
- What are your favorite smells of each
season?
Keeping Life Balanced
In most couples today, both people have careers.
Dual-career couples often experience an increase in
relationship stress and a decrease in the amount of
time they have for each other. As long as the
relationship is well-organized, and nothing
unexpected comes up, work and relationships run
smoothly. However, life usually doesn’t work
that way.
Couples must keep their lives in balance. If
they don’t, their relationships will suffer.
You won’t fall out of love just because
you’re a workaholic. But continually putting
your other responsibilities ahead of your
relationship means that you and your partner will
pay in terms of emotional neglect for each
other’s needs. Get a sitter if you need some
time alone. Take a sick day to put your
relationship back in good health. Do what’s
necessary to balance the needs of your life with
the needs of your relationship.
Making Your Dreams Come True
Too often obligations in life keep you from
maintaining the closeness you originally sought in
your relationship. You can combat this by focusing
on sharing your life with your partner.
Real romance isn’t about flowers and candy,
it’s about daily expressions of love.
It’s about your commitment to your partner and
the actions that prove your commitment. Expressing
love is not about the big things you do for your
mate, but the small things. These little gestures
make your partner feel appreciated, cared for, and
special. For those times when you don’t feel
up to giving, just remember that it’s hard to
have a vibrant, growing relationship with someone
when you are more deeply committed to something
else.
Even if you aren’t comfortable expressing
your love, you still need to do it. Be realistic;
it’s all right if you start out slow. The
point is to start. In a great country song called
“Me Too,” a husband struggles to tell his
wife he loves her, but he can only manage to say,
“Me too.” Of course, she urges him to
say, “I love you,” but he can’t. To
reassure her, he talks about all the things he does
to say “I love you,” but she misses all
of them.
Let this song be a reminder that sometimes your
partner may be trying his best to show you he loves
you. Sadly, some people find it difficult to
express their love verbally. But this difficulty
does not mean they do not show their love in other
ways. You just have to learn the ways your partner
shows you he cares. Just think of how good it will
make your partner feel to know you see how he
expresses his love for you. Every effort either of
you make to be romantic and to show love
counts.
- Make your relationship a top priority in
your life by keeping your full attention on it.
Relationships don’t stay strong and happy
because of mere proximity. Instead, your
relationship is happy because you care enough to
make it work.
© 2008, ExpertDatingAdvice.com
Other Relationship Issues,
Books
Nancy Fagan is
the best-selling author of 'The Complete Idiot's
Guide to Romance' and 'Desirable Men: How to Find
Them' has appeared on several hundred radio and
television shows including Ricki Lake, Men are from
Mars/Women are from Venus, ABC News, NBC News, CBS
News, The Berman & Berman Show, FOX News. She
has been featured in most major newspaper in the
United States and worldwide as well as regularly
mentioned in the nation's top magazines such as
Ladies' Home Journal ('Can this Marriage be
Saved?'), Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Men's Health,
Bride's, Seventeen, Women's Day, Family Circle,
Women's Own, BBW, Complete Women and dozens of
others. To read more, visit www.ExpertDatingAdvice.com
This column is reprinted with permission from
E-Mail
Send questions to E-Mail
Contact
Us |
Disclaimer
| Privacy
Statement
Menstuff®
Directory
Menstuff® is a registered trademark of Gordon
Clay
©1996-2023, Gordon Clay
|
