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Getting Past Sexual Shyness
Shyness in the bedroom is common for many people,
in particular women. When it's present the result
is always the same-physically relating to another
person becomes difficult. If it isn't corrected
early on, the foundation of a relationship can
weaken, leading to sexual frustration, arguments,
cheating or worse-a broken love affair.
By it's very character, sexual shyness acts as a
barrier that keeps two people at a distance.
However, it doesn't have to. There are ways to
create and build sexual closeness.
Behind the Scenes
Other than being unfamiliar with a new lover,
there are two primary reasons that cause someone to
experience sexual shyness: 1. Lack of skills or
inexperience with lovemaking, and 2. A real or
perceived bad sexual experience. Regardless of the
genesis, there are four simple things that you can
do to help elevate it:
Learn Where it Came from. If you can uncover
when you first began to have negative thoughts and
feelings toward intimate acts, you will be on the
road to rebuilding your sexual self-esteem.
A good way to begin the process is to try a
simple technique-make a list of all the
sexually-related experience that causes you angst.
Next to each incident, decide if the experience
holds true today. For example, although it upset
you to be called flat-chested when you were
12-years-old, now as a fully-developed woman, the
insult no longer applies. With that, it's time to
let go of the damaging belief tied to the memory.
The process of putting your thoughts into black and
white will help to each more real and manageable.
As you do this, you will begin to see a new
confidence emerge.
Relaxation. The tenser you feel, the more sexual
shyness you'll experience. Prior to being intimate
with your partner, find ways to relax yourself:
exercise, yoga, bubble bath, a hot drink.
Skill Development. The more you practice, the
more confident you will be in the bedroom. Skill
development can come about in a number of ways:
reading books that instruct on sexual techniques,
watching movies to learn how others do "it,"
visualization (imaging yourself in a sexual
situation) and, of course, through actual practice
with your partner.
Positive Self-Talk. Each time you catch yourself
feeling shy, pay attention to what you are
thinking. More than likely, it will be a negative
thought that will exacerbate shyness. Stop your
thought immediately and replace it with a positive
statement that builds your sexual confidence.
© 2010 ExpertDatingAdvice.com
Other Relationship Issues,
Books
Nancy Fagan is
the best-selling author of 'The Complete Idiot's
Guide to Romance' and 'Desirable Men: How to Find
Them' has appeared on several hundred radio and
television shows including Ricki Lake, Men are from
Mars/Women are from Venus, ABC News, NBC News, CBS
News, The Berman & Berman Show, FOX News. She
has been featured in most major newspaper in the
United States and worldwide as well as regularly
mentioned in the nation's top magazines such as
Ladies' Home Journal ('Can this Marriage be
Saved?'), Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Men's Health,
Bride's, Seventeen, Women's Day, Family Circle,
Women's Own, BBW, Complete Women and dozens of
others. To read more, visit www.ExpertDatingAdvice.com
This column is reprinted with permission from
NancyFagan@ExpertDatingAdvice.com
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