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10 Relationship Trends That Must Be
Stopped
If there's one common question we hear from people
who have ended their relationships (or their
partners ended them), it's this...
"Is there anything I could have done differently
to save my relationship?"
We've discovered that it's not what you do at
the last minute when your relationship's in big
trouble that makes a difference...
It's what you both do along the way to keep
creating the relationship that you want that keeps
it alive and healthy.
With that in mind, we've noticed some disturbing
trends in relationships that can and do lead to
their end.
Here are 10 trends that must be stopped if you
want to keep your relationship growing deeper and
more connected...
Trend # 1. Texting while having dinner or
in a conversation with someone you love. While we
love technology, we also know about being present,
truly present, when you're with someone you love.
And texting or scrolling through your IPhone while
your loved one is talking is not being present.
In fact, this shows your loved one that the
other person or topic is more important to you than
he or she is.
You might argue the point, but the fact is you
are sending the message, sometimes over and over,
with your actions. And actions speak louder than
words.
Trend # 2. Flirting with people other
than your partner. Whether it's on Facebook with
someone you graduated with or a co-worker, what you
might call innocent flirting can get out of hand
pretty quickly.
You can end up confiding in this other person
more than you do your partner. You can end up
spending a lot more of your thoughts on the other
person than you do on your partner.
This is certainly a recipe for relationship
disaster.
If you find that you're nurturing a relationship
outside your main relationship to a greater depth
than you are with your partner, stop and get
conscious of what you're doing. Take responsibility
for where your flirting could be heading.
Trend # 3. One or both people "talk on
eggshells." When one person is afraid to be
truthful and holds back part of himself or herself,
there's no chance intimacy and connection can
grow.
You might think that holding back so you don't
hurt the other person's feelings or not "rock the
boat" is keeping the peace.
The problem is that these feelings don't go away
and they eventually come out in ways that are not
very pleasant.
Trend # 4. Bitching and complaining about
your partner with friends, family or co-workers.
While it can feel really good to get something your
partner did off your chest while you're talking
with a sympathetic friend, it can do damage to your
relationship if that's ALL you do about it.
Bitching and moaning keeps you in the victim
mode and doesn't help your situation.
We're not saying that sometimes you can get good
insights when you talk with a friend, but be sure
that that is your intention instead of wanting
validation that you're right.
And be sure that you address the problem with
your partner so the two of you can understand one
another.
Trend # 5. Not spending enough time
together. If there's one thing we preach it's that
in order for your relationship to stay alive and
filled with passion, you have to spend time
together.
You can't keep putting everything else in your
life before your relationship and expect that it
will survive, let alone thrive.
Get your priorities straight and live
accordingly even if you think it's impossible right
now.
Trend # 6. Making reality shows more
important than your reality. The latest trend for
television seems to be reality shows and it
wouldn't be that way if we all didn't fill our
hours watching them.
Now there's certainly nothing wrong with vegging
out in front of the television--and nothing wrong
with reality shows.
But when these shows become more important to
you than you living your life, then there's a
problem.
If you find yourself caring more about the
Jersey Shore women or the contestants on "So You
Think You Can Dance," "American Idol" or Susie's
favorite "Dancing With The Stars" than you do about
the people in your life...
Get a grip and start living in your life.
Trend # 7. How predominant the "blame
game" is. We've always blamed each other from the
dawn of existence. It's just human nature to point
the finger outward at the other person when things
don't go according to how we think they should.
Even though blame is normal and natural, the
only thing it does is separate the two of you and
create resentment that just doesn't go away.
How do you stop the "blame game"?
You just stop. You go on a no-blame diet even if
the other person doesn't. You just don't allow
yourself to blame.
This doesn't mean you're a doormat. It just
means that you're going to open to connection and
finding creative ways to resolve your
differences.
Trend # 8 Deciding on divorce before
discussion. Most people mull over divorce for many
years before they actually take steps toward it.
Sometimes they mull it over so thoroughly in
their minds, they don't give the partner clues that
they aren't happy.
We encourage you to be proactive in making your
relationship what you want it to be--and include
your partner in making it better--before it's too
late.
When people make this decision alone, it's
usually gone too far and the relationship's beyond
repair.
Get help before it's too late if this describes
you.
Trend # 9 Allowing passion and connection
to die. We believe passion doesn't have to die, no
matter how old the relationship or the two people
are--if that's what they want.
There can certainly be an ebb and flow to
passion in a relationship as the two people move
through various life stages--children, care of
elderly parents, job changes, changes in physical
body and health.
But through all this, no matter what happens or
doesn't happen in the bedroom, keeping some
consistent element of intimate connection is
essential to the health of the relationship.
Now of course this varies for each couple, but
what we know for sure is that if you've been
neglecting this aspect of your life, start paying
it some attention.
And Finally...
Trend # 10. Dishonoring and Disrespecting
each other. Over the years studying relationships,
we've witnessed a very disturbing trend that drives
a wedge between the two people.
That trend is when one or both people-- in
trying to be cute, funny or for whatever
reason--tear down or make fun of the other person
in public.
The person who is the object of ridicule, even
though it may be done as "kidding," feels
dishonored, not supported and not respected--and
just plain embarrassed.
While ridicule and poking fun at someone might
be funny on an "open mic" stage, it's not funny in
real life.
If you've used this as a way to relate to
others, stop and get conscious of how this might
feel to them.
If you've been the object of this kind of
treatment, tell your partner that you don't feel
respected.
Our wish for you is long, healthy relationships
and we invite you to not be part of perpetuating
these 10 trends that kill relationships.
All our best to you
©2010, Susie
& Otto Collins
Other Relationship Issues,
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Susie
and Otto Collins are spiritual and life partners
who are committed to helping others create
outstanding relationships of all kinds. They
regularly write, speak and conduct workshops and
seminars on love, relationships and personal and
spiritual growth to audiences all across the USA.
They are the creators of the "Relationship Toolkit"
which has helped people in over a dozen countries
improve their relationships. It includes a video
called Spiritual
Partnerships plus two
booklets Love
and Relationship Success
Secrets and
101
Relationship Quotes Worth a Million
Dollars! You can also
read more articles like these and subscribe to
their weekly newsletter on love and relationships
by visiting their web site at www.collinspartners.com
Their new E-book Should You Stay or Should You
Go? has just been released and is now available
www.stayorgo.com
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