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How To Make Your Relationship Great By Doing
Nothing
If there's one complaint that we hear over and over
about the challenges of relationships, it's
this...
"How do you find the time and energy to create
and keep great relationships?"
This is such a great question, especially since
we all seem to be continually busy and stressed
much of the time.
Most of us seem to be on the go non-stop from
morning until night--and if we don't interrupt the
pattern, it can take its toll on our bodies, our
spirits, our emotions and our relationships.
So what's the answer?
The answer comes from a surprising source.
Athletes.
Not just athletes-- but world class athletes who
seem to always win over and over.
They've discovered that renewal drives
performance.
Whether they realize it or not, the best of the
best athletes figure out ways to take mini-rest and
renewal breaks--even during matches or games--that
will help them to be at their best when it really
counts.
Perhaps you've seen the tennis pro switching
his/her racquet from hand to hand after a point in
an important tennis match on TV. Until it was
pointed out to us that this switching allowed the
arms of his or her dominant hand and arm to relax,
we didn't realize what was going on.
We thought it was just "nervous tension" and we
didn't realize that this actually is a recovery and
renewal break that would allow the pro to play at
his/her optimum level throughout the match.
At this point, you're probably wondering what
this has to do with finding the time and energy for
your relationship.
It's simple. If you don't allow yourself to take
renewal breaks throughout your day or week, no
matter how busy you are, you cannot be who you
truly are with those you love--let alone those you
don't.
That's why the 3 R's (rest, relaxation and
renewal) are so important to you, especially as you
try to build and maintain great relationships.
It's true that we all need some amount of stress
to expand and grow but continual stress with no
rest, renewal and relaxation time is harmful.
When we are under continual stress, we say and
do things unconsciously from habit and past
experiences and do not consciously choose how we
are going to be in our relationships and lives.
When you consciously make choices about your
words and actions and are not muddled by stress,
you are able to speak and act from a place inside
you that is true.
When you've been resting, relaxing and renewing
your body, mind and spirit, it's like you become a
"different person" --a better one.
You're more loving instead of fearful.
More open instead of judgmental.
You're also kinder and less critical.
This creates intimacy, connection and love with
the important people in your life.
Here are a few tips to encourage you to take
rest, recovery and renewal time, no matter what's
going on in your life...
1. Breathe deeply. When we get stressed, we
forget to breathe. A mini-renewal break can simply
be taking a deep breath in and exhaling all of it,
emptying your lungs.
Write a note to yourself and put it in your car
to remind you to take a deep breath as you sit in
traffic or deal with the kids who are arguing in
the back seat.
2. Take a 15 minute walk outside or a stretching
break We walk around our neighborhood and we've
found that even fifteen minutes can make a
difference in how we feel.
If you can't walk outside, take a few minutes to
get out of your chair and stretch.
3. Let it go When something happens that is
upsetting to you, don't hold onto it and mull it
over. Reliving the painful memory will only keep
you from living your life to its fullest and will
separate you from the people around you.
Let it go as soon as you have said what you
needed to say. If agreements need to be created
around the issue, then suggest that the two of you
talk about how to "do it differently" the next
time.
"Worry" also falls in this category. Don't waste
your energy and time "worrying" about someone or
something. It only creates more stress and
agitation inside you.
That thing about worrying about someone else--it
usually doesn't help the other person and can
really hurt you if you do it constantly.
Okay, so that's easier said than done but here's
a tip...
If you want to stop worrying and causing
yourself a lot of emotional and physical pain, ask
yourself this question that one of our teachers
Byron Katie asks...
"Is this my business, your business or God's
business?"
We've found that when we ask ourselves this
question when we begin to worry, it puts "worry"
behind us and we can focus on what we can do about
the situation.
Spend your "thought" time on what makes you
happy and your heart sing--and not on what you
can't do anything about.
If you focus on loving yourself and others,
instead of worrying about them or holding onto
grudges, we think you'll see a big difference in
your relationships.
Renewal, rest and recovery may seem to be the
last thing that you think you have time for but
we'd urge you to re-think that belief.
These 3 r's are not only absolutely necessary
for the health and happiness of your physical body
and mental outlook but are also essential to the
health and continual growth of your relationships.
Our best to you,
©2010, Susie
& Otto Collins
Other Relationship Issues,
Books
Susie
and Otto Collins are spiritual and life partners
who are committed to helping others create
outstanding relationships of all kinds. They
regularly write, speak and conduct workshops and
seminars on love, relationships and personal and
spiritual growth to audiences all across the USA.
They are the creators of the "Relationship Toolkit"
which has helped people in over a dozen countries
improve their relationships. It includes a video
called Spiritual
Partnerships plus two
booklets Love
and Relationship Success
Secrets and
101
Relationship Quotes Worth a Million
Dollars! You can also
read more articles like these and subscribe to
their weekly newsletter on love and relationships
by visiting their web site at www.collinspartners.com
Their new E-book Should You Stay or Should You
Go? has just been released and is now available
www.stayorgo.com
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