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How To Fight Relationship Boredom and
Win.
There could be a lot of reasons for unhappiness and
dissatisfaction in long-term intimate
relationships--but from our research, here's
something that might
surprise you...
One of the biggest is boredom.
When one or both people in the relationship feel
bored with each other over a long period of time,
it's very easy to get blindsided and the
relationship to blow up in a very painful way.
Of course, every couple can go through periods
of being bored with each other, but it's when
boredom is the over-riding feeling that one or both
people have that it's a huge problem.
Boredom can not only lead to a physical or
emotional affair with someone else but also to
immersion in work, a hobby or a cause that
completely shuts their partner out.
In other words, if you're bored, you can start
leading separate lives and not even be aware it's
happening until it's too late.
If you can see boredom creeping into your
relationship, it's time to take some action and
don't allow it to corrode your relationship from
the inside out.
The two of us decided early on in our
relationship that since we both had experienced
chronic boredom that turned into huge problems in
our past long-term relationships ...
We would learn how to cut boredom off at the
pass, before it even started in our
relationship.
We knew that even though we felt like we were
"soul-mates," we had to actively do some things to
keep that feeling alive and not put our
relationship on auto-pilot.
How have we kept our marriage alive, growing,
vibrant over the years?
Here are some ways we've kept boredom from
ruining our relationship and we invite you to try a
few of them out...
1. Plan different activities together. A
friend of ours and her husband of 35 years decided
to have a "stay-cation" where they took several
days off from work, stayed home but planned
different activities to share.
One of those was roller-blading together on a
local bike path--something they hadn't done for
years.
The two of us plan concerts to attend, workshops
to go to, take in a movie once a month or so, or
just take a bike ride together.
That point is that we PLAN for those times
together and we suggest you do also.
2. Find role models for keeping passion and
intimacy alive and be willing to go beyond your
comfort level. We visit book stores and look
through the intimacy and love-making sections for
books that look interesting. We go to workshops
that help us to break out of our routines and try
some new ways of being with each other.
We make it a practice to push the boundaries of
where we are comfortable, while we still create a
safe space to be together.
You may not be the "workshop" type or like to
cruise the love-making section at Borders but you
can try some of our suggestions and see what
happens in your relationship.
And you can be willing to move out of your level
of comfort, even just a little, to add a little
more spice to your relationship.
3. Continue to learn how to open to each
other by talking and listening, even when it's
difficult. Learning how to communicate from the
heart with each other is one of the best boredom
killers we know.
When you listen with curiosity to discover new
things about your beloved, as well as reach down
inside yourself and share who you really are,
there's no chance that boredom will set in.
4. Think in terms of possibility and ask
different kinds of questions. When the two of
us really thought about it, what's different in
this relationship from our previous ones is that we
are looking forward and what's possible in the
future rather that getting stuck in what happened
in the past or what didn't work.
Part of this comes from asking a question like
this.--"How can I be even a better lover
(communicator, partner)?" And listen closely to the
answer that comes up inside you. Even if there's
resistance, pay attention to that too.
5. Create new routines to break out of your
old ones that are no longer serving you.
One of our "routines" is what we call our
morning connecting time--one hour each morning
after we wake up where we spend connecting,
appreciating and loving each other.
Even though we spend that time every morning we
are together, we vary what we do during that time
so boredom doesn't set in.
We suggest you create a routine where you
appreciate each other with words and/or physical
attention and see what that does to your
relationship.
Don't let boredom kill your relationship when it
doesn't have to.
Take some active steps today to stop boredom in
its track so that your relationship keeps
growing.
Ask yourself, what could you allow yourself to
get excited about that you've been wanting to do
with your partner or do more of with them? ... and
then invite them to do it with you.
You can also find your desire again by asking
yourself, "What did I (or we) use to do that I
miss?"
In essence, what we're suggesting here is that
you become a better asker of questions that can get
you thinking about new possibilities for your
relationship or marriage.
Remember, there's NO boredom when you have the
feeling of infinite possibilities.
All our best to you,
©2010, Susie
& Otto Collins
Other Relationship Issues,
Books
Susie
and Otto Collins are spiritual and life partners
who are committed to helping others create
outstanding relationships of all kinds. They
regularly write, speak and conduct workshops and
seminars on love, relationships and personal and
spiritual growth to audiences all across the USA.
They are the creators of the "Relationship Toolkit"
which has helped people in over a dozen countries
improve their relationships. It includes a video
called Spiritual
Partnerships plus two
booklets Love
and Relationship Success
Secrets and
101
Relationship Quotes Worth a Million
Dollars! You can also
read more articles like these and subscribe to
their weekly newsletter on love and relationships
by visiting their web site at www.collinspartners.com
Their new E-book Should You Stay or Should You
Go? has just been released and is now available
www.stayorgo.com
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