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How To Get More Love, More Money Or More Of
Anything You Want
Otto just returned from a conference where this
quote we just mentioned...
"The most you'll ever get is the least you're
willing to accept."
...was prominently displayed and we think the
meaning behind it gets to the heart of many of the
problems, issues and challenges we all face in our
relationships and lives.
If you've ever lived with the question about how
to make a relationship, your financial situation or
anything else in your life better--and you just
didn't know what to do or where to start-- then,
consider this...
In many relationship and life situations where
you aren't getting or creating what you want,
there's one thing you can do that almost always
changes things and it's THIS:
Raising your standards.
That's right.
Raising your standards about what you are and
are not willing to accept for yourself is one of
the most important things you could ever do to get
whatever you want in your relationship and
life.
Here's an example of what we're talking about...
.
At this same conference we just mentioned that
Otto attended, he met a man who told him that he
remembers when he and his wife sat on the edge of
their bed just 3 short years ago and decided that
they were either going to part ways or make their
relationship better.
This man said they decided they were no longer
willing to accept their relationship as it was and
that they were happier now than they ever have
been.
They weren't willing to settle for what had
become unacceptable to both of them and they chose
consciously to make their relationship better.
If you're interested in learning more about how
people like this create a better relationship,
here's a word of caution...
The "willing to accept" part doesn't mean that
you steel yourself for a fight, standing up to the
other person in a belligerent manner.
It's more like coming to a place inside yourself
where you know what you want, that you deserve it,
and that you're willing to do what it takes to
create it.
Here's an example from our lives...
Otto's 21 year old son lives with us while he's
going to a nearby college. Right now, final papers
are due and final exams are next week.
While he normally mostly follows our "house
rules" of picking up after himself, washing his own
dishes, pots and pans (among others), when finals
roll around at the end of each quarter, he tends to
be distracted and "forgets" to follow through on
some of our living arrangement agreements with
him.
During these times, we don't get angry or
belligerent with him (when we're at our best)
because he isn't doing what we expected or what he
agreed to. Otto simply reminds him that he knows
it's a stressful time for him and we still expect
him to follow through, doing his part in keeping
our shared areas the way we want them to be.
If we did continually accept Otto's son's
"lapses" and make excuses for him, that's what we
would get more of--our living space not the way we
want it to be.
We also run the risk of creating a situation
where we're angry and resentful with him--and
that's not a healthy way to live for any of us.
Okay, so let's suppose you have a situation
where you're accepting a lot less than you
want.
It might be your financial situation; lack of
intimacy with your partner (in or out of the
bedroom); an overly-critical spouse, parent,
co-worker or boss; a "problem" child you don't know
what to do with.
For example, if you accept constant, unfounded
criticism to "keep the peace," that's what you will
continue to experience--until you do something
about it.
Whatever you are accepting and getting less than
you desire...
Here are some ways to begin to turn those
situations around--
1. Become consciously aware of the change you
want to happen--and know that you deserve to live
like this.
Until you know deep inside you that you deserve
to have what you want, you won't have it.
This may take forgiving yourself for what you
think you've done wrong in the past or working on
building your confidence and self-worth.
2. Practice speaking from the place deep inside
you that knows what you are willing to accept and
what you aren't.
Learn how to use clear words that don't
necessarily make the other person wrong, but say
what you want.
One woman told us that her husband had used
words to help her re-focus her attention when she
was excessively worrying about a certain
situation.
As she was becoming more and more frantic about
what "could" happen with this other person, her
husband gently and lovingly asked her this
question...
"Is this woman here right now?"
When she answered "No," it brought her out of
her worry and made-up stories about what could
happen.
It helped her connect with her husband who she
hadn't seen all day--and gave her some peace.
It wasn't only his words but it was how he said
them that made a difference for her.
3. Listen to what the other person is saying or
requesting and see if there's an overlap in what
you will accept or not.
Going back to our example about Otto's son and
finals...
When Otto reminded him about something he forgot
to do that he had agreed to do, his son said that
he needed to study for an exam for an hour and then
would do what Otto asked.
Otto could accept this--and that's exactly what
happened. His son followed through on what he said
he would do.
If someone is very critical of you and you want
it to stop...
Don't start with something like, "You're always
so critical of me and I want it to stop!"
If you talk in generalities, you won't get very
far in making the change you want to make. In fact,
you'll probably just make the other person angry
and defensive and it will end up in a fight.
Instead, choose a specific example and ask what
he or she truly wanted differently in this
situation. Then listen from a neutral place and
feel inside yourself if you are willing to make
that change or not.
If you are willing to make some changes, then
agree to make the ones you want and you know you
need to.
If you aren't, tell the other person why you
aren't.
We know this might not be easy--that it may be
easier to live with criticism (or whatever it is
you're putting up with) than to tell the other
person the truth about what you are and aren't
willing to accept.
The choice is yours--whether to stop kidding
yourself about whether a situation will change or
not if you don't do anything to change it or accept
a life that is much less than what you want or
deserve.
We can't know what's right for you but whatever
you decide, we suggest you make your choice a
conscious one.
Talk to you again soon.
All our best to you
©2010, Susie
& Otto Collins
Other Relationship Issues,
Books
Susie
and Otto Collins are spiritual and life partners
who are committed to helping others create
outstanding relationships of all kinds. They
regularly write, speak and conduct workshops and
seminars on love, relationships and personal and
spiritual growth to audiences all across the USA.
They are the creators of the "Relationship Toolkit"
which has helped people in over a dozen countries
improve their relationships. It includes a video
called Spiritual
Partnerships plus two
booklets Love
and Relationship Success
Secrets and
101
Relationship Quotes Worth a Million
Dollars! You can also
read more articles like these and subscribe to
their weekly newsletter on love and relationships
by visiting their web site at www.collinspartners.com
Their new E-book Should You Stay or Should You
Go? has just been released and is now available
www.stayorgo.com
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