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Drama, Drama Everywhere... Here's The Reasons
You Should Care
Drama is everywhere.
Some of it in our lives is good and some of it
is not so good.
And if the truth is told, we like drama as much
as the next person does...
But is it good for us and our relationship and
life?
For entertainment, we like to watch reality
shows like "Dancing with the Stars" and "American
Idol" that are filled with drama as well as murder
mysteries, medical dramas and action movies.
Even sports shows and the 6 o'clock news are
filled with drama--and that's one big reason we all
watch them.
People just can't seem to get enough of
drama.
Don't even get us started on the drama of "talk
radio."
We, as individuals and as a culture like drama
so much that we create a lot of it in our own
lives--and it's time for all of us to stop if we
want to be happier and more peaceful.
It's time to make the shift from the
separateness and tension that all the drama in our
lives creates to having more love, openness,
harmony, passion and connection.
It's time for us to stop the stories and get
back to the loving.
If you're thinking that this sounds a little
like we're talking about a utopia that can never
happen, you may be right...
But we don't think so and here's why...
We've seen strong evidence in our lives and in
the lives of other people that when you drop the
drama and the negative stories and allow love to
take over, your life and relationships change.
Now, we know that it's very seductive to stay in
the drama of a situation, maybe one that happened
many years ago, rather than to bring yourself
completely into the present moment and be in your
life right now.
We're not saying that people haven't had
terrible childhoods, harmful relationships and
horrible things happen to them in the past.
They certainly have.
What we are saying is that to carry this drama
and these stories into their current
relationships--reliving and recreating the past
trauma, day in and day out--keeps you stuck,
anxious, and unhappy with no chance of a happy,
loving life.
Otto talked to a man just the other day who
wasn't sure what he was going to do because he was
$180,000 in debt and his prospects for getting a
job in his chosen field weren't materializing so
far.
There was of course a lot of drama around this
as you might imagine and we're certainly not
minimizing his situation.
But what we've found is...
As long as you focus on being $180,000 in debt
and no job, you won't get a job and nothing will
change with your debt.
As long as you focus on what your partner is
doing wrong, he or she won't change and won't come
closer to you.
As long as you focus on your physical challenges
and what you can't do, nothing will change.
We're not suggesting that you put blinders on
and pretend that your challenges don't exist.
We're saying that you start looking for a
possibility or way of looking at your life that may
bring you more ease and happiness.
Several years ago, Susie realized that when Otto
used a particular tone in his voice that it really
made her angry and she felt like he was belittling
her.
It helped when she made the connection that this
was how she felt sometimes when her father talked
to her as she was growing up--but she didn't make
the shift she needed to make until she decided to
take another step.
She chose to stop telling the "story" and keep
the drama going that her father (and Otto) didn't
think she was good enough.
Because the truth was--she really didn't know
that they thought this at all. This was just her
projection.
She chose instead to stop what we later called
"talking on eggshells" and begin focusing on
possibility and openness.
Instead of withdrawing into anger, silence and
sarcasm at those times, she began choosing to
bypass her stories and drama and talk about the
issue in the current moment, looking for a
resolution instead of putting up barriers.
How can you stop the drama and negative stories
that hold you back and keep you anxious and
afraid?
Here are a few ideas to get you started toward
looking for love and possibilities instead...
1. It's just a habit. Keeping your dramas and
stories going is just a habit that you can
break.
Just like any habit, it takes making another
choice one moment at a time.
When you get the urge to go into your story that
"he would rather be with that other woman" or "she
doesn't love me anymore," remind yourself that that
is a story that you don't actually know that it's
true (unless you have evidence that it is).
Look for a way that might bring you closer
instead of dwelling on what you don't want.
While we're certainly not suggesting that you
stay in a relationship that is toxic for either of
you, we are saying to recognize if you have a habit
of finding fault and focusing on it--and then make
an effort to change that habit.
2. Be loving and patient with yourself. One of
the biggest problems in relationships, especially
those of us from western cultures, is that there's
a lot of self-hatred and not a whole lot of self
love.
After all, how can you love someone else when
you can't love yourself?
You really can't.
Begin to love yourself by looking for times when
you acted in the way that you could be proud of.
Maybe you said what was true for you when many
times in the past, you haven't.
The idea is to stop beating yourself up for what
you haven't done that was "right" and focus on what
you're doing that is bringing you closer to what
you want.
3. Have an "Appreciation Fest." An "Appreciation
Fest" is taking some time for both of you to
appreciate one another. If your partner isn't
interested in doing something like that, take the
initiative and simply tell him or her when you
appreciate something that he or she has done.
Instead of holding back those expressions of
gratitude because of all the past hurts you've
suffered, come into the present moment and
acknowledge what's right--here and now.
Our goal is simple...
We want it to be normal and natural for couples
to be in a state of love and abundance instead of
disconnection and lack of love.
We believe that this is the way the world will
change--one person and one couple at a time.
You can start by looking at the drama in your
life, how it's being kept going and making the
choice to love instead.
Our best to you,
©2010, Susie
& Otto Collins
Other Relationship Issues,
Books
Susie
and Otto Collins are spiritual and life partners
who are committed to helping others create
outstanding relationships of all kinds. They
regularly write, speak and conduct workshops and
seminars on love, relationships and personal and
spiritual growth to audiences all across the USA.
They are the creators of the "Relationship Toolkit"
which has helped people in over a dozen countries
improve their relationships. It includes a video
called Spiritual
Partnerships plus two
booklets Love
and Relationship Success
Secrets and
101
Relationship Quotes Worth a Million
Dollars! You can also
read more articles like these and subscribe to
their weekly newsletter on love and relationships
by visiting their web site at www.collinspartners.com
Their new E-book Should You Stay or Should You
Go? has just been released and is now available
www.stayorgo.com
See Archives 2009,
2008,
2007,
2006,
2005,
2004,
2003,
2002
and 2001.
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