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7 Ridiculously Bad Relationship Ideas
If you've ever wondered what happened when things
have been going along pretty well in your
relationship and suddenly, it feels like the bottom
just fell out and you don't know why...
You're not alone.
We've all been there and felt that sinking
feeling that we don't have a clue how this
disagreement and separation happened.
After working with thousands of people and
trying out ideas in our own relationship, we've
figured out that when one or both of you get
argumentative, manipulative, shut down,
mistrustful, discouraged, infuriated or whatever
happens in your drama...
It's because of a bad relationship idea--and
those "bad" ideas turn into beliefs that you hang
onto for dear life.
Here's the thing about a belief...
It's just an idea you've practiced over and
over--which is all well and good if it brings you
the ease and happiness you want.
But if the belief or idea doesn't bring you what
you want, then it's worth looking at to see if you
want to start practicing another idea or belief
that might work better.
There are many "bad" relationship ideas but here
are 7 really "good" ones to stay away from...
1. Thinking relationship problems will go
away if you ignore them. They usually don't.
They usually just keep getting bigger until you
HAVE to do something about them or someone else
takes some action that you may or may not like
The problem comes in trying to decide if
something's petty and not worth the effort bringing
up or you've brought it up many times in the past
and nothing changes...
Or if you need to bring it up because it will
only get bigger if you don't.
A guideline we use is to first look at what I'm
doing to contribute to this situation and then
speak from that place inside with the desire to
clear up whatever misunderstanding there might
be.
"I can see that I do this to keep us apart. Can
we talk about how we both contribute to this
problem and find a better way to be together?"
2. Creating a "blended family" and thinking
that love alone will overcome all obstacles.
When attraction hits two people, they usually
believe that everything will just work out because
they are so in love.
But if there are two families that need to
somehow magically blend together in the process,
there are usually big problems that can break up
even the most loving couple.
Instead of the idea that "love will somehow be
enough," you have to get practical and create ways
you both agree upon that gets you on the
sameparenting page.
Communication is key and learning how to do it
effectively with a number of personalities and
needs in the mix needs to be a priority if the
blended family will work.
3. Using Facebook or other social media to
air the private, intimate details of your
relationship or to embarrass your partner. You
may think you're being entertaining if you post
intimate details about your relationship or make
fun of your partner but what you risk can be far
greater than the feeling you get from being
"clever."
So, our recommendation is--before you ever post
anything on Facebook, Twitter or any other social
media outlet, simply stop, take a moment and
consider how your post might feel to your
partner.
Consider what you're about to post and if you
truly want others to know this detail about your
life and your relationship.
4. Holding back your truth out of fear.
We call this "talking on eggshells" and what
we've found is that if it's done consistently, it
leads to resentment, separation and possibly
explosions when you least expect it.
If this is a problem for you, one way to start
being more authentic is to tune into yourself when
you feel yourself stiffen up, talk around a
situation, placate, not answer a question directly
or any other number of ways you might talk on
eggshells.
Recognizing what triggers this reaction is the
first place to start dealing with it and changing
it.
5. Thinking you can change your partner.
One of our teachers told us this and we've seen it
play out over and over..."Women marry men hoping
they'll change; men marry women hoping they
won't."
Whether you're a man or a woman, it just seems
to be human nature that we either want our partner
to change in some way--or stay the same and never
change (even though they do).
In either case, you are arguing against reality
and what isn't there in front of you.
While we certainly encourage couples to learn
and grow, we also recognize that this desire has to
come from within the person.
So if you want your partner to change, begin to
appreciate and notice what's right and more in line
with what you want rather than focusing on what you
don't want.
We know it takes some practice but it's worth
it!
6. Continuing to believe a partner is
innocent (or guilty) when the evidence suggests
otherwise. When you argue against reality, you
always lose.
Even though it may take courage to confront an
issue either with your partner and within
yourself--and set a boundary...
Ultimately, it's for your own good and
growth.
Stop yourself from making up untrue stories and
stick to the facts.
Then take action from that knowing place inside
you.
7. Thinking passion, love and connection is
supposed to die Here's the deal...
If you have this idea that love, intimacy and
even red hot passion in the bedroom is supposed to
fade away--even unconsciously, that's exactly
what's going to happen, especially if you don't do
anything to keep your relationship alive.
We say...
Passion, love and connection doesn't have to
die.
Believe it or not, it's a choice.
So make the choice that you're going to keep
your love alive and then do the things you need to
do to keep growing together.
There you have it...7 bad relationship
ideas.
We invite you to become conscious of the ideas
and beliefs that you carry in your life...and do
something to change them if they aren't bringing
you the life and happiness you want.
Our best to you,
©2010, Susie
& Otto Collins
Other Relationship Issues,
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Susie
and Otto Collins are spiritual and life partners
who are committed to helping others create
outstanding relationships of all kinds. They
regularly write, speak and conduct workshops and
seminars on love, relationships and personal and
spiritual growth to audiences all across the USA.
They are the creators of the "Relationship Toolkit"
which has helped people in over a dozen countries
improve their relationships. It includes a video
called Spiritual
Partnerships plus two
booklets Love
and Relationship Success
Secrets and
101
Relationship Quotes Worth a Million
Dollars! You can also
read more articles like these and subscribe to
their weekly newsletter on love and relationships
by visiting their web site at www.collinspartners.com
Their new E-book Should You Stay or Should You
Go? has just been released and is now available
www.stayorgo.com
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