Menstuff® has compiled the following information on dating.
9 Things That Attract Mens Attention
Men Are Worse at Dealing With Break-Ups
Age aint nothing but a number: What its really like to date someone older
Dating and mating rituals...decoded
Wake Up or Break Up: 8 crucial steps to strengthening your relationship
10 dating statistics you ought to know
43 Date-Night Ideas
Lies Women and Men Tell
What its like dating a babe
Why women should date around
Responsible Sex Conversation
Date Rape Drugs
Recession special: Are women dating for free food?
Finally a fair way to fight
Resource: Text the romance back 2.0
Books: Communication, Conflict Resolution, Domestic Violence, Marriage, Relationship, Sexism, Sex Roles, Social Theory, Men on Women, and Women on Men
Related Issues: Communication, Domestic Violence, Marriage, Relationships, Reproduction, and the issue of Humor and books on Humor which include some of the biggest ways the "war of the sexes" is fueled. Please say "That isn't funny!" not only to rape jokes, but to any joke that shames or demeans another person - especially to the ones sent in group e-mails. Just click on the "Reply All" button and let them all know where you stand.
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen - Doc Love is a West Coast talk show host, entertainment speaker, and coaches men in his seminars. He provides us with a weekly column on relationships. www.doclove.com
Tom Blake - Is the author of Middle Aged and Dating Again and Finding Love After 50: How to begin, where to go, what to do. Visit him at www.findingloveafter50.com
Nancy Fagan - is the best-selling author of The Complete Idiot's Guide to Romance and Desirable Men: How to Find Them. Visit www.ExpertDatingAdvice.com
The New Intimacy - Judith Sherven, Ph.D. and James Sniechowski, Ph.D., a husband and wife psychology team from the East Coast discuss weekly The New Intimacy from their book by the same name. They can be heard M-F 4-5 PM and Saturdays 9-Noon on www.wisdomradio.com
Being a Man: Dr. Dennis W. Neder is the author of Being a Man in a Woman's World.Got a love, relationship or man/woman question? He'll answer all letters. Write firstname.lastname@example.org for answers or visit: www.remingtonpublications.com
Susie and Otto Collins are spiritual and life partners from the Midwest who are committed to helping others create outstanding relationships of all kinds. Visit their web site at www.collinspartners.com
R. Don Steele - is the author of How to Date Young Women: For men over 35, How to Date Young Women: For men over 35, Volume II, and most recently, Body Language Secrets and in lives in Southern California. Check out steelballsAUDIO.COM
9 Things That Attract Mens
Attention To Women
It does look superficial and shallow; however, there is not much we can do to change the situation. Here are 9 things that usually attract mens attention and considered to be important by most men:
Shiny and healthy hair can also attract mens attention. The time that you regularly spend at your hairdressers is not useless. Healthy hair tells men about your overall health and we always find health attractive and beautiful. Wash your hair and keep it clean, moisturized and nourished. Apply balm or use conditioner to make it soft and fragrant.
Womens eyes are also a powerful weapon that can conquer any mans attention. Our eyes tell others all about our feelings and thoughts. It is really difficult to hide your true intentions and emotions unless you are wearing sunglasses! It has been proved that more than 70% of all men look in womans eyes when they meet her. It is just another myth that men rate your chest or hips. Besides, complimenting woman on her eyes is never offensive. On the contrary, ladies respond to it quite approvingly. However, it is strongly recommended to avoid commenting on other body parts in order not to be wrongly understood.
A sincere and friendly smile attracts everybody. Men are no exception. A smiling person looks much more approachable and warm. A smile is a signal informing others that you are happy and satisfied with life and yourself. Smile more often if you want to demonstrate happiness and optimism. Do not get surprised if you start hearing more compliments and be sure to meet more people who will want to communicate with you. Smiling people make others smile and feel relaxed hence they usually surrounded by people.
Tastes differ and it is not really about how many pounds you carry and whether you are overweighted. The point is to carry it the right way and be proud of your own body. If you are self-confident, people can see and feel it. Curves do count and if you want to change your shape, you should go to the gym. There you will tone up your muscles and become even more attractive.
Most women mistakenly think that it is their chest that attracts mens attention. However, this is just a stereotype and in reality chest is not number one priority by which men judge about women. Nevertheless, men do include this part of females body in their list of things that they notice when they meet a woman. If you are not totally satisfied with the shape of your breasts, then we recommend weight-lifting exercises. Some ladies are ready to do plastic surgery to make their breasts bigger or smaller. This kind of change is too extreme and costs a lot. Actually, there is no need to drastically change your chest, because in most cases appropriately fitted underwear can do the trick.
6. How genuine are you?
Fake people are avoided by others. Be genuine in what you say and in how you act. This also includes your looks. Hair extensions and false nails or eye lashes is a turn-off for most men. Do not be naive thinking that only you know that you are wearing fake stuff. Men are not stupid and can easily tell what is natural and what is not. Applying make-up is fine. Do not use too much of it though. Nude shades and light colors are always better. They will make you look fresh and youthful. Treat your hair with masks, shampoos and styling hair products of higher quality.
You are probably not surprised at all to hear that men like beautiful legs. Men notice shapely legs, toned calves and groomed feet with nice pedicure. In summer your legs should look absolutely impeccable. If you know your legs look good, wear skirts and shorts. Scientists say that the reason why males like slim long legs and shapely hips is that this is a signal that the lady is fertile and feminine. Men also pay attention to womens knees. Take care of your legs and feet, do massages and apply anti-cellulite gels or creams to make your legs look their best.
Skin cover you from head to food. It is the largest organ that tells it all about your health! Does your skin look its best? Are you completely satisfied with it or is there something you would like to improve and change? Take proper care of your skin. Men find healthy complexion extremely attractive.
9. Clothing, shoes, accessories
Fashion industry rules! The way you dress tells others about your lifestyle and preferences. Dressing style is as important as the rest of the above mentioned things. Men always notice if the lady they are with is dressed well enough. Fashion and style are two different things and what you should opt for is your own style. Do not buy fashionable clothes, because they will go out of fashion in a couple of months. However, your style will stay yours forever. Remember one thing: men like mystery. Clothing that reveals all your secrets does not allow men any chance for imagination. Mini skirts are less intriguing and less sexy than maxi skirts and dresses.
Finally, ladies who prefer dresses to jeans, pants and trousers look feminine and more alluring.
Men Are Worse at Dealing With Break-Ups
How do you deal with a break-up? Your gender plays a big part.
A new study from Binghamton Univeristy in New York looked at data from 5,700 people from 96 countries and found that while women were more likely to feel pain and heartbreak after a breakup than men, they recovered much faster.
The data suggested that in many ways, women return to the dating scene stronger, having learned from their mistakes and processed their pain healthily. On the other hand, men were less likely to experience emotional trauma right after a breakup, but were less likely to completely get over their ex.
This got us wondering what are the most surprising, science-backed differences between men and women? Here are our favorites.
Marital Discord Linked to Sleep Problems of Wives, Not Husbands: Women's Insomnia Can Cause Relationship Strain
Craving Clues: Gender's Role in Food Cravings: Women, Men and Comfort Food
Are women dating for free food?
Every time the news is a little slow, I see yet another article featuring some fresh-faced Manhattan-dwelling Steve Stifflip or Polly Patrician who is considering the move to (gasp!) Brooklyn or even (double gasp!) Queens. He or she whines about the miseries of making ends meet on a mere $80,000 a year, not being able to afford organic radicchio, only being able to eat out once or twice a week, and having to postpone this year's trip to Europe. As I slog through this nonsense, I find myself wondering if I could get a bill passed that would make it legal to eat the rich.
Sometimes I hate people. There, I've said it.
Recently, though, I've seen a new low. In an article in AM New York, a young lady who lives in Central Park West (a very ritzy neighborhood) talked about how she's surviving the recession. In addition to attending book signings, free museum days, and other inexpensive outings, she noted that she's "Really upped the dating [...] I tend to date chivalrous types who can take me out to nice places. It's helped me survive the recession."
Hold on a minute: did she say what I think she said? Admittedly, I've been out of the dating pool for a couple of years, but since when is this legit? Granted, I bought a lot of meals for potential girlfriends, but, after the first couple of outings, most of the women that I dated became uncomfortable with the patriarchal aspects of the "man paying for dinner" phenomenon. We'd alternate, go dutch, or make home-cooked meals for each other. Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but using your date as a source for free food seems particularly mercenary. At what point did it become acceptable to use a young swain to subsidize one's food expenditures? More to the point, I have to wonder if this young women's gentlemen callers read AM New York!
Basically, my biggest question is this: is this a new trend or the world's oldest profession?
Bruce Watson is a freelance writer, blogger, and all-around
cheapskate. He has his standards: he won't put out if someone takes
him to Mickey D's. It's Wendy's or nothing, baby!
Dating and mating rituals...decoded
Destination #1: The classic coffee bar for flirting how-tos Our first stop: Starbucks. To me, the woman in the green shirt is sipping a cappuccino and catching up with friends. But in Dr. Fishers eyes, something much more primordial is happening: The woman in green is on the hunt, and has already staked out her quarrya tall man in a blue-checkered button-down sitting next to her.
See how her bodys twisted toward him in the crouch position, with her hands near her face when she laughs? Dr. Fisher whispers to me as she sips her chai latte. Its the broken wing tactic. Shes sending a subtle signal his way that says, protect me. Men love that.
Indeed, Dr. Fisher says that secret signals of sexual attraction are at work whenever people mingle. The way you sit down with your cappuccino or Corona begins the courtship dance. The first thing all animals do when attempting to find a mate is to set up their territory, says Dr. Fisher. People who place laptops on their table or their coat and bags on a chair next to them, she explains, are attempting to carve out a perimeter so they can proceed to the next stage of courtship: Attracting attention.
Notice how that guys stirring his drink with his entire arm? Dr. Fisher points out. Hed never bother to do that at home. The man then casually stretches his arms back in a gesture Dr. Fisher calls the chest thrust to appear as large and formidable as possible. Pretty much all courtship postures fall into two categories: Attempts to look big and attempts to look little, she explains. Traditionally, men generally try to look big, or loom, while women try to look small, or crouch. The direction someones feet are pointing can also convey interest: Smitten women turn pigeon-toed; men pivot outward. Feet can be a real giveaway, says Dr. Fisher. People are quite conscious of their body and hands, but forget to control their feet.
So, how do hopeful singles transition from a loom or crouch to an actual pounce? For women, Dr. Fisher suggests trying the tried-and-true five-part flirt. You catch someones eye, cock your head to the side, raise your eyebrows, look down, then away, she explains, adding that women are usually more socially adept than men and thus better at initiating courtship. But at some point, she conditions, a transfer must happen: In other words, the man has to pick up the ball and make his move.
Destination #2: A quirkier coffee bar for connection lessons. Dr. Fisher and I decide to move along to a coffee bar with more of a lounge-around atmosphere. Here, we observed some more mating rituals: See those two girls over there? I think they want to be picked up, Dr. Fisher says, nodding toward two bubbly twenty-somethings in cool, dressed-down clothes and knit caps, who are sitting in the corner of Grey Dogs Coffee. While hardly dressed to impress, the two young women are nonetheless employing a different courtship strategy called handicapping. Theyre saying, Im so cool I dont have to show off, Dr. Fisher explains.
While four men seated nearby cant help but notice the two giggly girls, no one works up the guts to break the ice, and their reluctance is understandable: After all, what can you say to a complete stranger that wont come off as corny? Fisher suggests trying questions (Excuse me, do you know a good place around here to grab dinner?) and compliments (Thats a great laptop case. Whered you get it?) since both require a response and get you engaged in the next stage of courtship: grooming talk. Its called grooming talk because it really doesnt matter what you say, Dr. Fisher says simply. If someones interested in you, theyll keep talking.
As the conversation heats up, a behavior called mirroring can kick in, says Dr. Fisher, furthering the connection. When mirroring, couples sip their coffee or cross their legs in unison, subtly mimicking each others movements. Its a very powerful way to develop rapport, since it actually helps your brain waves get in synch, Dr. Fisher explains.
Singles should also keep an eye out for intention gestures. Basically that means the other person wants to touch you, but since shes not sure if youre receptive, shell rub her own arm or leg, says Dr. Fisher.
We notice a couple in the corner, plying each other with forkfuls of cake. This is more mating in action, says Dr. Fisher. To further forge a bond, couples may engage in courtship feedingeach offering the other a sip of tea or a bite of food. Nuptial gifts of food are common among many animal species, Dr. Fisher notes. When a male chimpanzee offers a female a piece of sugar cane, shell copulate with him and then eat the sugar cane. Humans dont move that quickly, but we all know theres no such thing as a free lunch!
While both men and women respond similarly to many courtship cues, one area where theyre wired very differently is eye contact. To prove her point, Dr. Fisher gestures towards a man whos moved his chair so he can sit next to a woman rather than across from her. Thats because while women gain intimacy from face-to-face interactions, men would rather avoid itthey find it uncomfortable, even invasive, she explains. The reason for this dates back to the dawn of mankind, when males were forced to face their enemies, but sat side by side with their friends. Its also why, these days, men love nothing more than sitting at a bar with their buddies watching the Rams vs. the Redskins, while women love nothing more than staring into their amours eyes over a candlelit dinner. When couples fight over these types of differences, theyre also fighting millions of years of evolution, Dr. Fisher explains. Men and women are fundamentally different in many ways, and nothings going to change that overnight.
Destination #3: A busy bar on Friday night for the laws of mating. We decide to see how the courtship dance looks when in a more intense pick-up environmenta bar called Peep. As we sit down, Dr. Fisher points out that clearly, the couple sitting next to us is in love. Theyre mirroring each others movements, courtship feeding off each others cocktails, and displaying other tell-tale signs of a honeymoon period. Even so, their mating dance is far from over, says Dr. Fisher. At this point, keeping the person theyve got, or mate guarding, becomes a priority, and this pair illustrates this principal perfectly. Now, normally the man would offer the woman the seat against the wall to signal hes protecting her, says Dr. Fisher. But in this case, hes in the back seat and shes sitting facing him with her back to the room. It could be due to what shes wearing.
The clothes in question? A camisole with a plunging neckline that, had the woman been seated facing the crowd, would have probably had every guy in the vicinity eyeing her. By dressing that way, shes asking to be mate guarded, Dr. Fisher explains. And maybe thats why he took the back seat: So she attracts less attention.
Such displays of possessiveness are hardly unnecessary or Neanderthal, as some people might put it. One recent study found that 60 percent of men and 53 percent of women admitted to mate poaching, a practice of stealing partners who are already taken. While its distressing to think that someone we love could be so easily ensnared by new prospects, Dr. Fisher points out that a little competition also pushes us to become more caring, attentive, and in short, better mates.
In fact, as we look across the bar, we see this principle in action: A woman in a slinky tank top, jeans, and stilettos whos flirting with two men. Shes giving them equal attention, Dr. Fisher notes. Since she obviously hasnt made up her mind which one she likes, both of those men are working really hard. We head home before finding out which man, if either, wins in the end. But it gets me wondering: Does courtship really boil down to winners and losers? Is the game of love really that cutthroat rather than warm and fuzzy? The game of love is not nice, Dr. Fisher says, but then again, youre playing for the biggest stakes in town. Nothing is so important. And after listening to Dr. Fisher call the play-by-play on our night out on the town, I feel like my skills are definitely ready for the high-stakes game of romance.
Source: Judy Dutton is the executive editor of Happenmag.com. She
lives in Brooklyn, NY, and has contributed articles to Womens
Health, Redbook, Cosmopolitan and other national magazines. Article
courtesy of Happen magazine, www.happenmag.com
43 Date-Night Ideas
You'd think by the time you're a couple, and possibly have a child or three under your belt, you'd be able to handle the intricacies of going out for the night with your man. After all, that was part of the allure of going from "me" to "we": You were finally able to leave the whole dating game and its so-called rules behind.
But dating for long-term couples comes with its own new his-and-her matching set of pressures, especially when kids are in the picture. You no longer have the time to make sure you have five minutes together without interruption, let alone set aside an entire evening to dote on each other. So when the stars are finally aligned you've cleared your calendars, you've found someone not featured on America's Most Wanted to look after the kids you want the evening to be perfect, which practically begs for a Murphy's law moment.
Don't sweat it. You can lay the foundation for lots of fun nights out (or in) by following these simple save-the-date guidelines. First, make sure that at least every other date gets you out of the house and away from your daily life. Second, be clear about who is doing what planning-wise, or you may end up doing nothing. Finally, take turns organizing your dates. So what if he has no clue which restaurant got the best review? This isn't about planning the perfect evening; it's about having time with the person you love so you can rediscover, talk, laugh, and enjoy each other.
Here, 43 ways to do just that: Dinner and a Movie, Done Better
Romance Each Other. Reconnect with these so-sweet ideas:
Get cozy with these no-reservations-required dates:
Ready, Set, Speed-Date!
Pull Out the Stops Definitely not your everyday dates:
And Dates He'll Totally Love You For You won't have to ask him twice to:
Turn Up the Heat
Gene, 32, picked up this tip ages ago, and he says it helps him and his wife ease into date mode: "We don't do it every time, but making love prior to going out lets us completely focus on the pleasure of being with each other, because it gets rid of the pressure and tension that builds up over whether the evening will or won't end with sex." The bonus: When you've already made the sex connection, you're more physically receptive to each other during your date. Take advantage of this heightened awareness with little touches caressing each other's fingers, stealing unexpected kisses, and rubbing shoulders or linking arms as you walk together to keep you bonded.
Source: Redbook's new book, 500 Great
Dates, has tons of fun plans for you no matter how much (or
how little) time, money, or babysitter access you have! Available
wherever books are sold, or call 866.338.3778 to order.
Why women should date around
In some ways, its a noble thing to be a one-man woman. It might indicate that you have goals (i.e., a successful relationship) and that you are capable of commitment. But one-man women sometimes find themselves sitting home alone waiting for a man to call or going out with the wrong guy, wishing they had more carefully evaluated their dating options. So let me share some advice that should help your love life along.
Heed some wisdom from the gambling world
Heres what you need to understand (its something any gambler could tell you): Dating is a numbers game. You have to play to win. As New Yorker Jamie Levine, 35, told me, I dont sit around anymore waiting for dates to happen. I am learning to get out there more, whether its meeting guys online or through activities. Indeed, getting out there means youll meet more men and increase your odds of finding Mr. Right. While men are notorious for this being romantic multi-taskers the truth is, it can reap tremendous rewards.
Embrace the herd mentality
I advise single women to have a herd. A herd consists of several, simultaneous dating prospects. As a one-man woman, youre inclined to put all your eggs in one mans basket, so to speak. But when you are dating and single with no committed relationship on the immediate horizon, think of your herd as your emotional insurance policy. A herd helps keep you calm as you emotionally toggle between different guys, but the real benefit is that you dont place all your hopes on one man. One might be a prospect, one might be a hot fling, another might be relationship material, others might be long shots, newbies, or undetermined status. You might have your opinions on who's likely to break away and win your heart, but a man has to earn that special placement in your herd. He doesnt get that status just because you have a feeling or because of social conditioning that taught you to wait to be picked.
Learn whats positive about no pressure
Even if theres a man you want badly, having a herd takes the pressure off. When you dont feel as if this is your one and only shot at love, you have a chance to be yourself with your date. Thats the ideal way to find out if you have enough shared feelings, interests and values to form a stronger relationship.
Dating guru Myreah Moores book Date like a Man: What Men Know about Dating and Are Afraid You'll Find Out states that women need a pair and a spare, which is basically a slightly smaller version of the herd, and a more relaxed attitude. Once you accept that dating can and should be fun, the days of worrying and searching will be over, Moore suggests. You will feel better about yourself and the men you date.
Banish bad-girl thoughts
Recognize that this dating style goes against how many women are raisedand get over it! I envy guys, says Rachel Kahan, 27, a native of Virginia. They are more upfront about having a good time and they date around without shame. Ive learned from that. I can do what a guy does, but in my own way. That means quieting that little voice women sometimes hear that says, Why would he buy the cow if he can get the milk for free? Many women have an agenda for dating and we treat this agenda as if we are headed for an IPO. I think it comes from the old belief that sex is a power struggle; the woman wins if she gets the ring and the relationship. The man wins by getting sex. We have to change this perception.
Dont invest too early
Stockbrokers and Wall Street analysts are always trying to judge the right time in the market to invest. Follow their finance rules when youre dating a new man: Dont invest too soon. Get more information before you make a commitment or get emotionally involved. Youve got to think of men as a portfolio full of possibilities that you consider until you choose to focus on a clear winner. The key phrase is, you choose.
Source: Dave Singleton, author of Behind Every
Great Woman is a Fabulous Gay Man (Advice from a Guy Who Gives it to
You Straight). Currently partnered, hes a firm believer in
having a herd, dating around and evaluating your options when
youre single. msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=4728&TrackingID=516311&BannerID=544657&menuid=6
Finally a fair way to fight.
Age aint nothing
but a number: What its really like to date someone older
4-Year Age Difference
Life: Is there a difference between seniors and freshmen?
Not really. Four years might make someone seem a bit more
experienced, but youre actually peers. Sex: Whether
youre 20 and theyre 24 (or youre 88 and
theyre 92) you wont feel this age difference in bed.
Awkward? Rarely. Except for those occasions when they act like a baby; then its like youre the older one.
10-Year Age Difference
Life: Theres a huge difference between 16 and 26, but
once you hit your 30s, a ten-year age gap isnt such a big deal.
You probably listen to and watch a lot of the same stuff, but also
expose each other to new stuff. They might be more settled. You might
be figuring stuff out that they already dealt with. If youre
both mature and supportive, this can be easy and compatible.
Sex: Your stamina should match up. Your physical appearances are still pretty similar. They might have been doing it longer, so you might learn a few new tricks. Awkward? Maybe. Like when theyve never heard of your fave cartoon from when you were little because they were in college studying quantum physics and having sex on the beach.
20-Year Age Difference
Life: You two are close enough in age where you can share
interests and feel like-minded, but the reality is you are from
different generations. This can be exciting at first, but your
maturity and energy levels may be very different. Its great
that they can usually bring more emotional and financial stability to
the relationship. Works best if you wantand enjoythe same
things in life.
Sex: Its not a race to the O any more. They make time for sensuality`, exploration, and your pleasure. But you may start to notice the first signs of their physical aging, like a few gray hairs. Down there.
Awkward? Sometimes. Especially when youre out at a club with the best DJ in the world, but you dont dance together because their moves are old school, but not in a good way.
30-Year Age Difference and Older
Life: This can feel like youre from different worlds.
(Or like youre dating a parent.) Friends and family may not
accept it, especially your partners kids if theyre the
same age as you. Works best if youre an old soul, but be aware
that this age gap has its complications.
Sex: Hello, Viagra. Also, they may not be as flexible, fit, or energetic as you, so the action might be less rigorous. (Skip the crisscross.) Their sperm, however, can remain strong, so dont bail on birth control.
Awkward? Often. Particularly when people assume youre their child, then look at you funny when they realize youre actually together together.
You know, they say true love knows no age. And whatever your age
or age difference, remember: "Love your body - have fun - use
Text the romance back
Free Presentation Reveals: How to Turn Even the Biggest Romantic Numbskull into Prince Charming Just by Pushing a Few Buttons on Your Cell Phone. This is a program called "Text the romance back 2.0" This is a 20 minute presentation with a 12 minute post-sell if you want more information. It's primarily directed to women but we are presenting it here because we think men can learn from it and it might reduce the complaints and judgements your woman directs at you.