Daily Thoughts & Issues

IN THIS ISSUE:

JUNE 9

Days left until the next millennium 01.01.3001

Photo of the Week
Achieve Your Dreams

June 9 - International Men's Month. * Last formal surrender of confederate troops in the Oklahoma Territory. Cherokee leader and Confederate Brigadier General Waite surrendered his command of a battalion formed by Indians. * Independence Day in Luxenbourg. * Midsummer's Eve. A pagan celebration of the summer solstice, Midsummer's Eve and Midsummer's Day are always June 23-24. The time is considered sacred to lovers and a chance to cleanse evil and renew reproductive powers. * The feast day of St. John, patron saint of the summer solstice, is tomorrow. Fern seed, gathered at midnight of Midsummer's Eve, can make you invisible. The Old Farmer's Almanac * First Typewriter (1868) * Alone on a hill or mountain, sit still and silent. Experience all of your senses: what you see, smell, hear, taste and touch; recognize the oneness of all. Meditation: personal transportation. The Mystic's Wheel of the Year * Birthdays: Robert Louis (Bob) Fosse, Richard Bach, James Levine, Ted Schackelford, Bryan Brown.

DAILY THOUGHTS

There are four things a child needs - plenty of love, nourishing food, regular sleep and lots of soap and water - and after those...some intelligent neglect - Ivy Baker Priest. Intelligent neglect helps us to develop our sense of privacy and the rewards of solitude. Pity the person, child or adult, who is unable to be alone!  When we're alone, we're most accompanied, closest to our spiritual guide, the source of our reverence and of our power. Sometimes it's hard for parents to bestow intelligent neglect. For the best of reasons, they crowd their children, over scheduling their days and managing their lives. Sometimes the neglect is anything but intelligent - when troubled, irresponsible parents shirk the first four needs, children get the message that they're not wanted. In parenting as in gardening, balance is vital; enough nourishment, judicious pruning and some intelligent neglect will produce the longed-for result. As my parents did when they were raising me, I'll do the best I can with the tools at hand. Family Feelings

Studies on fatherhood at Wellesly College Center for Women find that fathers who get along well with their children are better insulated from the emotional ups and downs of work and careers. Moreover, says research director Rosalind Barnett, "The better the quality of your relationship with your children, the fewer physical health problems you experience." New Passages

During the 1920s and 1930s, Harry Hansberry's Clam House,was a speakeasy club in Harlem frequented by many gays and lesbians. Gay & Lesbian Calendar

Who was the first former Black Panther Party member to be elected to Congress? Bobby L Rush. African American History

A woman's armpits are a very erotic place to lick - Ann, 35 Best of 1001 Sex Secrets Every Man & Woman Should Know

Who of us is mature enough for offspring before the offspring themselves arrive?  The value of marriage is not that adults produce children but that children produce adults - Peter De Vries. Many of us, in entering recovery, are confronted with guilt about our roles as fathers. We can see so clearly with hindsight that we could have been better parents. Others of us recall the unfairness of our own parents and find it hard to forgive them. This mixture of guilt and resentment is part of the package of recovery. If we remained the same and never learned anything new, we wouldn't have to feel guilty about the past or face our need to let go of resentments. Our spiritual renewal requires that we forgive ourselves and accept the forgiveness of those around us. Even today our children are not helped by our guilt, but they will be helped - at any age - by our amended lives. And all generations are enriched when we are able to repair broken connections with our parents. I can accept the increased consciousness that recovery brings without punishing myself for what I didn't know. Touchstones

Lord, grant that I might always desire more than I can accomplish. - Michelangelo Achieve Your Dreams

Violets after ran showers. The prow of a ship. Carpenter's rules.  14,000 Things to Be Happy About

In checkers you have to think ahead or else you're going to get jumped. Really Important Stuff My Kids Have Taught Me

Your reactions to others say more about you than they do about others. You cannot really love or hate something about another person unless it reflects something you love or hate about yourself. We are usually drawn to those who are most like us and tend to dislike those who display those aspects of ourself we dislike. We view others through the grid of our past experiences, feelings ad thoughts.  If Life is a Game, These are the Rules

The leader is the one who climbs the tallest tree, surveys the entire situation, and yells, "Wrong jungle!"  But how do the bust, efficient producers and managers often respond?  "Shut up! We're making progress!"  Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

If you're seeking simplicity as part of getting off the fast track, then reducing your need for outside entertainment will no doubt be high on your list. Cutting back on your nightlife, and looking within yourself and to your family for entertainment, is a positive step toward simplification.  Simplify Your Life

Call ahead to stores and "let your fingers do the walking" to avoid the stress of driving all over town trying to find what you need. Stress Busters

Get some balloons and set up a game of Swipe the Eggs from a Nest. Each player puts six water balloons on the ground in a circle or "nest." At "Go!" everyone tries to steal the other players' "eggs."  After five minutes, the winner has the most unpopped balloons!  To Do Today

To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield. - Lord Alfred Tennyson.  Win the Day!

El maremoto (mahrehMOHtoh) Seaquake. El maremoto causo una ola gigante. The seaquake caused a giant wave. Living Language

TODAY'S ISSUE: VIOLENCE

October is "Domestic Violence" month to raise awareness about the high level of violence prevalent in our family system today. And today is Abused Women and Children's Awareness Day. (See Child Maltreatment - The Big Secret for the real story.)

What I have to say is not meant to deny the responsibility men have in domestic violence, nor to suggest reducing any funding of women's programs. It is meant to trigger you into action and not wait until October to take responsibility for your part of this picture and do something about it.

Part of domestic violence involves battered husbands? Not the 75% who batter or jointly batter, but the 25% who never hit? Many say these men don't exist or don't need help. This is to deny the stories men have shared with me about being battered and women have shared about their own unprovoked violence against their significant other. It also denies much research to the contrary, starting with the 1975 National Family Violence Survey, and substantiated by at least ten additional investigations, that husband abuse, not wife abuse, is the most underreported form of family violence, and it's the area that's on the rise. Why do we want to adamantly deny that this situation exists? If we aren't focused on controlling and preventing all domestic violence, somewhere underneath is the nagging question: aren't we really, then, encouraging and maintaining it by our inaction?

Noone, man nor woman, would hit anyone if they hadn't gotten the message as a child that hitting is how conflict and stress are handled. However, violence is not inherent to human beings and it is not an inherently male trait. Some of Jean Liedloff's experiences with Tauripan Indians showed that "The children were uniformly well-behaved, never fought...and the deprecation "Boys will be boys" did not apply...In today's culture, however, a boys tenure in the womb is probably the last he is ever likely to know of the uninterrupted state of well-being...His life becomes unspeakably lonely, unresponsive to his signals and full of pain...He kicks as violently as he can to mitigate the tingling craving of his skin, he waves his arms, he rolls his head from side to side to blur his senses, he stiffens his body, arching his back with all the tension he can muster, to stop feeling it." From birth he is treated differently, picked up less often, for shorter periods of time, and is more likely to be roughed up and not nurtured. Within days of birth, if he's like 70% of American boys, he will be strapped to a table and genitally mutilated. As he matures, he will get constant messages not to feel, not to cry, and to be tough. He'll be trained to, at first, metaphorically "kill" other boys with war toys and through sports, then to kill men in real life. He'll see a lot of hitting in the cartoons, then watch MTV while Bon Jovi slaps women and LA Law as the woman often slaps her male co-star. (See "Television Hit Parade".) He'll see men like Abbott & Costello hitting men for laughs (ironically the U.S. Postal Service chose October, which is Domestic Violence Month, to honor this premo hitting team with their own postage stamp). He may watch his parents (whether an alcoholic father, a rage-alcoholic mother or just a frustrated parent) hit one another, which is believed to be a more powerful contributor to becoming a violent adult than being the victim of the violence.

Has any of this angered you? How did you deal with it? Did you stuff or deny it? Did you decide to take some passive-aggressive action? Did you get enraged? Anger is a healthy and valuable emotion but it is not a behavior. Yet, when the cultural norm connects anger with hitting, the message to the nervous system is that anger is violence.

We must remove the values that accept violence as a means of resolving conflict. This means eliminating all spanking, slapping, hair pulling, tickling into hysteria, and shaking. This includes hitting others, things or ourselves. This includes phones, doors, punching bags, pillows, bataka bats, anything! Anyone who says that throwing things or hitting something is okay still hasn't dealt with the childhood message that those who love you are also those who hit you. Once we learn that hitting is never a display of love, things can change.

Now, take your index finger, point it and say "It's the schools, movies, talk shows, soap operas, cartoons, the news. It's the _____ (fill in the blank)." How much longer are you going to blame others? Now, look at the direction your other fingers are pointing - directly at you. Not to take on the blame, but to take on the responsibility to (1) eliminate all forms of violence from your life and your experience with children, (2) encourage anyone who has been battered, regardless of sex, to come forward to find services that don't deny their experience, (3) write letters to advertisers, to the media, and to the legislature to make tougher laws against all forms of violence, and (4) take the most important step by making a financial contribution to the organizations and people who are working with this issue on a daily basis. How much longer are you going to collude with the status quo? Commit today to quit using excuses for your own and others use of violence and make your stand publicly known! There's no time like the present to start! Bobby Knight

See also www.menstuff.org Books on anger, violence-domestic, violence-rape, violence-sexual and general violence plus the Issues of general violence, circumcision, TV Violence, Domestic Violence, Women's Violence and Prison plus a Q&A Slide Guide on Gangs and Safe Dating plus the largest resource known listing alternatives to violence programs including anger management programs for violent women. Also covered are vet center. Time-Out Card Each card has a heat-sensitive strip. When you're feeling stressed, you gently grasp the front of the card (Side 1) in the center of this strip and count to ten. Release your finger and one of four colors will appear to give you an indication of your current stress level: Calm, Normal, Tense or Stressed. "Turn the card over." (Side 2.) Each color has instructions of things that can be done to reach the calm state again. This was created and funded by The Fathers' Network and can be ordered for $2 each. See Merchandise.

Hey Man: Did you make a difference yesterday? Let us know at Contact Us. It takes more strength to stop violence than to perpetrate it. Accept full responsibility for your behavior when you lose your temper. Recognize, learn to control, and take full responsibility for your violent impulses. Join with other men to protest excessive violence in society. Read Men's Work: To Stop Male Violence by Paul Kivel. What Every Man Needs to Know Want to make a difference but you don't know where to start?

BOOK OF THE DAY

Handbook of School Violence, Edwin R. Gerler, Jr.

BOOK OF THE WEEK

How to Find a Women...or Not: A 24 hour guide to dating, love and sex by Gary Morgenstein,. Tired of ordering Thai food and watching a Netflix on Saturday nights? Don't despair. Finding true love isn't impossible as long as you view the entire world as one big singles bar. Walking you dog, practicing yoga, riding mass transit, buying a book, even visiting a friend in the hospital can lead to the woman of your dreams. Critically-acclaimed novelist/playwright provides the romantic roadmap! Using his own battle-scarred experiences as a divorced man along with many years "spinning as a public relations specialist, the author takes men (and women eager to go inside the mind of a guy) on a step-by-step comic and erotic guide to love and sex. From making eye contact, dazzling opening lines, online etiquette, younger and older women and how to conduct yourself on a date to what goes into a successful relationship (in and out of the bedroom), this book is a riotous, poignant and indispensable blueprint for passion and commitment. Times Square Press, 2010, ISBN 9781450506922

 

MENSTUFF COLUMNS BY AUTHOR

  • The Advice Diva - The Advice Diva - relationship and sexuality issues discussed - www.menstuff.org/columns/advicediva/archive.html
  • Peter Alsop - Song of the Month - www.menstuff.org/columns/alsop/archive.html
  • Reid Baer - A Man Overboard - Interview of the Month - www.menstuff.org/columns/overboard/archive.html
  • Reid Baer - Poetry - poetry read on YouTube - www.menstuff.org/columns/baer/archive.html
  • Molly Barrow - Shrink About This - www.menstuff.org/columns/barrow/archive.html
  • Peter Baylies - At Home Dads - on at-home-dad issues that impact fathers who stay at home to raise their kids - www.menstuff.org/columns/baylies/archive.html
  • Tom Blake - Middle-Age Relationships - from an expert on dating after 50. www.menstuff.org/columns/blake/archive.html
  • Mark Brandenburg - Great Fathers - on fathering issues - www.menstuff.org/columns/greatfathers/archive.html
  • Ted Braude - BoysWork - a columnist in the The Detroit Free Press "Body and Mind" section www.menstuff.org/columns/braude/archive.html
  • Armin Brott - A Father's Guide - hosts "Positive Parenting" on radio www.menstuff.org/columns/brott/archive.html
  • Dan Bulf - Get Real - weekly pod cast on men's issues - www.menstuff.org/columns/bulf/archive.html
  • Ken Byers - Transition - on men's life transitions - www.menstuff.org/columns/byers/archive.html
  • Sandra L. Caron - Sex Talk - college students get answers to their questions - www.menstuff.org/columns/sextalk/archive.html
  • Neil Chethik - Relationships - www.menstuff.org/columns/chethik/archive.html
  • Otto & Susie Collins - Susie and Otto - relationship issues discussed - www.menstuff.org/columns/susie&otto/archive.html
  • David Copeland - How to Succeed with Women - www.menstuff.org/columns/howtosucceed/archive.html
  • Forrest Craver - Spirituality & Social Change - www.menstuff.org/columns/craver/archive.html
  • Layne & Paul Cutright - Powerful Partnerships - relationship issues - www.menstuff.org/columns/cutright/archive.html
  • Ron DesMarais - Cavemen in the Kitchen - great recipes for men - www.menstuff.org/columns/desmarais/archive.html
  • Jed Diamond - Irritable Male Syndrome - www.menstuff.org/columns/diamond/archive.html
  • Doc Love - Women Don't Lie, Man Don't Listen - answers to relationship issues - www.menstuff.org/columns/doclov/archive.html
  • Barry Durdant-Hollamby - Creating Change - creating change in your life - www.menstuff.org/columns/durdant/archive.html
  • Irv Engel - The Real Deal - www.menstuff.org/columns/engel/archive.html
  • Nancy Fagan - Expert Dating Advice - with Nancy Fagan - www.menstuf.org/columns/fagan/archive.html
  • Warren Farrell - Men's Issues: Facts and Perspectives www.menstuff.org/columns/farrell/archive.html
  • Leonard Felder - Wake Up or Break Up - www.menstuff.org/columns/felder/archive.html
  • Marty Friedman - Strong Men, Strong Marriage - www.menstuff.org/columns/friedman/archive.html
  • Kim Garretson - Mansgland - using humor to encourage prostate exams - www.menstuff.org/columns/mansgland/archive.html
  • Lion Goodman - How to get Women to Love You - www.menstuff.org/columns/goodman/archive.html
  • Liz Halliday - In a Man's World - www.menstuff.org/columns/halliday/archive.html
  • Rick Hanson - Your Wise Brain - www.menstuff.org/columns/hanson/archive.html
  • Tim Hartnett - Daddyman Speaks - being a father www.menstuff.org/columns/daddyman/archive.html
  • John Hershey - Blood, Phlegm & Bile: Parenting with Humor - He writes a syndicated biweekly humor column about parenting and family life. www.menstuff.org/columns/hershey/archive.html
  • Gary Hoeber - Psychotherapy as Soul Work, www.menstuff.org/columns/hoeber/archive.html
  • Patrick Houser - Fathers Make a World of Difference, www.menstuff.org/columns/houser/archive.html
  • Paul Joannides - The Guide to Getting It On - on sex - www.menstuff.org/columns/getiton/archive.html
  • Jack Kahn - NOMAS Boston - www.menstuff.org/columns/kahn/archive.html
  • Patrick Kennedy - Seniors - www.menstuff.org/columns/kennedy/archive.html
  • Joe Kort - Gaydar - to increase understanding between gay and het men - www.menstuff.org/columns/kort/archive.html
  • David Kundtz - David Kundtz - presents seminars, workshops, retreats, and conference presentations in the areas of men's emotional health, stress management, and spirituality. www.menstuff.org/columns/kundtz/archive.html
  • Bruce Linton - Dr. Dad - on fathering - www.menstuff.org/columns/drdad/archive.html
  • Ron Louis - How to Succeed with Women - www.menstuff.org/columns/howtosucceed/archive.html
  • Tom Matlack - Tom Matlack - Good Men Project - www.menstuff.org/columns/matlack/archive.html
  • Wendy McElroy - Wendy McElroy on Feminism, www.menstuff.org/columns/mcelroy/archive.html
  • Robert N. Minor - Minor Details - on GBT sexuality - www.menstuff.org/columns/minordetails/archive.html
  • Robert L. Moore - Man & Mythology - www.menstuff.org/columns/moore/archive.html
  • Dennis W. Neder - Being a Man - general questions about men's lives - www.menstuff.org/columns/neder/archive.html
  • Marty Nemko - Worklife - general questions about men and work - www.menstuff.org/columns/nemko/archive.html
  • Eli Newberger - Eli Newberger - general information on men's lives - www.menstuff.org/columns/newberger/archive.html
  • Linda Nielsen - Embracing the Father - working with the father/daughter relationship. www.menstuff.org/columns/nielsen/archive.html
  • Kathy Noll - Bullies and Youth Violence - working with schools, teachers and parents to end school violence - www.menstuff.org/columns/noll/archive.html
  • Mark Phillips - Stay-at-Home-Dads - helping men maintain that which makes us men, instead of becoming hairy Mom-substitutes - www.menstuff.org/columns/phillips/archive.html
  • Carey Roberts - Socialism & Feminism - is a social commentator on political correctness. www.menstuff.org/columns/roberts/archive.html
  • Perry Rose - Dating, Relationship, Sex
  • Glenn Sacks - His Side - on fathering - www.menstuff.org/columns/sacks/archive.html
  • Trudy Schuett - Domestic Violence - serving the under-represented www.menstuff.org/columns/schuett/archive.html
  • Carl J. Schutt - Circumcision - social commentator on circumcision - www.menstuff.org/columns/schutt/archive.html
  • Hugo Schwyzer - A Pro-feminist's Response - www.menstuff.org/columns/schwyzer/archive.html
  • Michael Shaffran - Men's Issues - www.menstuff.org/columns/shaffran/archive.html
  • Judith Sherven - Judith & Jim - discussion and answers regarding relationship issues - www.menstuff.org/columns/judith&jim/archive.html
  • Judith Sherven - The New Intimacy - www.menstuff.org/columns/newintimacy/archive.html
  • George Simons - Bellicose Veins - is a US specialist in intercultural and gender communication who hangs out in Mandelieu - la Napoule, France, as well as in Santa Cruz, CA. www.menstuff.org/columns/simons/archive.html
  • Andy Smith - Hard Hat Brotherhood - www.menstuff.org/columns/hardhat/archive.html
  • David B. Smith - Fighting Father Dave - www.menstuff.org/columns/smith/archive.html
  • Jim Sniechowski - Judith & Jim - discussion and answers regarding relationship issues - www.menstuff.org/columns/judith&jim/archive.html
  • Jim Sniechowski - The New Intimacy - www.menstuff.org/columns/newintimacy/archive.html
  • Reena Sommer - Custody - is an internationally recognized relationship and divorce consultant. www.menstuff.org/columns/sommer/archive.html
  • R. Don Steele - Don Steele - relationship questions answered -
    www.menstuff.org/columns/steele/archive.html
  • David Steinberg - Comes Naturally - on sexuality - www.menstuff.org/columns/steinberg/archive.html
  • Mary Lou St Lucas - A Mother's Love - www.menstuf.org/columns/stlucas/archive.html
  • Surprise - Surprise Author - From a new columnist every month - www.menstuff.org/columns/surprise/archive.html
  • Steven Svoboda - Fatherhood, Activism and the Law www.menstuff.org/columns/svoboda/archive.html
  • Michael Taylor - A New Conversation with Men - www.menstuff.org/columns/taylor/archive.html
  • Bruce Van Horn - Yoga for Men - issues around the health benefits of yoga for men - www.menstuff.org/yoga/archive.html
  • Michael Webb - Secrets of Blissful Relationships - on relationship - www.menstuff.org/columns/bliss/archive.html
  • Stuart Wilde - Spirituality - www.menstuff.org/columns/wilde/archive.html
  • Dr.Williams - Sex Health - on sexual health - Dr. Williams, www.menstuff.org/columns/sexhealth/archive.html
  • KC Wilson - On Gender Politics is a social commentator and author. www.menstuff.org/columns/wilson/archive.html

Plus

  • Health Tips - on general health - www.menstuff.org/columns/healthtips/archive.html
  • Independent Means - resources for raising financially fit kids - www.menstuff.org/columns/independentmeans/archive.html
  • Numbers - www.menstuff.org/columns/numbers/archive.html
  • Questions - www.menstuff.org/columns/q&a/archive.html
  • Surprise - from a new columnist every month - www.menstuff.org/columns/surprise/archive.html
  • Words Can Heal - helping children grow up healthy - www.menstuff.org/columns/wordscanheal/archive.html
  • Wuzup?! - National or international events happening this month - www.menstuff.org/columns/whassup/archive.html

AWARENESS EVENTS THIS MONTH

June is Adopt-A-Shelter Cat; Cancer from the Sun; Children's Awareness; Entrepreneurs "Do It Yourself" Marketing; Fireworks Safety; *Gay & Lesbian Pride Coming Out Month - Time to celebrate all forms of love and family; International Men's; International People Skills; National Bless-a-Child; National Burglary Prevention; National Rivers; National Safety; National Scleroderma Awareness; Rebuild Your Life; Student Safety; Vision Research and National Headache Awareness Month.

Jun 1-30 is International Men's Month - See List of Men's Issues & Book of the Day. Each day at "Today" on our home page, we will be presenting information on a different men's issue. The issue changes each day at midnight, so check in to learn more about "Men's Issues" and men's lives. We will also have a Book of the Day concerning that issue. This might be the perfect time to sign up for our free newsletter which will bring all of this to you each morning. Spread the word and let everyone in your address book know.

May 14-Jun 18: National Family Month. Week of June 1-7: International Volunteers; Stepparents Week. June 2-9: National Homeownership Week. June 2-10: National Fishing Week. June 3-9: Black Single Parents, National Hug Holiday, *Small Business Week. June 7-14: Nurses Assistants Day and Week. June 10-16: *National Flag Week. June 11-17:  Meet a Mate, *National Little League Baseball; National Men's Health Week in the U.S. and Canada. June 13-20: National Hermit Week. June 17-23: National Forgiveness; Universal Father's Week. June 17-24: Amateur Radio Week. June 18-22:  Take Your Pet to Work Week. June 24-30: Carpenter Any Awareness; Helen Keller Deaf-Blindness Awareness Week. June 27 - July 4: Special Recreation Week. June 1: National New Year's Resolution Recommitment; Stand for Children Day that encourages individuals to improve children's lives. www.stand.org. June 1-2 Donut; Partner's Day - Day to give thanks to your spouse/partner for precious love shared. June 2: Mindfulness; National Trails Day; June 3: Children's Awareness, June 4: United Nationals International Day of Innocent Children Victims of Aggression. June 5: Alternative Officing, National Family, United Nations World Environment Day - Day to mourn the harm done to the earth (past and present), make reparation and celebrate its beauty. June 9: Take a Kid Fishing Weekend. June 10: Abused Women and Children's Awareness Day; Alcoholics Anonymous founded. Children's Sunday. June 11:  Race Unity Day. June 14: *Flag Day,  Family History; Sustainable Development Day - Day the world's nations committed to sustainable development (1992). June 15: Magna Carta Day. June 16: *Father's Day, Family Awareness, United Nations World Day to Combat Desertification and Drought, Join Hands Day. June 19: National Splurge; Still Need to Do; World Sauntering Day. June 20:  World Juggling; Toad Hollow Day of Thank You. June 21:  Baby Boomers Recognition Day. June 23: Let It Go Day. June 24: Celebration of the Senses; America's Kids Day. June 26: UN International Day in Support of Victims of Torture; United Nations International Day Against Drug Abuse and Illicit Trafficking; National Columnist's Day. June 27: National HIV Testing; Special Recreation for Disabled, Decide to Be Married Day. June 28: Stonewall Riots - (1969), day to mourn victims of homophobia (past and present), make peace, and celebrate lesbian and gay empowerment. June 29: Peter & Paul Day. June 30: Descendants Day.

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Men are so competitive that we even "out-die" women in all 15 of the major causes of death in the U.S. Most of these deaths are preventable with a positive change in life-style, eating habits, and/or general health care. Let's not strive so hard to hold on to this record. See what you can change now to live a healthier life.
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