Daily Thoughts & Issues

IN THIS ISSUE:

JANUARY 21

Days left until the next millennium 01.01.3001
 

Photo of the Week
Dugald Bremner/Tony Stone Images
Achieve Your Dreams

January 21 - Martin Luther King, Jr. Day * No-Name Calling Week * Feast of our Lady of Altagracia (Dominican Republic), Duruthu Poya Day (Sri Lanka). * In 1950, Alger Hiss is convicted of perjury for lying to a grand jury investigating espionage allegations made against him.* Birthdays: Christian Dior, Placido Domingo, Ethan Allen, Roger Nash Baldwin, John Moses Browning, Thomas Jonathan (Stonewall) Jackson, Wolfman Jack, Robbie Benson (Robert Segal), Mac Davis, Jack William Nicklaus, Billy Ocean, Hakeem Abdul Olajuwon, Detlef Schrempf, Paul Scofield.

DAILY THOUGHTS

Now that it’s all over, what did you really do yesterday that was worth mentioning? - Coleman Cox. What is worth out time? Maybe what is most worth our time is the time we spent yesterday being quietly introspective, going within. Most of us need tangible proof, external evidence, of our productivity and our self-worth. We’re so geared to the physical manifestations of our accomplishments, we often lose track of our inner voice, of the place down deep that houses what is really important to us. Now most of us would come up empty-handed to Coleman Cox’s question. And that’s sad, because the ten minutes I spent with my elder son yesterday was very much worth mentioning, if only as a memory shown in my private movie theater. Even at the risk of measuring my days in an artificial way, I want to take a few moments this evening, and every evening, to think about what I did or said that was truly important to me. Meditations For Men Who Do Too Much

Surprise! The second half of adult life is not the stagnant, depressing slide toward middle age we have always assumed it to be. More and more people are beginning to see there is the possibility of a new life to live, in which we can concentrate on becoming better, stronger, deeper, wiser, funnier, sexier, and more attentive to living the privileged moments, even as we are also getting older. New Passages

3 & 4 - The Power of Pretending. Whether they're in day camp, on the playground, or at the beach, 3- and 4-year-olds love nothing better than to play make-believe. As they enact an alien invasion or give their "patents" a shot, children are actually working through their problems, mastering their fears and impulses, developing empathy, and learning to cooperate. Parents Tips & Tricks

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face. - Eleanor Roosevelt. Achieve Your Dreams (Editor: An then make smart choices, not dumb mistakes.)

Kate Shindle, Miss America 1997, refused to wear her prize crown. Having chosen AIDS awareness as her official focus, she claimed "When you're speaking about AIDS and you have a crown on your head, people just don't take you seriously."  Gay & Lesbian Calendar

Things to Be Happy About: music in the air. A connoisseur's storytelling. Volunteer work. 14,000 Things to Be Happy About

The ultimate destination of your life path is wisdom. Wisdom is the highest and deepest degree of knowledge, insight ad understanding. It provides you with the broadest perspective on life, its purpose, and the lessons you learn throughout your lifetime. When you find your wisdom, you are living in the light. If Life is a Game, These are the Rules

One of the most important ways to manifest integrity is to be loyal to those who are not present. In doing so, we build the trust of those who are present. When you defend those who are absent, you retain the trust of those present. Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

Once or twice a year make a trip to your local wholesale house to stock up on bulk items. Since you've eliminated a lot of the clutter in your closets and cabinets, you'll have plenty of room to keep these supplies on hand, and never run out of things you'll need. Simplify Your Life

Shoulder Stretch: Place each hand on its corresponding shoulder and push your elbows backward as if trying to touch them. Hold for a count of 5. Repeat 3 times. Stress Busters

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake. - Chess master Savielly Grigorievitch Tartakower. Win the Day!

Let's see if this works. Show your kids how to make this funny frog on their computer and e-mail it to their friends. Ribbit, ribbit! To Do Today

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No man, I suspect, ever lived long in the country without being bitten by these meteorological ambitions. He likes to be hotter and colder, to have been more deeply snowed up, to have more trees and larger blown down than his neighbors. - James Russell Lowell (1819-1891) The Old Farmer's Almanac

From the Street. If you are dating, there's a surefire way to protect yourself from chasing unavailable "future heartbreaks." Be yourself at all times. That way, no matter what happens, your date will stick around only if he's interested, only if she finds who you you are to be really attractive. This advice also holds if you're not sure about the future of your current relationship. Check out reality. Just be yourself and watch the response. Sound too easy?  Well, it's not easy for most people, but it's very simple. There's no game playing, no trying to "catch" someone. It's just straight up getting to know each other. If you like each other - great! If you don't, what a success!  You've saved yourself a lot of wasted time. Afraid the other person might not like you as is? That's understandable. But what do you gain by wearing a mask, putting on a show and never knowing where you stand?  Date as though the life of your soul depended on it. It does! I will be true to myself right from the start. "The emotional tragedy of heartbreak can be avoided if honesty is present right from the beginning." Grace Cornish. Opening to Love 365 Days a Year

El gordo (GOHRdoh) - jackpot. Living Language

TODAY'S ISSUE: ARGUMENT

People generally quarrel because they cannot argue. - G. K. Chesterton.

We seldom get to the bottom of family quarrels even if we can argue with our family members. The resentments that cause family squabbles aren't reasonable, and reasoned argument generally won't soothe them. They're old stuff, old jealousies and angers deep in our family structures; they're about punishments and divorces and rivalries that have remained open wounds over the years.

We may call it argument, but it's more likely to be dredged-up memories, attributed motives, and generalizations about the past, present, and future. Statements like "You always..." and "You never..." have no place in an argument, which should deal strictly with the facts. Family quarrels are almost never about facts; they're about how we feel about the facts, and we'd do better to talk about our feelings.

Once we understand that we're not quarreling about our spouse's fifth fishing expedition this month but about abuse and neglect, not about Mother's trip to Europe but about terror of abandonment, then we can choose our wounds, feel the feelings, and let them go. Family Feelings

Hey Man: Did you make a difference yesterday? Let us know at Contact Us. Let me learn the right language for healing family quarrels: the honest speech of my heart. Family Feelings Want to make a difference but you don't know where to start?

BOOK OF THE WEEK

The Transgender Child: A handbook for families and professionals. by Stephanie Brill and Rachel Pepper What do you do when your son insists on wearing a dress to school? Or when your toddler daughter's first sentence is that she's a boy? Offering an extensive understanding of gender-variant and transgender youth, this book answers these questions a more. Covering developmental, legal, medical and school issues, it is a comprehensive, first-of-its-kind guidebook for the unique challenges that thousands of families face raising children who step outside of the pink or blue box. Cleis Press, www.cleispress.com, 2008, ISBN 978-1-57344-318-0

SPECIAL URLs

 

MENSTUFF COLUMNS BY AUTHOR

  • The Advice Diva - The Advice Diva - relationship and sexuality issues discussed - www.menstuff.org/columns/advicediva/archive.html
  • Peter Alsop - Song of the Month - www.menstuff.org/columns/alsop/archive.html
  • Reid Baer - A Man Overboard - Interview of the Month - www.menstuff.org/columns/overboard/archive.html
  • Reid Baer - Poetry - poetry read on YouTube - www.menstuff.org/columns/baer/archive.html
  • Molly Barrow - Shrink About This - www.menstuff.org/columns/barrow/archive.html
  • Peter Baylies - At Home Dads - on at-home-dad issues that impact fathers who stay at home to raise their kids - www.menstuff.org/columns/baylies/archive.html
  • Tom Blake - Middle-Age Relationships - from an expert on dating after 50. www.menstuff.org/columns/blake/archive.html
  • Mark Brandenburg - Great Fathers - on fathering issues - www.menstuff.org/columns/greatfathers/archive.html
  • Ted Braude - BoysWork - a columnist in the The Detroit Free Press "Body and Mind" section www.menstuff.org/columns/braude/archive.html
  • Armin Brott - A Father's Guide - hosts "Positive Parenting" on radio www.menstuff.org/columns/brott/archive.html
  • Dan Bulf - Get Real - weekly pod cast on men's issues - www.menstuff.org/columns/bulf/archive.html
  • Ken Byers - Transition - on men's life transitions - www.menstuff.org/columns/byers/archive.html
  • Sandra L. Caron - Sex Talk - college students get answers to their questions - www.menstuff.org/columns/sextalk/archive.html
  • Neil Chethik - Relationships - www.menstuff.org/columns/chethik/archive.html
  • Otto & Susie Collins - Susie and Otto - relationship issues discussed - www.menstuff.org/columns/susie&otto/archive.html
  • David Copeland - How to Succeed with Women - www.menstuff.org/columns/howtosucceed/archive.html
  • Forrest Craver - Spirituality & Social Change - www.menstuff.org/columns/craver/archive.html
  • Layne & Paul Cutright - Powerful Partnerships - relationship issues - www.menstuff.org/columns/cutright/archive.html
  • Ron DesMarais - Cavemen in the Kitchen - great recipes for men - www.menstuff.org/columns/desmarais/archive.html
  • Jed Diamond - Irritable Male Syndrome - www.menstuff.org/columns/diamond/archive.html
  • Doc Love - Women Don't Lie, Man Don't Listen - answers to relationship issues - www.menstuff.org/columns/doclov/archive.html
  • Barry Durdant-Hollamby - Creating Change - creating change in your life - www.menstuff.org/columns/durdant/archive.html
  • Irv Engel - The Real Deal - www.menstuff.org/columns/engel/archive.html
  • Nancy Fagan - Expert Dating Advice - with Nancy Fagan - www.menstuf.org/columns/fagan/archive.html
  • Warren Farrell - Men's Issues: Facts and Perspectives www.menstuff.org/columns/farrell/archive.html
  • Leonard Felder - Wake Up or Break Up - www.menstuff.org/columns/felder/archive.html
  • Marty Friedman - Strong Men, Strong Marriage - www.menstuff.org/columns/friedman/archive.html
  • Kim Garretson - Mansgland - using humor to encourage prostate exams - www.menstuff.org/columns/mansgland/archive.html
  • Lion Goodman - How to get Women to Love You - www.menstuff.org/columns/goodman/archive.html
  • Liz Halliday - In a Man's World - www.menstuff.org/columns/halliday/archive.html
  • Rick Hanson - Just One Thing - www.menstuff.org/columns/hanson/archive.html
  • Tim Hartnett - Daddyman Speaks - being a father www.menstuff.org/columns/daddyman/archive.html
  • John Hershey - Blood, Phlegm & Bile: Parenting with Humor - He writes a syndicated biweekly humor column about parenting and family life. www.menstuff.org/columns/hershey/archive.html
  • Gary Hoeber - Psychotherapy as Soul Work, www.menstuff.org/columns/hoeber/archive.html
  • Patrick Houser - Fathers Make a World of Difference, www.menstuff.org/columns/houser/archive.html
  • Paul Joannides - The Guide to Getting It On - on sex - www.menstuff.org/columns/getiton/archive.html
  • Jack Kahn - NOMAS Boston - www.menstuff.org/columns/kahn/archive.html
  • Patrick Kennedy - Seniors - www.menstuff.org/columns/kennedy/archive.html
  • Joe Kort - Gaydar - to increase understanding between gay and het men - www.menstuff.org/columns/kort/archive.html
  • David Kundtz - David Kundtz - presents seminars, workshops, retreats, and conference presentations in the areas of men's emotional health, stress management, and spirituality. www.menstuff.org/columns/kundtz/archive.html
  • Bruce Linton - Dr. Dad - on fathering - www.menstuff.org/columns/drdad/archive.html
  • Ron Louis - How to Succeed with Women - www.menstuff.org/columns/howtosucceed/archive.html
  • Wendy McElroy - Wendy McElroy on Feminism, www.menstuff.org/columns/mcelroy/archive.html
  • Robert N. Minor - Minor Details - on GBT sexuality - www.menstuff.org/columns/minordetails/archive.html
  • Robert L. Moore - Man & Mythology - www.menstuff.org/columns/moore/archive.html
  • Dennis W. Neder - Being a Man - general questions about men's lives - www.menstuff.org/columns/neder/archive.html
  • Marty Nemko - Worklife - general questions about men and work - www.menstuff.org/columns/nemko/archive.html
  • Eli Newberger - Eli Newberger - general information on men's lives - www.menstuff.org/columns/newberger/archive.html
  • Linda Nielsen - Embracing the Father - working with the father/daughter relationship. www.menstuff.org/columns/nielsen/archive.html
  • Kathy Noll - Bullies and Youth Violence - working with schools, teachers and parents to end school violence - www.menstuff.org/columns/noll/archive.html
  • Mark Phillips - Stay-at-Home-Dads - helping men maintain that which makes us men, instead of becoming hairy Mom-substitutes - www.menstuff.org/columns/phillips/archive.html
  • Carey Roberts - Socialism & Feminism - is a social commentator on political correctness. www.menstuff.org/columns/roberts/archive.html
  • Perry Rose - Dating, Relationship, Sex
  • Glenn Sacks - His Side - on fathering - www.menstuff.org/columns/sacks/archive.html
  • Trudy Schuett - Domestic Violence - serving the under-represented www.menstuff.org/columns/schuett/archive.html
  • Carl J. Schutt - Circumcision - social commentator on circumcision - www.menstuff.org/columns/schutt/archive.html
  • Hugo Schwyzer - A Pro-feminist's Response - www.menstuff.org/columns/schwyzer/archive.html
  • Michael Shaffran - Men's Issues - www.menstuff.org/columns/shaffran/archive.html
  • Judith Sherven - Judith & Jim - discussion and answers regarding relationship issues - www.menstuff.org/columns/judith&jim/archive.html
  • Judith Sherven - The New Intimacy - www.menstuff.org/columns/newintimacy/archive.html
  • George Simons - Bellicose Veins - is a US specialist in intercultural and gender communication who hangs out in Mandelieu - la Napoule, France, as well as in Santa Cruz, CA. www.menstuff.org/columns/simons/archive.html
  • Andy Smith - Hard Hat Brotherhood - www.menstuff.org/columns/hardhat/archive.html
  • David B. Smith - Fighting Father Dave - www.menstuff.org/columns/smith/archive.html
  • Jim Sniechowski - Judith & Jim - discussion and answers regarding relationship issues - www.menstuff.org/columns/judith&jim/archive.html
  • Jim Sniechowski - The New Intimacy - www.menstuff.org/columns/newintimacy/archive.html
  • Reena Sommer - Custody - is an internationally recognized relationship and divorce consultant. www.menstuff.org/columns/sommer/archive.html
  • R. Don Steele - Don Steele - relationship questions answered -
    www.menstuff.org/columns/steele/archive.html
  • David Steinberg - Comes Naturally - on sexuality - www.menstuff.org/columns/steinberg/archive.html
  • Mary Lou St Lucas - A Mother's Love - www.menstuf.org/columns/stlucas/archive.html
  • Surprise - Surprise Author - From a new columnist every month - www.menstuff.org/columns/surprise/archive.html
  • Steven Svoboda - Fatherhood, Activism and the Law www.menstuff.org/columns/svoboda/archive.html
  • Michael Taylor - A New Conversation with Men - www.menstuff.org/columns/taylor/archive.html
  • Bruce Van Horn - Yoga for Men - issues around the health benefits of yoga for men - www.menstuff.org/yoga/archive.html
  • Michael Webb - Secrets of Blissful Relationships - on relationship - www.menstuff.org/columns/bliss/archive.html
  • Stuart Wilde - Spirituality - www.menstuff.org/columns/wilde/archive.html
  • Dr.Williams - Sex Health - on sexual health - Dr. Williams, www.menstuff.org/columns/sexhealth/archive.html
  • KC Wilson - On Gender Politics is a social commentator and author. www.menstuff.org/columns/wilson/archive.html

Plus

  • Health Tips - on general health - www.menstuff.org/columns/healthtips/archive.html
  • Independent Means - resources for raising financially fit kids - www.menstuff.org/columns/independentmeans/archive.html
  • Numbers - www.menstuff.org/columns/numbers/archive.html
  • Questions - www.menstuff.org/columns/q&a/archive.html
  • Surprise - from a new columnist every month - www.menstuff.org/columns/surprise/archive.html
  • Words Can Heal - helping children grow up healthy - www.menstuff.org/columns/wordscanheal/archive.html
  • Wuzup?! - National or international events happening this month - www.menstuff.org/columns/whassup/archive.html

AWARENESS EVENTS THIS MONTH

January is: Birth Defects Prevention, Cervical Health Awareness, National Voluteer Blood Donor; Bald Eagle Watch; Celebration of Life; Fat Free Living; International Get Over It; International Life Balance; It's Okay to Be Different; Love Yourself; March of Dimes Birth Defects Prevention; National Be On-Purpose; National Book; National Clean Up Your Computer; National Environmental Policy Act; National Eye Care; National Glaucoma Awareness; National High-Tech; National Personal Self-Defense Awareness; National Poverty in America Awareness; National Reaching Your Potential; National Yours, Mine and Ours; Senior-Spirit; Sew for the Cure Month.

12/26-1/1: Kwanzaa. 12/31-1/6: Celebration of Life; Diet Resolution; National Lose Weight/Feel Great; New Year's Resolution; Silent Record Week; 1/5-13: Wilderness Wildlife Week of Nature. 1/6-12: Someday We'll Laugh About This Week.1/7-11: National Graves' Disease Awareness Week. 1/7-13: Universal Letter-Writing Week. 1/10-17: International Thank You Days. 1/13-19: Fire the Boss, International Printing, Let Men Be Our Heroes, Special Education Week. 1/14-18: Manwatchers Week. 1/20-26: Healthy Weight, National Creative Frugality, National Nurse Anesthetists, Solo-Preneuring Week. 1/21-25: Direct Deposit Week. 1/22-28: No Name Calling Week 1/21-25: *National Consumer Protection Week. 1/31-2/3: Mid-Winter/Candlemas/Groundhog's Day. 1/1: Attention to Dreams and Desires; Get a Life; Saint Basil's; Z Day. 1/2: Happy New Year for Cats; National Thrift with Flair Day. 1/6: International Respect-full Living Day; National Smith Day. Jan 7: United Kingdom Solid Gold Hat Day. Orthodox Christian Christmas. 1/8: National Bubble; Clean-Off-Your-Desk; Joygerm: Saint Gudula's Feast; Show & Tell at Work Day. 1/12 - National Handwriting Day. 1/15 - Humanitarian, Moliere, National Thank God It's Monday Day. 1/16 - Psychiatric Technicians Day. 1/18: Get to Know Your Customer Day. 1/19: International Sing-out Day. 1/20: Penguin Awareness Day. 1/21: National Hugging, World Religion Day. 1/22: World Religions Day, Celebration of Life Day. 1/23: Rid the World of Fad Diets and Gimmicks Day. 1/24: Just Do It Day - Make the Connection, National Compliment Day. 1/25: A Room of One's Own Day. 1/26: Fun at Work Day, Toad Hollow Day of Encouragement; Spouse's Day. 1/29: Freethinker's, National Puzzle Day. 1/30: Inane Answering Machine Day.

* Means a Presidential Proclamation has been made.

National Missing Children's Day
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Men are so competitive that we even "out-die" women in all 15 of the major causes of death in the U.S. Most of these deaths are preventable with a positive change in life-style, eating habits, and/or general health care. Let's not strive so hard to hold on to this record. See what you can change now to live a healthier life.
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