Daily Thoughts & Issues

IN THIS ISSUE:

JULY 18

Days left until the next millennium 01.01.3001

Photo of the Week
Eric Sandord/Adventure Photo & Film
Achieve Your Dreams

July 18 - Today is the day that South Africa's apartheid was outlawed worldwide (1976); birthday of Nelson Mandela, nonviolent antiapartheid activist. The Mystic's Wheel of the Year * India had its first successful launch into orbit of a 77-lb. satellite. * The Geneva conference opens and is attended by the U.S., Great Britain, U.S.S.R. and France (1955). * Japan's ruling party since 1955 loses parliament majority (1993). * Presidential Succession Act signed (1947) should the president be temporarily incapacitated or die in office. The speaker of the house and president pro tem of the senate are next in succession after the vice president. * Birthdays: Hume Cronyn, Nick Faldo, Steve Forbes, Nelson Mandela, Chick Evans, William Makepeace Thackeray, Gilbert White, James Brolin, Richard Totten (Dick) Button, Dion DiMucci, John Glenn, Anfernee "Penny" Hardaway, Ricky Skaggs, Joe Torre, Yevgeny Aleksandrovich Yevtushenko, Samuel Ichiye Hayakawa, Clifford Odets, Calvin Peete, Hunter S. Thompson.

Have plenty of drinking water on hand in the heat!

DAILY THOUGHTS

The person who cannot listen cannot converse. One has to take in what the other presents. Soul Mates

We've never said "no" to each other when it comes to trying something new. It's the best with him because nothing is off limits. Best of 1001 Sex Secrets Every Man & Woman Should Know

Men over forty-five feel least secure about their sexual prowess. Almost half of them admit that they no longer feel the same level of desire. But something else has taken its place. The need for intimacy and companionship eclipses the importance of sex. New Passages

On this day the site plan is filed for the African American town of Allensworth, CA founded by Allen Allensworth. African American History

It's not wise to talk baby talk to children. Speak clearly to them, and they'll return the favor. Dr. Buff's 365 Day Parenting Calendar

The problem of separateness in close relationships has bedeviled mankind through the ages. However, it has received more attention from a political standpoint than from a marital one. The Road Less Traveled

In life, it's the rebounds that make the difference. Achieve Your Dreams

Things to Be Happy About: Exotic fruits. Rain playing a concerto on the windowpanes. Beer cheese soup. 14,000 Things to Be Happy About

Every time you pass him, pat the dog.  Really Important Stuff My Kids Have Taught Me

The richest person is the one who is contented with what he has. - Robert C. Savage  If Life is a Game, These are the Rules

It's the nature of reactive people to absolve themselves of responsibility. It's so much safer to say, "I am not responsible."  If I say, "I am responsible" I might have to say, "I am irresponsible." It would be very hard for me to say that I have the power to choose my response and that the response I have chosen has resulted in my involvement in a negative, collusive environment, especially if for years I have absolved myself of responsibility for results in the name of someone else's weakness. Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

Making the Adoption Adjustment. Waiting to adopt puts parents in a peculiar kind of limbo. To guard against disappointment, they try to go about their lives as though nothing is going to change but everything changes in an instant once a baby becomes available. Adoptive parents are often robbed of prebonding experiences, but many of he ordinary things parents do to prepare themselves can be very helpful to adoptive parents, too. Try browsing through baby books about child development and decorating a nursery, or if this step seems to risky, buy a rocking chair for the living room instead. Remind yourself that even though your circumstances are different, you belong to the world of expectant parents. Parents Tips & Tricks

Learn yoga. The principles of hatha (physical) yoga have been practiced for centuries because of the increased vitality, reduced fatigue, improved efficient, enhanced concentration, and the serenity and peace of mind they generate. Yoga can be learned by people of all ages. It will strengthen, firm, tone and shape your body in addition to quieting your mind. Simplify Your Life

To remind yourself to check your tension level periodically:  Set the hour alarm on your watch. Wear your watch on the opposite arm. Wear a rubber band around your wrist. Write sticky notes to yourself. Stress Busters

Make a list of as many flavors of ice cream as you can. Now each time you try a new flavor, check if off your list. To Do Today

Act as if it were impossible to fail. - Dorothea Brand  Win the Day!

Equilibrado/a (ehkeeleeBRAHdoh/dah) Balanced. Es importante comer una dieta equilibrada. It is important to eat a balanced diet. Living Language

TODAY'S ISSUE: CONTROL

In the old days when a person's hands grew stiff and feet swelled up and they couldn't remember their daughter-in-law's name they died but today a person should live as long as possible "I have lived long enough", she said "Oh no!" They said, "don't say things like that!"  Fran Baskin. "Experts" of all kinds encourage us to give over our power to know what is best for us. Sometimes, it's true, we need expert attention. But sometimes we let our desire for control and controllability interfere with our deep knowledge of life and of our place in the universe. Painful thought is it to loving friends and family, one who is ill and old may simply with to die. The great cycle of creation includes death as well as rebirth, and we are helped to be whole when we can accept the dying side. Death is the last great transformation of our present consciousness: not enemy, not friend, but simply fellow traveler. Clinging to my wishes of someone else is an attempt to control her or his life. Today I'll remember to love and let go. Family Feelings

We are effectively destroying ourselves by violence masquerading as love - R. B. Lang Fear breeds violence - both physical and psychological - in relationships. I've seen so many men who, because they fear they will lose the one they love so much, in the end destroy them. Men who do too much are riddled with fear. We need to examine where our fear comes from and what it is doing to us, and finally, if it is causing us to create the kind of psychological violence in our relationships that masquerades as love. Love is not controlling. Love is not violating someone else's choices. Unilateral control is a form of violence. Today I will try to understand why I have the need to control others, and how that need is hurting me. Meditations For Men Who Do Too Much

To be crazy is not necessarily to writhe in snake pits or converse with imaginary gods. It can sometimes be not knowing what to do in the morning - Christopher Lehman-Haupt. Slowly but surely we are recovering. We are learning to live one day at a time, to not expect too much of ourselves, to take life easy, to smell the dandelions. But sometimes, come nine-fifteen on a traffic-choked freeway, those old panic patterns set in. I should've gotten up by 8:30 like I planned. It takes longer than twelve minutes to go twelve miles at rush hour. I should've finished writing that presentation I have to give this morning. Do I have the papers I need for the meeting?  Did I leave them in that hotel room?  What was her name again?  She was over eighteen, wasn't she?  Why won't this traffic move, for God's sake?  It's probably a bus. There should be mandatory sentences for drivers who wreak their buses. They should get the chain for causing this kind of mayhem when people are trying to get to work on time. But they don't, they get a coffee break. The guy's probably standing there, having his coffee and doughnut. He doesn't have to get to work. He's at work. He's getting paid to stand there with his coffee and his Boston cream. He's laughing at me. He's dunking his doughnut and laughing at me. If I cannot control the world, how can they expect me to get to work on time? Meditations for Men Who Do Next to Nothing: and would like to do even less

A controller doesn't trust his/her ability to live through the pain and chaos of life. There is no life without pain just as there is not art without submitting to chaos. - Rita Mae Brown It is very hard for most of us to see how controlling we are. We may feel uptight or careful, but we haven't seen it as controlling ourselves or controlling how people respond to us. We may be worried about a loved one's behavior or safety, but not realize our hovering over that person is a controlling activity. We may be keenly aware of other people's controlling behavior with us, but unaware we have equaled their control by monitoring them and trying to change their behavior. What a moment of spiritual adventure it is to risk living through the pain!  When we do not seek as escape or a quick fix but have patience with the process, new possibilities often do develop. We can only let go of our control - or turn it over to our Higher Power. And we will do it and forget, taking control back within minutes or within an hour. Then we let go again. Today, I will submit to the insecurity of a changing universe and have faith that I can live through the process and grow. Touchstones

The other side of control. We find comfort among those who agree with us - growth among those who don't - Frank Clark. As we heal, we come to learn that we really can't control others, that we have to stop trying to get other people to change. It takes awhile, but gradually we're starting to understand and benefit from the simple truth. Some of us have yet to consider the defeatist attitude that underlies the desire to control. that part of us that says:   "She's always been that way. She's never going to change," or "What I hoped for is never going to happen"  This is plain old negative thinking, a mental habit that can fool us into trying to fix things by controlling events. Such "stuck thinking" causes us to react in the same way over and over again. Everybody and everything is changing all the time. Why do we sometimes believe that it isn't?  Maybe the uncertain boy in us is still thinking in magical terms: if he could only apply a certain technique, say the magic word, act a certain way, maybe he could keep from getting hurt or disappointed. We don't have to punish that kid. Instead we can gently explain to him that things don't always work that way. Today I'll witness the ways I try to predict and control the behavior of others. I'll reassure the little boy inside me that we'll have much more fun letting life unfold as a good mystery should. A Quiet Strength: Meditations on the Masculine Soul

Hey Man: Did you make a difference yesterday? Let us know at Contact Us. Recognize and modify your need to be in control. Stop trying to control all situations. "Going with the flow" is good for the heart and soul. What Every Man Needs to Know. Want to make a difference but you don't know where to start?

BOOK OF THE WEEK

 

Social Work Practice with Men at Risk by Rich Putnam. Treating men as a culturally distinct group, the author integrates key conceptions of masculinity into culturally sensitive social work practice with men. Focusing on veterans, displaced workers, substance abusers, mental health consumers, and other groups that might be unlikely to seek help, he deftly explores the psychosocial development of men, along with the globalization of men's lives, alternative conceptions of masculinity, and special dynamics within male relationships. He bolsters his conclusions with case studies and evidence-based interventions. His cutting-edge research merges four key social work theories and explores how they inform practice with mental health issues, compulsive disorders, addition and violence. By promoting gender equity and culturally competent practice with men, he bridges the gap between clinical and macro practice. The book is a crucial text for educators and practitioners hoping to pursue effective, far-reaching interventions. Columbia University Press, 2010, www.cup.columbia.edu, ISBN 9 780231 143813

SPECIAL URLs

 

MENSTUFF COLUMNS BY AUTHOR

  • The Advice Diva - The Advice Diva - relationship and sexuality issues discussed - www.menstuff.org/columns/advicediva/archive.html
  • Peter Alsop - Song of the Month - www.menstuff.org/columns/alsop/archive.html
  • Reid Baer - A Man Overboard - Interview of the Month - www.menstuff.org/columns/overboard/archive.html
  • Reid Baer - Poetry - poetry read on YouTube - www.menstuff.org/columns/baer/archive.html
  • Molly Barrow - Shrink About This - www.menstuff.org/columns/barrow/archive.html
  • Peter Baylies - At Home Dads - on at-home-dad issues that impact fathers who stay at home to raise their kids - www.menstuff.org/columns/baylies/archive.html
  • Tom Blake - Middle-Age Relationships - from an expert on dating after 50. www.menstuff.org/columns/blake/archive.html
  • Mark Brandenburg - Great Fathers - on fathering issues - www.menstuff.org/columns/greatfathers/archive.html
  • Ted Braude - BoysWork - a columnist in the The Detroit Free Press "Body and Mind" section www.menstuff.org/columns/braude/archive.html
  • Armin Brott - A Father's Guide - hosts "Positive Parenting" on radio www.menstuff.org/columns/brott/archive.html
  • Dan Bulf - Get Real - weekly pod cast on men's issues - www.menstuff.org/columns/bulf/archive.html
  • Ken Byers - Transition - on men's life transitions - www.menstuff.org/columns/byers/archive.html
  • Sandra L. Caron - Sex Talk - college students get answers to their questions - www.menstuff.org/columns/sextalk/archive.html
  • Neil Chethik - Relationships - www.menstuff.org/columns/chethik/archive.html
  • Otto & Susie Collins - Susie and Otto - relationship issues discussed - www.menstuff.org/columns/susie&otto/archive.html
  • David Copeland - How to Succeed with Women - www.menstuff.org/columns/howtosucceed/archive.html
  • Forrest Craver - Spirituality & Social Change - www.menstuff.org/columns/craver/archive.html
  • Layne & Paul Cutright - Powerful Partnerships - relationship issues - www.menstuff.org/columns/cutright/archive.html
  • Ron DesMarais - Cavemen in the Kitchen - great recipes for men - www.menstuff.org/columns/desmarais/archive.html
  • Jed Diamond - Irritable Male Syndrome - www.menstuff.org/columns/diamond/archive.html
  • Doc Love - Women Don't Lie, Man Don't Listen - answers to relationship issues - www.menstuff.org/columns/doclov/archive.html
  • Barry Durdant-Hollamby - Creating Change - creating change in your life - www.menstuff.org/columns/durdant/archive.html
  • Irv Engel - The Real Deal - www.menstuff.org/columns/engel/archive.html
  • Nancy Fagan - Expert Dating Advice - with Nancy Fagan - www.menstuf.org/columns/fagan/archive.html
  • Warren Farrell - Men's Issues: Facts and Perspectives www.menstuff.org/columns/farrell/archive.html
  • Leonard Felder - Wake Up or Break Up - www.menstuff.org/columns/felder/archive.html
  • Marty Friedman - Strong Men, Strong Marriage - www.menstuff.org/columns/friedman/archive.html
  • Kim Garretson - Mansgland - using humor to encourage prostate exams - www.menstuff.org/columns/mansgland/archive.html
  • Lion Goodman - How to get Women to Love You - www.menstuff.org/columns/goodman/archive.html
  • Liz Halliday - In a Man's World - www.menstuff.org/columns/halliday/archive.html
  • Rick Hanson - Your Wise Brain - www.menstuff.org/columns/hanson/archive.html
  • Tim Hartnett - Daddyman Speaks - being a father www.menstuff.org/columns/daddyman/archive.html
  • John Hershey - Blood, Phlegm & Bile: Parenting with Humor - He writes a syndicated biweekly humor column about parenting and family life. www.menstuff.org/columns/hershey/archive.html
  • Gary Hoeber - Psychotherapy as Soul Work, www.menstuff.org/columns/hoeber/archive.html
  • Patrick Houser - Fathers Make a World of Difference, www.menstuff.org/columns/houser/archive.html
  • Paul Joannides - The Guide to Getting It On - on sex - www.menstuff.org/columns/getiton/archive.html
  • Jack Kahn - NOMAS Boston - www.menstuff.org/columns/kahn/archive.html
  • Patrick Kennedy - Seniors - www.menstuff.org/columns/kennedy/archive.html
  • Joe Kort - Gaydar - to increase understanding between gay and het men - www.menstuff.org/columns/kort/archive.html
  • David Kundtz - David Kundtz - presents seminars, workshops, retreats, and conference presentations in the areas of men's emotional health, stress management, and spirituality. www.menstuff.org/columns/kundtz/archive.html
  • Bruce Linton - Dr. Dad - on fathering - www.menstuff.org/columns/drdad/archive.html
  • Ron Louis - How to Succeed with Women - www.menstuff.org/columns/howtosucceed/archive.html
  • Tom Matlack - Tom Matlack - Good Men Project - www.menstuff.org/columns/matlack/archive.html
  • Wendy McElroy - Wendy McElroy on Feminism, www.menstuff.org/columns/mcelroy/archive.html
  • Robert N. Minor - Minor Details - on GBT sexuality - www.menstuff.org/columns/minordetails/archive.html
  • Robert L. Moore - Man & Mythology - www.menstuff.org/columns/moore/archive.html
  • Dennis W. Neder - Being a Man - general questions about men's lives - www.menstuff.org/columns/neder/archive.html
  • Marty Nemko - Worklife - general questions about men and work - www.menstuff.org/columns/nemko/archive.html
  • Eli Newberger - Eli Newberger - general information on men's lives - www.menstuff.org/columns/newberger/archive.html
  • Linda Nielsen - Embracing the Father - working with the father/daughter relationship. www.menstuff.org/columns/nielsen/archive.html
  • Kathy Noll - Bullies and Youth Violence - working with schools, teachers and parents to end school violence - www.menstuff.org/columns/noll/archive.html
  • Mark Phillips - Stay-at-Home-Dads - helping men maintain that which makes us men, instead of becoming hairy Mom-substitutes - www.menstuff.org/columns/phillips/archive.html
  • Carey Roberts - Socialism & Feminism - is a social commentator on political correctness. www.menstuff.org/columns/roberts/archive.html
  • Perry Rose - Dating, Relationship, Sex
  • Glenn Sacks - His Side - on fathering - www.menstuff.org/columns/sacks/archive.html
  • Trudy Schuett - Domestic Violence - serving the under-represented www.menstuff.org/columns/schuett/archive.html
  • Carl J. Schutt - Circumcision - social commentator on circumcision - www.menstuff.org/columns/schutt/archive.html
  • Hugo Schwyzer - A Pro-feminist's Response - www.menstuff.org/columns/schwyzer/archive.html
  • Michael Shaffran - Men's Issues - www.menstuff.org/columns/shaffran/archive.html
  • Judith Sherven - Judith & Jim - discussion and answers regarding relationship issues - www.menstuff.org/columns/judith&jim/archive.html
  • Judith Sherven - The New Intimacy - www.menstuff.org/columns/newintimacy/archive.html
  • George Simons - Bellicose Veins - is a US specialist in intercultural and gender communication who hangs out in Mandelieu - la Napoule, France, as well as in Santa Cruz, CA. www.menstuff.org/columns/simons/archive.html
  • Andy Smith - Hard Hat Brotherhood - www.menstuff.org/columns/hardhat/archive.html
  • David B. Smith - Fighting Father Dave - www.menstuff.org/columns/smith/archive.html
  • Jim Sniechowski - Judith & Jim - discussion and answers regarding relationship issues - www.menstuff.org/columns/judith&jim/archive.html
  • Jim Sniechowski - The New Intimacy - www.menstuff.org/columns/newintimacy/archive.html
  • Reena Sommer - Custody - is an internationally recognized relationship and divorce consultant. www.menstuff.org/columns/sommer/archive.html
  • R. Don Steele - Don Steele - relationship questions answered -
    www.menstuff.org/columns/steele/archive.html
  • David Steinberg - Comes Naturally - on sexuality - www.menstuff.org/columns/steinberg/archive.html
  • Mary Lou St Lucas - A Mother's Love - www.menstuf.org/columns/stlucas/archive.html
  • Surprise - Surprise Author - From a new columnist every month - www.menstuff.org/columns/surprise/archive.html
  • Steven Svoboda - Fatherhood, Activism and the Law www.menstuff.org/columns/svoboda/archive.html
  • Michael Taylor - A New Conversation with Men - www.menstuff.org/columns/taylor/archive.html
  • Bruce Van Horn - Yoga for Men - issues around the health benefits of yoga for men - www.menstuff.org/yoga/archive.html
  • Michael Webb - Secrets of Blissful Relationships - on relationship - www.menstuff.org/columns/bliss/archive.html
  • Stuart Wilde - Spirituality - www.menstuff.org/columns/wilde/archive.html
  • Dr.Williams - Sex Health - on sexual health - Dr. Williams, www.menstuff.org/columns/sexhealth/archive.html
  • KC Wilson - On Gender Politics is a social commentator and author. www.menstuff.org/columns/wilson/archive.html

Plus

  • Health Tips - on general health - www.menstuff.org/columns/healthtips/archive.html
  • Independent Means - resources for raising financially fit kids - www.menstuff.org/columns/independentmeans/archive.html
  • Numbers - www.menstuff.org/columns/numbers/archive.html
  • Questions - www.menstuff.org/columns/q&a/archive.html
  • Surprise - from a new columnist every month - www.menstuff.org/columns/surprise/archive.html
  • Words Can Heal - helping children grow up healthy - www.menstuff.org/columns/wordscanheal/archive.html
  • Wuzup?! - National or international events happening this month - www.menstuff.org/columns/whassup/archive.html

AWARENESS EVENTS THIS MONTH

July is Freedom Month. If you enjoy the benefits this country has to offer, you might check out what kind of men it took to found this country. The Fourth of July has more to it than beer, picnics, and baseball games. Read this! July is Anti-Boredom; National Mobility; Purposeful Parenting: Recreation and Parks; The month of the Muslim new year; Hemochromatosis Screening Awareness; National Foreign Language Month.

June 27 - July 4: Special Recreation Week. June 25-July 1: Deaf-Blindness Awareness Week. June 27 - July 4: Special Recreation Week. Jul 1-8 Music for Life; July 3-Aug 15: Air Conditioning Appreciation Days. Jul 4-10 - Freedom Week. July 8:-14: National Laundry Workers; National Therapeutic Recreation: Take Charge of Change Week. Jul 9-15 - Nude Recreation. July 15-21: *Captive Nations; Legal Revolution; National Plan to Promote Your Business Week. Jul 1 UN Day of Cooperation; International Joke; National Financial Freedom; National Recreation and Parks; National Purposeful Parenting, Jul 2 - I Forgot; Ducktona 500 Day; July 3: Compliment Your Mirror: Stay Out of the Sun Day. Jul 4 - Independence Day (U.S.); American Redneck; Fear from Fear of Speaking ; Independence-from-Meat Day; Sidewalk Egg Frying; Jul 5 - National Family Day, July 7: Father-Daughter Take a Walk Together; International UN Day of Cooperation. July 9: Don't Step on a Bee Day. July 10: Intern Appreciation Day. July 13: Skeptics' Day. July 14: Cow Apprecaition Day. July 15: National Ice Cream; Saint Swithin's Day. July 16: International Town Criers; Naitonal Get Out of the Doghouse Day. July 17: Wrong Way Corrigan Day. Jul 20 - Ugly Truck; Riot Act anniversary. July 21: Rat-Catchers Day. Jul 22 - Ice Cream Cone Day. July 23: Hot Enough For Ya Day. July 24: Cousins; Health and Happiness with Hypnosis Day. Jul 27 - *National Korean War Veterans Armistice; Take Your Houseplants for a Walk Day. July 29: *Parents' Day. Jul 30 - Father-In-Law Day, National Parent's Day.

* Means a Presidential Proclamation has been made.

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Men are so competitive that we even "out-die" women in all 15 of the major causes of death in the U.S. Most of these deaths are preventable with a positive change in life-style, eating habits, and/or general health care. Let's not strive so hard to hold on to this record. See what you can change now to live a healthier life.
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