Daily Thoughts & Issues

IN THIS ISSUE:

AUGUST 4

Days left until the next millennium 01.01.3001

Photo of the Week
Didier Givois/Adventure Photo & Film
Achieve Your Dreams

August 4 - U.S. Coast Guard Day. * The Love Canal area in N..W. is declared unfit for human habitation (1978). It was a toxic dump from 1947-1952. * Civil Rights Workers Found Slain (1964) After disappearing on June 21, three civil rights workers were found murdered and buried in an earthen dam outside Philadelphia, MS. The three young men were working on the Mississippi Summer Project organized by the Student Nonviolent Coordinating Committee to increase black voter registration. Prior to their disappearance, James Chaney, Andrew Goodman and Michael Schwerner were detained by Neshoba County police on charges of speeding. When there car was found, burned, on June 23, President Johnson ordered an FBI search for the men. * Birthdays: Nelson Mandela, Percy B. Shelley, Richard Belzer, Louis Armstrong, Glenn Cunningham, Joseph Justus Scaliger, William Howard Schuman, Yasser Arafat, Richard Belzer, William Roger Clemens, Jeff Gordon, Joseph Henri Maurice (Rocket) Richard, Billy Bob Thornton, Barack Obama.

DAILY THOUGHTS

Hybrids are what make the world go forward - Luther Burbank. Most of us are hybrids. A few of us may come from families where all our known ancestors married within the same ethnic group - Chinese, Eastern Europeans, native Americas - but most of us have hybridization in our family trees. And most of the partners with whom we choose to have children have similar varied ancestry. For humans as for plants and animals, new genetic combinations increase the potential for high-quality descendants. It's highly unclear what role inheritance plays in any given individual's makeup. We know something about hereditary potentials for disease, but not for health. Human growth and upbringing are too complex to allow for speculation beyond a general sense that new combinations are usually desirable. We can say for certain only that difference is to be welcomed - differences in style and belief as much as differences in color or national origin. When family members enrich our future by choosing varied partners, we have occasion for rejoicing. We're widening our circle of intimacy, as when we adopt a child. Differences stretch our spirits, making them resilient and strong. When we embrace difference, we grace ourselves while helping to heal the world. I will seek out the gifts of diversity wherever I can. Family Feelings

Eight African American commodity brokers operated on the New Orleans Cotton Exchange during the 1840's. African American History

Married men who haven't been able to perform for months or years, once they do disclose their problem to a doctor, almost always reveal the same jarring truth: The couple has never talked about it. Just breaking through the silence and shame by admitting they have the problem is the hardest part, say experts. But talking about it, and taking the pressure of performance off the man, can be the most effective medicine of all. New Passages

It isn't enough to be concerned with intimacy in an abstract way, or to see it only as a feeling that comes and goes without our participating in its design. Intimacy, like everything else, requires art. Soul Mates

The more you can get your children to talk with you during childhood, the more they will take with you during their adolescence. Dr. Buff's 365 Day Parenting Calendar

The experience of being on unfamiliar ground, of doing things differently is frightening. It always was and always will be. People handle their fear of change in different ways, but the fear is inescapable if they are in fact to change. The Road Less Traveled

One doesn't discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore. - Gide Achieve Your Dreams

Things to Be Happy About:  Being incommunicado. A summer afternoon to spend as you please. Fresh raspberries. 14,000 Things to Be Happy About

Three hops get you just as far as one leap. Really Important Stuff My Kids Have Taught Me

There is nothing to do but be. - Stephen Levine.  If Life is a Game, These are the Rules

The inside-out approach holds that if you want to have a happy marriage, be the kind of person who generates positive energy and sidesteps negative energy rather than empowering it. If you want to have a more pleasant, cooperative teenager, be a more understanding, empathic, consistent, Levine parent. If you want to have more freedom, more latitude in your job, be a more responsible, a more helpful, a more contributing employee. If you want the secondary greatness of recognized talent, focus first on the primary greatness of character.  Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

Getting out of debt may not be easy, but it will certainly simplify your life. Simplify Your Life

Squirt, Splash and Spray! Like all kids, mine love playing water games. So during the summer, I organize a huge water fight with all the children on our block at least once a month. I post a few fliers announcing the date, time and place, and everyone comes "armed" with squirt guns, bottles, buckets, and so on. The kids play for hours and get soaked. Sometimes we barbecue that night, too, so they can enjoy playing outside after dark. Parents Tips & Tricks

Consider the following ways to fit more exercise into your normal daily routine. Take stairs rather than the elevator at work. Park further away from your destination. Do leg lifts while brushing your teeth. Walk during breaks at work.  Stress Busters

Teach your kids to Dodge a rubber ball in this tag game. If It hits someone with the ball, that person becomes It. To make the game harder, draw a line and make It throw the ball from behind the line. Or, make them throw it with their non-dominant hand. To Do Today

The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is, that one often comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won't. - Henry Ward Beecher. Win the Day!

Hasta (AHStah) Until. Trabajamos hasta quedar rendidos. We worked until we dropped.  Living Language

TODAY'S ISSUE: MULTICULTURALISM

A Tossed Salad

Let me say up front, that I am by no means an expert or scholar on multiculturalism except that I live and am part of a country founded on freedom and diversity that hates difference. Understanding just how insidious the system is that benefits from racism, is quite complicated. And, as a white man, I'm taking a look at the part I play in this system. My liberal stance is being challenged, and rightly so.

Though I have been involved in men's work since 1976 and did my first 'Unlearning Racism' workshop in 1979, it wasn't until seeing debut of the film, 'The Color of Fear", that I really got it. And I was in the film, but it didn't really hit me how deeply the racism from growing up and living in a basically all-white area with a nice liberal stance, had kept me from really seeing my part in keeping the system going. And how I have used the "Privilege" of being white to keep me from feeling the pain and loneliness that isolation from our diverse culture has left me with. See this video or better yet, buy it and see it with friends! The Color of Fear Revised - Walking Each Other Home, is a shorter version and my preference, if you can buy or see only one.

Shortly after filming, I got the idea to replace my 'I Believe You Anita' bumper sticker with 'I Believe You Rodney'. As I was placing my order at the printers, fear rushed through my body. I got to thinking about the potential danger I might put myself or my car in by driving around that 'identified'. I really connected at that point with the privilege I have being white and driving almost anywhere in safety and how by putting that bumper sticker on might be in a small way similar to being black and being watched driving through most communities and maybe being singled out in some.

I ended up getting those bumper stickers printed for any white-liberals out there who believe that the color of a persons skin doesn't matter in this culture, that we're all treated the same and we all have the same opportunity. Would you be willing to test your assumptions by putting an 'I Believe You Rodney' bumper sticker on your car for the next couple of months? (See Free Bumper Sticker to begin the test.) We've looked for a long time at the "melting pot" theory that suggests we all become the same. I like the "tossed salad" concept better, myself. Think about it.

See also Issues Multicultural, Books Multicultural, Videos: Walking Each Other Home, The Color of Fear, Circle of Recovery, Free Bumper Sticker

Seek out difference, so you and your family will come to value a world that is like a rich chord, where differences harmonize.

Hey Man: Did you make a difference yesterday? Let us know at Contact Us.Once you discover you are black, then you have to be black - Charles W. Thomas. To discover one is black, in a white society, means to discover racism. In Black Africa there's no such recognition, for a child. To be a Black American means to struggle constantly against racism. White Americans believe they can choose whether or not to join this struggle, but they delude themselves. If we're not part of the solution, we're part of the problem. Once you discover you are Arabic, Asian, Latino, or Jewish, the conclusion may be the same. These discoveries come early. Black and mixed-race families can see clearly how race stratifies our society and how racist assumptions poison our communications just as sexist assumptions do. For many of us, these prejudices feel "natural"; yet they're as much a matter of our own choice and decision as any other attitudes. We can remake our attitudes toward race and gender, if we choose. We owe it to the future to live so that all our children can perceive the terrible costs of racism, for people of all colors. Racial injustice cripples our society. Until we help to heal ourselves, we cheat our children of the chance to be fully human. I will do what I can to honor our multiracial society and to work for a world win which all colors are honored equally. Family Feelings Want to make a difference but you don't know where to start?

BOOK OF THE WEEK

Sex at Dawn: The prehistoric origins of modern sexuality by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha. Since Darwin's day, we've been told that sexual monogamy comes naturally to our species. Mainstream science - as well as religious and cultural institutions - has maintained that men and women evolved in families in which a man's possessions and protection were exchanged for a woman's fertility and fidelity. But this narrative is collapsing. Fewer and fewer couples are staying married, and divorce rates keep climbing as adultery and flagging libido drag down even seemingly solid marriages. How can reality be reconciled with the accepted narrative? It can't be, according to the authors' renegade thinking While debunking almost everything we "know" about sex, they offer a bold alternative explanation in this provocative and brilliant book. Their central contention is that human beings evolved in egalitarian groups that shared food, child care and often sexual partners. Weaving together convergent, frequently overlooked evidence from anthropology, archaeology, primatology, anatomy and pschosexuality, the authors show how far from human nature monogamy really is. Human beings everywhere and in every era have confronted the same familiar, intimate situations in surprisingly different ways. The authors expose the ancient roots of human sexuality while pointing toward a more optimistic future illuminated by our innate capacities for love, cooperation and generosity. With intelligence, humor and wonder, the authors show how our promiscuous past haunts out struggles over monogamy, sexual orientation and family dynamics. They explore why long-term fidelity can be so difficult for so many; why sexual passion tends to fade even as love deepens' why many middle-aged men risk everything for transient affairs with younger women/ why homosexuality persists in the face of standard evolutionary logic; and what the human body reveals about the prehistoric origins of modern sexuality. In the tradition of the best historical and scientific writing, this book unapologetic ally upends unwarranted assumptions and unfounded conclusions while offering a revolutionary understanding of why we live and love as we do. 2010, www.SexAtDawn.com, HarperCollins, www.harpercollins.com, ISBN 978-0-06-170780-3

SPECIAL URLs

 

MENSTUFF COLUMNS BY AUTHOR

  • The Advice Diva - The Advice Diva - relationship and sexuality issues discussed - www.menstuff.org/columns/advicediva/archive.html
  • Peter Alsop - Song of the Month - www.menstuff.org/columns/alsop/archive.html
  • Reid Baer - A Man Overboard - Interview of the Month - www.menstuff.org/columns/overboard/archive.html
  • Reid Baer - Poetry - poetry read on YouTube - www.menstuff.org/columns/baer/archive.html
  • Molly Barrow - Shrink About This - www.menstuff.org/columns/barrow/archive.html
  • Peter Baylies - At Home Dads - on at-home-dad issues that impact fathers who stay at home to raise their kids - www.menstuff.org/columns/baylies/archive.html
  • Tom Blake - Middle-Age Relationships - from an expert on dating after 50. www.menstuff.org/columns/blake/archive.html
  • Mark Brandenburg - Great Fathers - on fathering issues - www.menstuff.org/columns/greatfathers/archive.html
  • Ted Braude - BoysWork - a columnist in the The Detroit Free Press "Body and Mind" section www.menstuff.org/columns/braude/archive.html
  • Armin Brott - A Father's Guide - hosts "Positive Parenting" on radio www.menstuff.org/columns/brott/archive.html
  • Dan Bulf - Get Real - weekly pod cast on men's issues - www.menstuff.org/columns/bulf/archive.html
  • Ken Byers - Transition - on men's life transitions - www.menstuff.org/columns/byers/archive.html
  • Sandra L. Caron - Sex Talk - college students get answers to their questions - www.menstuff.org/columns/sextalk/archive.html
  • Neil Chethik - Relationships - www.menstuff.org/columns/chethik/archive.html
  • Otto & Susie Collins - Susie and Otto - relationship issues discussed - www.menstuff.org/columns/susie&otto/archive.html
  • David Copeland - How to Succeed with Women - www.menstuff.org/columns/howtosucceed/archive.html
  • Forrest Craver - Spirituality & Social Change - www.menstuff.org/columns/craver/archive.html
  • Layne & Paul Cutright - Powerful Partnerships - relationship issues - www.menstuff.org/columns/cutright/archive.html
  • Ron DesMarais - Cavemen in the Kitchen - great recipes for men - www.menstuff.org/columns/desmarais/archive.html
  • Jed Diamond - Irritable Male Syndrome - www.menstuff.org/columns/diamond/archive.html
  • Doc Love - Women Don't Lie, Man Don't Listen - answers to relationship issues - www.menstuff.org/columns/doclov/archive.html
  • Barry Durdant-Hollamby - Creating Change - creating change in your life - www.menstuff.org/columns/durdant/archive.html
  • Irv Engel - The Real Deal - www.menstuff.org/columns/engel/archive.html
  • Nancy Fagan - Expert Dating Advice - with Nancy Fagan - www.menstuf.org/columns/fagan/archive.html
  • Warren Farrell - Men's Issues: Facts and Perspectives www.menstuff.org/columns/farrell/archive.html
  • Leonard Felder - Wake Up or Break Up - www.menstuff.org/columns/felder/archive.html
  • Marty Friedman - Strong Men, Strong Marriage - www.menstuff.org/columns/friedman/archive.html
  • Kim Garretson - Mansgland - using humor to encourage prostate exams - www.menstuff.org/columns/mansgland/archive.html
  • Lion Goodman - How to get Women to Love You - www.menstuff.org/columns/goodman/archive.html
  • Liz Halliday - In a Man's World - www.menstuff.org/columns/halliday/archive.html
  • Rick Hanson - Your Wise Brain - www.menstuff.org/columns/hanson/archive.html
  • Tim Hartnett - Daddyman Speaks - being a father www.menstuff.org/columns/daddyman/archive.html
  • John Hershey - Blood, Phlegm & Bile: Parenting with Humor - He writes a syndicated biweekly humor column about parenting and family life. www.menstuff.org/columns/hershey/archive.html
  • Gary Hoeber - Psychotherapy as Soul Work, www.menstuff.org/columns/hoeber/archive.html
  • Patrick Houser - Fathers Make a World of Difference, www.menstuff.org/columns/houser/archive.html
  • Paul Joannides - The Guide to Getting It On - on sex - www.menstuff.org/columns/getiton/archive.html
  • Jack Kahn - NOMAS Boston - www.menstuff.org/columns/kahn/archive.html
  • Patrick Kennedy - Seniors - www.menstuff.org/columns/kennedy/archive.html
  • Joe Kort - Gaydar - to increase understanding between gay and het men - www.menstuff.org/columns/kort/archive.html
  • David Kundtz - David Kundtz - presents seminars, workshops, retreats, and conference presentations in the areas of men's emotional health, stress management, and spirituality. www.menstuff.org/columns/kundtz/archive.html
  • Bruce Linton - Dr. Dad - on fathering - www.menstuff.org/columns/drdad/archive.html
  • Ron Louis - How to Succeed with Women - www.menstuff.org/columns/howtosucceed/archive.html
  • Tom Matlack - Tom Matlack - Good Men Project - www.menstuff.org/columns/matlack/archive.html
  • Wendy McElroy - Wendy McElroy on Feminism, www.menstuff.org/columns/mcelroy/archive.html
  • Robert N. Minor - Minor Details - on GBT sexuality - www.menstuff.org/columns/minordetails/archive.html
  • Robert L. Moore - Man & Mythology - www.menstuff.org/columns/moore/archive.html
  • Dennis W. Neder - Being a Man - general questions about men's lives - www.menstuff.org/columns/neder/archive.html
  • Marty Nemko - Worklife - general questions about men and work - www.menstuff.org/columns/nemko/archive.html
  • Eli Newberger - Eli Newberger - general information on men's lives - www.menstuff.org/columns/newberger/archive.html
  • Linda Nielsen - Embracing the Father - working with the father/daughter relationship. www.menstuff.org/columns/nielsen/archive.html
  • Kathy Noll - Bullies and Youth Violence - working with schools, teachers and parents to end school violence - www.menstuff.org/columns/noll/archive.html
  • Mark Phillips - Stay-at-Home-Dads - helping men maintain that which makes us men, instead of becoming hairy Mom-substitutes - www.menstuff.org/columns/phillips/archive.html
  • Carey Roberts - Socialism & Feminism - is a social commentator on political correctness. www.menstuff.org/columns/roberts/archive.html
  • Perry Rose - Dating, Relationship, Sex
  • Glenn Sacks - His Side - on fathering - www.menstuff.org/columns/sacks/archive.html
  • Trudy Schuett - Domestic Violence - serving the under-represented www.menstuff.org/columns/schuett/archive.html
  • Carl J. Schutt - Circumcision - social commentator on circumcision - www.menstuff.org/columns/schutt/archive.html
  • Hugo Schwyzer - A Pro-feminist's Response - www.menstuff.org/columns/schwyzer/archive.html
  • Michael Shaffran - Men's Issues - www.menstuff.org/columns/shaffran/archive.html
  • Judith Sherven - Judith & Jim - discussion and answers regarding relationship issues - www.menstuff.org/columns/judith&jim/archive.html
  • Judith Sherven - The New Intimacy - www.menstuff.org/columns/newintimacy/archive.html
  • George Simons - Bellicose Veins - is a US specialist in intercultural and gender communication who hangs out in Mandelieu - la Napoule, France, as well as in Santa Cruz, CA. www.menstuff.org/columns/simons/archive.html
  • Andy Smith - Hard Hat Brotherhood - www.menstuff.org/columns/hardhat/archive.html
  • David B. Smith - Fighting Father Dave - www.menstuff.org/columns/smith/archive.html
  • Jim Sniechowski - Judith & Jim - discussion and answers regarding relationship issues - www.menstuff.org/columns/judith&jim/archive.html
  • Jim Sniechowski - The New Intimacy - www.menstuff.org/columns/newintimacy/archive.html
  • Reena Sommer - Custody - is an internationally recognized relationship and divorce consultant. www.menstuff.org/columns/sommer/archive.html
  • R. Don Steele - Don Steele - relationship questions answered -
    www.menstuff.org/columns/steele/archive.html
  • David Steinberg - Comes Naturally - on sexuality - www.menstuff.org/columns/steinberg/archive.html
  • Mary Lou St Lucas - A Mother's Love - www.menstuf.org/columns/stlucas/archive.html
  • Surprise - Surprise Author - From a new columnist every month - www.menstuff.org/columns/surprise/archive.html
  • Steven Svoboda - Fatherhood, Activism and the Law www.menstuff.org/columns/svoboda/archive.html
  • Michael Taylor - A New Conversation with Men - www.menstuff.org/columns/taylor/archive.html
  • Bruce Van Horn - Yoga for Men - issues around the health benefits of yoga for men - www.menstuff.org/yoga/archive.html
  • Michael Webb - Secrets of Blissful Relationships - on relationship - www.menstuff.org/columns/bliss/archive.html
  • Stuart Wilde - Spirituality - www.menstuff.org/columns/wilde/archive.html
  • Dr.Williams - Sex Health - on sexual health - Dr. Williams, www.menstuff.org/columns/sexhealth/archive.html
  • KC Wilson - On Gender Politics is a social commentator and author. www.menstuff.org/columns/wilson/archive.html

Plus

  • Health Tips - on general health - www.menstuff.org/columns/healthtips/archive.html
  • Independent Means - resources for raising financially fit kids - www.menstuff.org/columns/independentmeans/archive.html
  • Numbers - www.menstuff.org/columns/numbers/archive.html
  • Questions - www.menstuff.org/columns/q&a/archive.html
  • Surprise - from a new columnist every month - www.menstuff.org/columns/surprise/archive.html
  • Words Can Heal - helping children grow up healthy - www.menstuff.org/columns/wordscanheal/archive.html
  • Wuzup?! - National or international events happening this month - www.menstuff.org/columns/whassup/archive.html

AWARENESS EVENTS THIS MONTH

August is Admit You're Happy, Black Business, Cataract Awareness, Children's Eye Health and Safety, National Immunization, Spinal Muscular Atrophy Awareness, Children's Vision and Learning, Family Fun, National Back-to-School, National Inventor's, National Win with Civility, Spinal Muscular Atrophy Awareness Month. Aug 1-7 Simplify Your Life, World Breastfeeding, International Clown Week, Simplify Your Life Week. Aug 1-11 - World Breastfeeding Week. Aug 2-6 - Psychic Week Aug 8-14 - National Resurrect Romance, Thanks for All the Gifts Week. Aug 12-19 - Truck Drivers' Week. Aug 15-21 - National Health Center, Reduced the Clutter, Weird Contest Week. Aug 16-22 - National Avidatoin Week. Aug 22-29 - National Save Your Smile, National Truck Driver Appreciation Week. Aug 1 - National Kids, Respect for Parents, National Night Out Day. Apr 3 - Nation Night Out, Coast Guard day. Apr 6 - National Fresh Breath, National Pamper Yourself day. Aug 7 - National Mustard Day. Aug 8 - Admit You're Happy Day. Apr 9 - UN International Day of the World's Indigenous People. Apr 11 - Presidential Joke Day. Apr 12 - UN International Youth, Vinyl Record Day. Apr 14 - International Nagging, National Garage Sale Day. Aug 15 - National Relaxation Day, World Day of Keiki. Aug 16 - Stay Home with Your Kids, National Airborne Day. Aug 17 - Sandcastle Day. Aug 18 - Bad Poetry Day. Aug 19 - National Avidation Day. Aug 21 - Children's, Poets, Sandcastle and Sculpture. Southern Hemisphere Hoodie-Hoo, Vinegar Day, National Homeless Animals Day and Candlelight Vigils. Aug 22 - Be an Angel, National Punctuation Day. Aug 24 - Vesuvius Day. Aug 25 - Kiss and Make Up Day. Aug 26 - Women's Equality Day. Aug 28 - Race Your Mouse Around the Icons Day. Aug 29 - According to Hoyle Day. Aug 31 - Love Litigating Lawyers Day.

* Means a Presidential Proclamation has been made.

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Men are so competitive that we even "out-die" women in all 15 of the major causes of death in the U.S. Most of these deaths are preventable with a positive change in life-style, eating habits, and/or general health care. Let's not strive so hard to hold on to this record. See what you can change now to live a healthier life.
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