Daily Thoughts & Issues

IN THIS ISSUE:

AUGUST 8

Days left until the next millennium 01.01.3001

Photo of the Week
Didier Givois/Adventure Photo & Film
Achieve Your Dreams

August 8 - Day for democracy, justice and respect for human rights in Burma. *  Sneak Zucchini Day. Senior Citizen's Day. * Today in 1974, President Nixon announces in a televised address that he is resigning as president of the U.S. * On this day in 1923, Benny Goodman (1909-1986) began his musical career as the bandleader on an excursion boat. He was 14. The Old Farmer's Almanac * On this day in 1865, Matthew A Henson is born in Charles City, MD. He will become the first explorer to reach the North Pole. African American History * Second Battle of Amiens (1918) where the British Fourth Army mounted an offensive at Amiens with the objective of freeing the Amiens-Paris railway from bombardment by the German Second and Eighteenth Armies. More than 16,000 German prisoners were taken in two hours of fighting the first day. This battle is considered a turning point by many historians because of its impact on the psyche of Germany. * Pioneer Venus Multiprobe (1978) split into five section and probed Venus atmosphere. * Birthdays: Mel Tellis, Matthew Henson, Fredric March, Russell Markert, Odie, Randy Shilts, Keith Carradine, Benny Carter, Dino DeLaurentiis, The Edge (David Evans), Dustin Hoffman.

DAILY THOUGHTS

One of the unmarked revolutions of the last twenty years is the resistance of women in middle life to remarriage. As long as they are able to support themselves in a reasonable style, and they are beyond childbearing years, they view most offers of remarriage as a bad deal. Most men in middle age are reluctant returnees to single life. New Passages

If you are anticipating a separation or are in the middle of a divorce, make sure your child knows he or she is not the cause. Repeat as needed. Dr. Buff's 365 Day Parenting Calendar

In 1975, when reporter Lynn Rosellini wrote a series of articles on homosexual athletes, only former NFL running back Dave Kopay agreed to be interviewed. At that time, he was the only professional sports figure to voluntarily come out of the closet. Gay & Lesbian Calendar

Around the World:  Who pays for day care?  The following are the percentages covered by parents, expressed as a national average. Government and business subsidize the rest: Finland 11%, Italy 12%, Denmark 22%, France 32%, Japan 50%, U.S. 76%. Family Feelings

Some soul complaints clearly indicate the kind of lack that conversation could fill. Loneliness, busyness, a craving for love - all these suggest the need for something that would feed intimacy and ground the soul. Soul Mates

There's something about the way my clitoris is positioned in a recliner that makes it super-easy to have an orgasm. Barbara, 25. Heat your condoms in the microwave for eight or ten seconds. Watch out for foil wrappers, though. Chuck 24. Best of 1001 Sex Secrets Every Man & Woman Should Know

If one remains on a journey of spiritual growth, one's capacity to love grows and grows. But it is always limited, and one clearly should not attempt psychotherapy beyond one's capacity to love, since psychotherapy without love will be unsuccessful and even harmful. The Road Less Traveled

Follow your dreams as long as you live, do not lessen the time of following desire, for wasting time is an abomination of the spirit. - Plato Achieve Your Dreams

Things to Be Happy About:  Night lights in strategic places. Quiet courtyards. Ancient mysteries. 14,000 Things to Be Happy About

It's okay to order vanilla even if rainbow bubble gum ice cream is on the menu. Really Important Stuff My Kids Have Taught Me

Safety is created through the willingness to be nonjudgmental.  If Life is a Game, These are the Rules

True independence of character empowers us to act rather than be acted upon. It frees us from our dependence on circumstances and other people and is a worthy, liberating goal. But it is not the ultimate goal in effective living. Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

Consolidate your checking accounts. Not only do multiple checking accounts generate excess mail, there are the monthly statements for each account, the additional monthly promotional pieces, credit card offerings, and other inducements that have to be sorted through with the real mail. Simplify Your Life

"A man who suffers before it is necessary suffers more than is necessary." - Seneca. Avoid borrowing tomorrow's trouble. One day at a time is enough to handle.  Stress Busters

Map your escape route from your house in case of a fire!  Use poster board to diagram the inside of your house and your family's meeting spot outside. Label bedrooms, and draw a different-colored path for each family member. Practice drills with your family, too. Post the map, and make sure everyone knows what to do - just in case. (Editor: Teach older children to use a fire extinguisher and have one in each bedroom (where people could get trapped). Consider a rope or chain ladder for second story bedrooms, and how to open or break out a window and put a blanket over the broken glass if the must escape through a window. And practice, practice, practice.) To Do Today

My greatest point is my persistence. I never give up in a match. However down I am, I fight until the last ball. My list of matches shows that I have turned a great many so-called irretrievable defeats into victories. - Bjorn Borg. Win the Day!

El/la veterinario/a (behtehreeNAHryoh/rah) Veterinarian. Necesito un veterinario. I need a veterinarian. Living Language

TODAY'S ISSUE: THERAPY

Blessed are they who heal us of self-despising. Of all services which can be done to man, I know of none more precious - William Hale White. Because work addicts have all the answers, they mistrust anyone else's opinions, thoughts or philosophies. And if we don't know we're sick, why would we seek any kind of therapy that would make us well?  We've created a self-image that is based largely on self-denial. But we need to face the facts and get help. We need to join a group of recovering workaholics, seek counseling; read bibliotherapy; talk about our lives with those we are close to; let people in, turn over compulsion toward becoming health. A session with a therapist can start the ball rolling. I will trust myself enough to try this method. Meditations For Men Who Do Too Much

I believe it was James Hillman that said 1/3 of all people in therapy get better, 1/3 stay the same and 1/3 get worse. And, 1/3 of those who have never gone to therapy get better, 1/3 stay the same and 1/3 get worse. This doesn't speak as much for the process and for those leading the process and choosing the right process. There are psychiatrists, therapists and social workers. Then there are spiritual consultants. In the pier realm, there are 12-step groups (good to a point if they can get people past the storytelling stage - and I'm told they have about a 15% success rate. There's Re-evaluation Counseling which is for minor issues and works with piers. There are workshops, breathwork, movement, yoga, many other practices. With all of these, before you start, if there are leaders, know what they have been doing to continue to clean up their own personal issues. Reading doesn't count becomes a book can't confront your denial about what might be wrong with you. Are they in therapy. Have they turned themselves over to others for personal processing - workshops, and other facilitated processes they can't control. If they aren't moving forward, then chances are you probably won't either. It is my belief that that's why the change rate isn't higher than it is. Because people doing Marriage Family & Child Counseling haven't cleaned up their issues with their parents and are learning through their clients. As Anne Wilson Schaff says, that's the wrong sequence. So, check out you guides. What have they done. What are they doing right now. Who do you know who has worked with them that really feels they got better. There are many workshops listed in "Calendar", many groups facilitated and pier lead in "Resources" and many in your local area that we haven't resourced yet. If you aren't continuing to clean up the past, you're probably still living in it and developing relationships in it. Break the chain. Do you work. Gordon Clay

Hey Man: Did you make a difference yesterday? Let us know at Contact Us. Go to or organize a men's weekend retreat or a men's group. What Every Man Needs to Know Want to make a difference but you don't know where to start?

BOOK OF THE WEEK

Sex at Dawn: The prehistoric origins of modern sexuality by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha. Since Darwin's day, we've been told that sexual monogamy comes naturally to our species. Mainstream science - as well as religious and cultural institutions - has maintained that men and women evolved in families in which a man's possessions and protection were exchanged for a woman's fertility and fidelity. But this narrative is collapsing. Fewer and fewer couples are staying married, and divorce rates keep climbing as adultery and flagging libido drag down even seemingly solid marriages. How can reality be reconciled with the accepted narrative? It can't be, according to the authors' renegade thinking While debunking almost everything we "know" about sex, they offer a bold alternative explanation in this provocative and brilliant book. Their central contention is that human beings evolved in egalitarian groups that shared food, child care and often sexual partners. Weaving together convergent, frequently overlooked evidence from anthropology, archaeology, primatology, anatomy and pschosexuality, the authors show how far from human nature monogamy really is. Human beings everywhere and in every era have confronted the same familiar, intimate situations in surprisingly different ways. The authors expose the ancient roots of human sexuality while pointing toward a more optimistic future illuminated by our innate capacities for love, cooperation and generosity. With intelligence, humor and wonder, the authors show how our promiscuous past haunts out struggles over monogamy, sexual orientation and family dynamics. They explore why long-term fidelity can be so difficult for so many; why sexual passion tends to fade even as love deepens' why many middle-aged men risk everything for transient affairs with younger women/ why homosexuality persists in the face of standard evolutionary logic; and what the human body reveals about the prehistoric origins of modern sexuality. In the tradition of the best historical and scientific writing, this book unapologetic ally upends unwarranted assumptions and unfounded conclusions while offering a revolutionary understanding of why we live and love as we do. 2010, www.SexAtDawn.com, HarperCollins, www.harpercollins.com, ISBN 978-0-06-170780-3

SPECIAL URLs

 

MENSTUFF COLUMNS BY AUTHOR

  • The Advice Diva - The Advice Diva - relationship and sexuality issues discussed - www.menstuff.org/columns/advicediva/archive.html
  • Peter Alsop - Song of the Month - www.menstuff.org/columns/alsop/archive.html
  • Reid Baer - A Man Overboard - Interview of the Month - www.menstuff.org/columns/overboard/archive.html
  • Reid Baer - Poetry - poetry read on YouTube - www.menstuff.org/columns/baer/archive.html
  • Molly Barrow - Shrink About This - www.menstuff.org/columns/barrow/archive.html
  • Peter Baylies - At Home Dads - on at-home-dad issues that impact fathers who stay at home to raise their kids - www.menstuff.org/columns/baylies/archive.html
  • Tom Blake - Middle-Age Relationships - from an expert on dating after 50. www.menstuff.org/columns/blake/archive.html
  • Mark Brandenburg - Great Fathers - on fathering issues - www.menstuff.org/columns/greatfathers/archive.html
  • Ted Braude - BoysWork - a columnist in the The Detroit Free Press "Body and Mind" section www.menstuff.org/columns/braude/archive.html
  • Armin Brott - A Father's Guide - hosts "Positive Parenting" on radio www.menstuff.org/columns/brott/archive.html
  • Dan Bulf - Get Real - weekly pod cast on men's issues - www.menstuff.org/columns/bulf/archive.html
  • Ken Byers - Transition - on men's life transitions - www.menstuff.org/columns/byers/archive.html
  • Sandra L. Caron - Sex Talk - college students get answers to their questions - www.menstuff.org/columns/sextalk/archive.html
  • Neil Chethik - Relationships - www.menstuff.org/columns/chethik/archive.html
  • Otto & Susie Collins - Susie and Otto - relationship issues discussed - www.menstuff.org/columns/susie&otto/archive.html
  • David Copeland - How to Succeed with Women - www.menstuff.org/columns/howtosucceed/archive.html
  • Forrest Craver - Spirituality & Social Change - www.menstuff.org/columns/craver/archive.html
  • Layne & Paul Cutright - Powerful Partnerships - relationship issues - www.menstuff.org/columns/cutright/archive.html
  • Ron DesMarais - Cavemen in the Kitchen - great recipes for men - www.menstuff.org/columns/desmarais/archive.html
  • Jed Diamond - Irritable Male Syndrome - www.menstuff.org/columns/diamond/archive.html
  • Doc Love - Women Don't Lie, Man Don't Listen - answers to relationship issues - www.menstuff.org/columns/doclov/archive.html
  • Barry Durdant-Hollamby - Creating Change - creating change in your life - www.menstuff.org/columns/durdant/archive.html
  • Irv Engel - The Real Deal - www.menstuff.org/columns/engel/archive.html
  • Nancy Fagan - Expert Dating Advice - with Nancy Fagan - www.menstuf.org/columns/fagan/archive.html
  • Warren Farrell - Men's Issues: Facts and Perspectives www.menstuff.org/columns/farrell/archive.html
  • Leonard Felder - Wake Up or Break Up - www.menstuff.org/columns/felder/archive.html
  • Marty Friedman - Strong Men, Strong Marriage - www.menstuff.org/columns/friedman/archive.html
  • Kim Garretson - Mansgland - using humor to encourage prostate exams - www.menstuff.org/columns/mansgland/archive.html
  • Lion Goodman - How to get Women to Love You - www.menstuff.org/columns/goodman/archive.html
  • Liz Halliday - In a Man's World - www.menstuff.org/columns/halliday/archive.html
  • Rick Hanson - Your Wise Brain - www.menstuff.org/columns/hanson/archive.html
  • Tim Hartnett - Daddyman Speaks - being a father www.menstuff.org/columns/daddyman/archive.html
  • John Hershey - Blood, Phlegm & Bile: Parenting with Humor - He writes a syndicated biweekly humor column about parenting and family life. www.menstuff.org/columns/hershey/archive.html
  • Gary Hoeber - Psychotherapy as Soul Work, www.menstuff.org/columns/hoeber/archive.html
  • Patrick Houser - Fathers Make a World of Difference, www.menstuff.org/columns/houser/archive.html
  • Paul Joannides - The Guide to Getting It On - on sex - www.menstuff.org/columns/getiton/archive.html
  • Jack Kahn - NOMAS Boston - www.menstuff.org/columns/kahn/archive.html
  • Patrick Kennedy - Seniors - www.menstuff.org/columns/kennedy/archive.html
  • Joe Kort - Gaydar - to increase understanding between gay and het men - www.menstuff.org/columns/kort/archive.html
  • David Kundtz - David Kundtz - presents seminars, workshops, retreats, and conference presentations in the areas of men's emotional health, stress management, and spirituality. www.menstuff.org/columns/kundtz/archive.html
  • Bruce Linton - Dr. Dad - on fathering - www.menstuff.org/columns/drdad/archive.html
  • Ron Louis - How to Succeed with Women - www.menstuff.org/columns/howtosucceed/archive.html
  • Tom Matlack - Tom Matlack - Good Men Project - www.menstuff.org/columns/matlack/archive.html
  • Wendy McElroy - Wendy McElroy on Feminism, www.menstuff.org/columns/mcelroy/archive.html
  • Robert N. Minor - Minor Details - on GBT sexuality - www.menstuff.org/columns/minordetails/archive.html
  • Robert L. Moore - Man & Mythology - www.menstuff.org/columns/moore/archive.html
  • Dennis W. Neder - Being a Man - general questions about men's lives - www.menstuff.org/columns/neder/archive.html
  • Marty Nemko - Worklife - general questions about men and work - www.menstuff.org/columns/nemko/archive.html
  • Eli Newberger - Eli Newberger - general information on men's lives - www.menstuff.org/columns/newberger/archive.html
  • Linda Nielsen - Embracing the Father - working with the father/daughter relationship. www.menstuff.org/columns/nielsen/archive.html
  • Kathy Noll - Bullies and Youth Violence - working with schools, teachers and parents to end school violence - www.menstuff.org/columns/noll/archive.html
  • Mark Phillips - Stay-at-Home-Dads - helping men maintain that which makes us men, instead of becoming hairy Mom-substitutes - www.menstuff.org/columns/phillips/archive.html
  • Carey Roberts - Socialism & Feminism - is a social commentator on political correctness. www.menstuff.org/columns/roberts/archive.html
  • Perry Rose - Dating, Relationship, Sex
  • Glenn Sacks - His Side - on fathering - www.menstuff.org/columns/sacks/archive.html
  • Trudy Schuett - Domestic Violence - serving the under-represented www.menstuff.org/columns/schuett/archive.html
  • Carl J. Schutt - Circumcision - social commentator on circumcision - www.menstuff.org/columns/schutt/archive.html
  • Hugo Schwyzer - A Pro-feminist's Response - www.menstuff.org/columns/schwyzer/archive.html
  • Michael Shaffran - Men's Issues - www.menstuff.org/columns/shaffran/archive.html
  • Judith Sherven - Judith & Jim - discussion and answers regarding relationship issues - www.menstuff.org/columns/judith&jim/archive.html
  • Judith Sherven - The New Intimacy - www.menstuff.org/columns/newintimacy/archive.html
  • George Simons - Bellicose Veins - is a US specialist in intercultural and gender communication who hangs out in Mandelieu - la Napoule, France, as well as in Santa Cruz, CA. www.menstuff.org/columns/simons/archive.html
  • Andy Smith - Hard Hat Brotherhood - www.menstuff.org/columns/hardhat/archive.html
  • David B. Smith - Fighting Father Dave - www.menstuff.org/columns/smith/archive.html
  • Jim Sniechowski - Judith & Jim - discussion and answers regarding relationship issues - www.menstuff.org/columns/judith&jim/archive.html
  • Jim Sniechowski - The New Intimacy - www.menstuff.org/columns/newintimacy/archive.html
  • Reena Sommer - Custody - is an internationally recognized relationship and divorce consultant. www.menstuff.org/columns/sommer/archive.html
  • R. Don Steele - Don Steele - relationship questions answered -
    www.menstuff.org/columns/steele/archive.html
  • David Steinberg - Comes Naturally - on sexuality - www.menstuff.org/columns/steinberg/archive.html
  • Mary Lou St Lucas - A Mother's Love - www.menstuf.org/columns/stlucas/archive.html
  • Surprise - Surprise Author - From a new columnist every month - www.menstuff.org/columns/surprise/archive.html
  • Steven Svoboda - Fatherhood, Activism and the Law www.menstuff.org/columns/svoboda/archive.html
  • Michael Taylor - A New Conversation with Men - www.menstuff.org/columns/taylor/archive.html
  • Bruce Van Horn - Yoga for Men - issues around the health benefits of yoga for men - www.menstuff.org/yoga/archive.html
  • Michael Webb - Secrets of Blissful Relationships - on relationship - www.menstuff.org/columns/bliss/archive.html
  • Stuart Wilde - Spirituality - www.menstuff.org/columns/wilde/archive.html
  • Dr.Williams - Sex Health - on sexual health - Dr. Williams, www.menstuff.org/columns/sexhealth/archive.html
  • KC Wilson - On Gender Politics is a social commentator and author. www.menstuff.org/columns/wilson/archive.html

Plus

  • Health Tips - on general health - www.menstuff.org/columns/healthtips/archive.html
  • Independent Means - resources for raising financially fit kids - www.menstuff.org/columns/independentmeans/archive.html
  • Numbers - www.menstuff.org/columns/numbers/archive.html
  • Questions - www.menstuff.org/columns/q&a/archive.html
  • Surprise - from a new columnist every month - www.menstuff.org/columns/surprise/archive.html
  • Words Can Heal - helping children grow up healthy - www.menstuff.org/columns/wordscanheal/archive.html
  • Wuzup?! - National or international events happening this month - www.menstuff.org/columns/whassup/archive.html

AWARENESS EVENTS THIS MONTH

August is Admit You're Happy, Black Business, Cataract Awareness, Children's Eye Health and Safety, National Immunization, Spinal Muscular Atrophy Awareness, Children's Vision and Learning, Family Fun, National Back-to-School, National Inventor's, National Win with Civility, Spinal Muscular Atrophy Awareness Month. Aug 1-7 Simplify Your Life, World Breastfeeding, International Clown Week, Simplify Your Life Week. Aug 1-11 - World Breastfeeding Week. Aug 2-6 - Psychic Week Aug 8-14 - National Resurrect Romance, Thanks for All the Gifts Week. Aug 12-19 - Truck Drivers' Week. Aug 15-21 - National Health Center, Reduced the Clutter, Weird Contest Week. Aug 16-22 - National Avidatoin Week. Aug 22-29 - National Save Your Smile, National Truck Driver Appreciation Week. Aug 1 - National Kids, Respect for Parents, National Night Out Day. Apr 3 - Nation Night Out, Coast Guard day. Apr 6 - National Fresh Breath, National Pamper Yourself day. Aug 7 - National Mustard Day. Aug 8 - Admit You're Happy Day. Apr 9 - UN International Day of the World's Indigenous People. Apr 11 - Presidential Joke Day. Apr 12 - UN International Youth, Vinyl Record Day. Apr 14 - International Nagging, National Garage Sale Day. Aug 15 - National Relaxation Day, World Day of Keiki. Aug 16 - Stay Home with Your Kids, National Airborne Day. Aug 17 - Sandcastle Day. Aug 18 - Bad Poetry Day. Aug 19 - National Avidation Day. Aug 21 - Children's, Poets, Sandcastle and Sculpture. Southern Hemisphere Hoodie-Hoo, Vinegar Day, National Homeless Animals Day and Candlelight Vigils. Aug 22 - Be an Angel, National Punctuation Day. Aug 24 - Vesuvius Day. Aug 25 - Kiss and Make Up Day. Aug 26 - Women's Equality Day. Aug 28 - Race Your Mouse Around the Icons Day. Aug 29 - According to Hoyle Day. Aug 31 - Love Litigating Lawyers Day.

* Means a Presidential Proclamation has been made.

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Men are so competitive that we even "out-die" women in all 15 of the major causes of death in the U.S. Most of these deaths are preventable with a positive change in life-style, eating habits, and/or general health care. Let's not strive so hard to hold on to this record. See what you can change now to live a healthier life.
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