Daily Thoughts & Issues

IN THIS ISSUE:

AUGUST 10

Days left until the next millennium 01.01.3001

Photo of the Week
Didier Givois/Adventure Photo & Film
Achieve Your Dreams

August 10 - Vigil for full recognition of the human rights of the Kurdish people. * Independence Day for Ecuador. * The Mississippi River and its tributaries overflowed their banks, eventually driving 70,000 from their flooded homes. (1993) Japan's Unconditional Surrender (1945) * National Hobo Convention, Britt, Iowa * Birthdays:  Seth (Jimmy Dean) Ward, Herbert Clark Hoover, Ian Anderson, Riddick Bowe, Eddie Fisher, Antonio Banderas.

DAILY THOUGHTS

The sixties have changed just as dramatically as the earlier stages of middle life. What with beta blockers and hip replacements, you're as likely to run into a man of sixty-five Rollerblading in the park as biking along with his youngest child, enjoying the adolescent boy in himself as well as the recycled father. New Passages

I might be more inclined to stay the night if I knew it didn't obligate me to some sort of commitment - Mike, 27. Best of 1001 Sex Secrets Every Man & Woman Should Know

Conversation does not have to be confessional to be soulful. Sometimes people feel compelled to speak whatever is in their heart too directly. But soulfulness is not created by naive exposure. Soul Mates

What's the ideal number of years between children? (Answer.)  Dr. Buff's 365 Day Parenting Calendar

Genuine love is precious and those who are capable of genuine love know that their loving must be focused as productively as possible through self-discipline. The Road Less Traveled

We are always getting ready to live, but never living. Achieve Your Dreams calendar

Things to Be Happy about: Sliced bananas and milk. Growing food in the backyard. A rainbow of soap bubbles. 14,000 Things to Be Happy About

People know when you're letting them win.  Really Important Stuff My Kids Have Taught Me

Each person's lessons are always self-evident; it is just a matter of what lenses the person is wearing at the time. If he is wearing the lenses of resistance, he may become angry or bitter and this stubbornness will prevent their personal growth. If he is wearing the lenses of openness and clear discernment, he will gain a deeper understanding of what different life situations can teach him.  If Life is a Game, These are the Rules

You can buy a person's hand, but you can't buy his heart. His heart is where his enthusiasm is, his loyalty is. You can buy his back, but you can't buy his brain. That's where his creativity is, his ingenuity, his resourcefulness. Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

Figure out what you need to do to get well. We each know exactly what we need to do to heal ourselves. If the circumstances are appropriate, make it your personal quest to spend time in solitude or quiet contemplation until your intuition guides you to the proper course of treatment or self-healing.  Simplify Your Life

Shoulder Roll:  While slowly breathing in and out, draw your shoulders up toward your ears and move them forward in a circle. Repeat 5 to 7 times. In the same manner, roll you shoulders in backward circles 5 to 7 times. Stress Busters

Suggest that your kids publish a pretend travel magazine!  Write about summer vacations. Take pictures and kept souvenirs. When you get back, put all the experiences into a "magazine" - and even include ads. To Do Today

Always bear in mind that your own resolution to success is more important than any other one thing. - Abraham Lincoln  Win the Day!

Esbelto/a (ehsBELtoh/tah) Slender. Que esbelta eres!  How slender you are!  Living Language

Answer to question: "What is the ideal number of years between children?"  Four. For developmental reasons: They don't compete. While one is in grade school, the other is in high school. Perhaps more important are the financial reasons:  There's only one child in college at the same time. Dr. Buff's 365 Day Parenting Calendar

TODAY'S ISSUE: FREEDOM

Freedom and Community. Men are free when they belong to a living, organic, believing community - D. H. Lawrence. Freedom and independence are essential to being male. Also key is being related to others - in a family or a community of some kind. The Franciscan friars, one of the first antecedents of today's men's movements, have long been a believing community that has attracted free spirits. Some communities restrict, others free. Freedom and community can be contrary, unless one understands the differences between freedom from and freedom toward. The deepest freedom includes a commitment to other people, even when they strain our patience. Community is where the inner and the outer meet, where the internal self can connect with the external self. That great British novelist D. H. Lawrence was a skeptic, yet he was a man of deep belief and faith. He affirmed an inner freedom and an outer freedom. Lawrence understood the value of community. Are you a part of a community?  Does it restrict or enhance your freedom?  You may want to consider joining a community. Or working more closely with a community of which you are already a part. A Quiet Strength: Meditations on the Masculine Soul

I shall enjoy my freedom from the tyranny of the In and Out boxes - S. Dillon Ripley on his retirement. For so many years I let the In and Out boxes dictate my days. Of course, I mean that figuratively, but nonetheless, like most of us men who do too much, I was in the position of putting out fires all day long. And that's when we know our lives are unmanageable (and the irony is, many of us are in charge of managing others). I do not charge Mr. Ripley with workaholism, but his quote rings true for so many of us. Slaves to what others want, demand, or need, we do not examine what is in our In Boxes. I do not want to retire to feel Mr. Ripley's sense of freedom. I want to incorporate my freedom into my work. When you think about it, so much of what we think we must do every day is superfluous to our real jobs. Today I'm going to be very conscious of what is in my In Box. Most of it, no doubt, should have been placed in the Out Box. Meditations For Men Who Do Too Much

Freedom is not worth having if it does not connote the freedom to err - Mohandas K. Gandhi. How do we respond when someone in our family makes a mistake?  Suppose it's an old person. Do we say, "Oh, Aunt Anne has lost it, better put her in a home," or do we help her find a way to arrange her life so she won't lock herself in the bathroom or set her stove on fire?  Suppose it's our partner. Do we go into a tizzy over an unbalanced checkbook, or can we let it go?  Or our children: does the first scraped fender mean they can't ever drive our car again or do we work out a payment plan within their allowance and tell them how glad we are they weren't hurt?  Patterns of dangerous accidents are another matter. It Aunt Anne really can't look after herself, she probably needs closer supervision. If our partner is chronically in debt and can't ever seem to reconcile income and outgo, some financial counseling is definitely in order. And we make sure our children get the best driver training available. Other people deserve our trust, especially our loved ones. The leeway we grant to others indicates our level of trust in them, in ourselves, and in the world. Do we have such high expectations of ourselves that we don't permit errors?  This is inhuman. We deserve better and so do those we love. We must accept errors, our own and other people's, if we are to learn from them. Family Feelings

Nobody can give you freedom. Nobody can give you equality or justice or anything. If you're a man, you take it - Malcolm X. It does little good to complain about our wives or parents or lovers. We only accentuate our role as victims when we say, "I would be happier if she were different."  "If he would just get off my back, I would act better."  We each have a side which is loyal to the victim within. Some of us take comfort in acting helpless and being taken care of; some of us relish the power of being catered to; some of us wallow in self-pity. These patterns of thought retard our recovery and put a dray on our relationships. When we decide that we aren't willing to live this way any longer, we are ready to assert our independence. Real emancipation can't come at someone else's initiative or as a gift. It can only begin from within, by saying "I will take my independence". Then we begin to be responsible men because we own it on the inside. Today, I will not wait for others to set me free. I will do what is within my own power to be a free man. Touchstones

Hey Man: Did you make a difference yesterday? Let us know at Contact Us. Define for yourself what it means to "have balls."  We never define manhood on our own terms. Write down the term and define it for yourself. By this standard, do you have balls? What Every Man Needs to Know Want to make a difference but you don't know where to start?

BOOK OF THE WEEK

The Courage to Be Free: Discover your original fearless self. by Guy Finley. When you realize that no one else on this earth can be like you - that no other soul can know the beauty, sorrow, light, and darkness you alone are given to see - then you will no longer want to be like anyone else on this earth. You will, at last, be the fearless individual your heart of hearts has called you to be. There is a world of wisdom in this small gem of a book and the author is a master at opening our eyes, ears, and hearts to the plain and simple truths of this life. gunfinley.com, 2010, Weiser Books, www.redwheelweiser.com, ISBN 978-1-57863-475-0

 

SPECIAL URLs

 

MENSTUFF COLUMNS BY AUTHOR

  • The Advice Diva - The Advice Diva - relationship and sexuality issues discussed - www.menstuff.org/columns/advicediva/archive.html
  • Peter Alsop - Song of the Month - www.menstuff.org/columns/alsop/archive.html
  • Reid Baer - A Man Overboard - Interview of the Month - www.menstuff.org/columns/overboard/archive.html
  • Reid Baer - Poetry - poetry read on YouTube - www.menstuff.org/columns/baer/archive.html
  • Molly Barrow - Shrink About This - www.menstuff.org/columns/barrow/archive.html
  • Peter Baylies - At Home Dads - on at-home-dad issues that impact fathers who stay at home to raise their kids - www.menstuff.org/columns/baylies/archive.html
  • Tom Blake - Middle-Age Relationships - from an expert on dating after 50. www.menstuff.org/columns/blake/archive.html
  • Mark Brandenburg - Great Fathers - on fathering issues - www.menstuff.org/columns/greatfathers/archive.html
  • Ted Braude - BoysWork - a columnist in the The Detroit Free Press "Body and Mind" section www.menstuff.org/columns/braude/archive.html
  • Armin Brott - A Father's Guide - hosts "Positive Parenting" on radio www.menstuff.org/columns/brott/archive.html
  • Dan Bulf - Get Real - weekly pod cast on men's issues - www.menstuff.org/columns/bulf/archive.html
  • Ken Byers - Transition - on men's life transitions - www.menstuff.org/columns/byers/archive.html
  • Sandra L. Caron - Sex Talk - college students get answers to their questions - www.menstuff.org/columns/sextalk/archive.html
  • Neil Chethik - Relationships - www.menstuff.org/columns/chethik/archive.html
  • Otto & Susie Collins - Susie and Otto - relationship issues discussed - www.menstuff.org/columns/susie&otto/archive.html
  • David Copeland - How to Succeed with Women - www.menstuff.org/columns/howtosucceed/archive.html
  • Forrest Craver - Spirituality & Social Change - www.menstuff.org/columns/craver/archive.html
  • Layne & Paul Cutright - Powerful Partnerships - relationship issues - www.menstuff.org/columns/cutright/archive.html
  • Ron DesMarais - Cavemen in the Kitchen - great recipes for men - www.menstuff.org/columns/desmarais/archive.html
  • Jed Diamond - Irritable Male Syndrome - www.menstuff.org/columns/diamond/archive.html
  • Doc Love - Women Don't Lie, Man Don't Listen - answers to relationship issues - www.menstuff.org/columns/doclov/archive.html
  • Barry Durdant-Hollamby - Creating Change - creating change in your life - www.menstuff.org/columns/durdant/archive.html
  • Irv Engel - The Real Deal - www.menstuff.org/columns/engel/archive.html
  • Nancy Fagan - Expert Dating Advice - with Nancy Fagan - www.menstuf.org/columns/fagan/archive.html
  • Warren Farrell - Men's Issues: Facts and Perspectives www.menstuff.org/columns/farrell/archive.html
  • Leonard Felder - Wake Up or Break Up - www.menstuff.org/columns/felder/archive.html
  • Marty Friedman - Strong Men, Strong Marriage - www.menstuff.org/columns/friedman/archive.html
  • Kim Garretson - Mansgland - using humor to encourage prostate exams - www.menstuff.org/columns/mansgland/archive.html
  • Lion Goodman - How to get Women to Love You - www.menstuff.org/columns/goodman/archive.html
  • Liz Halliday - In a Man's World - www.menstuff.org/columns/halliday/archive.html
  • Rick Hanson - Your Wise Brain - www.menstuff.org/columns/hanson/archive.html
  • Tim Hartnett - Daddyman Speaks - being a father www.menstuff.org/columns/daddyman/archive.html
  • John Hershey - Blood, Phlegm & Bile: Parenting with Humor - He writes a syndicated biweekly humor column about parenting and family life. www.menstuff.org/columns/hershey/archive.html
  • Gary Hoeber - Psychotherapy as Soul Work, www.menstuff.org/columns/hoeber/archive.html
  • Patrick Houser - Fathers Make a World of Difference, www.menstuff.org/columns/houser/archive.html
  • Paul Joannides - The Guide to Getting It On - on sex - www.menstuff.org/columns/getiton/archive.html
  • Jack Kahn - NOMAS Boston - www.menstuff.org/columns/kahn/archive.html
  • Patrick Kennedy - Seniors - www.menstuff.org/columns/kennedy/archive.html
  • Joe Kort - Gaydar - to increase understanding between gay and het men - www.menstuff.org/columns/kort/archive.html
  • David Kundtz - David Kundtz - presents seminars, workshops, retreats, and conference presentations in the areas of men's emotional health, stress management, and spirituality. www.menstuff.org/columns/kundtz/archive.html
  • Bruce Linton - Dr. Dad - on fathering - www.menstuff.org/columns/drdad/archive.html
  • Ron Louis - How to Succeed with Women - www.menstuff.org/columns/howtosucceed/archive.html
  • Tom Matlack - Tom Matlack - Good Men Project - www.menstuff.org/columns/matlack/archive.html
  • Wendy McElroy - Wendy McElroy on Feminism, www.menstuff.org/columns/mcelroy/archive.html
  • Robert N. Minor - Minor Details - on GBT sexuality - www.menstuff.org/columns/minordetails/archive.html
  • Robert L. Moore - Man & Mythology - www.menstuff.org/columns/moore/archive.html
  • Dennis W. Neder - Being a Man - general questions about men's lives - www.menstuff.org/columns/neder/archive.html
  • Marty Nemko - Worklife - general questions about men and work - www.menstuff.org/columns/nemko/archive.html
  • Eli Newberger - Eli Newberger - general information on men's lives - www.menstuff.org/columns/newberger/archive.html
  • Linda Nielsen - Embracing the Father - working with the father/daughter relationship. www.menstuff.org/columns/nielsen/archive.html
  • Kathy Noll - Bullies and Youth Violence - working with schools, teachers and parents to end school violence - www.menstuff.org/columns/noll/archive.html
  • Mark Phillips - Stay-at-Home-Dads - helping men maintain that which makes us men, instead of becoming hairy Mom-substitutes - www.menstuff.org/columns/phillips/archive.html
  • Carey Roberts - Socialism & Feminism - is a social commentator on political correctness. www.menstuff.org/columns/roberts/archive.html
  • Perry Rose - Dating, Relationship, Sex
  • Glenn Sacks - His Side - on fathering - www.menstuff.org/columns/sacks/archive.html
  • Trudy Schuett - Domestic Violence - serving the under-represented www.menstuff.org/columns/schuett/archive.html
  • Carl J. Schutt - Circumcision - social commentator on circumcision - www.menstuff.org/columns/schutt/archive.html
  • Hugo Schwyzer - A Pro-feminist's Response - www.menstuff.org/columns/schwyzer/archive.html
  • Michael Shaffran - Men's Issues - www.menstuff.org/columns/shaffran/archive.html
  • Judith Sherven - Judith & Jim - discussion and answers regarding relationship issues - www.menstuff.org/columns/judith&jim/archive.html
  • Judith Sherven - The New Intimacy - www.menstuff.org/columns/newintimacy/archive.html
  • George Simons - Bellicose Veins - is a US specialist in intercultural and gender communication who hangs out in Mandelieu - la Napoule, France, as well as in Santa Cruz, CA. www.menstuff.org/columns/simons/archive.html
  • Andy Smith - Hard Hat Brotherhood - www.menstuff.org/columns/hardhat/archive.html
  • David B. Smith - Fighting Father Dave - www.menstuff.org/columns/smith/archive.html
  • Jim Sniechowski - Judith & Jim - discussion and answers regarding relationship issues - www.menstuff.org/columns/judith&jim/archive.html
  • Jim Sniechowski - The New Intimacy - www.menstuff.org/columns/newintimacy/archive.html
  • Reena Sommer - Custody - is an internationally recognized relationship and divorce consultant. www.menstuff.org/columns/sommer/archive.html
  • R. Don Steele - Don Steele - relationship questions answered -
    www.menstuff.org/columns/steele/archive.html
  • David Steinberg - Comes Naturally - on sexuality - www.menstuff.org/columns/steinberg/archive.html
  • Mary Lou St Lucas - A Mother's Love - www.menstuf.org/columns/stlucas/archive.html
  • Surprise - Surprise Author - From a new columnist every month - www.menstuff.org/columns/surprise/archive.html
  • Steven Svoboda - Fatherhood, Activism and the Law www.menstuff.org/columns/svoboda/archive.html
  • Michael Taylor - A New Conversation with Men - www.menstuff.org/columns/taylor/archive.html
  • Bruce Van Horn - Yoga for Men - issues around the health benefits of yoga for men - www.menstuff.org/yoga/archive.html
  • Michael Webb - Secrets of Blissful Relationships - on relationship - www.menstuff.org/columns/bliss/archive.html
  • Stuart Wilde - Spirituality - www.menstuff.org/columns/wilde/archive.html
  • Dr.Williams - Sex Health - on sexual health - Dr. Williams, www.menstuff.org/columns/sexhealth/archive.html
  • KC Wilson - On Gender Politics is a social commentator and author. www.menstuff.org/columns/wilson/archive.html

Plus

  • Health Tips - on general health - www.menstuff.org/columns/healthtips/archive.html
  • Independent Means - resources for raising financially fit kids - www.menstuff.org/columns/independentmeans/archive.html
  • Numbers - www.menstuff.org/columns/numbers/archive.html
  • Questions - www.menstuff.org/columns/q&a/archive.html
  • Surprise - from a new columnist every month - www.menstuff.org/columns/surprise/archive.html
  • Words Can Heal - helping children grow up healthy - www.menstuff.org/columns/wordscanheal/archive.html
  • Wuzup?! - National or international events happening this month - www.menstuff.org/columns/whassup/archive.html

AWARENESS EVENTS THIS MONTH

August is Admit You're Happy, Black Business, Cataract Awareness, Children's Eye Health and Safety, National Immunization, Spinal Muscular Atrophy Awareness, Children's Vision and Learning, Family Fun, National Back-to-School, National Inventor's, National Win with Civility, Spinal Muscular Atrophy Awareness Month. Aug 1-7 Simplify Your Life, World Breastfeeding, International Clown Week, Simplify Your Life Week. Aug 1-11 - World Breastfeeding Week. Aug 2-6 - Psychic Week Aug 8-14 - National Resurrect Romance, Thanks for All the Gifts Week. Aug 12-19 - Truck Drivers' Week. Aug 15-21 - National Health Center, Reduced the Clutter, Weird Contest Week. Aug 16-22 - National Avidatoin Week. Aug 22-29 - National Save Your Smile, National Truck Driver Appreciation Week. Aug 1 - National Kids, Respect for Parents, National Night Out Day. Apr 3 - Nation Night Out, Coast Guard day. Apr 6 - National Fresh Breath, National Pamper Yourself day. Aug 7 - National Mustard Day. Aug 8 - Admit You're Happy Day. Apr 9 - UN International Day of the World's Indigenous People. Apr 11 - Presidential Joke Day. Apr 12 - UN International Youth, Vinyl Record Day. Apr 14 - International Nagging, National Garage Sale Day. Aug 15 - National Relaxation Day, World Day of Keiki. Aug 16 - Stay Home with Your Kids, National Airborne Day. Aug 17 - Sandcastle Day. Aug 18 - Bad Poetry Day. Aug 19 - National Avidation Day. Aug 21 - Children's, Poets, Sandcastle and Sculpture. Southern Hemisphere Hoodie-Hoo, Vinegar Day, National Homeless Animals Day and Candlelight Vigils. Aug 22 - Be an Angel, National Punctuation Day. Aug 24 - Vesuvius Day. Aug 25 - Kiss and Make Up Day. Aug 26 - Women's Equality Day. Aug 28 - Race Your Mouse Around the Icons Day. Aug 29 - According to Hoyle Day. Aug 31 - Love Litigating Lawyers Day.

* Means a Presidential Proclamation has been made.

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Men are so competitive that we even "out-die" women in all 15 of the major causes of death in the U.S. Most of these deaths are preventable with a positive change in life-style, eating habits, and/or general health care. Let's not strive so hard to hold on to this record. See what you can change now to live a healthier life.
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